Husband’s Work Wives. Why?

[Anonymous]

The problem is the secrecy. I am friends with both men and women, but none of our communications are hidden.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:all men do this.

I have never had a work wife. I prefer to do my work and be left alone.
But it takes two to be a work husband and wife so it's not just men doing it

[Anonymous]

I’ve had two “work husbands”. I’ve also had a work wife (I’m a wild girl 😜).

But. With my work husbands, we never communicated OUTSIDE of the office/official work stuff. Like ever. For one of them, I didn’t have any personal contact info, and the other, we were connections on LinkedIn. That’s it.

OP - your husband is having emotional affairs, and trying to cloak them as a work relationship. Do these women even know he is so secretive with you about them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because they benefit from the invisible labor of these women. Every "organized, assertive" work wife out there is being organized and assertive in a way that benefits the guy. She knows she good at these things and may benefit as well. But overall this is almost always filling in for men where they fall short. Ask yourself how many of those work husbands function in that role for women. The work DHs may hold value with proximity to power, or consensus of opinion, but they're not using their "organized/assertive" skills to push the women forward. Just ain't happening.

And then there's guys like 16:38 who basically called his wife dumb and his co-worker "just so interesting". Wife isn't too dumb to keep his household running, but apparently is uninteresting. Why put intellectual effort into her?

Men will take from women in every instance they are allowed. They consider it their birthright.

You need a large dose of lithium, STAT.

lol, sure. I mean your comment definitely makes a great argument against the lived experience of women. Also women be crazy. Super original!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Or some romaine attraction, be my wife

If your wife is an iceberg.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve had two “work husbands”. I’ve also had a work wife (I’m a wild girl 😜).

But. With my work husbands, we never communicated OUTSIDE of the office/official work stuff. Like ever. For one of them, I didn’t have any personal contact info, and the other, we were connections on LinkedIn. That’s it.

OP - your husband is having emotional affairs, and trying to cloak them as a work relationship. Do these women even know he is so secretive with you about them?

Wait, so it was wrong to text my work wife a picture of the Pacific ocean when I was dropping my daughter at college? Seriously? Are you Mike Pence?

[Anonymous]

VP Mike Pence is out there but he would not be texting a woman who is not his wife incessantly nor does he go to a restaurant with a woman who is not his wife unless a third party is present.

OP, When you get your marriage therapy I'd talk about the Mike Pence rules and adopting them in your marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve had two “work husbands”. I’ve also had a work wife (I’m a wild girl 😜).

But. With my work husbands, we never communicated OUTSIDE of the office/official work stuff. Like ever. For one of them, I didn’t have any personal contact info, and the other, we were connections on LinkedIn. That’s it.

OP - your husband is having emotional affairs, and trying to cloak them as a work relationship. Do these women even know he is so secretive with you about them?

Wait, so it was wrong to text my work wife a picture of the Pacific ocean when I was dropping my daughter at college? Seriously? Are you Mike Pence?

Are you feeling guilty or something? I said what *I* did. Not what I think others should do.

But. Why did you feel the need to text a picture to a co-worker? Why couldn’t it wait until you got back to work? Sit down and think about why you had to text this woman right at that moment, and whether it’s truly appropriate.

[Anonymous]

The work wife is probably doing your lazy DH's h b for him. He's probably not even interested in sex more than food and money and free time.

[Anonymous]

Blunt answer: You are not giving him something he needs socially and emotionally. These women who see him almost everyday and work with him are able to do it...and they do it. No, it's not sexual perhaps but it's something emotional he needs and gets. You don't give it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The work wife is probably doing your lazy DH's job for him. He's probably not even interested in sex more than food and money and free time.

Work wife is doing your lazy DH's work for him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve had two “work husbands”. I’ve also had a work wife (I’m a wild girl 😜).

But. With my work husbands, we never communicated OUTSIDE of the office/official work stuff. Like ever. For one of them, I didn’t have any personal contact info, and the other, we were connections on LinkedIn. That’s it.

OP - your husband is having emotional affairs, and trying to cloak them as a work relationship. Do these women even know he is so secretive with you about them?

Wait, so it was wrong to text my work wife a picture of the Pacific ocean when I was dropping my daughter at college? Seriously? Are you Mike Pence?

Are you feeling guilty or something? I said what *I* did. Not what I think others should do.

But. Why did you feel the need to text a picture to a co-worker? Why couldn’t it wait until you got back to work? Sit down and think about why you had to text this woman right at that moment, and whether it’s truly appropriate.

Because she is my friend and I care about her and she's never seen the Pacific. What an odd question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve had two “work husbands”. I’ve also had a work wife (I’m a wild girl 😜).

But. With my work husbands, we never communicated OUTSIDE of the office/official work stuff. Like ever. For one of them, I didn’t have any personal contact info, and the other, we were connections on LinkedIn. That’s it.

OP - your husband is having emotional affairs, and trying to cloak them as a work relationship. Do these women even know he is so secretive with you about them?

Wait, so it was wrong to text my work wife a picture of the Pacific ocean when I was dropping my daughter at college? Seriously? Are you Mike Pence?

Are you feeling guilty or something? I said what *I* did. Not what I think others should do.

But. Why did you feel the need to text a picture to a co-worker? Why couldn’t it wait until you got back to work? Sit down and think about why you had to text this woman right at that moment, and whether it’s truly appropriate.

Because she is my friend and I care about her and she's never seen the Pacific. What an odd question.

New poster, but it’s not an odd question. Think about what you’re saying. You see a beautiful piece of scenery. You know your work wife well enough to know that she hasn’t seen this before, so you’ve had that conversation before. In this moment, you look at this beautiful thing and are compelled to send it to her. Do whatever you want. But what everybody is pointing out to you is that there is more to this relationship than you’re acknowledging. The plausible deniability is what allows it to continue. But there’s a reason you’re defensive. And if you spend any time thinking about it from the perspective of your wife, you might get it.

[Anonymous]

Well, the main issue is that OP’s husband doesn’t have “work wives” — he is having emotional affairs. They are different things.

That said, my husband works with numerous women and is friendly with them. But none of them are either “work wives” or emotional affair partners. They are women he respects professionally and may even become friendly with. He might have lunch with them once or twice a year. He might, on a rare occasion, text them about something that isn’t work related like “hey my family is in Charlottesville and went to that restaurant you recommended, it was great.” None of this is secretive or unprofessional. They are not his “best friend” — I am. I am totally fine with my husband being friends with women, and he is fine with me being friends with men.

[Anonymous]

Him being secretive is the problem.
I think im a work wife, I call a couple of guys I work with my work husband. I don’t send any texts I wouldn’t want their spouses to see neither do they. I talk to them more throughout the day than I do my own wife. My wife doesn’t ask to see my phone bit if she did she could.