Husband’s Work Wives. Why?

[Anonymous]

FWIW, I'm a guy, when I was in the office M-F, I was friends with many more women than men. (though not just one woman, that's kind of weird).

But it was because the dudes in my office were all jerks. Complaining about their wives, and their kids. Staying until 9:00 at night just to hang out and talk football, not even for real work (even though they told their wives it was for work).

I didn't want to associate with them (which ultimately impacted my career, but whatever, there's more imporant things).

So I ended up making friends with some of the women instead

[Anonymous]

This is not normal.

For some people, validation from their significant other is enough.

For others, they need constant validation from multiple people for whatever reason… They like the attention, are insecure…

Sounds like your husband is in the latter group. Even if it doesn’t go anywhere, there are still lines you don’t cross when you’re married, although some people are in denial that the rules apply to them. It’s disrespectful to you and shows immaturity on his part.

It is not reflection of you. It’s him… he’s the problem it’s him. He sucks. I’m sorry.

[Anonymous]

In each instance there is a man and a woman doing it. Why do women do it?

[Anonymous]

You spend as much time at work as at home. It's more likely a friend than anything. Actually, female colleagues always seem to take a liking to me all the time and always text me outside of work. I think they just like to blow off steam to people who aren't other women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:FWIW, I'm a guy, when I was in the office M-F, I was friends with many more women than men. (though not just one woman, that's kind of weird).

But it was because the dudes in my office were all jerks. Complaining about their wives, and their kids. Staying until 9:00 at night just to hang out and talk football, not even for real work (even though they told their wives it was for work).

I didn't want to associate with them (which ultimately impacted my career, but whatever, there's more imporant things).

So I ended up making friends with some of the women instead

Yes: chatting, maybe going out to lunch, occasionally going out after work with a group. But that's very different from "will text non stop. Most of the time being secretive."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:FWIW, I'm a guy, when I was in the office M-F, I was friends with many more women than men. (though not just one woman, that's kind of weird).

But it was because the dudes in my office were all jerks. Complaining about their wives, and their kids. Staying until 9:00 at night just to hang out and talk football, not even for real work (even though they told their wives it was for work).

I didn't want to associate with them (which ultimately impacted my career, but whatever, there's more imporant things).

So I ended up making friends with some of the women instead

Yes: chatting, maybe going out to lunch, occasionally going out after work with a group. But that's very different from "will text non stop. Most of the time being secretive."

+1. I'm a man and my best friend at work happens to be female - but we never interact outside the office. We don't even know each other's mobile numbers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:FWIW, I'm a guy, when I was in the office M-F, I was friends with many more women than men. (though not just one woman, that's kind of weird).

But it was because the dudes in my office were all jerks. Complaining about their wives, and their kids. Staying until 9:00 at night just to hang out and talk football, not even for real work (even though they told their wives it was for work).

I didn't want to associate with them (which ultimately impacted my career, but whatever, there's more imporant things).

So I ended up making friends with some of the women instead

Yes: chatting, maybe going out to lunch, occasionally going out after work with a group. But that's very different from "will text non stop. Most of the time being secretive."

yes, this. I always am friends with lots of men at work because i work in an industry that is 70% men. I'm also friends with a lot of women at work. The men i'm friends with are also friends with other men. I do have plenty of long, drawn out work conversations with some of these men where personal stuff comes out (vacations, career plans, etc) but nothing secretive and no nonstop texting. When i meet their wives, their wives are always totally cool with me and happy to meet me. It's pretty clear there is no weird vibes coming off my friendships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Super weird and shady. This is not normal and if he hasn’t strayed yet, it’s quite probable he will in the future.

Or maybe it is simply because other women are more interesting to a man than their wives in different ways?

I talk to my female coworker all the time. I am not in any way physically attracted to her at all, but I enjoy conversations with her because she's actually more educated than my wife and has a lot of different experience in the field that is very useful to learn from. She's just an interesting person to talk to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We move every two years for his job. Every move he will attach to a female friend who becomes his new best friend and will text non stop. Most of the time being secretive.

He swears nothing physical has ever happened, and I believe him.

He admits, but he doesn’t know why he continues to search for numerous female approval.

My question is why do men do this?

We are both going to seek counseling, but until then can someone enlighten me please?

These must be single ladies because I don’t anyone who wants two ManChildren in their lives.

[Anonymous]

My work wife was one of the absolute best things that ever happened to me. And no, there wasn’t an affair of any sort.

[Anonymous]

Because they benefit from the invisible labor of these women. Every "organized, assertive" work wife out there is being organized and assertive in a way that benefits the guy. She knows she good at these things and may benefit as well. But overall this is almost always filling in for men where they fall short. Ask yourself how many of those work husbands function in that role for women. The work DHs may hold value with proximity to power, or consensus of opinion, but they're not using their "organized/assertive" skills to push the women forward. Just ain't happening.

And then there's guys like 16:38 who basically called his wife dumb and his co-worker "just so interesting". Wife isn't too dumb to keep his household running, but apparently is uninteresting. Why put intellectual effort into her?

Men will take from women in every instance they are allowed. They consider it their birthright.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Seems pretty simple: It feeds his ego to have positive attention from a woman.

This. It doesnt have to be nefarious and cheating, but it definitely is an ego/harem type of thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Seems pretty simple: It feeds his ego to have positive attention from a woman.

Weird. At work? Gushing over a male worker? But some women are like that.

[Anonymous]

I assume a Work Wife is some put together lady at work that is good at her trade, fun to talk with on interesting news or work, and you have to more closely rely on her for team projects, feedback, and team reasons. This builds respect and the relationship.

Usually neither cross a line.

Maybe OP is talking about one or both feeling chemistry and trying that angle eventually. Not sure. I get pretty unapproachable if I sense a coworker or industry worker coming on to me. Creepy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Super weird and shady. This is not normal and if he hasn’t strayed yet, it’s quite probable he will in the future.

Or maybe it is simply because other women are more interesting to a man than their wives in different ways?

I talk to my female coworker all the time. I am not in any way physically attracted to her at all, but I enjoy conversations with her because she's actually more educated than my wife and has a lot of different experience in the field that is very useful to learn from. She's just an interesting person to talk to.

That’s not a “work wife”. That’s normal socializing at work.

Work wife connotes some mothering and dependency factors