Struggling with a decision my college freshman just made

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get it OP.
You're probably paying $90K/year for this year of college and have the perspective that changing your major from XX to YY based on one professor or class is not always the best decision.

I did something similar as a college student and I regretted it for years. I ended up in a default major that I never really liked but once the decision was done I was stuck if I wanted to graduate. My parents wouldn't (and couldn't) pay for a 5th year.

My high school senior daughter just switched to a different level of math in part because she wanted to be in the same free period as her friends for senior year. This switch will really impact her application into engineering programs. But for her, being with her friends in the here-and-now meant more to her than any engineering goals "i'll just apply to a different major." HUH? Kids can be very short-sighted.

Thank you. I understand what you are saying about your daughter, too. If it were just a matter of switching to YY major, I'd be fine. It's just that this class - or a class she would hate much more - appears to also be required for the YY major, and any other that she's currently considering.

I would be 100% supporting of dropping the class if it were an option. She could choose to take it later or not. But now, I think she might be locked into taking it twice - and it is not a hard class, just tedious.

so problem solved. you can usually do 5 or 6 classes at same price band. sounds like this year, she's taking one pass fail. next year, need be, she'll have to take 6 classes, but it won't be overly hard bcs it's not a hard class and she's taken it before.

adults do tedious things. especially when we make rash decisions.

[Anonymous]

If your DD dropped the class, would she still be considered a full time student? What was so “tedious” about the class? Won’t it still be tedious pass/fail?

[Anonymous]

This is why I like liberal arts schools that don’t force you into a major too soon and make your parents flip out like this. I have a sophomore who was interested in business until he realized he had to take calculus. The two economics classes he took freshman year will end up falling under electives now that he has switched majors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is fine. She can always retake it. Nothing she does in freshman here is going to alter the course of her life. College is a massive adjustment and learning experience and kids make all kinds of decisions. I have worked in academic for 15 years. As they develop agency and independence, they start to figure out the decision making process. It doesn't really matter if it was the best or not best decision. She felt a certain way, sought advice, sought support, weighed her options and made a decision. She is miles ahead of a lot of freshman! Applaud her on working through the process and give her the space of the rest of the year to see how things go. She can always talk to an academic advisor next year and again weigh her options.

Thank you so much for your response. This is exactly what I needed to hear!

As an aside, I'm struggling to find her university's policies about pass/fail (which is frustrating/confusing). I went to William and Mary a generation ago, and they were hard asses about it. It's possible, as I keep trying to find information, that her flagship is more flexible.

This is not your role. You can suggest she speak to an advisor to confirm her understanding of policies but you shouldn’t be in the weeds on this. You’re sending the message to her that she can’t handle this and you don’t trust her competence.

+1 OP you are setting her up for more anxiety later. Tell her you trust her and know she'll figure it out. Make sure she understands any financial consequences of not graduating in 4 years. Then butt out.

I think you may be channeling your separation anxiety over her going to school into this issue. It's really not make or break. She will sort it out.

Sorry to pile on, but I completely agree. I am surprised you are so tightly involved in this. Trust your kid, and remember it’s ok if it’s not perfect or she makes an error. You seem to want everything to be perfect or right? Maybe that’s why she has anxiety over this. Please, for the sake of your child, don’t get involved, don’t even secretly research.

[Anonymous]

I don't want to know any of this. I had to drop classes for various reasons and my parents had no idea. And why would they? I'm scared to hear so much involvement in college is now a thing!

[Anonymous]

Take the class at community college over the summer most colleges accept the credit as long she gets a c

[Anonymous]

It is great that your daughter is considering her feelings and mental health. Only she knows how she is feeling. This is great practice for the rest of her life. She must learn.

You sound like you researched this as if it was your decision to make. Those days are over. She is driving the train now. Your job is to support.

[Anonymous]

Be the pool wall op not the water

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't want to know any of this. I had to drop classes for various reasons and my parents had no idea. And why would they? I'm scared to hear so much involvement in college is now a thing!

It's not everyone. Be the parent you want to be. Raise your kids to be capable and confident in their decisions and ability to solve problems.

[Anonymous]

If she has accommodations she can probably make a case for this course to count for the requirements even pass/fail. My son’s school did that for him in a similar situation. I really wouldn’t sweat it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If she has accommodations she can probably make a case for this course to count for the requirements even pass/fail. My son’s school did that for him in a similar situation. I really wouldn’t sweat it.

example 152 about how “accommodations” can cripple kids. how much do you want to bet that OP’s kid got accomodations to skip public speaking due to “anxiety” which is why she refuses to do a class that requires public speaking?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like professor either gave bad advice or can see the writing on the wall that she will not succeed in the major or adjacent one.

As for the future in those two majors - she could always retake the course a second time with a grade to make it count, right? And hopefully get a decent grade by taking it again. (I realize it could slow her progress and may require her to make up another class to get total credits needed in the end....so maybe summer is an option??)

The general field is media and communications and there are several majors that address different specialties: PR, film, digital media, corporate communications, etc. They are not all housed in the same department or even the same college (within the overall university). She still very much sees herself in this general field, and this is definitely where her talents lie (writing, storytelling, branding, media literacy, etc).

The class in question is one where I actually think she'd get an A (and I would not say that about every class at all!). She finds it a bit tedious and a bit triggering for her social anxiety. She is trying to compensate for her ADHD by going full Type A perfectionist on all her work so far in all classes, so of course she feels overwhelmed - she's spending many hours taking excellent notes, etc.

When I'm looking at the other major options, all the ones I've seen so far (and I've searched based on which ones I think might interest her), she would either need this class or public speaking (which would be way worse for the social anxiety).

Yes, she could retake the class for a grade, but she would not receive 3 credits a second time. I know her, and she would be really pissed about taking this class twice. If she had run the option by me (pass/fail) I would have talked with her about it, but she didn't.

The professor is great, but she is not responsible for knowing the graduation requirements for the other majors. While it would have been nice if they looked them up, that's really not her job. Her advisor did not have any openings today, so that wasn't an option.

Fears of public speaking can be overcome. I was unbelievably shy as a child and into my teen years. Like hand shaking, voice cracking, face flushed, near tears doing any oral presentations. But I kept having to do it and it got better. And by the time I was in my thirties I was doing stand-up technical training, and even managed to give a presentation to a couple of hundred people at a conference. Don’t dismiss the idea of a public speaking class. It may be just what she needs.

+100 Avoiding this class because of this anxiety would be a bad idea. I've told my kids they need to take a public speaking elective even if it's not part of their major. DS already did and tells all his friends they need to take it. If she needs additional therapeutic support to work through the challenges, then help her get that but avoiding it is not the answer.

I am sympathetic. I, like PP, found it tremendously difficult. But I was required to take a public speaking class at my college and by the last couple years of college ALL my major classes required course-end presentations. And I got better. Now presenting is a regular part of my job (multiple times a week) and I regularly present to hundreds of people at conferences. 17 year old me would not believe I could do that.

She is unlikely to find a career in "writing, storytelling, branding, media literacy, etc" where she doesn't need to develop public speaking skills.

As a 1st semester freshman, I think trying out the class pass/fail as information toward whether or not this is the right major is fine. If she needs to take it again for a grade - and gets more practice with the things that are causing so much anxiety - then that's fine too. Let her know you believe she can handle this and she's doing the right thing in talking with her advisor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get it OP.
You're probably paying $90K/year for this year of college and have the perspective that changing your major from XX to YY based on one professor or class is not always the best decision.

I did something similar as a college student and I regretted it for years. I ended up in a default major that I never really liked but once the decision was done I was stuck if I wanted to graduate. My parents wouldn't (and couldn't) pay for a 5th year.

My high school senior daughter just switched to a different level of math in part because she wanted to be in the same free period as her friends for senior year. This switch will really impact her application into engineering programs. But for her, being with her friends in the here-and-now meant more to her than any engineering goals "i'll just apply to a different major." HUH? Kids can be very short-sighted.

Whose engineering goals?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Take the class at community college over the summer most colleges accept the credit as long she gets a c

My DC’s college does not recognize credits from community college for classes within your major.

[Anonymous]

Cool scenario.