Struggling with a decision my college freshman just made

[Anonymous]

OP I say this as a mother of HS seniors, you are massively over involved in this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is fine. She can always retake it. Nothing she does in freshman here is going to alter the course of her life. College is a massive adjustment and learning experience and kids make all kinds of decisions. I have worked in academic for 15 years. As they develop agency and independence, they start to figure out the decision making process. It doesn't really matter if it was the best or not best decision. She felt a certain way, sought advice, sought support, weighed her options and made a decision. She is miles ahead of a lot of freshman! Applaud her on working through the process and give her the space of the rest of the year to see how things go. She can always talk to an academic advisor next year and again weigh her options.

Thank you so much for your response. This is exactly what I needed to hear!

As an aside, I'm struggling to find her university's policies about pass/fail (which is frustrating/confusing). I went to William and Mary a generation ago, and they were hard asses about it. It's possible, as I keep trying to find information, that her flagship is more flexible.

[Anonymous]

The course could serve as a prerequisite for other courses within the major. DD faced a similar situation during her freshman year when she decided after the first class that she couldn't continue with a required course, which led her to drop her double major. She then switched from a double major to a major/minor. This year, she changed her mind again and decided to drop the minor and pursue a different double major. She will probably change her mind again, but nothing parents can control

[Anonymous]

I would trust the professor!s advice, over yours. No offense, but he is in the ground/in the department…and advised what he did for a reason.

Since her decision is now behind her…it is stressful for you to second guess it.

Just compliment, as you did, her instinct to talk to others while making this decision. Tell her that you are sure it will work out in the end.

She is only a freshman.

Your position is hard (and if it is any comfort, my DD often took my advice, and then blamed me years later for the courses she didn’t take. So, let her own these decisions).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m guessing taking it pass/fail means it can’t count toward her major requirements? I don’t think my school had that limitation about pass/fail classes.

She may be able to take it pass/fail the first time and then repeat it later for a letter grade to count toward her major. I know several students did this with o-chem back when I was in college. Some courses were not offered as pass/fail but you could audit them if you received permission from the professor and then take them the next semester for credit. You received no credit or grades if you audited the course. Pass/Fail courses counted toward the credit hours needed for your major but the "pass" grade did not count toward your GPA. Same with if you failed it; it didn't ding your GPA but it also meant you got 0 credits toward your major.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like professor either gave bad advice or can see the writing on the wall that she will not succeed in the major or adjacent one.

As for the future in those two majors - she could always retake the course a second time with a grade to make it count, right? And hopefully get a decent grade by taking it again. (I realize it could slow her progress and may require her to make up another class to get total credits needed in the end....so maybe summer is an option??)

The general field is media and communications and there are several majors that address different specialties: PR, film, digital media, corporate communications, etc. They are not all housed in the same department or even the same college (within the overall university). She still very much sees herself in this general field, and this is definitely where her talents lie (writing, storytelling, branding, media literacy, etc).

The class in question is one where I actually think she'd get an A (and I would not say that about every class at all!). She finds it a bit tedious and a bit triggering for her social anxiety. She is trying to compensate for her ADHD by going full Type A perfectionist on all her work so far in all classes, so of course she feels overwhelmed - she's spending many hours taking excellent notes, etc.

When I'm looking at the other major options, all the ones I've seen so far (and I've searched based on which ones I think might interest her), she would either need this class or public speaking (which would be way worse for the social anxiety).

Yes, she could retake the class for a grade, but she would not receive 3 credits a second time. I know her, and she would be really pissed about taking this class twice. If she had run the option by me (pass/fail) I would have talked with her about it, but she didn't.

The professor is great, but she is not responsible for knowing the graduation requirements for the other majors. While it would have been nice if they looked them up, that's really not her job. Her advisor did not have any openings today, so that wasn't an option.

Fears of public speaking can be overcome. I was unbelievably shy as a child and into my teen years. Like hand shaking, voice cracking, face flushed, near tears doing any oral presentations. But I kept having to do it and it got better. And by the time I was in my thirties I was doing stand-up technical training, and even managed to give a presentation to a couple of hundred people at a conference. Don’t dismiss the idea of a public speaking class. It may be just what she needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get it OP.
You're probably paying $90K/year for this year of college and have the perspective that changing your major from XX to YY based on one professor or class is not always the best decision.

I did something similar as a college student and I regretted it for years. I ended up in a default major that I never really liked but once the decision was done I was stuck if I wanted to graduate. My parents wouldn't (and couldn't) pay for a 5th year.

My high school senior daughter just switched to a different level of math in part because she wanted to be in the same free period as her friends for senior year. This switch will really impact her application into engineering programs. But for her, being with her friends in the here-and-now meant more to her than any engineering goals "i'll just apply to a different major." HUH? Kids can be very short-sighted.

Thank you. I understand what you are saying about your daughter, too. If it were just a matter of switching to YY major, I'd be fine. It's just that this class - or a class she would hate much more - appears to also be required for the YY major, and any other that she's currently considering.

I would be 100% supporting of dropping the class if it were an option. She could choose to take it later or not. But now, I think she might be locked into taking it twice - and it is not a hard class, just tedious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is fine. She can always retake it. Nothing she does in freshman here is going to alter the course of her life. College is a massive adjustment and learning experience and kids make all kinds of decisions. I have worked in academic for 15 years. As they develop agency and independence, they start to figure out the decision making process. It doesn't really matter if it was the best or not best decision. She felt a certain way, sought advice, sought support, weighed her options and made a decision. She is miles ahead of a lot of freshman! Applaud her on working through the process and give her the space of the rest of the year to see how things go. She can always talk to an academic advisor next year and again weigh her options.

Thank you so much for your response. This is exactly what I needed to hear!

As an aside, I'm struggling to find her university's policies about pass/fail (which is frustrating/confusing). I went to William and Mary a generation ago, and they were hard asses about it. It's possible, as I keep trying to find information, that her flagship is more flexible.

PP you are responding to and I agree. During COVID my school added quite a few options to be more flexible and it made the advising and decision making process much harder for the students. They had too many options, none of which they (or us!) fully understand. But it all works out in the end!

[Anonymous]

Sounds to me like this parent was way too involved during HS and did not properly prepare the student for college. Stop using ADHD as an excuse. Either they are ready to stand on their own in college or not. If not, keep them home and enroll in community college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is fine. She can always retake it. Nothing she does in freshman here is going to alter the course of her life. College is a massive adjustment and learning experience and kids make all kinds of decisions. I have worked in academic for 15 years. As they develop agency and independence, they start to figure out the decision making process. It doesn't really matter if it was the best or not best decision. She felt a certain way, sought advice, sought support, weighed her options and made a decision. She is miles ahead of a lot of freshman! Applaud her on working through the process and give her the space of the rest of the year to see how things go. She can always talk to an academic advisor next year and again weigh her options.

Thank you so much for your response. This is exactly what I needed to hear!

As an aside, I'm struggling to find her university's policies about pass/fail (which is frustrating/confusing). I went to William and Mary a generation ago, and they were hard asses about it. It's possible, as I keep trying to find information, that her flagship is more flexible.

This is not your role. You can suggest she speak to an advisor to confirm her understanding of policies but you shouldn’t be in the weeds on this. You’re sending the message to her that she can’t handle this and you don’t trust her competence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is fine. She can always retake it. Nothing she does in freshman here is going to alter the course of her life. College is a massive adjustment and learning experience and kids make all kinds of decisions. I have worked in academic for 15 years. As they develop agency and independence, they start to figure out the decision making process. It doesn't really matter if it was the best or not best decision. She felt a certain way, sought advice, sought support, weighed her options and made a decision. She is miles ahead of a lot of freshman! Applaud her on working through the process and give her the space of the rest of the year to see how things go. She can always talk to an academic advisor next year and again weigh her options.

Thank you so much for your response. This is exactly what I needed to hear!

As an aside, I'm struggling to find her university's policies about pass/fail (which is frustrating/confusing). I went to William and Mary a generation ago, and they were hard asses about it. It's possible, as I keep trying to find information, that her flagship is more flexible.

This is not your role. You can suggest she speak to an advisor to confirm her understanding of policies but you shouldn’t be in the weeds on this. You’re sending the message to her that she can’t handle this and you don’t trust her competence.

Agree. Step back, let her handle it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get it OP.
You're probably paying $90K/year for this year of college and have the perspective that changing your major from XX to YY based on one professor or class is not always the best decision.

I did something similar as a college student and I regretted it for years. I ended up in a default major that I never really liked but once the decision was done I was stuck if I wanted to graduate. My parents wouldn't (and couldn't) pay for a 5th year.

My high school senior daughter just switched to a different level of math in part because she wanted to be in the same free period as her friends for senior year. This switch will really impact her application into engineering programs. But for her, being with her friends in the here-and-now meant more to her than any engineering goals "i'll just apply to a different major." HUH? Kids can be very short-sighted.

Thank you. I understand what you are saying about your daughter, too. If it were just a matter of switching to YY major, I'd be fine. It's just that this class - or a class she would hate much more - appears to also be required for the YY major, and any other that she's currently considering.

I would be 100% supporting of dropping the class if it were an option. She could choose to take it later or not. But now, I think she might be locked into taking it twice - and it is not a hard class, just tedious.

STOOPPPP. Why are you interfering? Your kid can handle it. In the real of “poor choices,” having to repeat a “tedious” class is wayyyy down the list. Seriously step away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is fine. She can always retake it. Nothing she does in freshman here is going to alter the course of her life. College is a massive adjustment and learning experience and kids make all kinds of decisions. I have worked in academic for 15 years. As they develop agency and independence, they start to figure out the decision making process. It doesn't really matter if it was the best or not best decision. She felt a certain way, sought advice, sought support, weighed her options and made a decision. She is miles ahead of a lot of freshman! Applaud her on working through the process and give her the space of the rest of the year to see how things go. She can always talk to an academic advisor next year and again weigh her options.

Thank you so much for your response. This is exactly what I needed to hear!

As an aside, I'm struggling to find her university's policies about pass/fail (which is frustrating/confusing). I went to William and Mary a generation ago, and they were hard asses about it. It's possible, as I keep trying to find information, that her flagship is more flexible.

This is not your role. You can suggest she speak to an advisor to confirm her understanding of policies but you shouldn’t be in the weeds on this. You’re sending the message to her that she can’t handle this and you don’t trust her competence.

+1 OP you are setting her up for more anxiety later. Tell her you trust her and know she'll figure it out. Make sure she understands any financial consequences of not graduating in 4 years. Then butt out.

I think you may be channeling your separation anxiety over her going to school into this issue. It's really not make or break. She will sort it out.

[Anonymous]

Let her figure it out. Jesus Christ.

[Anonymous]

OP. The professor by encouraging pass fail probably knows this major or the adjacent one are not going to work out for your kid. Professors never encourage pass fail otherwise. Furthermore, your D hates it. This is not the major or area of majors for her. Stop pushing her and let her choose something else that suits her abilities and interests.