Struggling with a decision my college freshman just made

[Anonymous]

My college freshman called me last night nearly in tears. I spent two hours on the phone with her, giving her emotional support and talking her through her options.

She has a once a week class she absolutely hates, and wanted to drop. The "extended drop" date (meaning, you could drop but not add) is later today. The class was cancelled the second week, so she had to make a decision based on taking only one 3 hour class.

Due to some technicalities, it wasn't clear she would be allowed to drop or withdraw from the class. Another big issue: this class is required for her major, which she had been doubting. She talked about selecting an adjacent major instead, but of course, there was no reason for her to pick a new major last night.

Long story short: she met with a professor in that department this morning, and decided to take the class pass/fail (dropping/withdrawing is not an option). To her, this is a pretty good solution because it takes some of the pressure off. To me, this is terrible - now she is shutting herself out of the major and when I look up the adjacent major, guess which class is also a requirement?

I feel like she tried to think it through (great job reaching out to the professor and talking about careers, etc), but she really doesn't understand graduation requirements or other majors.

I assume what's done is done, and I don't know how to handle it. I'm all about supporting her and letting her make her own decisions, but this feels like impulsivity/anxiety ran the show here, with potentially large consequences.

And when I asked her a few questions over text, she got mad at me.

[Anonymous]

If she hates the course why would she want to major in it?

[Anonymous]

She can take the course next year and graduate in 5 if she needs to.
Sounds like she isn't ready for college, so take spring semester off

[Anonymous]

Sounds like professor either gave bad advice or can see the writing on the wall that she will not succeed in the major or adjacent one.

As for the future in those two majors - she could always retake the course a second time with a grade to make it count, right? And hopefully get a decent grade by taking it again. (I realize it could slow her progress and may require her to make up another class to get total credits needed in the end....so maybe summer is an option??)

[Anonymous]

She may have to take it again. I think it can be hard for some kids to adjust to college and to fully think through
Decisions. I’d give her grace and just not mention it for now. She will ultimately realize the problem she created and she will have to problem solve through it. But likely she will have more maturity and confidence.

[Anonymous]

How was this a 2 hour conversation?

[Anonymous]

I’m guessing taking it pass/fail means it can’t count toward her major requirements? I don’t think my school had that limitation about pass/fail classes.

[Anonymous]

So sorry OP. I know exactly how you feel. Similar things have happened to us with our DD. It’s hard enough to walk your children off a ledge when they’re so upset, but then they turn around and in a rational impulsive way, close the doors to something they want in the long term. At this age, the brain is not fully formed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If she hates the course why would she want to major in it?

+1

Also if it turns out she comes around on the class and does decide to keep this major I bet there is a way around having not taken it for a grade. Potentially she'd re-take it which I'm sure you think sounds like a terrible idea but honestly if it's a hard major (and I'm guessing it is if it involves a class people take their first semester that is 3 hours once a week and hard enough to make her doubt her entire choice of major) then taking it twice could be beneficial. It will test how much she really wants to pursue that field of study.

I think you are over-reacting to this and need to be more open minded and stop thinking she's ruined everything with this choice. She will figure it out. This is literally what college is for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My college freshman called me last night nearly in tears. I spent two hours on the phone with her, giving her emotional support and talking her through her options.

She has a once a week class she absolutely hates, and wanted to drop. The "extended drop" date (meaning, you could drop but not add) is later today. The class was cancelled the second week, so she had to make a decision based on taking only one 3 hour class.

Due to some technicalities, it wasn't clear she would be allowed to drop or withdraw from the class. Another big issue: this class is required for her major, which she had been doubting. She talked about selecting an adjacent major instead, but of course, there was no reason for her to pick a new major last night.

Long story short: she met with a professor in that department this morning, and decided to take the class pass/fail (dropping/withdrawing is not an option). To her, this is a pretty good solution because it takes some of the pressure off. To me, this is terrible - now she is shutting herself out of the major and when I look up the adjacent major, guess which class is also a requirement?

I feel like she tried to think it through (great job reaching out to the professor and talking about careers, etc), but she really doesn't understand graduation requirements or other majors.

I assume what's done is done, and I don't know how to handle it. I'm all about supporting her and letting her make her own decisions, but this feels like impulsivity/anxiety ran the show here, with potentially large consequences.

And when I asked her a few questions over text, she got mad at me.

You are much too involved. There is nothing for you to handle. Honestly, it doesn't sound at all like you were just listening and giving emotion support, it sounds like you were trying to steer. No wonder she got mad at you.

Power down the chopper. Let her handle it.

[Anonymous]

If she ends up liking it, she can probably ask for a grade, or she can retake it, which just means giving up one elective or taking one summer class. It's not that big of a deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How was this a 2 hour conversation?

OP was trying to tell her kid what to do.

[Anonymous]

It’s really no biggie and will be fine. I don’t even know if my mother knew what my major was!

[Anonymous]

Sounds like she handled this pretty well. You did a good job of listening and now need to back off.

[Anonymous]

She can't try the class again next semester or next year?