Struggling with a decision my college freshman just made

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like professor either gave bad advice or can see the writing on the wall that she will not succeed in the major or adjacent one.

As for the future in those two majors - she could always retake the course a second time with a grade to make it count, right? And hopefully get a decent grade by taking it again. (I realize it could slow her progress and may require her to make up another class to get total credits needed in the end....so maybe summer is an option??)

The current situation is better than dropping the class. If she passes it this time she can retake for her grade next semester or maybe summer elsewhere.

Dropping won't help her master the material or refine her thoughts about the major.

A lot of kids screw up their freshman year. This is just a bobble.

I withdrew late from two classes that were needed to satisfy a requirement and had to make up for it. In the end, no impact beyond my embarrassment that I wasn't 100% on the ball/able to manage the classes.

[Anonymous]

It’s ok. If she ends up wanting to stick with the major, she can work something out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like professor either gave bad advice or can see the writing on the wall that she will not succeed in the major or adjacent one.

As for the future in those two majors - she could always retake the course a second time with a grade to make it count, right? And hopefully get a decent grade by taking it again. (I realize it could slow her progress and may require her to make up another class to get total credits needed in the end....so maybe summer is an option??)

The general field is media and communications and there are several majors that address different specialties: PR, film, digital media, corporate communications, etc. They are not all housed in the same department or even the same college (within the overall university). She still very much sees herself in this general field, and this is definitely where her talents lie (writing, storytelling, branding, media literacy, etc).

The class in question is one where I actually think she'd get an A (and I would not say that about every class at all!). She finds it a bit tedious and a bit triggering for her social anxiety. She is trying to compensate for her ADHD by going full Type A perfectionist on all her work so far in all classes, so of course she feels overwhelmed - she's spending many hours taking excellent notes, etc.

When I'm looking at the other major options, all the ones I've seen so far (and I've searched based on which ones I think might interest her), she would either need this class or public speaking (which would be way worse for the social anxiety).

Yes, she could retake the class for a grade, but she would not receive 3 credits a second time. I know her, and she would be really pissed about taking this class twice. If she had run the option by me (pass/fail) I would have talked with her about it, but she didn't.

The professor is great, but she is not responsible for knowing the graduation requirements for the other majors. While it would have been nice if they looked them up, that's really not her job. Her advisor did not have any openings today, so that wasn't an option.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My college freshman called me last night nearly in tears. I spent two hours on the phone with her, giving her emotional support and talking her through her options.

She has a once a week class she absolutely hates, and wanted to drop. The "extended drop" date (meaning, you could drop but not add) is later today. The class was cancelled the second week, so she had to make a decision based on taking only one 3 hour class.

Due to some technicalities, it wasn't clear she would be allowed to drop or withdraw from the class. Another big issue: this class is required for her major, which she had been doubting. She talked about selecting an adjacent major instead, but of course, there was no reason for her to pick a new major last night.

Long story short: she met with a professor in that department this morning, and decided to take the class pass/fail (dropping/withdrawing is not an option). To her, this is a pretty good solution because it takes some of the pressure off. To me, this is terrible - now she is shutting herself out of the major and when I look up the adjacent major, guess which class is also a requirement?

I feel like she tried to think it through (great job reaching out to the professor and talking about careers, etc), but she really doesn't understand graduation requirements or other majors.

I assume what's done is done, and I don't know how to handle it. I'm all about supporting her and letting her make her own decisions, but this feels like impulsivity/anxiety ran the show here, with potentially large consequences.

And when I asked her a few questions over text, she got mad at me.

This is what college kids do. I think I screwed up my major 2 or 3 times by dicking around with courses. Eventually I found a major and graduated just fine. I doubt my parents even know.

[Anonymous]

OP again - just to respond to a few people - this is not a hard class. It is a media class she has covered before in a summer program at a university (not for credit). She has already learned the skills, but this is being stretched over a long, awkward semester, and she doesn't like the prompts for the assignments.

It was a two hour conversation because we talked about other things - what she wants out of life, what she wants in a career, different ways to reach those goals, different ways to make up credits if she were able to drop, things with her roommate, etc. We had barely talked so far this year, so it was like a lot of built up thoughts and experiences that kind of came pouring out like a torrent.

I don't care what her major is and am not trying to direct her. But our budget covers 8 semesters and maybe a study abroad or one summer school - definitely not an extra year!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So sorry OP. I know exactly how you feel. Similar things have happened to us with our DD. It’s hard enough to walk your children off a ledge when they’re so upset, but then they turn around and in a rational impulsive way, close the doors to something they want in the long term. At this age, the brain is not fully formed.

Thank you for understanding! Yes, this is exactly it. She tried so hard to handle this well, and this could have major financial repercussions for us.

I don't know if she's actually submitted the request, and part of me wants to call her and make sure she understands what she's doing. I'm posting here instead - I at least need to vent!

[Anonymous]

I think you should let her figure it out. If she has to retake the class for a grade in order to replace the pass/fail for her major (sounds like a weird requirement?), couldn’t she take it over the summer or in another semester and not have to extend college by an entire additional year?

[Anonymous]

You are way too involved in her course selection.

[Anonymous]

Both you and your daughter are way too dramatic. It's the first month of her freshman year of college. People change majors like four or five times, they change colleges, add and drop classes. There was no need for you to be upset and no need for her to cry for two hours. Adjusting to college is hella stressful - you need to encourage her to not see everything as a huge deal. By her senior year the requirements for this major may have changed, her bandwidth for stress probably will have increased, she may pick a different major she hasn't even considered, etc. Chill out.

[Anonymous]

Way better to keep her GPA up and not stress freshman year. She can retake the class if she needs it, take a similar class that would count for her major, take the class at a community college over summer, etc. It really isn't that big of deal.

[Anonymous]

It is fine. She can always retake it. Nothing she does in freshman here is going to alter the course of her life. College is a massive adjustment and learning experience and kids make all kinds of decisions. I have worked in academic for 15 years. As they develop agency and independence, they start to figure out the decision making process. It doesn't really matter if it was the best or not best decision. She felt a certain way, sought advice, sought support, weighed her options and made a decision. She is miles ahead of a lot of freshman! Applaud her on working through the process and give her the space of the rest of the year to see how things go. She can always talk to an academic advisor next year and again weigh her options.

[Anonymous]

she doesn't have to figure our her lift first month of college.

she doesn't even need to figure out roommate stuff.

life doesnt care if you major in communications or media relations or anything. this is all the same.

she does need to get her Type A slash ADHD slash decision making stuff worked out. priority one is to find peer help on campus. otherwise, just a weekly zoom betterhelp etc therapist would work. IMO

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you both have catastrophizing behaviors. Crying? Two hour phone call?

I would take down the energy a notch. Retake if necessary. Perhaps this major or the adjacent one isn’t something she is interested in after all. Or perhaps she has very little grit?

[Anonymous]

She got into college - she needs to figure this out.

[Anonymous]

I get it OP.
You're probably paying $90K/year for this year of college and have the perspective that changing your major from XX to YY based on one professor or class is not always the best decision.

I did something similar as a college student and I regretted it for years. I ended up in a default major that I never really liked but once the decision was done I was stuck if I wanted to graduate. My parents wouldn't (and couldn't) pay for a 5th year.

My high school senior daughter just switched to a different level of math in part because she wanted to be in the same free period as her friends for senior year. This switch will really impact her application into engineering programs. But for her, being with her friends in the here-and-now meant more to her than any engineering goals "i'll just apply to a different major." HUH? Kids can be very short-sighted.