DEI events

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DEI director here. If the school says the event is open to all, believe them. If it was for a specific community within the school, they would say so.

I fully support DEI but the equity part I think can be unrealistic at times and maybe not fair as once we all start comparing our advantages and disadvantages it can get messy.

For example, school needs parents to pay and host an event for all parents in a grade. One parent wants to be listed as a host on the invitation but they express they can not pay what the others are paying. Thoughts on this? I think it is unfair and all should pay equally or just not be listed as a host. Thoughts?

Not the PP - but from what I've seen at our (3) schools - the school doesn't structure events where a "subset of parents" pay to host a school sanctioned event and then put their names on the invitation.

Examples: Families offer to use their home to host an event but the school pays for it. Families offer to host a pot-luck event - where all participating families bring food. Or, the school hosts the event at school. In cases where there are student events (trips) that parents are paying a fee, the school provides support for students receiving aid.

The point being - there is genuine thought put into "how" the school operates and how parent/student events are run so that they are practicing the "equitable" part of DEI

In our experience when they start meddling like this the fun events and parties start to dwindle or at least the ones where all are invited because those parents hosting them get tired of trying to meet these requirements. Sooooo what has happened is they still have their fun fancy parties and what happens is many are just left out of them so that is not good either. I dont blame them for not wanting to deal with all of these requirements etc... People are busy and do not have time or patience especially when they are BEING inclusive already by inviting all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DEI director here. If the school says the event is open to all, believe them. If it was for a specific community within the school, they would say so.

I fully support DEI but the equity part I think can be unrealistic at times and maybe not fair as once we all start comparing our advantages and disadvantages it can get messy.

For example, school needs parents to pay and host an event for all parents in a grade. One parent wants to be listed as a host on the invitation but they express they can not pay what the others are paying. Thoughts on this? I think it is unfair and all should pay equally or just not be listed as a host. Thoughts?

Not the PP - but from what I've seen at our (3) schools - the school doesn't structure events where a "subset of parents" pay to host a school sanctioned event and then put their names on the invitation.

Examples: Families offer to use their home to host an event but the school pays for it. Families offer to host a pot-luck event - where all participating families bring food. Or, the school hosts the event at school. In cases where there are student events (trips) that parents are paying a fee, the school provides support for students receiving aid.

DP - but I have absolutely seen school events where the parents pay for it as a donation to the school. Such as a happy hour for new parents, a kickoff to a fundraiser, or a get together in someone’s home just for a specific grade as PP suggests. The events are never paid for by the school. Another new one is parents are buying tickets to events at people’s homes the proceeds go to benefit the school but the hosts pay for the food, drink, and entertainment for the event/party. It would be weird to have 4 families agree to host and one to back out and say they weren’t going to chip in to pay but wanted credit on the invite. I would think the other families would just drop them.

I have hosted grade events with co-hosts. We all equally divided costs. The school gave us $0.

Sure - if your school wants to operate that way. But then you run into the scenario you mentioned... It do think it is awkward to say you will co-host and then not chip in and still want to be on the list. But...this scenario also leaves out a parent who can donate their time but not financially. I'm certain many many schools still operate this way with no regard to the equity of it.

The only time I have heard of parents buying tickets os for a fund raiser auction type event.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DEI director here. If the school says the event is open to all, believe them. If it was for a specific community within the school, they would say so.

I fully support DEI but the equity part I think can be unrealistic at times and maybe not fair as once we all start comparing our advantages and disadvantages it can get messy.

For example, school needs parents to pay and host an event for all parents in a grade. One parent wants to be listed as a host on the invitation but they express they can not pay what the others are paying. Thoughts on this? I think it is unfair and all should pay equally or just not be listed as a host. Thoughts?

Not the PP - but from what I've seen at our (3) schools - the school doesn't structure events where a "subset of parents" pay to host a school sanctioned event and then put their names on the invitation.

Examples: Families offer to use their home to host an event but the school pays for it. Families offer to host a pot-luck event - where all participating families bring food. Or, the school hosts the event at school. In cases where there are student events (trips) that parents are paying a fee, the school provides support for students receiving aid.

The point being - there is genuine thought put into "how" the school operates and how parent/student events are run so that they are practicing the "equitable" part of DEI

In our experience when they start meddling like this the fun events and parties start to dwindle or at least the ones where all are invited because those parents hosting them get tired of trying to meet these requirements. Sooooo what has happened is they still have their fun fancy parties and what happens is many are just left out of them so that is not good either. I dont blame them for not wanting to deal with all of these requirements etc... People are busy and do not have time or patience especially when they are BEING inclusive already by inviting all.

**The most important part is that they are inviting ALL - whether it be all parents or all students in a class - that is all that should matter.

For people to impose DEI rules on it is silly and selfish quite frankly. I could see if it somehow cut out people but that is not the case. As long as all are invited I support the gesture and appreciate them for doing it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please attend. I think there's often a misconception that the diversity events are for everyone minus white families.

+1 as a POC, I thought these events are FOR white people to help them get a little bit of understanding on what we go through in this country! I already know.

So now I'm really confused.

Are you saying that these DEI events are basically whine sessions, where white people are expected to listen to what you, a POC who happens to have kids at an elite DC private school, "go through in this country?" Is that what I'm missing by not attending?

That's not what our DEI events are - I guess you need to attend yours to see how your school operates. If you don't go, you don't know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DEI director here. If the school says the event is open to all, believe them. If it was for a specific community within the school, they would say so.

I fully support DEI but the equity part I think can be unrealistic at times and maybe not fair as once we all start comparing our advantages and disadvantages it can get messy.

For example, school needs parents to pay and host an event for all parents in a grade. One parent wants to be listed as a host on the invitation but they express they can not pay what the others are paying. Thoughts on this? I think it is unfair and all should pay equally or just not be listed as a host. Thoughts?

Not the PP - but from what I've seen at our (3) schools - the school doesn't structure events where a "subset of parents" pay to host a school sanctioned event and then put their names on the invitation.

Examples: Families offer to use their home to host an event but the school pays for it. Families offer to host a pot-luck event - where all participating families bring food. Or, the school hosts the event at school. In cases where there are student events (trips) that parents are paying a fee, the school provides support for students receiving aid.

DP - but I have absolutely seen school events where the parents pay for it as a donation to the school. Such as a happy hour for new parents, a kickoff to a fundraiser, or a get together in someone’s home just for a specific grade as PP suggests. The events are never paid for by the school. Another new one is parents are buying tickets to events at people’s homes the proceeds go to benefit the school but the hosts pay for the food, drink, and entertainment for the event/party. It would be weird to have 4 families agree to host and one to back out and say they weren’t going to chip in to pay but wanted credit on the invite. I would think the other families would just drop them.

I have hosted grade events with co-hosts. We all equally divided costs. The school gave us $0.

Sure - if your school wants to operate that way. But then you run into the scenario you mentioned... It do think it is awkward to say you will co-host and then not chip in and still want to be on the list. But...this scenario also leaves out a parent who can donate their time but not financially. I'm certain many many schools still operate this way with no regard to the equity of it.

The only time I have heard of parents buying tickets os for a fund raiser auction type event.

DP. Clearly you are not at the same school so hard to discuss.

What are you talking about equity of it? That makes zero sense. They should be grateful people are willing to invite them and invite all and PAY for it all. That is the most equitable thing I can imagine. Please do not ruin a good thing and look at big picture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DEI director here. If the school says the event is open to all, believe them. If it was for a specific community within the school, they would say so.

I fully support DEI but the equity part I think can be unrealistic at times and maybe not fair as once we all start comparing our advantages and disadvantages it can get messy.

For example, school needs parents to pay and host an event for all parents in a grade. One parent wants to be listed as a host on the invitation but they express they can not pay what the others are paying. Thoughts on this? I think it is unfair and all should pay equally or just not be listed as a host. Thoughts?

Not the PP - but from what I've seen at our (3) schools - the school doesn't structure events where a "subset of parents" pay to host a school sanctioned event and then put their names on the invitation.

Examples: Families offer to use their home to host an event but the school pays for it. Families offer to host a pot-luck event - where all participating families bring food. Or, the school hosts the event at school. In cases where there are student events (trips) that parents are paying a fee, the school provides support for students receiving aid.

DP - but I have absolutely seen school events where the parents pay for it as a donation to the school. Such as a happy hour for new parents, a kickoff to a fundraiser, or a get together in someone’s home just for a specific grade as PP suggests. The events are never paid for by the school. Another new one is parents are buying tickets to events at people’s homes the proceeds go to benefit the school but the hosts pay for the food, drink, and entertainment for the event/party. It would be weird to have 4 families agree to host and one to back out and say they weren’t going to chip in to pay but wanted credit on the invite. I would think the other families would just drop them.

I have hosted grade events with co-hosts. We all equally divided costs. The school gave us $0.

Sure - if your school wants to operate that way. But then you run into the scenario you mentioned... It do think it is awkward to say you will co-host and then not chip in and still want to be on the list. But...this scenario also leaves out a parent who can donate their time but not financially. I'm certain many many schools still operate this way with no regard to the equity of it.

The only time I have heard of parents buying tickets os for a fund raiser auction type event.

There are PLENTY of volunteer opportunities. This is more about ego in my opinion of having to have their name listed. Volunteer in other ways. So many needs and things to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DEI director here. If the school says the event is open to all, believe them. If it was for a specific community within the school, they would say so.

I fully support DEI but the equity part I think can be unrealistic at times and maybe not fair as once we all start comparing our advantages and disadvantages it can get messy.

For example, school needs parents to pay and host an event for all parents in a grade. One parent wants to be listed as a host on the invitation but they express they can not pay what the others are paying. Thoughts on this? I think it is unfair and all should pay equally or just not be listed as a host. Thoughts?

Not the PP - but from what I've seen at our (3) schools - the school doesn't structure events where a "subset of parents" pay to host a school sanctioned event and then put their names on the invitation.

Examples: Families offer to use their home to host an event but the school pays for it. Families offer to host a pot-luck event - where all participating families bring food. Or, the school hosts the event at school. In cases where there are student events (trips) that parents are paying a fee, the school provides support for students receiving aid.

DP - but I have absolutely seen school events where the parents pay for it as a donation to the school. Such as a happy hour for new parents, a kickoff to a fundraiser, or a get together in someone’s home just for a specific grade as PP suggests. The events are never paid for by the school. Another new one is parents are buying tickets to events at people’s homes the proceeds go to benefit the school but the hosts pay for the food, drink, and entertainment for the event/party. It would be weird to have 4 families agree to host and one to back out and say they weren’t going to chip in to pay but wanted credit on the invite. I would think the other families would just drop them.

I have hosted grade events with co-hosts. We all equally divided costs. The school gave us $0.

Sure - if your school wants to operate that way. But then you run into the scenario you mentioned... It do think it is awkward to say you will co-host and then not chip in and still want to be on the list. But...this scenario also leaves out a parent who can donate their time but not financially. I'm certain many many schools still operate this way with no regard to the equity of it.

The only time I have heard of parents buying tickets os for a fund raiser auction type event.

You don’t need to be a host and on the invite. WTH? You can offer to help on the side and I’m sure that would be appreciated. Are you so insecure that you need the glory of the hosting credit when you can’t really pull your weight? It’s not even that deep. Just let the hosts host and come and have a good time, that’s the point. You’re not a host if you’re not paying and doing the work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DEI director here. If the school says the event is open to all, believe them. If it was for a specific community within the school, they would say so.

I fully support DEI but the equity part I think can be unrealistic at times and maybe not fair as once we all start comparing our advantages and disadvantages it can get messy.

For example, school needs parents to pay and host an event for all parents in a grade. One parent wants to be listed as a host on the invitation but they express they can not pay what the others are paying. Thoughts on this? I think it is unfair and all should pay equally or just not be listed as a host. Thoughts?

Not the PP - but from what I've seen at our (3) schools - the school doesn't structure events where a "subset of parents" pay to host a school sanctioned event and then put their names on the invitation.

Examples: Families offer to use their home to host an event but the school pays for it. Families offer to host a pot-luck event - where all participating families bring food. Or, the school hosts the event at school. In cases where there are student events (trips) that parents are paying a fee, the school provides support for students receiving aid.

Well your school is different. At our schools it is common for parents to host the entire grade of parents and pay for the party. Very common. It is a nice gesture. School could never afford that and potlucks are crappy food and a mess for the hosts to deal with in my experience.

Of course all schools are different and there was no judgement in my examples - it was purely an explanation of how our schools have thought though DEI and choose how to handle financial disparity. (which - obviously is still apparent when you go to the hosts' home - even if the school is footing the bill). And yes, the host obviously is still being generous and has to deal with the mess and ready the house for hosting (whether they pay or the school pays and whether there is a pot luck or not).

We only went to one pot luck (a long honored and beloved tradition at that school pre-COVID) - everything was delicious. They keep it to a small number of families and appropriately manage what people bring so that all parts of the meal are represented. They often spoke of returning to these pot lucks after COVID - but didn't before we moved on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DEI director here. If the school says the event is open to all, believe them. If it was for a specific community within the school, they would say so.

I fully support DEI but the equity part I think can be unrealistic at times and maybe not fair as once we all start comparing our advantages and disadvantages it can get messy.

For example, school needs parents to pay and host an event for all parents in a grade. One parent wants to be listed as a host on the invitation but they express they can not pay what the others are paying. Thoughts on this? I think it is unfair and all should pay equally or just not be listed as a host. Thoughts?

Not the PP - but from what I've seen at our (3) schools - the school doesn't structure events where a "subset of parents" pay to host a school sanctioned event and then put their names on the invitation.

Examples: Families offer to use their home to host an event but the school pays for it. Families offer to host a pot-luck event - where all participating families bring food. Or, the school hosts the event at school. In cases where there are student events (trips) that parents are paying a fee, the school provides support for students receiving aid.

Well your school is different. At our schools it is common for parents to host the entire grade of parents and pay for the party. Very common. It is a nice gesture. School could never afford that and potlucks are crappy food and a mess for the hosts to deal with in my experience.

Of course all schools are different and there was no judgement in my examples - it was purely an explanation of how our schools have thought though DEI and choose how to handle financial disparity. (which - obviously is still apparent when you go to the hosts' home - even if the school is footing the bill). And yes, the host obviously is still being generous and has to deal with the mess and ready the house for hosting (whether they pay or the school pays and whether there is a pot luck or not).

We only went to one pot luck (a long honored and beloved tradition at that school pre-COVID) - everything was delicious. They keep it to a small number of families and appropriately manage what people bring so that all parts of the meal are represented. They often spoke of returning to these pot lucks after COVID - but didn't before we moved on.

You may think you have good intentions but this is where intentions meet reality and this kind of attitude of demanding equity where it’s not necessary is going to kill these events. There are other ways you can help your school. Hosting events in your home may not be one of them and that’s perfectly ok. We don’t need everybody to do everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DEI director here. If the school says the event is open to all, believe them. If it was for a specific community within the school, they would say so.

I fully support DEI but the equity part I think can be unrealistic at times and maybe not fair as once we all start comparing our advantages and disadvantages it can get messy.

For example, school needs parents to pay and host an event for all parents in a grade. One parent wants to be listed as a host on the invitation but they express they can not pay what the others are paying. Thoughts on this? I think it is unfair and all should pay equally or just not be listed as a host. Thoughts?

Not the PP - but from what I've seen at our (3) schools - the school doesn't structure events where a "subset of parents" pay to host a school sanctioned event and then put their names on the invitation.

Examples: Families offer to use their home to host an event but the school pays for it. Families offer to host a pot-luck event - where all participating families bring food. Or, the school hosts the event at school. In cases where there are student events (trips) that parents are paying a fee, the school provides support for students receiving aid.

Well your school is different. At our schools it is common for parents to host the entire grade of parents and pay for the party. Very common. It is a nice gesture. School could never afford that and potlucks are crappy food and a mess for the hosts to deal with in my experience.

Of course all schools are different and there was no judgement in my examples - it was purely an explanation of how our schools have thought though DEI and choose how to handle financial disparity. (which - obviously is still apparent when you go to the hosts' home - even if the school is footing the bill). And yes, the host obviously is still being generous and has to deal with the mess and ready the house for hosting (whether they pay or the school pays and whether there is a pot luck or not).

We only went to one pot luck (a long honored and beloved tradition at that school pre-COVID) - everything was delicious. They keep it to a small number of families and appropriately manage what people bring so that all parts of the meal are represented. They often spoke of returning to these pot lucks after COVID - but didn't before we moved on.

You may think you have good intentions but this is where intentions meet reality and this kind of attitude of demanding equity where it’s not necessary is going to kill these events. There are other ways you can help your school. Hosting events in your home may not be one of them and that’s perfectly ok. We don’t need everybody to do everything.

DP. Perfectly said. They will end up ruining these events for all. I say "all" because the events will still happen but what happens is they won't invite all anymore. They will make it a private non school event instead where they can do what they wanted originally without any oversight. Trust me seen it happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DEI director here. If the school says the event is open to all, believe them. If it was for a specific community within the school, they would say so.

I fully support DEI but the equity part I think can be unrealistic at times and maybe not fair as once we all start comparing our advantages and disadvantages it can get messy.

For example, school needs parents to pay and host an event for all parents in a grade. One parent wants to be listed as a host on the invitation but they express they can not pay what the others are paying. Thoughts on this? I think it is unfair and all should pay equally or just not be listed as a host. Thoughts?

Not the PP - but from what I've seen at our (3) schools - the school doesn't structure events where a "subset of parents" pay to host a school sanctioned event and then put their names on the invitation.

Examples: Families offer to use their home to host an event but the school pays for it. Families offer to host a pot-luck event - where all participating families bring food. Or, the school hosts the event at school. In cases where there are student events (trips) that parents are paying a fee, the school provides support for students receiving aid.

The point being - there is genuine thought put into "how" the school operates and how parent/student events are run so that they are practicing the "equitable" part of DEI

That is not real life and you are setting these kids up for a big disappointment when they get into the real world. I support DEI but some of it gets taken too far. If parents want a nice party (and many do) they are going to have it. The other option that I have seen is when schools try to dictate too much those parents STILL have their parties but then what happens is they do not invite all. So the former option is better in my opinion.

Parents can still have a nice party.....I never said they don't. Some are all inclusive, some are not. That's life. We can all choose how we behave and how inclusive/exclusive we are.

I said that there our schools don't use parents to host school sanctioned events where they rely on few parents to pony up....and then end up with one of those co-parents backing out financially. One school used to do this and then moved to only having parties that the school funded. It would be a single family (not groups of parents) hosting. Obviously, those parents could spend additional money of their own....but there's no issue of "the x family was listed here and paid nothing" (which honestly all sounds like petty behavior anyway)

If you choose to work in a group to host a party (in any scenario) - you just have to deal with whatever your group members throw at you. If you don't like it, don't work with that person again. If you want to leave someone out of your hosting group who can donate their time but not money - that's your choice to make. (I personally would let them help if they are a good team member who is genuinely contributing in other ways).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DEI director here. If the school says the event is open to all, believe them. If it was for a specific community within the school, they would say so.

I fully support DEI but the equity part I think can be unrealistic at times and maybe not fair as once we all start comparing our advantages and disadvantages it can get messy.

For example, school needs parents to pay and host an event for all parents in a grade. One parent wants to be listed as a host on the invitation but they express they can not pay what the others are paying. Thoughts on this? I think it is unfair and all should pay equally or just not be listed as a host. Thoughts?

Not the PP - but from what I've seen at our (3) schools - the school doesn't structure events where a "subset of parents" pay to host a school sanctioned event and then put their names on the invitation.

Examples: Families offer to use their home to host an event but the school pays for it. Families offer to host a pot-luck event - where all participating families bring food. Or, the school hosts the event at school. In cases where there are student events (trips) that parents are paying a fee, the school provides support for students receiving aid.

Well your school is different. At our schools it is common for parents to host the entire grade of parents and pay for the party. Very common. It is a nice gesture. School could never afford that and potlucks are crappy food and a mess for the hosts to deal with in my experience.

Of course all schools are different and there was no judgement in my examples - it was purely an explanation of how our schools have thought though DEI and choose how to handle financial disparity. (which - obviously is still apparent when you go to the hosts' home - even if the school is footing the bill). And yes, the host obviously is still being generous and has to deal with the mess and ready the house for hosting (whether they pay or the school pays and whether there is a pot luck or not).

We only went to one pot luck (a long honored and beloved tradition at that school pre-COVID) - everything was delicious. They keep it to a small number of families and appropriately manage what people bring so that all parts of the meal are represented. They often spoke of returning to these pot lucks after COVID - but didn't before we moved on.

You may think you have good intentions but this is where intentions meet reality and this kind of attitude of demanding equity where it’s not necessary is going to kill these events. There are other ways you can help your school. Hosting events in your home may not be one of them and that’s perfectly ok. We don’t need everybody to do everything.

DP. Perfectly said. They will end up ruining these events for all. I say "all" because the events will still happen but what happens is they won't invite all anymore. They will make it a private non school event instead where they can do what they wanted originally without any oversight. Trust me seen it happen.

I’m pretty sure the PP complaining about this has no idea what some of us are talking about and has zero experiences with these events. Most people have no problem coming to an event at someone else’s home and enjoying the free food and drink and mingling with the other parents. I don’t think they are secretly begrudging the unfairness and the financial disparity. And the hosts aren’t really trying to show off and impress, more often than not there was some arm twisting getting people to step up and put in the time and effort when they probably otherwise would have hung back waiting for someone else to “volunteer” or maybe that’s just me, ha.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DEI director here. If the school says the event is open to all, believe them. If it was for a specific community within the school, they would say so.

I fully support DEI but the equity part I think can be unrealistic at times and maybe not fair as once we all start comparing our advantages and disadvantages it can get messy.

For example, school needs parents to pay and host an event for all parents in a grade. One parent wants to be listed as a host on the invitation but they express they can not pay what the others are paying. Thoughts on this? I think it is unfair and all should pay equally or just not be listed as a host. Thoughts?

Not the PP - but from what I've seen at our (3) schools - the school doesn't structure events where a "subset of parents" pay to host a school sanctioned event and then put their names on the invitation.

Examples: Families offer to use their home to host an event but the school pays for it. Families offer to host a pot-luck event - where all participating families bring food. Or, the school hosts the event at school. In cases where there are student events (trips) that parents are paying a fee, the school provides support for students receiving aid.

The point being - there is genuine thought put into "how" the school operates and how parent/student events are run so that they are practicing the "equitable" part of DEI

That is not real life and you are setting these kids up for a big disappointment when they get into the real world. I support DEI but some of it gets taken too far. If parents want a nice party (and many do) they are going to have it. The other option that I have seen is when schools try to dictate too much those parents STILL have their parties but then what happens is they do not invite all. So the former option is better in my opinion.

Parents can still have a nice party.....I never said they don't. Some are all inclusive, some are not. That's life. We can all choose how we behave and how inclusive/exclusive we are.

I said that there our schools don't use parents to host school sanctioned events where they rely on few parents to pony up....and then end up with one of those co-parents backing out financially. One school used to do this and then moved to only having parties that the school funded. It would be a single family (not groups of parents) hosting. Obviously, those parents could spend additional money of their own....but there's no issue of "the x family was listed here and paid nothing" (which honestly all sounds like petty behavior anyway)

If you choose to work in a group to host a party (in any scenario) - you just have to deal with whatever your group members throw at you. If you don't like it, don't work with that person again. If you want to leave someone out of your hosting group who can donate their time but not money - that's your choice to make. (I personally would let them help if they are a good team member who is genuinely contributing in other ways).

Honestly this all just sounds strange. When I’ve hosted parties its a group of parents who are friends already who agree to joint host knowing full well they will foot the bill. It’s not a random grouping. The person who can’t afford to chip in financially would never volunteer for this in the first place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First, I love that schools, especially many of the primarily white private schools in the area, have these. I have a question though. We're at a new school that has a family DEIB (diversity, equity, inclusion, and belonging) event coming up. The communications for the event say that it is open to all school families and it's about making sure all families are in a welcoming environment. In reality, what do these events look like? As a white family should we skip as it's not our place, or are they truly about bringing the entire school together? Since we're still so new, I'm trying to attend as many events as our schedule will allow. However, I do not want to step outside of my lane and intrude on anyone's safe space.

To get the thread back on track, op yes you are welcome at most schools but maybe not at all apparently? You should ask someone at the school or maybe ask the head of the DEIB programming what is the "norm." at your school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DEI director here. If the school says the event is open to all, believe them. If it was for a specific community within the school, they would say so.

I fully support DEI but the equity part I think can be unrealistic at times and maybe not fair as once we all start comparing our advantages and disadvantages it can get messy.

For example, school needs parents to pay and host an event for all parents in a grade. One parent wants to be listed as a host on the invitation but they express they can not pay what the others are paying. Thoughts on this? I think it is unfair and all should pay equally or just not be listed as a host. Thoughts?

Not the PP - but from what I've seen at our (3) schools - the school doesn't structure events where a "subset of parents" pay to host a school sanctioned event and then put their names on the invitation.

Examples: Families offer to use their home to host an event but the school pays for it. Families offer to host a pot-luck event - where all participating families bring food. Or, the school hosts the event at school. In cases where there are student events (trips) that parents are paying a fee, the school provides support for students receiving aid.

Well your school is different. At our schools it is common for parents to host the entire grade of parents and pay for the party. Very common. It is a nice gesture. School could never afford that and potlucks are crappy food and a mess for the hosts to deal with in my experience.

Of course all schools are different and there was no judgement in my examples - it was purely an explanation of how our schools have thought though DEI and choose how to handle financial disparity. (which - obviously is still apparent when you go to the hosts' home - even if the school is footing the bill). And yes, the host obviously is still being generous and has to deal with the mess and ready the house for hosting (whether they pay or the school pays and whether there is a pot luck or not).

We only went to one pot luck (a long honored and beloved tradition at that school pre-COVID) - everything was delicious. They keep it to a small number of families and appropriately manage what people bring so that all parts of the meal are represented. They often spoke of returning to these pot lucks after COVID - but didn't before we moved on.

You may think you have good intentions but this is where intentions meet reality and this kind of attitude of demanding equity where it’s not necessary is going to kill these events. There are other ways you can help your school. Hosting events in your home may not be one of them and that’s perfectly ok. We don’t need everybody to do everything.

I am speaking to this exact example below. Not broader rules. I think you are assuming more.


For example, school needs parents to pay and host an event for all parents in a grade. One parent wants to be listed as a host on the invitation but they express they can not pay what the others are paying. Thoughts on this? I think it is unfair and all should pay equally or just not be listed as a host. Thoughts?

If a parent wants to have a party great.

If parents want to foot the bill for a party for the school great.

But the scenario above was all about how a group of parents were going to hold an event and then one didn't want to pay but still wanted their name on the invitation. This doesn't happen if the school pays for the event. This doesn't happen if the school hosts the event. That's all.

I know many schools operate this way. But if you want to work with a group of parents and one doesn't pay - this isn't a DEI issue. It's an issue of any type of group work (whether that be a school project, a work project etc.) It's life.

What makes it an Equity issue (as PP posted) is if you have tunnel vision and exclude (or judge) people who want to help in hosting a party but don't bring money to the table....but are offering some other helpful skill.

I'm not saying every school needs to impose rules....just giving examples on how the above scenario could be avoided if operating on other guidelines.

I love a nice party at a nice house. I'm not hosting one. I'm not paying for one either. But I also have never had one hosted by a group of families on an invitation. It's always a single family.