DEI events

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DEI director here. If the school says the event is open to all, believe them. If it was for a specific community within the school, they would say so.

I fully support DEI but the equity part I think can be unrealistic at times and maybe not fair as once we all start comparing our advantages and disadvantages it can get messy.

For example, school needs parents to pay and host an event for all parents in a grade. One parent wants to be listed as a host on the invitation but they express they can not pay what the others are paying. Thoughts on this? I think it is unfair and all should pay equally or just not be listed as a host. Thoughts?

Not the PP - but from what I've seen at our (3) schools - the school doesn't structure events where a "subset of parents" pay to host a school sanctioned event and then put their names on the invitation.

Examples: Families offer to use their home to host an event but the school pays for it. Families offer to host a pot-luck event - where all participating families bring food. Or, the school hosts the event at school. In cases where there are student events (trips) that parents are paying a fee, the school provides support for students receiving aid.

The point being - there is genuine thought put into "how" the school operates and how parent/student events are run so that they are practicing the "equitable" part of DEI

That is not real life and you are setting these kids up for a big disappointment when they get into the real world. I support DEI but some of it gets taken too far. If parents want a nice party (and many do) they are going to have it. The other option that I have seen is when schools try to dictate too much those parents STILL have their parties but then what happens is they do not invite all. So the former option is better in my opinion.

Parents can still have a nice party.....I never said they don't. Some are all inclusive, some are not. That's life. We can all choose how we behave and how inclusive/exclusive we are.

I said that there our schools don't use parents to host school sanctioned events where they rely on few parents to pony up....and then end up with one of those co-parents backing out financially. One school used to do this and then moved to only having parties that the school funded. It would be a single family (not groups of parents) hosting. Obviously, those parents could spend additional money of their own....but there's no issue of "the x family was listed here and paid nothing" (which honestly all sounds like petty behavior anyway)

If you choose to work in a group to host a party (in any scenario) - you just have to deal with whatever your group members throw at you. If you don't like it, don't work with that person again. If you want to leave someone out of your hosting group who can donate their time but not money - that's your choice to make. (I personally would let them help if they are a good team member who is genuinely contributing in other ways).

Honestly this all just sounds strange. When I’ve hosted parties its a group of parents who are friends already who agree to joint host knowing full well they will foot the bill. It’s not a random grouping. The person who can’t afford to chip in financially would never volunteer for this in the first place.

That was the scenario given... and I responded to it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DEI director here. If the school says the event is open to all, believe them. If it was for a specific community within the school, they would say so.

I fully support DEI but the equity part I think can be unrealistic at times and maybe not fair as once we all start comparing our advantages and disadvantages it can get messy.

For example, school needs parents to pay and host an event for all parents in a grade. One parent wants to be listed as a host on the invitation but they express they can not pay what the others are paying. Thoughts on this? I think it is unfair and all should pay equally or just not be listed as a host. Thoughts?

Not the PP - but from what I've seen at our (3) schools - the school doesn't structure events where a "subset of parents" pay to host a school sanctioned event and then put their names on the invitation.

Examples: Families offer to use their home to host an event but the school pays for it. Families offer to host a pot-luck event - where all participating families bring food. Or, the school hosts the event at school. In cases where there are student events (trips) that parents are paying a fee, the school provides support for students receiving aid.

Well your school is different. At our schools it is common for parents to host the entire grade of parents and pay for the party. Very common. It is a nice gesture. School could never afford that and potlucks are crappy food and a mess for the hosts to deal with in my experience.

Of course all schools are different and there was no judgement in my examples - it was purely an explanation of how our schools have thought though DEI and choose how to handle financial disparity. (which - obviously is still apparent when you go to the hosts' home - even if the school is footing the bill). And yes, the host obviously is still being generous and has to deal with the mess and ready the house for hosting (whether they pay or the school pays and whether there is a pot luck or not).

We only went to one pot luck (a long honored and beloved tradition at that school pre-COVID) - everything was delicious. They keep it to a small number of families and appropriately manage what people bring so that all parts of the meal are represented. They often spoke of returning to these pot lucks after COVID - but didn't before we moved on.

You may think you have good intentions but this is where intentions meet reality and this kind of attitude of demanding equity where it’s not necessary is going to kill these events. There are other ways you can help your school. Hosting events in your home may not be one of them and that’s perfectly ok. We don’t need everybody to do everything.

I am speaking to this exact example below. Not broader rules. I think you are assuming more.


For example, school needs parents to pay and host an event for all parents in a grade. One parent wants to be listed as a host on the invitation but they express they can not pay what the others are paying. Thoughts on this? I think it is unfair and all should pay equally or just not be listed as a host. Thoughts?

If a parent wants to have a party great.

If parents want to foot the bill for a party for the school great.

But the scenario above was all about how a group of parents were going to hold an event and then one didn't want to pay but still wanted their name on the invitation. This doesn't happen if the school pays for the event. This doesn't happen if the school hosts the event. That's all.

I know many schools operate this way. But if you want to work with a group of parents and one doesn't pay - this isn't a DEI issue. It's an issue of any type of group work (whether that be a school project, a work project etc.) It's life.

What makes it an Equity issue (as PP posted) is if you have tunnel vision and exclude (or judge) people who want to help in hosting a party but don't bring money to the table....but are offering some other helpful skill.

I'm not saying every school needs to impose rules....just giving examples on how the above scenario could be avoided if operating on other guidelines.

I love a nice party at a nice house. I'm not hosting one. I'm not paying for one either. But I also have never had one hosted by a group of families on an invitation. It's always a single family.

I’m not sure that example is even a real example and not a hypothetical. But I’m glad you have a solution to a problem that doesn’t really exist and have tried to make it an equity issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DEI director here. If the school says the event is open to all, believe them. If it was for a specific community within the school, they would say so.

I fully support DEI but the equity part I think can be unrealistic at times and maybe not fair as once we all start comparing our advantages and disadvantages it can get messy.

For example, school needs parents to pay and host an event for all parents in a grade. One parent wants to be listed as a host on the invitation but they express they can not pay what the others are paying. Thoughts on this? I think it is unfair and all should pay equally or just not be listed as a host. Thoughts?

Not the PP - but from what I've seen at our (3) schools - the school doesn't structure events where a "subset of parents" pay to host a school sanctioned event and then put their names on the invitation.

Examples: Families offer to use their home to host an event but the school pays for it. Families offer to host a pot-luck event - where all participating families bring food. Or, the school hosts the event at school. In cases where there are student events (trips) that parents are paying a fee, the school provides support for students receiving aid.

The point being - there is genuine thought put into "how" the school operates and how parent/student events are run so that they are practicing the "equitable" part of DEI

That is not real life and you are setting these kids up for a big disappointment when they get into the real world. I support DEI but some of it gets taken too far. If parents want a nice party (and many do) they are going to have it. The other option that I have seen is when schools try to dictate too much those parents STILL have their parties but then what happens is they do not invite all. So the former option is better in my opinion.

Parents can still have a nice party.....I never said they don't. Some are all inclusive, some are not. That's life. We can all choose how we behave and how inclusive/exclusive we are.

I said that there our schools don't use parents to host school sanctioned events where they rely on few parents to pony up....and then end up with one of those co-parents backing out financially. One school used to do this and then moved to only having parties that the school funded. It would be a single family (not groups of parents) hosting. Obviously, those parents could spend additional money of their own....but there's no issue of "the x family was listed here and paid nothing" (which honestly all sounds like petty behavior anyway)

If you choose to work in a group to host a party (in any scenario) - you just have to deal with whatever your group members throw at you. If you don't like it, don't work with that person again. If you want to leave someone out of your hosting group who can donate their time but not money - that's your choice to make. (I personally would let them help if they are a good team member who is genuinely contributing in other ways).

Honestly this all just sounds strange. When I’ve hosted parties its a group of parents who are friends already who agree to joint host knowing full well they will foot the bill. It’s not a random grouping. The person who can’t afford to chip in financially would never volunteer for this in the first place.

That was the scenario given... and I responded to it.

Great. That doesn’t make it a likely scenario. Nobody else has piped up that this is a real issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DEI director here. If the school says the event is open to all, believe them. If it was for a specific community within the school, they would say so.

I fully support DEI but the equity part I think can be unrealistic at times and maybe not fair as once we all start comparing our advantages and disadvantages it can get messy.

For example, school needs parents to pay and host an event for all parents in a grade. One parent wants to be listed as a host on the invitation but they express they can not pay what the others are paying. Thoughts on this? I think it is unfair and all should pay equally or just not be listed as a host. Thoughts?

Not the PP - but from what I've seen at our (3) schools - the school doesn't structure events where a "subset of parents" pay to host a school sanctioned event and then put their names on the invitation.

Examples: Families offer to use their home to host an event but the school pays for it. Families offer to host a pot-luck event - where all participating families bring food. Or, the school hosts the event at school. In cases where there are student events (trips) that parents are paying a fee, the school provides support for students receiving aid.

Well your school is different. At our schools it is common for parents to host the entire grade of parents and pay for the party. Very common. It is a nice gesture. School could never afford that and potlucks are crappy food and a mess for the hosts to deal with in my experience.

Of course all schools are different and there was no judgement in my examples - it was purely an explanation of how our schools have thought though DEI and choose how to handle financial disparity. (which - obviously is still apparent when you go to the hosts' home - even if the school is footing the bill). And yes, the host obviously is still being generous and has to deal with the mess and ready the house for hosting (whether they pay or the school pays and whether there is a pot luck or not).

We only went to one pot luck (a long honored and beloved tradition at that school pre-COVID) - everything was delicious. They keep it to a small number of families and appropriately manage what people bring so that all parts of the meal are represented. They often spoke of returning to these pot lucks after COVID - but didn't before we moved on.

You may think you have good intentions but this is where intentions meet reality and this kind of attitude of demanding equity where it’s not necessary is going to kill these events. There are other ways you can help your school. Hosting events in your home may not be one of them and that’s perfectly ok. We don’t need everybody to do everything.

I am speaking to this exact example below. Not broader rules. I think you are assuming more.


For example, school needs parents to pay and host an event for all parents in a grade. One parent wants to be listed as a host on the invitation but they express they can not pay what the others are paying. Thoughts on this? I think it is unfair and all should pay equally or just not be listed as a host. Thoughts?

If a parent wants to have a party great.

If parents want to foot the bill for a party for the school great.

But the scenario above was all about how a group of parents were going to hold an event and then one didn't want to pay but still wanted their name on the invitation. This doesn't happen if the school pays for the event. This doesn't happen if the school hosts the event. That's all.

I know many schools operate this way. But if you want to work with a group of parents and one doesn't pay - this isn't a DEI issue. It's an issue of any type of group work (whether that be a school project, a work project etc.) It's life.

What makes it an Equity issue (as PP posted) is if you have tunnel vision and exclude (or judge) people who want to help in hosting a party but don't bring money to the table....but are offering some other helpful skill.

I'm not saying every school needs to impose rules....just giving examples on how the above scenario could be avoided if operating on other guidelines.

I love a nice party at a nice house. I'm not hosting one. I'm not paying for one either. But I also have never had one hosted by a group of families on an invitation. It's always a single family.

I’m not sure that example is even a real example and not a hypothetical. But I’m glad you have a solution to a problem that doesn’t really exist and have tried to make it an equity issue.

Ok - whatever - the PP who typed it is the one who explicitly tied it to equity.

Maybe I should have just told that PP to grow up. If they don't like that one parent wanted to help and be on the invitation and pay less - then they should just move on and not offer to help next time if they don't want to work with just rich people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DEI director here. If the school says the event is open to all, believe them. If it was for a specific community within the school, they would say so.

I fully support DEI but the equity part I think can be unrealistic at times and maybe not fair as once we all start comparing our advantages and disadvantages it can get messy.

For example, school needs parents to pay and host an event for all parents in a grade. One parent wants to be listed as a host on the invitation but they express they can not pay what the others are paying. Thoughts on this? I think it is unfair and all should pay equally or just not be listed as a host. Thoughts?

Not the PP - but from what I've seen at our (3) schools - the school doesn't structure events where a "subset of parents" pay to host a school sanctioned event and then put their names on the invitation.

Examples: Families offer to use their home to host an event but the school pays for it. Families offer to host a pot-luck event - where all participating families bring food. Or, the school hosts the event at school. In cases where there are student events (trips) that parents are paying a fee, the school provides support for students receiving aid.

Well your school is different. At our schools it is common for parents to host the entire grade of parents and pay for the party. Very common. It is a nice gesture. School could never afford that and potlucks are crappy food and a mess for the hosts to deal with in my experience.

Of course all schools are different and there was no judgement in my examples - it was purely an explanation of how our schools have thought though DEI and choose how to handle financial disparity. (which - obviously is still apparent when you go to the hosts' home - even if the school is footing the bill). And yes, the host obviously is still being generous and has to deal with the mess and ready the house for hosting (whether they pay or the school pays and whether there is a pot luck or not).

We only went to one pot luck (a long honored and beloved tradition at that school pre-COVID) - everything was delicious. They keep it to a small number of families and appropriately manage what people bring so that all parts of the meal are represented. They often spoke of returning to these pot lucks after COVID - but didn't before we moved on.

You may think you have good intentions but this is where intentions meet reality and this kind of attitude of demanding equity where it’s not necessary is going to kill these events. There are other ways you can help your school. Hosting events in your home may not be one of them and that’s perfectly ok. We don’t need everybody to do everything.

I am speaking to this exact example below. Not broader rules. I think you are assuming more.


For example, school needs parents to pay and host an event for all parents in a grade. One parent wants to be listed as a host on the invitation but they express they can not pay what the others are paying. Thoughts on this? I think it is unfair and all should pay equally or just not be listed as a host. Thoughts?

If a parent wants to have a party great.

If parents want to foot the bill for a party for the school great.

But the scenario above was all about how a group of parents were going to hold an event and then one didn't want to pay but still wanted their name on the invitation. This doesn't happen if the school pays for the event. This doesn't happen if the school hosts the event. That's all.

I know many schools operate this way. But if you want to work with a group of parents and one doesn't pay - this isn't a DEI issue. It's an issue of any type of group work (whether that be a school project, a work project etc.) It's life.

What makes it an Equity issue (as PP posted) is if you have tunnel vision and exclude (or judge) people who want to help in hosting a party but don't bring money to the table....but are offering some other helpful skill.

I'm not saying every school needs to impose rules....just giving examples on how the above scenario could be avoided if operating on other guidelines.

I love a nice party at a nice house. I'm not hosting one. I'm not paying for one either. But I also have never had one hosted by a group of families on an invitation. It's always a single family.

I’m not sure that example is even a real example and not a hypothetical. But I’m glad you have a solution to a problem that doesn’t really exist and have tried to make it an equity issue.

Ok - whatever - the PP who typed it is the one who explicitly tied it to equity.

Maybe I should have just told that PP to grow up. If they don't like that one parent wanted to help and be on the invitation and pay less - then they should just move on and not offer to help next time if they don't want to work with just rich people.

The rich people will likely roll their eyes and put the person down as a host because they clearly have a fragile ego. But it’s pretty normal to feel that it’s not right. Most people don’t want their dead beat dad claiming to host their wedding he doesn’t donate a dime to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DEI director here. If the school says the event is open to all, believe them. If it was for a specific community within the school, they would say so.

I fully support DEI but the equity part I think can be unrealistic at times and maybe not fair as once we all start comparing our advantages and disadvantages it can get messy.

For example, school needs parents to pay and host an event for all parents in a grade. One parent wants to be listed as a host on the invitation but they express they can not pay what the others are paying. Thoughts on this? I think it is unfair and all should pay equally or just not be listed as a host. Thoughts?

Not the PP - but from what I've seen at our (3) schools - the school doesn't structure events where a "subset of parents" pay to host a school sanctioned event and then put their names on the invitation.

Examples: Families offer to use their home to host an event but the school pays for it. Families offer to host a pot-luck event - where all participating families bring food. Or, the school hosts the event at school. In cases where there are student events (trips) that parents are paying a fee, the school provides support for students receiving aid.

The point being - there is genuine thought put into "how" the school operates and how parent/student events are run so that they are practicing the "equitable" part of DEI

That is not real life and you are setting these kids up for a big disappointment when they get into the real world. I support DEI but some of it gets taken too far. If parents want a nice party (and many do) they are going to have it. The other option that I have seen is when schools try to dictate too much those parents STILL have their parties but then what happens is they do not invite all. So the former option is better in my opinion.

Parents can still have a nice party.....I never said they don't. Some are all inclusive, some are not. That's life. We can all choose how we behave and how inclusive/exclusive we are.

I said that there our schools don't use parents to host school sanctioned events where they rely on few parents to pony up....and then end up with one of those co-parents backing out financially. One school used to do this and then moved to only having parties that the school funded. It would be a single family (not groups of parents) hosting. Obviously, those parents could spend additional money of their own....but there's no issue of "the x family was listed here and paid nothing" (which honestly all sounds like petty behavior anyway)

If you choose to work in a group to host a party (in any scenario) - you just have to deal with whatever your group members throw at you. If you don't like it, don't work with that person again. If you want to leave someone out of your hosting group who can donate their time but not money - that's your choice to make. (I personally would let them help if they are a good team member who is genuinely contributing in other ways).

Honestly this all just sounds strange. When I’ve hosted parties its a group of parents who are friends already who agree to joint host knowing full well they will foot the bill. It’s not a random grouping. The person who can’t afford to chip in financially would never volunteer for this in the first place.

That was the scenario given... and I responded to it.

DP. I am not the person you responded to above but I am the person that mentioned the scenario of a host not paying the full amount. It did not happen but a parent who is involved in DEI did suggest it but it did not happen. That is why I mentioned it. They brought it up but it never came to fruition as it is silly because the only thing they could do would be to clean up and that is being covered by caterers and would be humiliating so in this case the answer is "No there is not a scenario where it would work."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DEI director here. If the school says the event is open to all, believe them. If it was for a specific community within the school, they would say so.

I fully support DEI but the equity part I think can be unrealistic at times and maybe not fair as once we all start comparing our advantages and disadvantages it can get messy.

For example, school needs parents to pay and host an event for all parents in a grade. One parent wants to be listed as a host on the invitation but they express they can not pay what the others are paying. Thoughts on this? I think it is unfair and all should pay equally or just not be listed as a host. Thoughts?

Not the PP - but from what I've seen at our (3) schools - the school doesn't structure events where a "subset of parents" pay to host a school sanctioned event and then put their names on the invitation.

Examples: Families offer to use their home to host an event but the school pays for it. Families offer to host a pot-luck event - where all participating families bring food. Or, the school hosts the event at school. In cases where there are student events (trips) that parents are paying a fee, the school provides support for students receiving aid.

Well your school is different. At our schools it is common for parents to host the entire grade of parents and pay for the party. Very common. It is a nice gesture. School could never afford that and potlucks are crappy food and a mess for the hosts to deal with in my experience.

Of course all schools are different and there was no judgement in my examples - it was purely an explanation of how our schools have thought though DEI and choose how to handle financial disparity. (which - obviously is still apparent when you go to the hosts' home - even if the school is footing the bill). And yes, the host obviously is still being generous and has to deal with the mess and ready the house for hosting (whether they pay or the school pays and whether there is a pot luck or not).

We only went to one pot luck (a long honored and beloved tradition at that school pre-COVID) - everything was delicious. They keep it to a small number of families and appropriately manage what people bring so that all parts of the meal are represented. They often spoke of returning to these pot lucks after COVID - but didn't before we moved on.

You may think you have good intentions but this is where intentions meet reality and this kind of attitude of demanding equity where it’s not necessary is going to kill these events. There are other ways you can help your school. Hosting events in your home may not be one of them and that’s perfectly ok. We don’t need everybody to do everything.

I am speaking to this exact example below. Not broader rules. I think you are assuming more.


For example, school needs parents to pay and host an event for all parents in a grade. One parent wants to be listed as a host on the invitation but they express they can not pay what the others are paying. Thoughts on this? I think it is unfair and all should pay equally or just not be listed as a host. Thoughts?

If a parent wants to have a party great.

If parents want to foot the bill for a party for the school great.

But the scenario above was all about how a group of parents were going to hold an event and then one didn't want to pay but still wanted their name on the invitation. This doesn't happen if the school pays for the event. This doesn't happen if the school hosts the event. That's all.

I know many schools operate this way. But if you want to work with a group of parents and one doesn't pay - this isn't a DEI issue. It's an issue of any type of group work (whether that be a school project, a work project etc.) It's life.

What makes it an Equity issue (as PP posted) is if you have tunnel vision and exclude (or judge) people who want to help in hosting a party but don't bring money to the table....but are offering some other helpful skill.

I'm not saying every school needs to impose rules....just giving examples on how the above scenario could be avoided if operating on other guidelines.

I love a nice party at a nice house. I'm not hosting one. I'm not paying for one either. But I also have never had one hosted by a group of families on an invitation. It's always a single family.

I’m not sure that example is even a real example and not a hypothetical. But I’m glad you have a solution to a problem that doesn’t really exist and have tried to make it an equity issue.

Ok - whatever - the PP who typed it is the one who explicitly tied it to equity.

Maybe I should have just told that PP to grow up. If they don't like that one parent wanted to help and be on the invitation and pay less - then they should just move on and not offer to help next time if they don't want to work with just rich people.

The rich people will likely roll their eyes and put the person down as a host because they clearly have a fragile ego. But it’s pretty normal to feel that it’s not right. Most people don’t want their dead beat dad claiming to host their wedding he doesn’t donate a dime to.

Maybe - but if the person offered to help and had skills and time to donate - it seems really immature and entitled to me. Sounds like the person said this up front. Anyway, moving on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DEI director here. If the school says the event is open to all, believe them. If it was for a specific community within the school, they would say so.

I fully support DEI but the equity part I think can be unrealistic at times and maybe not fair as once we all start comparing our advantages and disadvantages it can get messy.

For example, school needs parents to pay and host an event for all parents in a grade. One parent wants to be listed as a host on the invitation but they express they can not pay what the others are paying. Thoughts on this? I think it is unfair and all should pay equally or just not be listed as a host. Thoughts?

Not the PP - but from what I've seen at our (3) schools - the school doesn't structure events where a "subset of parents" pay to host a school sanctioned event and then put their names on the invitation.

Examples: Families offer to use their home to host an event but the school pays for it. Families offer to host a pot-luck event - where all participating families bring food. Or, the school hosts the event at school. In cases where there are student events (trips) that parents are paying a fee, the school provides support for students receiving aid.

The point being - there is genuine thought put into "how" the school operates and how parent/student events are run so that they are practicing the "equitable" part of DEI

That is not real life and you are setting these kids up for a big disappointment when they get into the real world. I support DEI but some of it gets taken too far. If parents want a nice party (and many do) they are going to have it. The other option that I have seen is when schools try to dictate too much those parents STILL have their parties but then what happens is they do not invite all. So the former option is better in my opinion.

Parents can still have a nice party.....I never said they don't. Some are all inclusive, some are not. That's life. We can all choose how we behave and how inclusive/exclusive we are.

I said that there our schools don't use parents to host school sanctioned events where they rely on few parents to pony up....and then end up with one of those co-parents backing out financially. One school used to do this and then moved to only having parties that the school funded. It would be a single family (not groups of parents) hosting. Obviously, those parents could spend additional money of their own....but there's no issue of "the x family was listed here and paid nothing" (which honestly all sounds like petty behavior anyway)

If you choose to work in a group to host a party (in any scenario) - you just have to deal with whatever your group members throw at you. If you don't like it, don't work with that person again. If you want to leave someone out of your hosting group who can donate their time but not money - that's your choice to make. (I personally would let them help if they are a good team member who is genuinely contributing in other ways).

Honestly this all just sounds strange. When I’ve hosted parties its a group of parents who are friends already who agree to joint host knowing full well they will foot the bill. It’s not a random grouping. The person who can’t afford to chip in financially would never volunteer for this in the first place.

That was the scenario given... and I responded to it.

DP. I am not the person you responded to above but I am the person that mentioned the scenario of a host not paying the full amount. It did not happen but a parent who is involved in DEI did suggest it but it did not happen. That is why I mentioned it. They brought it up but it never came to fruition as it is silly because the only thing they could do would be to clean up and that is being covered by caterers and would be humiliating so in this case the answer is "No there is not a scenario where it would work."

I mentioned it as an example because I thought it was a silly idea and was curious what others thought as well? It was brought up as an idea but I think got shut down. Will see how year unfolds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m another white liberal parent at a private school, I’ve attended a few diversity events at our school and enjoyed them. I’ve been disappointed to see that the families who otherwise attend everything at our school don’t make it to the diversity events. Our school must be 75% white but these events are mostly attended by minority families. I have felt welcome by the families of color there, I just wish they had more allies.

They are used to not having allies.

White people who describe themselves as “allies” immediately make me cringe and internally eye roll. -Black woman

Enjoy your silly DEI event!

Our school's affinity group for white folks is called exactly that..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DEI director here. If the school says the event is open to all, believe them. If it was for a specific community within the school, they would say so.

I fully support DEI but the equity part I think can be unrealistic at times and maybe not fair as once we all start comparing our advantages and disadvantages it can get messy.

For example, school needs parents to pay and host an event for all parents in a grade. One parent wants to be listed as a host on the invitation but they express they can not pay what the others are paying. Thoughts on this? I think it is unfair and all should pay equally or just not be listed as a host. Thoughts?

Not the PP - but from what I've seen at our (3) schools - the school doesn't structure events where a "subset of parents" pay to host a school sanctioned event and then put their names on the invitation.

Examples: Families offer to use their home to host an event but the school pays for it. Families offer to host a pot-luck event - where all participating families bring food. Or, the school hosts the event at school. In cases where there are student events (trips) that parents are paying a fee, the school provides support for students receiving aid.

Well your school is different. At our schools it is common for parents to host the entire grade of parents and pay for the party. Very common. It is a nice gesture. School could never afford that and potlucks are crappy food and a mess for the hosts to deal with in my experience.

Of course all schools are different and there was no judgement in my examples - it was purely an explanation of how our schools have thought though DEI and choose how to handle financial disparity. (which - obviously is still apparent when you go to the hosts' home - even if the school is footing the bill). And yes, the host obviously is still being generous and has to deal with the mess and ready the house for hosting (whether they pay or the school pays and whether there is a pot luck or not).

We only went to one pot luck (a long honored and beloved tradition at that school pre-COVID) - everything was delicious. They keep it to a small number of families and appropriately manage what people bring so that all parts of the meal are represented. They often spoke of returning to these pot lucks after COVID - but didn't before we moved on.

You may think you have good intentions but this is where intentions meet reality and this kind of attitude of demanding equity where it’s not necessary is going to kill these events. There are other ways you can help your school. Hosting events in your home may not be one of them and that’s perfectly ok. We don’t need everybody to do everything.

I am speaking to this exact example below. Not broader rules. I think you are assuming more.


For example, school needs parents to pay and host an event for all parents in a grade. One parent wants to be listed as a host on the invitation but they express they can not pay what the others are paying. Thoughts on this? I think it is unfair and all should pay equally or just not be listed as a host. Thoughts?

If a parent wants to have a party great.

If parents want to foot the bill for a party for the school great.

But the scenario above was all about how a group of parents were going to hold an event and then one didn't want to pay but still wanted their name on the invitation. This doesn't happen if the school pays for the event. This doesn't happen if the school hosts the event. That's all.

I know many schools operate this way. But if you want to work with a group of parents and one doesn't pay - this isn't a DEI issue. It's an issue of any type of group work (whether that be a school project, a work project etc.) It's life.

What makes it an Equity issue (as PP posted) is if you have tunnel vision and exclude (or judge) people who want to help in hosting a party but don't bring money to the table....but are offering some other helpful skill.

I'm not saying every school needs to impose rules....just giving examples on how the above scenario could be avoided if operating on other guidelines.

I love a nice party at a nice house. I'm not hosting one. I'm not paying for one either. But I also have never had one hosted by a group of families on an invitation. It's always a single family.

I’m not sure that example is even a real example and not a hypothetical. But I’m glad you have a solution to a problem that doesn’t really exist and have tried to make it an equity issue.

Ok - whatever - the PP who typed it is the one who explicitly tied it to equity.

Maybe I should have just told that PP to grow up. If they don't like that one parent wanted to help and be on the invitation and pay less - then they should just move on and not offer to help next time if they don't want to work with just rich people.

The rich people will likely roll their eyes and put the person down as a host because they clearly have a fragile ego. But it’s pretty normal to feel that it’s not right. Most people don’t want their dead beat dad claiming to host their wedding he doesn’t donate a dime to.

Maybe - but if the person offered to help and had skills and time to donate - it seems really immature and entitled to me. Sounds like the person said this up front. Anyway, moving on.

In our experience co hosting this sort of events the only other thing to do is clean up before and clean up after which is paid to housekeepers and caterers so that would be so demeaning to have a parent be the cleaner when all others are not cleaning up because they paid to have someone else do it. PP is cleary not in the same school culture as just doesn't get it which is okay but they should not judge it if they dont understand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DEI director here. If the school says the event is open to all, believe them. If it was for a specific community within the school, they would say so.

I fully support DEI but the equity part I think can be unrealistic at times and maybe not fair as once we all start comparing our advantages and disadvantages it can get messy.

For example, school needs parents to pay and host an event for all parents in a grade. One parent wants to be listed as a host on the invitation but they express they can not pay what the others are paying. Thoughts on this? I think it is unfair and all should pay equally or just not be listed as a host. Thoughts?

Not the PP - but from what I've seen at our (3) schools - the school doesn't structure events where a "subset of parents" pay to host a school sanctioned event and then put their names on the invitation.

Examples: Families offer to use their home to host an event but the school pays for it. Families offer to host a pot-luck event - where all participating families bring food. Or, the school hosts the event at school. In cases where there are student events (trips) that parents are paying a fee, the school provides support for students receiving aid.

Well your school is different. At our schools it is common for parents to host the entire grade of parents and pay for the party. Very common. It is a nice gesture. School could never afford that and potlucks are crappy food and a mess for the hosts to deal with in my experience.

Of course all schools are different and there was no judgement in my examples - it was purely an explanation of how our schools have thought though DEI and choose how to handle financial disparity. (which - obviously is still apparent when you go to the hosts' home - even if the school is footing the bill). And yes, the host obviously is still being generous and has to deal with the mess and ready the house for hosting (whether they pay or the school pays and whether there is a pot luck or not).

We only went to one pot luck (a long honored and beloved tradition at that school pre-COVID) - everything was delicious. They keep it to a small number of families and appropriately manage what people bring so that all parts of the meal are represented. They often spoke of returning to these pot lucks after COVID - but didn't before we moved on.

You may think you have good intentions but this is where intentions meet reality and this kind of attitude of demanding equity where it’s not necessary is going to kill these events. There are other ways you can help your school. Hosting events in your home may not be one of them and that’s perfectly ok. We don’t need everybody to do everything.

I am speaking to this exact example below. Not broader rules. I think you are assuming more.


For example, school needs parents to pay and host an event for all parents in a grade. One parent wants to be listed as a host on the invitation but they express they can not pay what the others are paying. Thoughts on this? I think it is unfair and all should pay equally or just not be listed as a host. Thoughts?

If a parent wants to have a party great.

If parents want to foot the bill for a party for the school great.

But the scenario above was all about how a group of parents were going to hold an event and then one didn't want to pay but still wanted their name on the invitation. This doesn't happen if the school pays for the event. This doesn't happen if the school hosts the event. That's all.

I know many schools operate this way. But if you want to work with a group of parents and one doesn't pay - this isn't a DEI issue. It's an issue of any type of group work (whether that be a school project, a work project etc.) It's life.

What makes it an Equity issue (as PP posted) is if you have tunnel vision and exclude (or judge) people who want to help in hosting a party but don't bring money to the table....but are offering some other helpful skill.

I'm not saying every school needs to impose rules....just giving examples on how the above scenario could be avoided if operating on other guidelines.

I love a nice party at a nice house. I'm not hosting one. I'm not paying for one either. But I also have never had one hosted by a group of families on an invitation. It's always a single family.

I’m not sure that example is even a real example and not a hypothetical. But I’m glad you have a solution to a problem that doesn’t really exist and have tried to make it an equity issue.

Ok - whatever - the PP who typed it is the one who explicitly tied it to equity.

Maybe I should have just told that PP to grow up. If they don't like that one parent wanted to help and be on the invitation and pay less - then they should just move on and not offer to help next time if they don't want to work with just rich people.

The rich people will likely roll their eyes and put the person down as a host because they clearly have a fragile ego. But it’s pretty normal to feel that it’s not right. Most people don’t want their dead beat dad claiming to host their wedding he doesn’t donate a dime to.

Maybe - but if the person offered to help and had skills and time to donate - it seems really immature and entitled to me. Sounds like the person said this up front. Anyway, moving on.

As predicted, it was a made up hypothetical. Of course it was because nobody would do this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DEI director here. If the school says the event is open to all, believe them. If it was for a specific community within the school, they would say so.

I fully support DEI but the equity part I think can be unrealistic at times and maybe not fair as once we all start comparing our advantages and disadvantages it can get messy.

For example, school needs parents to pay and host an event for all parents in a grade. One parent wants to be listed as a host on the invitation but they express they can not pay what the others are paying. Thoughts on this? I think it is unfair and all should pay equally or just not be listed as a host. Thoughts?

Not the PP - but from what I've seen at our (3) schools - the school doesn't structure events where a "subset of parents" pay to host a school sanctioned event and then put their names on the invitation.

Examples: Families offer to use their home to host an event but the school pays for it. Families offer to host a pot-luck event - where all participating families bring food. Or, the school hosts the event at school. In cases where there are student events (trips) that parents are paying a fee, the school provides support for students receiving aid.

Well your school is different. At our schools it is common for parents to host the entire grade of parents and pay for the party. Very common. It is a nice gesture. School could never afford that and potlucks are crappy food and a mess for the hosts to deal with in my experience.

Of course all schools are different and there was no judgement in my examples - it was purely an explanation of how our schools have thought though DEI and choose how to handle financial disparity. (which - obviously is still apparent when you go to the hosts' home - even if the school is footing the bill). And yes, the host obviously is still being generous and has to deal with the mess and ready the house for hosting (whether they pay or the school pays and whether there is a pot luck or not).

We only went to one pot luck (a long honored and beloved tradition at that school pre-COVID) - everything was delicious. They keep it to a small number of families and appropriately manage what people bring so that all parts of the meal are represented. They often spoke of returning to these pot lucks after COVID - but didn't before we moved on.

You may think you have good intentions but this is where intentions meet reality and this kind of attitude of demanding equity where it’s not necessary is going to kill these events. There are other ways you can help your school. Hosting events in your home may not be one of them and that’s perfectly ok. We don’t need everybody to do everything.

I am speaking to this exact example below. Not broader rules. I think you are assuming more.


For example, school needs parents to pay and host an event for all parents in a grade. One parent wants to be listed as a host on the invitation but they express they can not pay what the others are paying. Thoughts on this? I think it is unfair and all should pay equally or just not be listed as a host. Thoughts?

If a parent wants to have a party great.

If parents want to foot the bill for a party for the school great.

But the scenario above was all about how a group of parents were going to hold an event and then one didn't want to pay but still wanted their name on the invitation. This doesn't happen if the school pays for the event. This doesn't happen if the school hosts the event. That's all.

I know many schools operate this way. But if you want to work with a group of parents and one doesn't pay - this isn't a DEI issue. It's an issue of any type of group work (whether that be a school project, a work project etc.) It's life.

What makes it an Equity issue (as PP posted) is if you have tunnel vision and exclude (or judge) people who want to help in hosting a party but don't bring money to the table....but are offering some other helpful skill.

I'm not saying every school needs to impose rules....just giving examples on how the above scenario could be avoided if operating on other guidelines.

I love a nice party at a nice house. I'm not hosting one. I'm not paying for one either. But I also have never had one hosted by a group of families on an invitation. It's always a single family.

I’m not sure that example is even a real example and not a hypothetical. But I’m glad you have a solution to a problem that doesn’t really exist and have tried to make it an equity issue.

Ok - whatever - the PP who typed it is the one who explicitly tied it to equity.

Maybe I should have just told that PP to grow up. If they don't like that one parent wanted to help and be on the invitation and pay less - then they should just move on and not offer to help next time if they don't want to work with just rich people.

The rich people will likely roll their eyes and put the person down as a host because they clearly have a fragile ego. But it’s pretty normal to feel that it’s not right. Most people don’t want their dead beat dad claiming to host their wedding he doesn’t donate a dime to.

Maybe - but if the person offered to help and had skills and time to donate - it seems really immature and entitled to me. Sounds like the person said this up front. Anyway, moving on.

As predicted, it was a made up hypothetical. Of course it was because nobody would do this.

No not really. They actually did ask if they or someone else could do this for a future event so it is not made up. It was asked as a suggestion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DEI director here. If the school says the event is open to all, believe them. If it was for a specific community within the school, they would say so.

I fully support DEI but the equity part I think can be unrealistic at times and maybe not fair as once we all start comparing our advantages and disadvantages it can get messy.

For example, school needs parents to pay and host an event for all parents in a grade. One parent wants to be listed as a host on the invitation but they express they can not pay what the others are paying. Thoughts on this? I think it is unfair and all should pay equally or just not be listed as a host. Thoughts?

Not the PP - but from what I've seen at our (3) schools - the school doesn't structure events where a "subset of parents" pay to host a school sanctioned event and then put their names on the invitation.

Examples: Families offer to use their home to host an event but the school pays for it. Families offer to host a pot-luck event - where all participating families bring food. Or, the school hosts the event at school. In cases where there are student events (trips) that parents are paying a fee, the school provides support for students receiving aid.

Well your school is different. At our schools it is common for parents to host the entire grade of parents and pay for the party. Very common. It is a nice gesture. School could never afford that and potlucks are crappy food and a mess for the hosts to deal with in my experience.

Of course all schools are different and there was no judgement in my examples - it was purely an explanation of how our schools have thought though DEI and choose how to handle financial disparity. (which - obviously is still apparent when you go to the hosts' home - even if the school is footing the bill). And yes, the host obviously is still being generous and has to deal with the mess and ready the house for hosting (whether they pay or the school pays and whether there is a pot luck or not).

We only went to one pot luck (a long honored and beloved tradition at that school pre-COVID) - everything was delicious. They keep it to a small number of families and appropriately manage what people bring so that all parts of the meal are represented. They often spoke of returning to these pot lucks after COVID - but didn't before we moved on.

You may think you have good intentions but this is where intentions meet reality and this kind of attitude of demanding equity where it’s not necessary is going to kill these events. There are other ways you can help your school. Hosting events in your home may not be one of them and that’s perfectly ok. We don’t need everybody to do everything.

I am speaking to this exact example below. Not broader rules. I think you are assuming more.


For example, school needs parents to pay and host an event for all parents in a grade. One parent wants to be listed as a host on the invitation but they express they can not pay what the others are paying. Thoughts on this? I think it is unfair and all should pay equally or just not be listed as a host. Thoughts?

If a parent wants to have a party great.

If parents want to foot the bill for a party for the school great.

But the scenario above was all about how a group of parents were going to hold an event and then one didn't want to pay but still wanted their name on the invitation. This doesn't happen if the school pays for the event. This doesn't happen if the school hosts the event. That's all.

I know many schools operate this way. But if you want to work with a group of parents and one doesn't pay - this isn't a DEI issue. It's an issue of any type of group work (whether that be a school project, a work project etc.) It's life.

What makes it an Equity issue (as PP posted) is if you have tunnel vision and exclude (or judge) people who want to help in hosting a party but don't bring money to the table....but are offering some other helpful skill.

I'm not saying every school needs to impose rules....just giving examples on how the above scenario could be avoided if operating on other guidelines.

I love a nice party at a nice house. I'm not hosting one. I'm not paying for one either. But I also have never had one hosted by a group of families on an invitation. It's always a single family.

I’m not sure that example is even a real example and not a hypothetical. But I’m glad you have a solution to a problem that doesn’t really exist and have tried to make it an equity issue.

Ok - whatever - the PP who typed it is the one who explicitly tied it to equity.

Maybe I should have just told that PP to grow up. If they don't like that one parent wanted to help and be on the invitation and pay less - then they should just move on and not offer to help next time if they don't want to work with just rich people.

The rich people will likely roll their eyes and put the person down as a host because they clearly have a fragile ego. But it’s pretty normal to feel that it’s not right. Most people don’t want their dead beat dad claiming to host their wedding he doesn’t donate a dime to.

Maybe - but if the person offered to help and had skills and time to donate - it seems really immature and entitled to me. Sounds like the person said this up front. Anyway, moving on.

As predicted, it was a made up hypothetical. Of course it was because nobody would do this.

No not really. They actually did ask if they or someone else could do this for a future event so it is not made up. It was asked as a suggestion.

Ok but nobody insisted they be a host when they don’t do what’s required. Asking about it is not the same as getting into a disagreement about who actually hosts and having the school get involved. And nobody needs skills and time to pull off an event like this. It just takes money. Hire the caterers, bartender, house cleaner, done. What time or skills are even needed from someone? What would they do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DEI director here. If the school says the event is open to all, believe them. If it was for a specific community within the school, they would say so.

I fully support DEI but the equity part I think can be unrealistic at times and maybe not fair as once we all start comparing our advantages and disadvantages it can get messy.

For example, school needs parents to pay and host an event for all parents in a grade. One parent wants to be listed as a host on the invitation but they express they can not pay what the others are paying. Thoughts on this? I think it is unfair and all should pay equally or just not be listed as a host. Thoughts?

Not the PP - but from what I've seen at our (3) schools - the school doesn't structure events where a "subset of parents" pay to host a school sanctioned event and then put their names on the invitation.

Examples: Families offer to use their home to host an event but the school pays for it. Families offer to host a pot-luck event - where all participating families bring food. Or, the school hosts the event at school. In cases where there are student events (trips) that parents are paying a fee, the school provides support for students receiving aid.

Well your school is different. At our schools it is common for parents to host the entire grade of parents and pay for the party. Very common. It is a nice gesture. School could never afford that and potlucks are crappy food and a mess for the hosts to deal with in my experience.

Of course all schools are different and there was no judgement in my examples - it was purely an explanation of how our schools have thought though DEI and choose how to handle financial disparity. (which - obviously is still apparent when you go to the hosts' home - even if the school is footing the bill). And yes, the host obviously is still being generous and has to deal with the mess and ready the house for hosting (whether they pay or the school pays and whether there is a pot luck or not).

We only went to one pot luck (a long honored and beloved tradition at that school pre-COVID) - everything was delicious. They keep it to a small number of families and appropriately manage what people bring so that all parts of the meal are represented. They often spoke of returning to these pot lucks after COVID - but didn't before we moved on.

You may think you have good intentions but this is where intentions meet reality and this kind of attitude of demanding equity where it’s not necessary is going to kill these events. There are other ways you can help your school. Hosting events in your home may not be one of them and that’s perfectly ok. We don’t need everybody to do everything.

I am speaking to this exact example below. Not broader rules. I think you are assuming more.


For example, school needs parents to pay and host an event for all parents in a grade. One parent wants to be listed as a host on the invitation but they express they can not pay what the others are paying. Thoughts on this? I think it is unfair and all should pay equally or just not be listed as a host. Thoughts?

If a parent wants to have a party great.

If parents want to foot the bill for a party for the school great.

But the scenario above was all about how a group of parents were going to hold an event and then one didn't want to pay but still wanted their name on the invitation. This doesn't happen if the school pays for the event. This doesn't happen if the school hosts the event. That's all.

I know many schools operate this way. But if you want to work with a group of parents and one doesn't pay - this isn't a DEI issue. It's an issue of any type of group work (whether that be a school project, a work project etc.) It's life.

What makes it an Equity issue (as PP posted) is if you have tunnel vision and exclude (or judge) people who want to help in hosting a party but don't bring money to the table....but are offering some other helpful skill.

I'm not saying every school needs to impose rules....just giving examples on how the above scenario could be avoided if operating on other guidelines.

I love a nice party at a nice house. I'm not hosting one. I'm not paying for one either. But I also have never had one hosted by a group of families on an invitation. It's always a single family.

I’m not sure that example is even a real example and not a hypothetical. But I’m glad you have a solution to a problem that doesn’t really exist and have tried to make it an equity issue.

Ok - whatever - the PP who typed it is the one who explicitly tied it to equity.

Maybe I should have just told that PP to grow up. If they don't like that one parent wanted to help and be on the invitation and pay less - then they should just move on and not offer to help next time if they don't want to work with just rich people.

The rich people will likely roll their eyes and put the person down as a host because they clearly have a fragile ego. But it’s pretty normal to feel that it’s not right. Most people don’t want their dead beat dad claiming to host their wedding he doesn’t donate a dime to.

Maybe - but if the person offered to help and had skills and time to donate - it seems really immature and entitled to me. Sounds like the person said this up front. Anyway, moving on.

In our experience co hosting this sort of events the only other thing to do is clean up before and clean up after which is paid to housekeepers and caterers so that would be so demeaning to have a parent be the cleaner when all others are not cleaning up because they paid to have someone else do it. PP is cleary not in the same school culture as just doesn't get it which is okay but they should not judge it if they dont understand.

I get it (but I didn't read that this was an example and not a reality). And there are 100% other jobs to do depending on the party being hosted - making this all about house cleaners points even more to your entitlement. For example, even if you are going to outsource everything to "hired vendors" - this person could be the one to take your list of preferred vendors and make all the calls and arrangements. Or, if you don't have a particular vendor, could make the calls and send out info to others with details for the group to choose from.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DEI director here. If the school says the event is open to all, believe them. If it was for a specific community within the school, they would say so.

I fully support DEI but the equity part I think can be unrealistic at times and maybe not fair as once we all start comparing our advantages and disadvantages it can get messy.

For example, school needs parents to pay and host an event for all parents in a grade. One parent wants to be listed as a host on the invitation but they express they can not pay what the others are paying. Thoughts on this? I think it is unfair and all should pay equally or just not be listed as a host. Thoughts?

Not the PP - but from what I've seen at our (3) schools - the school doesn't structure events where a "subset of parents" pay to host a school sanctioned event and then put their names on the invitation.

Examples: Families offer to use their home to host an event but the school pays for it. Families offer to host a pot-luck event - where all participating families bring food. Or, the school hosts the event at school. In cases where there are student events (trips) that parents are paying a fee, the school provides support for students receiving aid.

Well your school is different. At our schools it is common for parents to host the entire grade of parents and pay for the party. Very common. It is a nice gesture. School could never afford that and potlucks are crappy food and a mess for the hosts to deal with in my experience.

Of course all schools are different and there was no judgement in my examples - it was purely an explanation of how our schools have thought though DEI and choose how to handle financial disparity. (which - obviously is still apparent when you go to the hosts' home - even if the school is footing the bill). And yes, the host obviously is still being generous and has to deal with the mess and ready the house for hosting (whether they pay or the school pays and whether there is a pot luck or not).

We only went to one pot luck (a long honored and beloved tradition at that school pre-COVID) - everything was delicious. They keep it to a small number of families and appropriately manage what people bring so that all parts of the meal are represented. They often spoke of returning to these pot lucks after COVID - but didn't before we moved on.

You may think you have good intentions but this is where intentions meet reality and this kind of attitude of demanding equity where it’s not necessary is going to kill these events. There are other ways you can help your school. Hosting events in your home may not be one of them and that’s perfectly ok. We don’t need everybody to do everything.

I am speaking to this exact example below. Not broader rules. I think you are assuming more.


For example, school needs parents to pay and host an event for all parents in a grade. One parent wants to be listed as a host on the invitation but they express they can not pay what the others are paying. Thoughts on this? I think it is unfair and all should pay equally or just not be listed as a host. Thoughts?

If a parent wants to have a party great.

If parents want to foot the bill for a party for the school great.

But the scenario above was all about how a group of parents were going to hold an event and then one didn't want to pay but still wanted their name on the invitation. This doesn't happen if the school pays for the event. This doesn't happen if the school hosts the event. That's all.

I know many schools operate this way. But if you want to work with a group of parents and one doesn't pay - this isn't a DEI issue. It's an issue of any type of group work (whether that be a school project, a work project etc.) It's life.

What makes it an Equity issue (as PP posted) is if you have tunnel vision and exclude (or judge) people who want to help in hosting a party but don't bring money to the table....but are offering some other helpful skill.

I'm not saying every school needs to impose rules....just giving examples on how the above scenario could be avoided if operating on other guidelines.

I love a nice party at a nice house. I'm not hosting one. I'm not paying for one either. But I also have never had one hosted by a group of families on an invitation. It's always a single family.

I’m not sure that example is even a real example and not a hypothetical. But I’m glad you have a solution to a problem that doesn’t really exist and have tried to make it an equity issue.

Ok - whatever - the PP who typed it is the one who explicitly tied it to equity.

Maybe I should have just told that PP to grow up. If they don't like that one parent wanted to help and be on the invitation and pay less - then they should just move on and not offer to help next time if they don't want to work with just rich people.

The rich people will likely roll their eyes and put the person down as a host because they clearly have a fragile ego. But it’s pretty normal to feel that it’s not right. Most people don’t want their dead beat dad claiming to host their wedding he doesn’t donate a dime to.

Maybe - but if the person offered to help and had skills and time to donate - it seems really immature and entitled to me. Sounds like the person said this up front. Anyway, moving on.

As predicted, it was a made up hypothetical. Of course it was because nobody would do this.

No not really. They actually did ask if they or someone else could do this for a future event so it is not made up. It was asked as a suggestion.

Ok but nobody insisted they be a host when they don’t do what’s required. Asking about it is not the same as getting into a disagreement about who actually hosts and having the school get involved. And nobody needs skills and time to pull off an event like this. It just takes money. Hire the caterers, bartender, house cleaner, done. What time or skills are even needed from someone? What would they do?

Exactly. I agree with you. That is the point. They would not do anything except pay their fair share so the answer is that they can't be a co-host for this event but they can feel free to host their own event with that structure if they are okay with it.