Twins creating separate lives

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just curious what the moral is here…make sure twins attend different colleges? Have different friend groups in HS?

…or you want them to be attached for life?

Moral is that each twin deserves to be an individual and their romantic partner shouldn't feel like third wheel. Having a strong bond with a sibling (twin or not) doesn't mean becoming an extra appendage to them.

You should read One and the Same by Abigail Pogrebin about identical twin relationships. Tiki Barber is an ID twin and in the book he states that his wife and his twin's wife were made aware and agreed that the brothers' relationship was very important, and as important as the marriages, and the wives needed to be on board with that.

https://www.vanityfair.com/culture/2009/10/tiki-ronde-barber-excerpt-200910#:~:text=%E2%80%9CLet%20me%20answer%20it%20this,we're%20still%20one.%E2%80%9D

"All three Barbers I spoke to tiptoe around the question of how the wives handle the twinship. “Let me answer it this way,” says Geraldine. “Do they understand it? I’d say, ‘Not totally.’ Do they respect it? Definitely.”

“When we’re all together, it’s a great foursome,” Ronde says. “But at the end of the day, we all know who’s making the decisions. It will come down to what Tiki and I want to do, because that’s the Relationship. So you figure out the psychodynamics of that … “

Tiki echoes him: “I think our bond is the strongest it’s ever been and the strongest bond that there possibly is. Greater than marriage. I’m closer to Ronde, without a doubt. And that will never change.” I tell each Barber that some twins’ relationships have struck me as a kind of love story and I wonder if they find that’s a fitting analogy. Ronde nods. “We see beyond who we pretend to be. I know who he really is, he knows who I really am, and if you were writing a love story, that’s what it would be. All those romantic ideals—‘conquers all,’ ‘stands the test of time’—yes. That’s certainly the case with us.” Tiki agrees that twinship is “a perfect intimacy.”

“It starts from the zygote splitting and one destined person becoming two,” he continues. “And while we go our separate ways in life and our experiences vary, at the end of the day, we’re still one.”

Not any different than family enmeshment, daughter-in-law is outsider, birth family comes first etc etc.

[Anonymous]

My identical twins went to different colleges. They weren't great friends in HS or college.
After that though, they are very good friends. One has only her twin as a friend. The other has many many friends. It's just how it is.

When the introverted twin was first married the single twin would visit her. The husband got the couch and the twins slept together. They're very close now. But of course, the extroverted twin is all over the place having fun with friends and that would be energy depleting for the introvert.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have b/g twins (or I should say m/f bc they are adults). They are early 20’s - one just graduated college and the other is taking a bit longer. They are best friends. They do get annoyed with each other. One still lives with us and the other lives a few hours away. I love seeing their bond bc both dh and I do not have close relationships with our siblings.

Op, it is so hard for young people to make connections. I think it’s great your kids have each other.

I am a female twin with a twin brother. We lived together in an off campus apartment in college. We commuted to school together often and continued living together until he left for law school one year after college graduation. We had other friends, but we were each other's rock and source of daily entertainment. It's been 20 years since we lived together but we still crack up about dumb crap we uses to do. Just give it time and they will find other social interests as they get out in the work world.

[Anonymous]

People forget that twins are two individuals who are like any other siblings, just with more in common due to more shared experiences. Let them be their own people, don't force them to live a life of conjoined twins. Don't put one twin between other twin and his/her/their spouse.

[Anonymous]

I think this sounds great!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t have twins, but my sister is married to an identical twin. The twins went to the same college; where my sister met her husband. They married right after college. The other brother had a brief marriage, but basically is a third wheel to my sister’s family. He is at their house most weekends or during the week. Sometimes they all vacation together, or the vacation alone. The other brother sometimes joins our side of the family for the holidays. The brothers are a matched set and we all accept that.

Why? Is there some reason a twin gets a pass vs just a sibling…or would the sibling get the same treatment?

You need the difference between identical twins versus any other siblings spelled out for you? Twins spend way more time together and have many, many more shared experiences than other siblings do. They’re often at the same developmental stages at the same time. When they’re young, they attend not just the same school, but they’re in the same grade. Every school event is shared. They’re simultaneously doing the same projects, going on the same field trips, participating in the same performances, eating lunch a few tables apart, playing on the playground at the same recess. They have the same pool of peers to befriend or date. They don’t just compete with other classmates; they’re in head-to-head competition. There’s no natural pecking order because there isn’t an “older” one in any meaningful sense.

Because identical twins have identical DNA, they’re not only the same sex (which means even more overlap in friends), but usually are so similar in appearance that it’s difficult for people to tell them apart. They may both want the same trendy hairstyle. They often have similar physical abilities, and may be drawn to the same athletic pursuits. It’s like being raised with your clone.

Siblings of different ages don’t live with any of their classmates or teammates. They aren’t competing against each other to represent their grade in the spelling bee. They don’t have to share the spotlight every time they reach a milestone. They don’t have perfect overlap of all their childhood memories.

Twins, and especially identical twins, have a very different sibling dynamic than siblings who aren’t the same age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you have adult twins, how separate are their lives? My 27 year olds don't have very separate lives. They went to the same college and we insisted on different roommates for freshman year, but then they lived together the other 3. They got an apartment post grad and recently bought a house together. They both have great jobs in totally different fields (one is a nurse practitioner and one is a CPA) but otherwise mostly just stick to each other. k

Everything is good in moderations, too much of anything can cause issues. Hopefully, one would move out when other gets in a serious relationship.

[Anonymous]

Are there any famous twin duos who are both successful and famous? I'm not asking about entertainment industry artists.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are they happy?

Having lived through several friendships and failed relationships and now in a shitty marriage, I'd take a reliable, fun, joyful sibling relationship any day.

Don't fix what's not broken, OP. Love is a gift in any form.

Nice take.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is such a strange and judgemental thread. There is nothing wrong with this and it's none of your business. They are adults.

OP’s children are none of her business?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Identical twins are a special case. It's hard for those of us who were singletons, or even fraternal twins, to imagine what it's like to have a genetically identical sibling. So be careful with the judgment.

Judging the parenting not the twins. I work with identical twins and once you get past their physical characteristics, they are very different and "not the same person".

They both have said their parents and family always treated them as one. Parents thought it was "cute" to keep them as "twins" always.

Walk, if you gave read so much as a paragraph on how to parent twins…they stress not to do this. Teachers are usually well aware of this as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People forget that twins are two individuals who are like any other siblings, just with more in common due to more shared experiences. Let them be their own people, don't force them to live a life of conjoined twins. Don't put one twin between other twin and his/her/their spouse.

Well identical twins also share genes, which goes way beyond shared experiences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I knew two twin women who shared one job. They lived together, traveled together. You always saw them together (in the workplace). It seemed like they considered themselves one person. It seemed odd, but was how they went through life.

One is dead now, but I am not close enough to inquire about how the survivor is managing.

twin means two. so you say ' a set of twins' or twin women. Not two twin women

Since people talk about being “a twin” (not half a twin ), I think this is debatable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just curious what the moral is here…make sure twins attend different colleges? Have different friend groups in HS?

…or you want them to be attached for life?

I don't think OP is looking for a moral. IYKYK and clearly you are out of your depth here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People forget that twins are two individuals who are like any other siblings, just with more in common due to more shared experiences. Let them be their own people, don't force them to live a life of conjoined twins. Don't put one twin between other twin and his/her/their spouse.

Well identical twins also share genes, which goes way beyond shared experiences.

So? Rest of the fam also shares 99.9% DNA.