Twins creating separate lives

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just curious what the moral is here…make sure twins attend different colleges? Have different friend groups in HS?

…or you want them to be attached for life?

Moral is that each twin deserves to be an individual and their romantic partner shouldn't feel like third wheel. Having a strong bond with a sibling (twin or not) doesn't mean becoming an extra appendage to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you have adult twins, how separate are their lives? My 27 year olds don't have very separate lives. They went to the same college and we insisted on different roommates for freshman year, but then they lived together the other 3. They got an apartment post grad and recently bought a house together. They both have great jobs in totally different fields (one is a nurse practitioner and one is a CPA) but otherwise mostly just stick to each other. k

Its great to have a built in life long best friend in your twin but they must trying few years of living apart in different states for individual growth and romantic relationships.

Well, good luck enforcing that on 27 year old adults.

Whatever Mom or anyone else thinks, these twins are well into adulthood and it would be both inappropriate and ineffective to try and interfere with their bond at this point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you have adult twins, how separate are their lives? My 27 year olds don't have very separate lives. They went to the same college and we insisted on different roommates for freshman year, but then they lived together the other 3. They got an apartment post grad and recently bought a house together. They both have great jobs in totally different fields (one is a nurse practitioner and one is a CPA) but otherwise mostly just stick to each other. k

From your post, it sounds like they are happy, have good education, and good jobs. Just let them be. They will find their way.

I have a friend who is a twin. And in retirement, he bought a piece of land and built a house for himself and another one for his twin brother (my friend is well off). Being an only child, I admire this bond.

[Anonymous]

I’m a twin. I love my twin sister. I’m married with kids. She is single. We work in different fields and live about 45 minutes away from one another. She is an important and valued part of my life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a twin. I love my twin sister. I’m married with kids. She is single. We work in different fields and live about 45 minutes away from one another. She is an important and valued part of my life.

That's more like a healthy relationship, not codependency.

[Anonymous]

I have b/g twins (or I should say m/f bc they are adults). They are early 20’s - one just graduated college and the other is taking a bit longer. They are best friends. They do get annoyed with each other. One still lives with us and the other lives a few hours away. I love seeing their bond bc both dh and I do not have close relationships with our siblings.

Op, it is so hard for young people to make connections. I think it’s great your kids have each other.

[Anonymous]

Having your twin is great but not if it keeps you from getting close to non blood related friends and connecting with your significant other.

[Anonymous]

It's one thing to be close, but I think it's odd they are buying a house together. Don't they want to form their own families?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t have twins, but my sister is married to an identical twin. The twins went to the same college; where my sister met her husband. They married right after college. The other brother had a brief marriage, but basically is a third wheel to my sister’s family. He is at their house most weekends or during the week. Sometimes they all vacation together, or the vacation alone. The other brother sometimes joins our side of the family for the holidays. The brothers are a matched set and we all accept that.

Why? Is there some reason a twin gets a pass vs just a sibling…or would the sibling get the same treatment?

Any siblings can have a super tight bond, but being identical twins is different from most sibling relationships. Even being fraternal twins is different than other sibling relationships.

OP, I understand your wanting a little daylight between them so they can develop independently and not be so tightly bonded that no one else can get close to either of them, but if they’re truly happy with their life and don’t want to change anything, there’s nothing for you to do or say.

[Anonymous]

My DH is a twin. He and his brother have had separate lives since high school.

[Anonymous]

This is such a strange and judgemental thread. There is nothing wrong with this and it's none of your business. They are adults.

[Anonymous]

I think it is what it is. If they are happy, let them be. They aren't still living at home with you, have finished college, have careers, bought a house, etc. To me, if this is concerning to you, you dropped the ball by letting them go to the same college, that's when they might have formed separate lives.

[Anonymous]

From dressing them in similar baby clothes to sending them to same schools, parents make many unintended mistakes. Its more important to be your own person and find your own person then being codependent on your twin.

[Anonymous]

Forcing your twins apart because you "think" it's good for them will only make them closer out of spite. OP is weird for pushing the issue for soooooo goddamn long. At what age will OP accept that they enjoy each other's company? 40? 50? Is she going to write in her will two separate funerals that the twins must attend separately?

[Anonymous]

It seems OP is concerned because they don't have close friends or significant others.