Dating someone with different political views

[Anonymous]

I know a couple on opposite sides of this election and pretty much every election. They've been married over 40 years. They have very little problem with the politics because they just never talk about it. Neither of them. That's the only way it might work.

I'm wondering what you actually thought DCUM would say about this. If you aren't new here as you say then you absolutely knew.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been dating my bf for almost a year and I think I need to throw in the towel. We have different political views. I don't particularly care. At first it was fine. But lately, I think just with the election heating up, he constantly keeps bringing up that he can't believe I'm voting for who I'm voting for, he thinks it's stupid (??? what an insane thing to say? I would NEVER say that to him - well, actually today I finally snapped and said "I think who you're voting for is dumb but I wouldn't say that because it's rude and disrespectful"), a couple weeks ago it was a joke about how women shouldn't vote, before that it was a comment about how if I really respected him I would vote for his preferred candidate because his friends' wives vote for the same person as them. I genuinely don't care that he doesn't agree with me on most things and he claims to feel the same and yet every week it's a lecture from him about how "Women shouldn't be allowed to vote because this is what they do."

I really don't want to be single at nearly 32 because I thought he was the one, but he's not the guy I thought I signed up to date and I'm over it. Thoughts?

He doesn't respect you as an equal. DTMFA

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are debasing yourself, just what Trump wants women to do. Dump him.

Yes, it's all Trump's fault, be sure to vote for the person who called Joe Biden a "racist" during the 2020 debates and then decided it would be very cool to be the racist's V.P. and now says she wants to continue the racist's legacy.

Much better option.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Give it 10 years, most people become more conservative as they age. You’ll be fine.

The crazy thing is, I'm not that liberal! I'm a Democrat, but I would be willing to vote for a Republican if they ran someone normal who didn't refer to me as a childless cat lady! I do agree with my boyfriend on several things politically. He's just mad I won't pull the lever for Trump, which he's about to do for the third time.

I told my republican husband that if he votes for Trump (which he is free to do), I will divorce him (which I am free to do). If he so much as hinted that women should not vote, he is gone. Somebody who disrespects you so much before marriage will not be pretty after marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've been dating my bf for almost a year and I think I need to throw in the towel. We have different political views. I don't particularly care. At first it was fine. But lately, I think just with the election heating up, he constantly keeps bringing up that he can't believe I'm voting for who I'm voting for, he thinks it's stupid (??? what an insane thing to say? I would NEVER say that to him - well, actually today I finally snapped and said "I think who you're voting for is dumb but I wouldn't say that because it's rude and disrespectful"), a couple weeks ago it was a joke about how women shouldn't vote, before that it was a comment about how if I really respected him I would vote for his preferred candidate because his friends' wives vote for the same person as them. I genuinely don't care that he doesn't agree with me on most things and he claims to feel the same and yet every week it's a lecture from him about how "Women shouldn't be allowed to vote because this is what they do."

I really don't want to be single at nearly 32 because I thought he was the one, but he's not the guy I thought I signed up to date and I'm over it. Thoughts?

He doesn't respect you as an equal. DTMFA

Exactly.

Has to be a troll.

[Anonymous]

Your problem is not that we have different political views. Your problem is that your BF has no respect for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know a couple on opposite sides of this election and pretty much every election. They've been married over 40 years. They have very little problem with the politics because they just never talk about it. Neither of them. That's the only way it might work.

I'm wondering what you actually thought DCUM would say about this. If you aren't new here as you say then you absolutely knew.

She didn’t say she was new here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Then you should've left 5-7 weeks ago.

You already know the answer and are seeking validation. I get it. But he is decidedly NOT 'the one.'

No you're totally right. I did want validation.

I guess I'm just anxious about what next. I'm 31. I now do this thing where I do the math in my head like, okay, if I break up with him this month, and I take a couple months off from dating, and then I meet someone by the holidays, I can get engaged in a year which means after a year long engagement...

I'm deeply neurotic about what happens next.

Do you have the time and money for therapy? You are still young and the right therapist might be able to help you approach dating from a more grounded, less neurotic place.

I have the money, not the time. I didn't find it that helpful. The therapist would just be like, "It's not about fixing you, it's about helping you cope." I might try again.

That line sounds so obnoxious to me. If you’re making a bunch of terrible choices that make your life hard, you’re supposed to just cope with the consequences of your self destructive behavior rather than trying to become a better person?

Perhaps you can find someone who is skills-focused and not processing-focused. I can’t believe how much time I wasted just telling therapists about my problems and listening to them tell me that my frustrations were all very valid. It was not bad but not that helpful either. I did DBT based therapy with an amazing therapist for about nine months and it was life altering.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you have different political views by default that means you have different views on human rights, LGBT rights, being pro choice or not, etc.
You are not compatible.

+1 to me this isn't just "politics" but fundamental to someone's values and who they are as a person. Plus he's shown that with his comments beyond his vomiting preference. I am sad there are even people like this in society (who think women shouldn't vote or should just vote like their bf).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Give it 10 years, most people become more conservative as they age. You’ll be fine.

The crazy thing is, I'm not that liberal! I'm a Democrat, but I would be willing to vote for a Republican if they ran someone normal who didn't refer to me as a childless cat lady! I do agree with my boyfriend on several things politically. He's just mad I won't pull the lever for Trump, which he's about to do for the third time.

Good point! Imagine if your BF ends up being as obnoxious and disrespectful to you as this poster is to her husband. I would hate to be trapped in a marriage with someone who demands to dictate how you vote.
I told my republican husband that if he votes for Trump (which he is free to do), I will divorce him (which I am free to do). If he so much as hinted that women should not vote, he is gone. Somebody who disrespects you so much before marriage will not be pretty after marriage.

[Anonymous]

Of course you dump him. Is this who you want to be considering raising a family with?

[Anonymous]

My DH is a republican and I'm a democrat. But we are both intellectually honest and reasonable so it has worked out fine.

But, fwiw, he's voting for Kamala this time. Thinks Trump is a danger to democracy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH is a republican and I'm a democrat. But we are both intellectually honest and reasonable so it has worked out fine.

But, fwiw, he's voting for Kamala this time. Thinks Trump is a danger to democracy.

I don't have a problem with Republicans. I have a problem with people who think women shouldn't vote or make decisions about whether to have babies or think women aren't equals.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH is a republican and I'm a democrat. But we are both intellectually honest and reasonable so it has worked out fine.

But, fwiw, he's voting for Kamala this time. Thinks Trump is a danger to democracy.

I don't have a problem with Republicans. I have a problem with people who think women shouldn't vote or make decisions about whether to have babies or think women aren't equals.

PP.

As would I? As would pretty much any sane person?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Give it 10 years, most people become more conservative as they age. You’ll be fine.

The crazy thing is, I'm not that liberal! I'm a Democrat, but I would be willing to vote for a Republican if they ran someone normal who didn't refer to me as a childless cat lady! I do agree with my boyfriend on several things politically. He's just mad I won't pull the lever for Trump, which he's about to do for the third time.

I told my republican husband that if he votes for Trump (which he is free to do), I will divorce him (which I am free to do). If he so much as hinted that women should not vote, he is gone. Somebody who disrespects you so much before marriage will not be pretty after marriage.

You sound hot.