Dating someone with different political views

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Then you should've left 5-7 weeks ago.

You already know the answer and are seeking validation. I get it. But he is decidedly NOT 'the one.'

No you're totally right. I did want validation.

I guess I'm just anxious about what next. I'm 31. I now do this thing where I do the math in my head like, okay, if I break up with him this month, and I take a couple months off from dating, and then I meet someone by the holidays, I can get engaged in a year which means after a year long engagement...

I'm deeply neurotic about what happens next.

Do you have the time and money for therapy? You are still young and the right therapist might be able to help you approach dating from a more grounded, less neurotic place.

I have the money, not the time. I didn't find it that helpful. The therapist would just be like, "It's not about fixing you, it's about helping you cope." I might try again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Then you should've left 5-7 weeks ago.

You already know the answer and are seeking validation. I get it. But he is decidedly NOT 'the one.'

No you're totally right. I did want validation.

I guess I'm just anxious about what next. I'm 31. I now do this thing where I do the math in my head like, okay, if I break up with him this month, and I take a couple months off from dating, and then I meet someone by the holidays, I can get engaged in a year which means after a year long engagement...

I'm deeply neurotic about what happens next.

Isn’t this the equivalent of the sunk cost fallacy? You keep investing even though the outcome doesn’t seem promising because you’ve already spent x amount of time or money when in the long run you would do better to cut your losses now.

So ask yourself, could I live with x behavior for the next 30 years? If the answer is no, assume he isn’t going to change and that will always be as a source of friction in your relationship, behavior any children you have will see and be influenced by, and will come up in co-parenting if you divorce because that’s who he is. So the sooner you break up, the sooner you have the chance to find the right person for you.

BTW, a few years ago I saw a study on how many marriages are mixed political party and I think it was less than 25%. It was also interesting to see the breakdown by gender and party affiliation and which combinations were rare. IMO when there is difference in race, religion, political views, or economic class there has to be enough in common with everything else so the differences don’t break the relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, OP, if this is actually real, you've been a complete idiot to have stayed this long. Having said that, get some self-respect and dump his ass immediately. Cut him off, no contact, zilch. Move on. It's still early, stop wasting your time and your youth.

OP here and can I just throw in that all of this started like 6-8 weeks ago and has not been the entire 9 months we've been dating? At first he was like, "Oh, women are always liberal unless they're super religious, I've never dated a woman who agreed with me politically, I'm fine with that, blah blah blah" but lately it's like, really unhinged.

Maybe the issue is you weren’t asking enough questions to understand his values.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Give it 10 years, most people become more conservative as they age. You’ll be fine.

The crazy thing is, I'm not that liberal! I'm a Democrat, but I would be willing to vote for a Republican if they ran someone normal who didn't refer to me as a childless cat lady! I do agree with my boyfriend on several things politically. He's just mad I won't pull the lever for Trump, which he's about to do for the third time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been dating my bf for almost a year and I think I need to throw in the towel. We have different political views. I don't particularly care. At first it was fine. But lately, I think just with the election heating up, he constantly keeps bringing up that he can't believe I'm voting for who I'm voting for, he thinks it's stupid (??? what an insane thing to say? I would NEVER say that to him - well, actually today I finally snapped and said "I think who you're voting for is dumb but I wouldn't say that because it's rude and disrespectful"), a couple weeks ago it was a joke about how women shouldn't vote, before that it was a comment about how if I really respected him I would vote for his preferred candidate because his friends' wives vote for the same person as them. I genuinely don't care that he doesn't agree with me on most things and he claims to feel the same and yet every week it's a lecture from him about how "Women shouldn't be allowed to vote because this is what they do."

I really don't want to be single at nearly 32 because I thought he was the one, but he's not the guy I thought I signed up to date and I'm over it. Thoughts?

I think you are dating a misogynist and should thank your lucky stars that you found out now. I get that being single at 32 isn't your ideal place to be, but being miserable and beat down at 42 with a couple of kids with this loser is a far worse place to be.

[Anonymous]

It's one things to have different views on things like progressive taxation, government regulation, tariffs, etc. It's another to be polar opposites on human rights, women's equality, etc.
Trying to morph into a tradwife to get married next year is not necessarily good option.
Say thanks but no thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been dating my bf for almost a year and I think I need to throw in the towel. We have different political views. I don't particularly care. At first it was fine. But lately, I think just with the election heating up, he constantly keeps bringing up that he can't believe I'm voting for who I'm voting for, he thinks it's stupid (??? what an insane thing to say? I would NEVER say that to him - well, actually today I finally snapped and said "I think who you're voting for is dumb but I wouldn't say that because it's rude and disrespectful"), a couple weeks ago it was a joke about how women shouldn't vote, before that it was a comment about how if I really respected him I would vote for his preferred candidate because his friends' wives vote for the same person as them. I genuinely don't care that he doesn't agree with me on most things and he claims to feel the same and yet every week it's a lecture from him about how "Women shouldn't be allowed to vote because this is what they do."

I really don't want to be single at nearly 32 because I thought he was the one, but he's not the guy I thought I signed up to date and I'm over it. Thoughts?

Get the book The Rules, OP. It's sexist and ridiculous but follow it like a Bible and you'll be married soon!

[Anonymous]

You are lying. You knew him. That’s what you signed up for. Deal with it.

[Anonymous]

I would rather be single.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been dating my bf for almost a year and I think I need to throw in the towel. We have different political views. I don't particularly care. At first it was fine. But lately, I think just with the election heating up, he constantly keeps bringing up that he can't believe I'm voting for who I'm voting for, he thinks it's stupid (??? what an insane thing to say? I would NEVER say that to him - well, actually today I finally snapped and said "I think who you're voting for is dumb but I wouldn't say that because it's rude and disrespectful"), a couple weeks ago it was a joke about how women shouldn't vote, before that it was a comment about how if I really respected him I would vote for his preferred candidate because his friends' wives vote for the same person as them. I genuinely don't care that he doesn't agree with me on most things and he claims to feel the same and yet every week it's a lecture from him about how "Women shouldn't be allowed to vote because this is what they do."

I really don't want to be single at nearly 32 because I thought he was the one, but he's not the guy I thought I signed up to date and I'm over it. Thoughts?

Are you trolling? If not, how could you stay with somebody who is disparaging half of the population?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been dating my bf for almost a year and I think I need to throw in the towel. We have different political views. I don't particularly care. At first it was fine. But lately, I think just with the election heating up, he constantly keeps bringing up that he can't believe I'm voting for who I'm voting for, he thinks it's stupid (??? what an insane thing to say? I would NEVER say that to him - well, actually today I finally snapped and said "I think who you're voting for is dumb but I wouldn't say that because it's rude and disrespectful"), a couple weeks ago it was a joke about how women shouldn't vote, before that it was a comment about how if I really respected him I would vote for his preferred candidate because his friends' wives vote for the same person as them. I genuinely don't care that he doesn't agree with me on most things and he claims to feel the same and yet every week it's a lecture from him about how "Women shouldn't be allowed to vote because this is what they do."

I really don't want to be single at nearly 32 because I thought he was the one, but he's not the guy I thought I signed up to date and I'm over it. Thoughts?

If people are going to talk about politics they need to do it this way: [State their opinion] + final statement = "That's just my opinion. It's a free country and you should vote your conscience in whatever way you think is best. We can agree to disagree."

[Anonymous]

You are debasing yourself, just what Trump wants women to do. Dump him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Then you should've left 5-7 weeks ago.

You already know the answer and are seeking validation. I get it. But he is decidedly NOT 'the one.'

No you're totally right. I did want validation.

I guess I'm just anxious about what next. I'm 31. I now do this thing where I do the math in my head like, okay, if I break up with him this month, and I take a couple months off from dating, and then I meet someone by the holidays, I can get engaged in a year which means after a year long engagement...

I'm deeply neurotic about what happens next.

Do it today! Get started on your timeline of meeting someone new. I guarantee if you don't break up now, you will later and will have wasted more time!

[Anonymous]

I know a couple who have different political views. During presidential election, he asked her to vote with him. His reasoning was if they voted opposite, their votes cancelled out each other and what's the point of going to the poll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Give it 10 years, most people become more conservative as they age. You’ll be fine.

Yes, the man gets more conservative... that is why I can't stand my husband's political views now. We decided not to talk about politics, but I am not sure I like it. Will see how it goes.