Dad leaves toddler to die in hot car while he plays games on Play Station

[Anonymous]

I just realized that she’s young to have 3 kids as a doctor. This means she likely had them in residency. Anytime you have kids as a resident you are neglecting them and depending on others to raise them. I say this as a resident mom. She probably felt like there wasn’t much she could do (esp since resident moms get paid too low to hire care and they often lose in custody battles due to their work hours).

[Anonymous]

I would never be be able to live with myself if I caused that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Women can’t win.

My DH has executive function issues and is also not a very capable parent.

We went to therapy and the therapist 100% took his side and they both acted like I was a type A shrew who needed to stop being so controlling and allow DH to suffer “natural consequences” and “figure things out on his own.”

In a situation like that, the options for DW are very limited. Unless you have documentation of abuse or neglect, you’ll be splitting 50/50 custody and the kids will be alone with DH half the time.

Even if you hire a good caregiver, it is still expensive and Nannies are human beings and will never be available 100% of the time. They get sick, their cars break down, things come up for their own children. You cannot outsource everything. I’m sure she was paying off med school loans and working her tail off.

Yeah I have no idea of she's a good mom or not but blaming her for this based on the facts we know is BS.

What we know is that she didn't leave her kids in cars, she told her husband not to leave the kids in cars, her IDIOT husband did it anyway despite her telling him not to, and their baby died.

How you blame that on her I truly don't know. I feel like telling someone even just one time "don't leave kids in hot cars-- it will cook them" ought to be sufficient for even low--functioning selfish morons. If this is something your spouse doesn't get after being told, you should qualify for special benefits to help ensure your spouse is never alone with the kids. Ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely horrifying. What a piece of crap.

I am not ready to induct the mom based on thqt one text that was clearly sent after they'd found her daughter dead. We have no idea what her knowledge was of his behavior. It must be so hard to be a competent person married to a total idiot with regards to parenting because the instinct is to believe there is a floor to their incompetence as there would be for you.

Maybe she is to blame, I don't know. But hard to say without knowing more. I cannot imagine the pain of coming home to discover your baby is dead due to your spouse's selfish stupidity.

I think I largely agree with this. We don’t know what the status of their marriage was. Maybe she considered divorcing her man baby husband but was concerned about the kids being solely with him for half the time because she knew he was neglectful. It seemed he had done stuff like this before and this time he pushed it way too far.

Her knowledge is expressed in texts that are now part of the court record.

The mother knew he did this and the other kids said it happened often.

The mother is a doctor with the means to hire responsible, competent child care, it was her DUTY as a parent to protect her kids. Dad wasn't into caregiving, he was an unemployed gamer. And she knew. She is the one who argued for him to be released. The KIDS were the ones who told the truth to LE, Dad lied repeatedly and then plead not guilty. Who would defend her if she kept on a paid child minder who was repeatedly putting the children's lives at risk? The child deserved a safe home and the mother was also reckless.

Are you reading a source other than the Daily Mail article linked in the OP? That article only mentions 2 texts, one where she she says "I've told you not to do this" and another saying "you killed her" (paraphrasing, I'm in my phone).

The mom might have been reckless, I don't know, but I don't get that from those two tweets. Her saying "I've told you not to do this" may reference times he's done it for 5-10 minutes in less hot weather, and she may have felt based on those conversations he'd never leave a two year old asleep in 109 degree weather for three hours. I would also assume this and I also have a DH who sometimes makes errors in judgment that lead to me explaining stuff I had previously thought was obvious.

Unless more facts come out, this is on this a$$hat dad for being a neglectful, selfish, jerk

Google is a thing. Your working to absolve the mom is silly.

Arizona dad ‘distracted’ by PlayStation while daughter, 2, died in hot car — as mom’s texts reveal alarming pattern: ‘How many times have I told you?’ The children told LE that all of them were left in the car often by loser dad. Mom knew but did not put another arrangement in place despite bieng a doctor and having funds. She failed the child too, as would be the case with any reckless caretaker.

https://nypost.com/2024/07/16/us-news/christopher-scholtes-distracted-by-playstation-while-daughter-2-died-in-hot-car/

The mother's text re: the pattern and her knowledge of it is part of the court record.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Women can’t win.

My DH has executive function issues and is also not a very capable parent.

We went to therapy and the therapist 100% took his side and they both acted like I was a type A shrew who needed to stop being so controlling and allow DH to suffer “natural consequences” and “figure things out on his own.”

In a situation like that, the options for DW are very limited. Unless you have documentation of abuse or neglect, you’ll be splitting 50/50 custody and the kids will be alone with DH half the time.

Even if you hire a good caregiver, it is still expensive and Nannies are human beings and will never be available 100% of the time. They get sick, their cars break down, things come up for their own children. You cannot outsource everything. I’m sure she was paying off med school loans and working her tail off.

Lots of posts in matching outfits on social media, she could have paid a college student babysitter for the summer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would never be be able to live with myself if I caused that.

Same. This dude lied to LE and plead not guilty. Spath spectrum gamer. Bet he also uses during the day, did not even check on the 2 year old ONCE in 3 HOURS as she baked to death. The other kids say he leaves them in the car often and mom's texts show she KNEW. Now that little girl will never grow up and the other kids must be scared. This is why some people do not divorce but stay, but she still had a duty of care and the means to hire a caregiver. If a nanny gamed and used a locked car in triple digits as a "babysitter" NO ONE would defend keeping her as childcare.

I hope they are both locked up and the mom loses her license. She has poor judgement too. It was only a matter of time with 109 heat. Kids could have gone to relatives, camps, had a sitter for summer. I would not want her putting me under and holding my life in her hands, she didn't even value her toddler's life enough to protect HER.

[Anonymous]

I don’t doubt the dad did this before, but kids are not completely reliable narrators either. A lot to a kid could be twice. A long time to a kid is five minutes. We need to let the justice system work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t doubt the dad did this before, but kids are not completely reliable narrators either. A lot to a kid could be twice. A long time to a kid is five minutes. We need to let the justice system work.

If you read the articles, they have camera footage of the dad arriving home and leaving the kid in the car for 3 hours and never coming back. These are established facts.

We also have the texts from the mom admonishing her husband for doing this before.

The husband also admitted to having done this before.

What I don’t understand is how that was ever a viable strategy. An earlier article said they would often leave the kids in the car in the GARAGE with the car running. Like that’s not better than the car being outside? It’s all just so confusing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never be be able to live with myself if I caused that.

Same. This dude lied to LE and plead not guilty. Spath spectrum gamer. Bet he also uses during the day, did not even check on the 2 year old ONCE in 3 HOURS as she baked to death. The other kids say he leaves them in the car often and mom's texts show she KNEW. Now that little girl will never grow up and the other kids must be scared. This is why some people do not divorce but stay, but she still had a duty of care and the means to hire a caregiver. If a nanny gamed and used a locked car in triple digits as a "babysitter" NO ONE would defend keeping her as childcare.

I hope they are both locked up and the mom loses her license. She has poor judgement too. It was only a matter of time with 109 heat. Kids could have gone to relatives, camps, had a sitter for summer. I would not want her putting me under and holding my life in her hands, she didn't even value her toddler's life enough to protect HER.

You really know nothing about their finances. A full time employee for 40 hours a week making minimum wage still comes out to almost $3000 a month out of pocket. Even college students won’t watch 3 little kids for minimum wage so it would likely be more. They have 3 kids, only the mom is working, she surely has student loans, etc. She’s early in her career and probably not making the megabucks yet and even if she is she’s paying down several hundred thousand in loans while supporting a family of 5!!

[Anonymous]

I don’t see how the mom is to blame here. She told him not to leave the kids in the car. Even if she divorced the guy, he’d get the kids 50% of the time (along with child support and probably alimony). She could’ve demanded FT daycare or nanny for the kids but if the dad disagrees….then what? Also she may not exactly work standard hours- he’d end up alone with the kids some of the time no matter what she did. I can’t think of any scenario where he wouldn’t have the kids alone if he wanted to. There isn’t much legal protection for kids in these types of situations, unfortunately.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t see how the mom is to blame here. She told him not to leave the kids in the car. Even if she divorced the guy, he’d get the kids 50% of the time (along with child support and probably alimony). She could’ve demanded FT daycare or nanny for the kids but if the dad disagrees….then what? Also she may not exactly work standard hours- he’d end up alone with the kids some of the time no matter what she did. I can’t think of any scenario where he wouldn’t have the kids alone if he wanted to. There isn’t much legal protection for kids in these types of situations, unfortunately.

She argued for him to be released on bail too. I wouldn't be surprised if she knocked herself up while he's out on bail. I really do think there is something wrong with her as much as him.

[Anonymous]

I usually have a lot of empathy for parents who accidentally do this after reading that one article years ago. I was not one to jump on the parents whose baby died on the lake last week because I got how they maybe didn’t realize her body couldn’t manage the heat. But this is a stay at home dad of 3 kids, who went inside his house in ARIZONA, left the youngest in the car in summer in ARIZONA, and then got distracted by video games. You’re a stay at home dad of kids who are 3,5,9 playing video games for 2-3 hours at a time while your wife works?

It’s just negligence. It isn’t “I was out of my routine and went into work because my brain was in autopilot and thought she was at daycare.” She boiled to death in a car in Arizona in the summer, it’s ungodly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t see how the mom is to blame here. She told him not to leave the kids in the car. Even if she divorced the guy, he’d get the kids 50% of the time (along with child support and probably alimony). She could’ve demanded FT daycare or nanny for the kids but if the dad disagrees….then what? Also she may not exactly work standard hours- he’d end up alone with the kids some of the time no matter what she did. I can’t think of any scenario where he wouldn’t have the kids alone if he wanted to. There isn’t much legal protection for kids in these types of situations, unfortunately.

She argued for him to be released on bail too. I wouldn't be surprised if she knocked herself up while he's out on bail. I really do think there is something wrong with her as much as him.

How does one knock themselves up?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Women can’t win.

My DH has executive function issues and is also not a very capable parent.

We went to therapy and the therapist 100% took his side and they both acted like I was a type A shrew who needed to stop being so controlling and allow DH to suffer “natural consequences” and “figure things out on his own.”

In a situation like that, the options for DW are very limited. Unless you have documentation of abuse or neglect, you’ll be splitting 50/50 custody and the kids will be alone with DH half the time.

Even if you hire a good caregiver, it is still expensive and Nannies are human beings and will never be available 100% of the time. They get sick, their cars break down, things come up for their own children. You cannot outsource everything. I’m sure she was paying off med school loans and working her tail off.

In this thread we have people mostly blaming the mom and one poster trying to shame someone for saying men who kill their kids are bad. It's...interesting.

[Anonymous]

I am so sick of hearing about parents leaving their kids in hot cars!! 😡

Nothing infuriates me more than people who “claim” they forgot their child was in the car, go partying, etc.

Only an idiot would subject a young child to what has to be a long + suffocating demise……

So tragic.