Vent: Invited to 4 child-free weddings this summer

[Anonymous]

Other people’s weddings are expensive too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:we had a child free wedding, and hired babysitters to watch the kids for the duration of the wedding and reception because we knew folks were coming out of their way to come to our wedding and some entire families were coming. i don't think its fair to have a child free wedding without offering a support - especially if folks are traveling - at least with the baby sitter set up families can spend their mornings together, do some sort of pre-date night routine, etc.

personally, looking back, i would have loved to have had the kids there (growing up all the weddings were come one come all -but may be an ethnicity thing - weddings are family events, and we want families to be there) but it was a numbers issue - we just didn't have the funds to pay for all the kids to have a seat at the time and babysitters were our compromise.

Was it really a money issue for you? When I got married, kids’ meals were about $10 while adult meals were about $30. It seems like paying for babysitters would be about the same.

[Anonymous]

My kids are almost all grown now and I haven’t been to a wedding in some time but I would simply say no. If it’s a really important occasion for you (a close family member or best friend) and you can’t leave your child due to distance or nursing, I would ask the bride if the venue has an extra room where a babysitter can stay with your child throughout but you are able to check in. We had this arrangement at a family members wedding and it worked out well. If it ends up not being an option, the couple will at least know you tried to make it work and then you don’t need to feel at all guilty for not going. But for a standard wedding, no is absolutely fine.

We were invited to our nephews wedding last year but my 15 yo was not. If it had been local I would have had no issue but I wasn’t leaving my 15 yo home alone DH went without me. I didn’t feel at all guilty. My sense is couples know some people won’t make it when they elect to have a kid free wedding.

[Anonymous]

You really don’t get it? I have 3 little boys - I don’t want them at a wedding, much less the bride and groom 😂 and no I don’t have family nearby to watch them - I just totally get why someone wants a wedding to be a formal adult affair without a game of tag running through the dance floor

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:we had a child free wedding, and hired babysitters to watch the kids for the duration of the wedding and reception because we knew folks were coming out of their way to come to our wedding and some entire families were coming. i don't think its fair to have a child free wedding without offering a support - especially if folks are traveling - at least with the baby sitter set up families can spend their mornings together, do some sort of pre-date night routine, etc.

personally, looking back, i would have loved to have had the kids there (growing up all the weddings were come one come all -but may be an ethnicity thing - weddings are family events, and we want families to be there) but it was a numbers issue - we just didn't have the funds to pay for all the kids to have a seat at the time and babysitters were our compromise.

Was it really a money issue for you? When I got married, kids’ meals were about $10 while adult meals were about $30. It seems like paying for babysitters would be about the same.

Not PP but I got married in 2018 and our adult meals were about $100 but kids meals only $30, so it wasn’t a big issue. We only had a handful of kids anyway. But I definitely remember some caterers (and friends had the same issue) that didn’t have any separate cheaper kids meals, so kids were a big expense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sympathies. I can beat you! Dh and I are both in a wedding. Our kids are flower girls. And they aren’t invited to the wedding. Our baby isn’t invited at all. It’s insanity trying to figure this out. We basically have a series of babysitters working long hours. And the baby is headed hours away to grandparents. It kills me that they’re invited to the rehearsal but not the rehearsal dinner. Don’t they realize how impossible this is for parents? The reason they aren’t invited to the reception is cost and because everyone has kids, which I get. But our girls are pretty devastated at not getting to go. I sit then down before every meeting and forbid them from mentioning it at all. We aren’t local to the wedding.

I too had a childfree wedding but we also didn’t know any kids. Our flower girl did come.

You could have said no. Why agree and then complain?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sympathies. I can beat you! Dh and I are both in a wedding. Our kids are flower girls. And they aren’t invited to the wedding. Our baby isn’t invited at all. It’s insanity trying to figure this out. We basically have a series of babysitters working long hours. And the baby is headed hours away to grandparents. It kills me that they’re invited to the rehearsal but not the rehearsal dinner. Don’t they realize how impossible this is for parents? The reason they aren’t invited to the reception is cost and because everyone has kids, which I get. But our girls are pretty devastated at not getting to go. I sit then down before every meeting and forbid them from mentioning it at all. We aren’t local to the wedding.

I too had a childfree wedding but we also didn’t know any kids. Our flower girl did come.

This is tacky and insane. They are flower girls but banned from the reception?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:we are not planning a child free wedding but I expect that the parents will look after them and remove them if they are too destructive.

You should adjust your expectations. It's highly unlikely the parents will do that.

[Anonymous]

My favorite way to do this is to split parents. The parent who is related to the couple or knows them best goes, and the parent who doesn’t stays home with the kids. It’s great to have a solo night, it makes travel much easier and cheaper, and a wedding is a great place to go stag. You probably already know people and if not, you can always make friends at a wedding. We do this even if our kids are invited. I don’t want to wrangle my kids at a wedding unless I really have to.

I love getting away to a quick solo wedding, and so does my spouse. Try it!

[Anonymous]

3 kids is a lot,OP. Maybe the third was the tipping point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sympathies. I can beat you! Dh and I are both in a wedding. Our kids are flower girls. And they aren’t invited to the wedding. Our baby isn’t invited at all. It’s insanity trying to figure this out. We basically have a series of babysitters working long hours. And the baby is headed hours away to grandparents. It kills me that they’re invited to the rehearsal but not the rehearsal dinner. Don’t they realize how impossible this is for parents? The reason they aren’t invited to the reception is cost and because everyone has kids, which I get. But our girls are pretty devastated at not getting to go. I sit then down before every meeting and forbid them from mentioning it at all. We aren’t local to the wedding.

I too had a childfree wedding but we also didn’t know any kids. Our flower girl did come.

Okay this is insane. I would say sorry we can’t make the logistics work for having them in the wedding.

I had a mostly child free wedding, but we did invite our nieces/nephews who were in the wedding and explained to friends with kids that it was just family-only kids invited due to venue space (which was true). I can’t imagine asking someone to go through the hassle of having their kids be in a wedding but then also find childcare for the wedding celebrations. That’s incredibly rude of them. You don’t get to pick and choose kids for certain parts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My favorite way to do this is to split parents. The parent who is related to the couple or knows them best goes, and the parent who doesn’t stays home with the kids. It’s great to have a solo night, it makes travel much easier and cheaper, and a wedding is a great place to go stag. You probably already know people and if not, you can always make friends at a wedding. We do this even if our kids are invited. I don’t want to wrangle my kids at a wedding unless I really have to.

I love getting away to a quick solo wedding, and so does my spouse. Try it!

Yes! We are seeing this more and more. It makes so much more sense than airfares for a family of 5, with the kids skipping school for a parent's cousin's wedding the kids barely know.

Also feel free to say no to a wedding. We had to, eventually, at the height of weddings for our cohort. It got to be too much with taking up all our travel budget and leave time, and having to forego other fun longer trips, to dash from a wedding in a random city for the weekend, without even getting travel deals, chaotic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:we are not planning a child free wedding but I expect that the parents will look after them and remove them if they are too destructive.

You should adjust your expectations. It's highly unlikely the parents will do that.

Agreed - parents will be drinking wine thinking larla and larlo are so adorable dressed up on the dance floor while they’re really tripping grandma and putting caked covered hands on expensive clothing (and yes I have kids)

[Anonymous]

Its unbelievably rude not to invite members of the wedding party to the reception.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids are almost all grown now and I haven’t been to a wedding in some time but I would simply say no. If it’s a really important occasion for you (a close family member or best friend) and you can’t leave your child due to distance or nursing, I would ask the bride if the venue has an extra room where a babysitter can stay with your child throughout but you are able to check in. We had this arrangement at a family members wedding and it worked out well. If it ends up not being an option, the couple will at least know you tried to make it work and then you don’t need to feel at all guilty for not going. But for a standard wedding, no is absolutely fine.

We were invited to our nephews wedding last year but my 15 yo was not. If it had been local I would have had no issue but I wasn’t leaving my 15 yo home alone DH went without me. I didn’t feel at all guilty. My sense is couples know some people won’t make it when they elect to have a kid free wedding.

Wouldn't your nephew be your 15-year-old's cousin? That's bizarre not to invite. I can see not inviting little kids. They just sort of drain a lot energy from the room. But why did your nephew not invite his teenage cousin? On a separate note, my niece is getting married next fall (she set the date nearly two years out) and while my kids--her cousins--are invited--will likely not attend. One is a D1 college athlete in the middle of their season and the other will be in the fall of their senior year in college. We are a tight family, my niece's mom--my sister--died a few years ago, so these times for us to be together are important. I just kind of wish, if she had two years to wait, why not just do it over the summer? I know my other sibling's children will also have issues with traveling so far while in school. Boy, weddings are just fraught.