I resent older relatives for not saving enough money

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You say no. You don't have to support them, or you can put very firm limits on the level of support.

This. Lend a sympathetic ear but not a penny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love how we boomers are supposed to refrain from spending our kids’ god-given inheritance but if we run into geriatric financial woes then the kids have a god-given right to push us off the cliff.

Not only that, but they want their inheritance NOW. If I had said that to my Greatest Gen and Silent Gen parents, they would have laughed at me!

Just like we laugh at you for expecting your kids to pay for your geriatric needs. No one has a right to inheritance and boomers don't have a right to depend on their adult children financially.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Set your boundaries and let it go. You can't fix everyone's problems.

It's more complicated if you're married and the older relatives are your in-laws.

Yeah, I know we're MIL's fall-back/retirement plan.

And then when she dies, we'll be responsible for BIL who can't hold a job due to multiple addictions and causing himself brain damage and chronic health problems.

It does bother me, but we do make plenty of money so I wish I could let it go more easily. It's just the anger at what seems to be their self-induced helplessness, and just the entitlement to think someone else will bail you out. I know BIL literally can't do any better than he is doing, and the alternative is him living on the street. But it's definitely a test of patience and love.

I'd let him live on the streets. He made his bed as an adult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Their lifetime high salaries were probably what your kids make out of college, and they worked with a lot less technology to make things easy for them.

Boomer hands typed this post
Millennials earn less adjusted for buying power, and have more expenses, more college debt, more expensive housing, even insurance is more expensive

When I was a kid my car insurance was $700 a month, I'm sure its worse now

Totally agree. Plus, Boomers are not helpful with their grandchildren the way their parents (silent generation) were. Boomers are the "selfish" generation that take from above and below. I think genX are the giving generation that give above and below. Maybe the millennials are striking the balance right with boundaries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Part of it is also that people are living longer than they budgeted for, OP - which is a good thing, but also becomes complicated financially. My husband’s grandparents both lived much longer, healthier lives than they expected, and their kids stepped in to help bridge the difference. Not everyone can do that, but running out of money isn’t always a result of poor planning.

They should have worked longer then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because now on top of all the financial challenges facing my generation, I’m now burdened with spending thousands of dollars to help them out whenever an emergency pops up. I feel so used by stupid, broke, irresponsible older family who have nothing to their name and mountains of debt because of decades of idiotic life choices. And many of them suffer from serious, expensive to treat, yet entirely preventable health issues caused by alcohol, bad diet, and smoking.

I can't wait for your younger relatives to resent you for something! Karma baby

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Their lifetime high salaries were probably what your kids make out of college, and they worked with a lot less technology to make things easy for them.

Boomer hands typed this post
Millennials earn less adjusted for buying power, and have more expenses, more college debt, more expensive housing, even insurance is more expensive

When I was a kid my car insurance was $700 a month, I'm sure its worse now

Totally agree. Plus, Boomers are not helpful with their grandchildren the way their parents (silent generation) were. Boomers are the "selfish" generation that take from above and below. I think genX are the giving generation that give above and below. Maybe the millennials are striking the balance right with boundaries.

I'm eo glad my kids don't need to rely on me to provide them with financial support and vice versa but they will be inheriting millions regardless because they are wonderful people and we love them dearly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Their lifetime high salaries were probably what your kids make out of college, and they worked with a lot less technology to make things easy for them.

Boomer hands typed this post
Millennials earn less adjusted for buying power, and have more expenses, more college debt, more expensive housing, even insurance is more expensive

When I was a kid my car insurance was $700 a month, I'm sure its worse now

Totally agree. Plus, Boomers are not helpful with their grandchildren the way their parents (silent generation) were. Boomers are the "selfish" generation that take from above and below. I think genX are the giving generation that give above and below. Maybe the millennials are striking the balance right with boundaries.

Your Boomer parents, you mean. Not seeing that at all in my wide circle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Around us boomer grandparents are zero help with their grandchildren, they are too busy "living the life", lol.

All around us, boomer grandparents are retiring and can't wait for their first grandchildren so they can baby sit and be there financially for their millennial children. Two friends just bought 2nd homes so they can visit often without imposing.

Not my boomer parents. I had parents who literally said "we raised our children. You raise yours. We don't want to be childcare for you." My parents haven't given us a dime and literally "watched" my kid once and it went badly. They didn't watch her at all and she fell down the stairs at 2 years old. That was 16 years and 3 additional kids ago. They've never watched my kids again because they cannot be trusted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Set your boundaries and let it go. You can't fix everyone's problems.

It's more complicated if you're married and the older relatives are your in-laws.

Yeah, I know we're MIL's fall-back/retirement plan.

And then when she dies, we'll be responsible for BIL who can't hold a job due to multiple addictions and causing himself brain damage and chronic health problems.

It does bother me, but we do make plenty of money so I wish I could let it go more easily. It's just the anger at what seems to be their self-induced helplessness, and just the entitlement to think someone else will bail you out. I know BIL literally can't do any better than he is doing, and the alternative is him living on the street. But it's definitely a test of patience and love.

I'd let him live on the streets. He made his bed as an adult.

And that's why we have so many homeless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Around us boomer grandparents are zero help with their grandchildren, they are too busy "living the life", lol.

All around us, boomer grandparents are retiring and can't wait for their first grandchildren so they can baby sit and be there financially for their millennial children. Two friends just bought 2nd homes so they can visit often without imposing.

Not my boomer parents. I had parents who literally said "we raised our children. You raise yours. We don't want to be childcare for you." My parents haven't given us a dime and literally "watched" my kid once and it went badly. They didn't watch her at all and she fell down the stairs at 2 years old. That was 16 years and 3 additional kids ago. They've never watched my kids again because they cannot be trusted.

I'm sad for you, pp.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Around us boomer grandparents are zero help with their grandchildren, they are too busy "living the life", lol.

All around us, boomer grandparents are retiring and can't wait for their first grandchildren so they can baby sit and be there financially for their millennial children. Two friends just bought 2nd homes so they can visit often without imposing.

My parents brag to their friends about their grandchildren and how helpful they are. The reality is they are not helpful in any way shape or form. When we visit them (3x/yr) they barely pay attention to their grandchildren. They do take TONS of photos to demonstrate to their friends how active they are in their lives, but it's a lie. They don't know their grandchildren very well at all and still feed then things they are allergic to then wonder why they have hives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because now on top of all the financial challenges facing my generation, I’m now burdened with spending thousands of dollars to help them out whenever an emergency pops up. I feel so used by stupid, broke, irresponsible older family who have nothing to their name and mountains of debt because of decades of idiotic life choices. And many of them suffer from serious, expensive to treat, yet entirely preventable health issues caused by alcohol, bad diet, and smoking.

I can't wait for your younger relatives to resent you for something! Karma baby

Karma doesn't exist except for in the minds of fools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Around us boomer grandparents are zero help with their grandchildren, they are too busy "living the life", lol.

All around us, boomer grandparents are retiring and can't wait for their first grandchildren so they can baby sit and be there financially for their millennial children. Two friends just bought 2nd homes so they can visit often without imposing.

Agree. And frankly the same was true of previous generations - some grandparents help out, others don't. My boomer SIL lives with my niece to help take care of her 4 kids. My DC's haven't had kids yet, but DD has already asked us to help once we retire and possibly buy a place near them. I look forward to it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Their lifetime high salaries were probably what your kids make out of college, and they worked with a lot less technology to make things easy for them.

Boomer hands typed this post
Millennials earn less adjusted for buying power, and have more expenses, more college debt, more expensive housing, even insurance is more expensive

When I was a kid my car insurance was $700 a month, I'm sure its worse now

Totally agree. Plus, Boomers are not helpful with their grandchildren the way their parents (silent generation) were. Boomers are the "selfish" generation that take from above and below. I think genX are the giving generation that give above and below. Maybe the millennials are striking the balance right with boundaries.

Your Boomer parents, you mean. Not seeing that at all in my wide circle.

Then you have superficial friendships. My parents go very far out of their way to put a show on for their friends. The reality is quite different. How well do you actually know your friends? My parents are not unique.