I resent older relatives for not saving enough money
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Anonymous
I would sit them down and explain nicely but firmly that my hard work and happy investments shouldn't go where I don't want them to go, and that this is my hill to die on, ie, divorce-worthy. And I would keep a weather eye on all the accounts that have my name on them. |
Anonymous
Man, I could have written this myself. I spent the entire day doing crap for my parent, who squandered her home and 401k. |
Anonymous
| Part of it is also that people are living longer than they budgeted for, OP - which is a good thing, but also becomes complicated financially. My husband’s grandparents both lived much longer, healthier lives than they expected, and their kids stepped in to help bridge the difference. Not everyone can do that, but running out of money isn’t always a result of poor planning. |
Anonymous
She lived in a country that has nominal eldercare laws. However they are rarely enforced and the judge didn't look kindly on her situation. My mother, and her siblings who could afford it, helped her out of a deep sense of filial respect. My grandmother didn't "deserve" it, but this is sometimes what adult kids do for their undeserving parents. My father was OK with it, because he was sending an equivalent amount to his mother (a very kind woman whom we all loved). |
Anonymous
| OP, we don't know if you're a pushover or not. A complainer or not. Why are relatives coming to you? There are social service agencies in place. Why do you think -it's you- that can rescue them? |
Anonymous
You’re assuming they live in the US. I have in laws in other countries that don’t have the services we have |
Anonymous
| sorry, can't worry about everyone everywhere |
Anonymous
This is why DH and I don't want a dime from our parents. No thank you to the drama. Our parents made their choices and we make ours. No demands either direction. |
Anonymous
Wish all adult children were as independent as you, pp. |
Anonymous
Yeah, I know we're MIL's fall-back/retirement plan. And then when she dies, we'll be responsible for BIL who can't hold a job due to multiple addictions and causing himself brain damage and chronic health problems. It does bother me, but we do make plenty of money so I wish I could let it go more easily. It's just the anger at what seems to be their self-induced helplessness, and just the entitlement to think someone else will bail you out. I know BIL literally can't do any better than he is doing, and the alternative is him living on the street. But it's definitely a test of patience and love. |
Anonymous
Well said. We have done the same. |
Anonymous
Spending all their money stupidly is also something members of the Silent Generation did -- I have Boomer and Gen X friends whose parents touted their bootstrappy gumption for years only to reveal in their 80s and 90s they they hadn't done enough planning and saving to support themselves. And these were people whose parents had made it to their 90s, so it's not as though their longevity was a surprise. They just thought they'd somehow earned those cruises and nice cars and time shares, which were their idea of the good life. |
Anonymous
Set the boundary with your spouse. You are not giving your in-laws your own financial stability. Tell them it is a divorcable issue. S/he can get a second job if s/he wants but it will not cut into family time |
Anonymous
Boomer hands typed this post Millennials earn less adjusted for buying power, and have more expenses, more college debt, more expensive housing, even insurance is more expensive When I was a kid my car insurance was $700 a month, I'm sure its worse now |
Anonymous
My greatest gen grandfather in law told DH he would pay off his student loan debt. Whoever executed the will ignored that. My DH's father called him screaming about money after the grandfather died and DH told him to F off. So the money was spent by the irresponsible boomer, who ended up dying of opiate OD, and DH had student loan debt that was only normalized starting with millennials, because boomers are selfish and pull up the ladder after themselves |