I resent older relatives for not saving enough money

[Anonymous]

Because now on top of all the financial challenges facing my generation, I’m now burdened with spending thousands of dollars to help them out whenever an emergency pops up. I feel so used by stupid, broke, irresponsible older family who have nothing to their name and mountains of debt because of decades of idiotic life choices. And many of them suffer from serious, expensive to treat, yet entirely preventable health issues caused by alcohol, bad diet, and smoking.

[Anonymous]

The whiniest generation.

[Anonymous]

Set your boundaries and let it go. You can't fix everyone's problems.

[Anonymous]

You say no. You don't have to support them, or you can put very firm limits on the level of support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Set your boundaries and let it go. You can't fix everyone's problems.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Set your boundaries and let it go. You can't fix everyone's problems.

It's more complicated if you're married and the older relatives are your in-laws.

[Anonymous]

A. Consider that hindsight is 20/20 and that you might end up in a similar situation, because too many people underestimate the effects of inflation and you cannot control all financial factors.

B. Why get angry? My grandmother squandered an immense fortune on leech hangers-on, who persuaded her to sue her adult kids for money. She had no case, but it was still a hassle because it went to court. Her kids helped her anyway - set her up in a small apartment with hired help.

Crazy things, happen, OP. Just decide how much willing to do (because it's not just money, it's research, paperwork and/or travel), and then stick to it. Or they can spend down everything and qualify for Medicare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Set your boundaries and let it go. You can't fix everyone's problems.

It's more complicated if you're married and the older relatives are your in-laws.

If spouses don't agree on how to spend marital assets, then it becomes a different, and much more serious issue. My husband spends a lot on his ailing mother, but she got him out of a war-torn country when he was little, and she's been the glue that holds the family together. It's hard to begrudge her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A. Consider that hindsight is 20/20 and that you might end up in a similar situation, because too many people underestimate the effects of inflation and you cannot control all financial factors.

B. Why get angry? My grandmother squandered an immense fortune on leech hangers-on, who persuaded her to sue her adult kids for money. She had no case, but it was still a hassle because it went to court. Her kids helped her anyway - set her up in a small apartment with hired help.

Crazy things, happen, OP. Just decide how much willing to do (because it's not just money, it's research, paperwork and/or travel), and then stick to it. Or they can spend down everything and qualify for Medicare.

On what basis did your grandmother attempt to sue her adult kids for money?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Set your boundaries and let it go. You can't fix everyone's problems.

It's more complicated if you're married and the older relatives are your in-laws.

If spouses don't agree on how to spend marital assets, then it becomes a different, and much more serious issue. My husband spends a lot on his ailing mother, but she got him out of a war-torn country when he was little, and she's been the glue that holds the family together. It's hard to begrudge her.

That makes sense. But would you feel different if you were OP and the post was about your in-laws and your spouse didn't want to enforce boundaries, but you did?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A. Consider that hindsight is 20/20 and that you might end up in a similar situation, because too many people underestimate the effects of inflation and you cannot control all financial factors.

B. Why get angry? My grandmother squandered an immense fortune on leech hangers-on, who persuaded her to sue her adult kids for money. She had no case, but it was still a hassle because it went to court. Her kids helped her anyway - set her up in a small apartment with hired help.

Crazy things, happen, OP. Just decide how much willing to do (because it's not just money, it's research, paperwork and/or travel), and then stick to it. Or they can spend down everything and qualify for Medicare.

On what basis did your grandmother attempt to sue her adult kids for money?

NP and there are some states that allow an impoverished parent to sue their child for support.

[Anonymous]

I love how we boomers are supposed to refrain from spending our kids’ god-given inheritance but if we run into geriatric financial woes then the kids have a god-given right to push us off the cliff.

[Anonymous]

Their lifetime high salaries were probably what your kids make out of college, and they worked with a lot less technology to make things easy for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A. Consider that hindsight is 20/20 and that you might end up in a similar situation, because too many people underestimate the effects of inflation and you cannot control all financial factors.

B. Why get angry? My grandmother squandered an immense fortune on leech hangers-on, who persuaded her to sue her adult kids for money. She had no case, but it was still a hassle because it went to court. Her kids helped her anyway - set her up in a small apartment with hired help.

Crazy things, happen, OP. Just decide how much willing to do (because it's not just money, it's research, paperwork and/or travel), and then stick to it. Or they can spend down everything and qualify for Medicare.

On what basis did your grandmother attempt to sue her adult kids for money?

NP and there are some states that allow an impoverished parent to sue their child for support.

I know some states have filial responsibility laws, but are they enforced? I think the situations in which they apply are narrow, and most states are reluctant to enforce them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love how we boomers are supposed to refrain from spending our kids’ god-given inheritance but if we run into geriatric financial woes then the kids have a god-given right to push us off the cliff.

Not only that, but they want their inheritance NOW. If I had said that to my Greatest Gen and Silent Gen parents, they would have laughed at me!