Being a working parent sucks

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know that kids are better off or happier not having to go to aftercare or staying until closing. Avoiding that never entered my decision making, which,’along with sharing the drop off and pick up load, led to both of us being able to have the careers we wanted.

???

Shouldn’t you know if your OWN kids are better off or happier avoiding aftercare? I won’t speak for everyone’s children, but mine absolutely HATED aftercare and it stressed them out horribly.

PP to whom You are responding. My kids loved aftercare and camp. Their aftercare took care of all homework so when they got home our evenings weren’t filled with a to do list. They taught my kids to sew and all kinds of other things. Plus my kids got to play with their friends. They had plenty of time to play with each other outside of those hours. They fed my kids a ln early dinner though they’d eat again at home. They also did camp on school days off so I never scrambled for care on teacher work days. And they did a summer camp so when they were little and didn’t like a lot of change, they could just stay in their regular childcare. It was a good gig. Went from age 3 to 13.

Taught to sew and fed dinner? Where is this mythical place?

[Anonymous]

yep. it sucks. i am a working dad of one. my wife works a demanding job but unfortunately she is not compensated well enough for me to work part time or stay home, so I work full time at a job in my profession, but at a job that has flexibility but with no real future for growth. I guess you could say I daddy tracked.

We have to use daycare and will be doing after school care during the school year. I do 90% of the drop off and pick ups and handle any emergencies during the day. I will say that the daycare has been fantastic and has prepared the child well for school, both socially and academically.

I would gladly be a SAHD if I could, but financially the numbers just don't work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I have flexible and interesting jobs and one child. We don't worry about money and each have time to relax. Not surprised studies show women with one child are happier than women with no or multiple children.

+1 and I also have two sets of local grandparents who are lovely. And enough funds to outsource a lot of stuff. I'm pretty happy and would HATE being a sahm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m an “anti-aftercare” poster. And a feminist. One has nothing to do with the other. Women should of course be able to work and have full lives. But infants and toddlers should also not be looked after in chaotic institutional settings by minimum-wage employees for 10 hours per day. It’s just wrong in a civilized, wealthy society. And the more anxious society gets, the more vulnerable our kids are. It’s a vicious cycle. And it all coincides with reduced standards in schools, nutrition, environment, security, etc.

I don’t know the solution but the first step in giving children a better start is for the professional classes to recognize the reality most of humankind knows. Flex hours, a few years of paid leave for both sexes, higher pay for daycare workers…all of this would be a start. But all the feminists who deny basic child development make me so upset. In my circle, most of the biggest aftercare and daycare users actually had sahms or nannies themselves.

They think because I didn’t change my name, vote for dems, married late, am an atheist etc that I agree with them. I don’t want anyone to feel judged because it’s not about them—it’s about what’s right for children.

What was right for my children was being in day care so I could have a job. That you are talking about "the biggest aftercare and daycare users" and tracking how they were raised (???) shows it's very much about judging other mothers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have never met a woman who was in daycare/aftercare as a child also want that for her own kids. The problem is no one talks about what it costs to avoid this until you’ve had a baby.

I actually think is a huge benefit of dcum—keeping it real for young women who stumble upon posts like this.

You should expand your acquaintance circle. I know lots of women (including myself) who went to daycare as kids and then did the same for their own kids. My mom was a doctor, and daycare was a necessity. I grew up in daycare, which is why I know it’s more than fine. In fact, the rare times my mom had to take care of me for the day the experience was worse than daycare/aftercare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know that kids are better off or happier not having to go to aftercare or staying until closing. Avoiding that never entered my decision making, which,’along with sharing the drop off and pick up load, led to both of us being able to have the careers we wanted.

???

Shouldn’t you know if your OWN kids are better off or happier avoiding aftercare? I won’t speak for everyone’s children, but mine absolutely HATED aftercare and it stressed them out horribly.

PP to whom You are responding. My kids loved aftercare and camp. Their aftercare took care of all homework so when they got home our evenings weren’t filled with a to do list. They taught my kids to sew and all kinds of other things. Plus my kids got to play with their friends. They had plenty of time to play with each other outside of those hours. They fed my kids a ln early dinner though they’d eat again at home. They also did camp on school days off so I never scrambled for care on teacher work days. And they did a summer camp so when they were little and didn’t like a lot of change, they could just stay in their regular childcare. It was a good gig. Went from age 3 to 13.

Taught to sew and fed dinner? Where is this mythical place?

+1 where was this??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know that kids are better off or happier not having to go to aftercare or staying until closing. Avoiding that never entered my decision making, which,’along with sharing the drop off and pick up load, led to both of us being able to have the careers we wanted.

???

Shouldn’t you know if your OWN kids are better off or happier avoiding aftercare? I won’t speak for everyone’s children, but mine absolutely HATED aftercare and it stressed them out horribly.

PP to whom You are responding. My kids loved aftercare and camp. Their aftercare took care of all homework so when they got home our evenings weren’t filled with a to do list. They taught my kids to sew and all kinds of other things. Plus my kids got to play with their friends. They had plenty of time to play with each other outside of those hours. They fed my kids a ln early dinner though they’d eat again at home. They also did camp on school days off so I never scrambled for care on teacher work days. And they did a summer camp so when they were little and didn’t like a lot of change, they could just stay in their regular childcare. It was a good gig. Went from age 3 to 13.

Taught to sew and fed dinner? Where is this mythical place?

+1 where was this??

Silver Spring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know that kids are better off or happier not having to go to aftercare or staying until closing. Avoiding that never entered my decision making, which,’along with sharing the drop off and pick up load, led to both of us being able to have the careers we wanted.

???

Shouldn’t you know if your OWN kids are better off or happier avoiding aftercare? I won’t speak for everyone’s children, but mine absolutely HATED aftercare and it stressed them out horribly.

PP to whom You are responding. My kids loved aftercare and camp. Their aftercare took care of all homework so when they got home our evenings weren’t filled with a to do list. They taught my kids to sew and all kinds of other things. Plus my kids got to play with their friends. They had plenty of time to play with each other outside of those hours. They fed my kids a ln early dinner though they’d eat again at home. They also did camp on school days off so I never scrambled for care on teacher work days. And they did a summer camp so when they were little and didn’t like a lot of change, they could just stay in their regular childcare. It was a good gig. Went from age 3 to 13.

I mean… that mostly sounds like a glowing review of how much YOU loved your kids being in aftercare. Aren’t you the poster who basically said that whether or not your kids liked aftercare was never even worthy of consideration in your mind?

[Anonymous]

1. This painful period is a relatively short time.

2. As the wife of the former law firm associate shows us, people are terrible about imagining the counterfactual.

3. For the anti daycare lady, you should probably read up on how Scandavian countries handle toddler care. They don’t see a bogeyman in “institutional” settings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know that kids are better off or happier not having to go to aftercare or staying until closing. Avoiding that never entered my decision making, which,’along with sharing the drop off and pick up load, led to both of us being able to have the careers we wanted.

???

Shouldn’t you know if your OWN kids are better off or happier avoiding aftercare? I won’t speak for everyone’s children, but mine absolutely HATED aftercare and it stressed them out horribly.

PP to whom You are responding. My kids loved aftercare and camp. Their aftercare took care of all homework so when they got home our evenings weren’t filled with a to do list. They taught my kids to sew and all kinds of other things. Plus my kids got to play with their friends. They had plenty of time to play with each other outside of those hours. They fed my kids a ln early dinner though they’d eat again at home. They also did camp on school days off so I never scrambled for care on teacher work days. And they did a summer camp so when they were little and didn’t like a lot of change, they could just stay in their regular childcare. It was a good gig. Went from age 3 to 13.

I mean… that mostly sounds like a glowing review of how much YOU loved your kids being in aftercare. Aren’t you the poster who basically said that whether or not your kids liked aftercare was never even worthy of consideration in your mind?

She said *better* off or *happier*. Those are comparative terms because that what was being argued.

[Anonymous]

How many Scandinavian 3-month olds are in daycare? Many don’t start until 2 because of dual parental leave.

How many teachers in Scandinavian toddler rooms worked at a fast food restaurant as their last job? None, because it’s a real professional path.

I know all about European childcare standards and the scenarios aren’t comparable. My young French relatives literally don’t go to school on Wednesdays. The corporate world adjusts to them. We’re talking about the reality for American children, on the ground—but nice attempt to distract.

Also, the danger is in the dose. Look at total hours over the course of a week, a year or a child’s life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the parent who keeps the flex schedule so kids aren't in SACC till 6 or stuck in camp aftercare which is ALWAYS terrible. But my career is so stymied by being parent friendly. Really wish we had focused on breadwinner SAHM model rather than equality and "do it all" fallacy.

That's all. Off to pick up my kids from camp.

I’m sure I’m following. Your career is stymied so your answer is that you should have pulled out entirely?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How many Scandinavian 3-month olds are in daycare? Many don’t start until 2 because of dual parental leave.

How many teachers in Scandinavian toddler rooms worked at a fast food restaurant as their last job? None, because it’s a real professional path.

I know all about European childcare standards and the scenarios aren’t comparable. My young French relatives literally don’t go to school on Wednesdays. The corporate world adjusts to them. We’re talking about the reality for American children, on the ground—but nice attempt to distract.

Also, the danger is in the dose. Look at total hours over the course of a week, a year or a child’s life.

Danger is in the dose? Post a study.

[Anonymous]

Have you spoken to your spouse about being a SAHM? To do it, you would have to stick to a tight monthly budget, but it could be done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How many Scandinavian 3-month olds are in daycare? Many don’t start until 2 because of dual parental leave.

How many teachers in Scandinavian toddler rooms worked at a fast food restaurant as their last job? None, because it’s a real professional path.

I know all about European childcare standards and the scenarios aren’t comparable. My young French relatives literally don’t go to school on Wednesdays. The corporate world adjusts to them. We’re talking about the reality for American children, on the ground—but nice attempt to distract.

Also, the danger is in the dose. Look at total hours over the course of a week, a year or a child’s life.

If you are so liberal and concerned for children, I’m sure you are lobbying your congressman for maximum number of work hours and longer parental leave.