I am having a hard time understanding the hate!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am often baffled with the degree of personal hate so many posters have for certain schools. There are definitely schools I like less than others, but I don't really dislike any particular school. I'm not sure why I would. Yet, on DCUM, it literally doesn't matter what particular college is at issue, some posters will invariably express their (oddly personal) distaste for that college or perhaps even a whole category of colleges (LACs, women's colleges, public colleges, etc.). What motivates someone to seek out threads so that they can crap on certain colleges? It often seems . . . pathological.

Right? Everyone makes their own choices in life and people have variety of preferences. It'd be boring if everyone liked/wanted exactly the same thing. It's weird.

[Anonymous]

So when people continually ask where the kid is headed to school, I should say “sorry, we aren’t releasing that information.” Seriously, wtf? I don’t volunteer the info unless asked. But apparently it’s bragging if the answer is an Ivy/T10.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So when people continually ask where the kid is headed to school, I should say “sorry, we aren’t releasing that information.” Seriously, wtf? I don’t volunteer the info unless asked. But apparently it’s bragging if the answer is an Ivy/T10.

^ and after asking and getting the info is when the behind the back gossip starts up.

[Anonymous]

insecure parents who project on to their kids.

they want to brag with limited success themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So when people continually ask where the kid is headed to school, I should say “sorry, we aren’t releasing that information.” Seriously, wtf? I don’t volunteer the info unless asked. But apparently it’s bragging if the answer is an Ivy/T10.

If asked - then answer. Don't follow up with where else they got in.

If not asked, don't go name dropping.

[Anonymous]

And, when you answer - don't worry about what anybody else thinks if your kid is legacy or a recruit or has some other hook. Just move on. Answer and ask another question to move the conversation on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So when people continually ask where the kid is headed to school, I should say “sorry, we aren’t releasing that information.” Seriously, wtf? I don’t volunteer the info unless asked. But apparently it’s bragging if the answer is an Ivy/T10.

^ and after asking and getting the info is when the behind the back gossip starts up.

You're giving your kid too much credit. Nobody gives AF where your kid goes to school. I actually tend to see it's the opposite, people laugh at morons willing to pay exorbitant fees for an Ivy/T10.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So when people continually ask where the kid is headed to school, I should say “sorry, we aren’t releasing that information.” Seriously, wtf? I don’t volunteer the info unless asked. But apparently it’s bragging if the answer is an Ivy/T10.

^ and after asking and getting the info is when the behind the back gossip starts up.

You're giving your kid too much credit. Nobody gives AF where your kid goes to school. I actually tend to see it's the opposite, people laugh at morons willing to pay exorbitant fees for an Ivy/T10.

I actually agree with this. We've had so many people comment to us how expensive our DC's college is when they ask and we answer. It's sort of weird and could even be awkward but I just move on and let it go. DC was in lucky position to be able to choose where they went to school and have resources still left over for grad school. They didn't take it lightly - applied to a variety of colleges, including instate flagship and other less expensive schools. They chose the one with strongest program in their field and I think it was a good choice. Again - they were lucky to have that option and we know that. Thanks grandparents!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So when people continually ask where the kid is headed to school, I should say “sorry, we aren’t releasing that information.” Seriously, wtf? I don’t volunteer the info unless asked. But apparently it’s bragging if the answer is an Ivy/T10.

^ and after asking and getting the info is when the behind the back gossip starts up.

You're giving your kid too much credit. Nobody gives AF where your kid goes to school. I actually tend to see it's the opposite, people laugh at morons willing to pay exorbitant fees for an Ivy/T10.

I actually agree with this. We've had so many people comment to us how expensive our DC's college is when they ask and we answer. It's sort of weird and could even be awkward but I just move on and let it go. DC was in lucky position to be able to choose where they went to school and have resources still left over for grad school. They didn't take it lightly - applied to a variety of colleges, including instate flagship and other less expensive schools. They chose the one with strongest program in their field and I think it was a good choice. Again - they were lucky to have that option and we know that. Thanks grandparents!

Some people are just not knowledgeable about the process and cost factors. DD goes to a mid-range LAC that gives everyone merit aid. We heard some comments about the expense of private schools and how they focused on public colleges. Her school costs us the same as VT where our other kid goes. If they have younger kids, I'm happy to get into a conversation about how merit aid works so they'll be better informed the next time around but otherwise I'll likely just say we don't pay the sticker price and move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one cares. No need to explain or navel gaze.

+1

If you let other people's opinions matter so much, you will go thru life and be miserable. Common sense says, "pick the school that is a best fit for your kid. Don't worry about what others think" and move on with life.

I've toured Cornell---my kid hated it and I have to say I wasn't very impressed. Same kid looked at Columbia and said "nope not my style". They also visited RPI (because it's a "great engineering "school). and didn't even want to get out of the car---stated "no way in hell am I spending even 1 year there let alone 4"

So we dropped those schools from our potential lists and moved onto the ones my kid liked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one cares. No need to explain or navel gaze.

+1

If you let other people's opinions matter so much, you will go thru life and be miserable. Common sense says, "pick the school that is a best fit for your kid. Don't worry about what others think" and move on with life.

I've toured Cornell---my kid hated it and I have to say I wasn't very impressed. Same kid looked at Columbia and said "nope not my style". They also visited RPI (because it's a "great engineering "school). and didn't even want to get out of the car---stated "no way in hell am I spending even 1 year there let alone 4"

So we dropped those schools from our potential lists and moved onto the ones my kid liked.

Opinions don't matter yet here is a bunch of mine!

[Anonymous]

The process is stressful. It's competitive, opaque, and filled with unknowns. Meanwhile, the gap between haves and have-nots in America is vast and getting bigger. And we are all watching our children close certain doors forever. People have a lot of anxiety. Anxious people lash out. The more anxious a person is -- and the less in touch they are with that anxiety -- the nastier they become.

Zooming out, many of the ugliest posts on here can actually be read as a sweetly human desperation for reassurance.

This place is like a Franzen novel, really. Sometimes you loathe the characters, but you feel for them, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one cares. No need to explain or navel gaze.

+1

If you let other people's opinions matter so much, you will go thru life and be miserable. Common sense says, "pick the school that is a best fit for your kid. Don't worry about what others think" and move on with life.

I've toured Cornell---my kid hated it and I have to say I wasn't very impressed. Same kid looked at Columbia and said "nope not my style". They also visited RPI (because it's a "great engineering "school). and didn't even want to get out of the car---stated "no way in hell am I spending even 1 year there let alone 4"

So we dropped those schools from our potential lists and moved onto the ones my kid liked.

Opinions don't matter yet here is a bunch of mine!

Opinions are like *ssholes, everyone has one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The process is stressful. It's competitive, opaque, and filled with unknowns. Meanwhile, the gap between haves and have-nots in America is vast and getting bigger. And we are all watching our children close certain doors forever. People have a lot of anxiety. Anxious people lash out. The more anxious a person is -- and the less in touch they are with that anxiety -- the nastier they become.

Zooming out, many of the ugliest posts on here can actually be read as a sweetly human desperation for reassurance.

This place is like a Franzen novel, really. Sometimes you loathe the characters, but you feel for them, too.

PP. Add to the mix dopamine addiction, the veil of anonymity, deliberate trolls, and the culture wars and political polarization that seep into everything these days. And here we are. A whole lot of anxious people, many of whom are terrific at zingers but seem like they could probably use a bit of support handling the hard, murky stuff of being human.

[Anonymous]

Ironically, the parents I find most annoying are the ones who say "where you go to college doesn't matter" and the ones who accuse parents who are looking at Ivys for their kids of being "elitist". When I first joined Paying for College 101 on FB there was a lot of that, almost exclusively coming from parents in the South and Midwest. (I know where they live, bc it would look at the person's FB profile or look them up online.)