He canceled our date

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. Tit-for-tat is the dominant strategy when dealing with women.

2. I had someone cancel a lunch date at the last minute because her son returned unexpectedly from college and she wanted to make lunch for him. I told her I'm never seeing her again (I had taken off work to go meet her for lunch, using valuable leave time).

WTAF?! You canceled on her because she wanted to spend time with her son? Valuable leave time LOLOLOLOL. So glad I'm not in today's dating world.

College kid can wait two hours if mom had a period commitment, no?

I agree with this. I know A LOT of moms who are obsessed with their kids (I am a mom, btw). They don’t date. One of my single pals is gorgeous and like this. So baffling to me.

So who knows, the mr-tit-for-tat-fella could have dodged something he didn’t want.

Incel bs.

It's not obsessive to want to visit with your kid when they come home from college. It's gross that you think you should be more important. You sound like one of those weirdo fundamentalist guys who expects the woman to put you first at all times. Gross. Women should never put a date ahead of their kids. Dads I know do the same.

A good parent knows their kids are the priority. You're weird if you don't get that.

I said I was a mom but whatever. ProI am having irregular sex (long story) but I could be I am incel! I think that means involuntary celibate. So I am going to start calling my self that (LOL) That’s a first time I’ve been labeled that word! I’m going to own it

[Anonymous]

He’s probably talking to someone that is more engaged and interested. He specifically asked you if you’re interested ex said he’s thinking you’re not.

He probably was talking to someone else who jumped at the chance to go see him, that’s how it works.

Long story short, he’s not a priority for you time-wise and he didn’t want to waste time. I get it - I’ve done it before.

[Anonymous]

Would love to date a busy woman like you. But seems that I always attract the needy women who don't want to give me the space I need.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should have let him know your issue and current lifestyle at the beginning, not after you flaked twice and confronted you.

Sounds like he’s not ok with your current lifestyle which is understandable. It’s the end of the road. Next time tell people up front.

So her lifestyle is working and earning money to pay down student loans??

Sounds somewhat responsible. Who is on this board championing otherwise?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. Tit-for-tat is the dominant strategy when dealing with women.

2. I had someone cancel a lunch date at the last minute because her son returned unexpectedly from college and she wanted to make lunch for him. I told her I'm never seeing her again (I had taken off work to go meet her for lunch, using valuable leave time).

If that’s your dominant strategy then she picked up on that - your hatred for women.

If my kid came home unexpectedly from college, I'm visiting with him. If you don't understand that, you aren't worth the time.

I also don't understand why you had to take leave for a lunch. Did she know that? What kind of job do you have?

Yes, she knew my situation.

The longer story: the woman I had just begun seeing was a rural doctor in a small town in Delaware. None of the local men were "at her level" (her words) so she would try to date men in DC and Philly. Our lunch date was going to involve me driving for an hour or more from the Maryland suburbs to the Eastern Shore. She would be driving about 45 minutes. I had made a lunch reservation at a nice Eastern Shore restaurant. This was pre-pandemic so telework was uncommon but I arranged to telework in the morning, planning to leave home at 11am to meet her. I was taking the rest of the day off, because I wouldn't get back from the Eastern Shore until 3-4PM. Just as I was about to leave she texts that her son came home a day early from college and she was going to make him lunch instead of meeting me.

I had planned to never message her again but a day or two later she called me to ask when we were going to meet again, and I told her I was never meeting her again. She was so surprised by my answer. She almost couldn't comprehend it, and I didn't explain further.

But I will explain it to you: early in a relationship you have to be on your best behavior. If you can't keep your word early on you never will later. She knew that I was taking off work to meet her. She wasn't missing work--her clinic was closed that day. I also didn't approve of her parenting. When I turned 18, I was a man and I moved out of my parents home and never moved back. The idea that I would stop by unannounced and demand lunch from my mom or dad? That's something I can't comprehend.

[Anonymous]

I stand by your decision. You may have missed out, who knows? Or, you stood by your gut feeling. It’s your choice. I laughed when someone called you a woman-hater earlier. Seemed like a leap!

I, for one, grew lazy during my marriage. My relationship skills were pretty poor after dating the same man for 20 years. (I married at 26). Not sure if that was the case here with your lady-friend. I am dating someone different from my spouse at the moment… and well, it causes one to reflect on past behavior. Maybe this gal pal was used to doing whatever she wanted (I have no idea). Either way, you showed her a natural, reasonable consequence. Hope you found someone better!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. Tit-for-tat is the dominant strategy when dealing with women.

2. I had someone cancel a lunch date at the last minute because her son returned unexpectedly from college and she wanted to make lunch for him. I told her I'm never seeing her again (I had taken off work to go meet her for lunch, using valuable leave time).

If that’s your dominant strategy then she picked up on that - your hatred for women.

If my kid came home unexpectedly from college, I'm visiting with him. If you don't understand that, you aren't worth the time.

I also don't understand why you had to take leave for a lunch. Did she know that? What kind of job do you have?

Yes, she knew my situation.

The longer story: the woman I had just begun seeing was a rural doctor in a small town in Delaware. None of the local men were "at her level" (her words) so she would try to date men in DC and Philly. Our lunch date was going to involve me driving for an hour or more from the Maryland suburbs to the Eastern Shore. She would be driving about 45 minutes. I had made a lunch reservation at a nice Eastern Shore restaurant. This was pre-pandemic so telework was uncommon but I arranged to telework in the morning, planning to leave home at 11am to meet her. I was taking the rest of the day off, because I wouldn't get back from the Eastern Shore until 3-4PM. Just as I was about to leave she texts that her son came home a day early from college and she was going to make him lunch instead of meeting me.

I had planned to never message her again but a day or two later she called me to ask when we were going to meet again, and I told her I was never meeting her again. She was so surprised by my answer. She almost couldn't comprehend it, and I didn't explain further.

But I will explain it to you: early in a relationship you have to be on your best behavior. If you can't keep your word early on you never will later. She knew that I was taking off work to meet her. She wasn't missing work--her clinic was closed that day. I also didn't approve of her parenting. When I turned 18, I was a man and I moved out of my parents home and never moved back. The idea that I would stop by unannounced and demand lunch from my mom or dad? That's something I can't comprehend.

She’s lucky to be rid of you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. Tit-for-tat is the dominant strategy when dealing with women.

2. I had someone cancel a lunch date at the last minute because her son returned unexpectedly from college and she wanted to make lunch for him. I told her I'm never seeing her again (I had taken off work to go meet her for lunch, using valuable leave time).

If that’s your dominant strategy then she picked up on that - your hatred for women.

If my kid came home unexpectedly from college, I'm visiting with him. If you don't understand that, you aren't worth the time.

I also don't understand why you had to take leave for a lunch. Did she know that? What kind of job do you have?

Yes, she knew my situation.

The longer story: the woman I had just begun seeing was a rural doctor in a small town in Delaware. None of the local men were "at her level" (her words) so she would try to date men in DC and Philly. Our lunch date was going to involve me driving for an hour or more from the Maryland suburbs to the Eastern Shore. She would be driving about 45 minutes. I had made a lunch reservation at a nice Eastern Shore restaurant. This was pre-pandemic so telework was uncommon but I arranged to telework in the morning, planning to leave home at 11am to meet her. I was taking the rest of the day off, because I wouldn't get back from the Eastern Shore until 3-4PM. Just as I was about to leave she texts that her son came home a day early from college and she was going to make him lunch instead of meeting me.

I had planned to never message her again but a day or two later she called me to ask when we were going to meet again, and I told her I was never meeting her again. She was so surprised by my answer. She almost couldn't comprehend it, and I didn't explain further.

But I will explain it to you: early in a relationship you have to be on your best behavior. If you can't keep your word early on you never will later. She knew that I was taking off work to meet her. She wasn't missing work--her clinic was closed that day. I also didn't approve of her parenting. When I turned 18, I was a man and I moved out of my parents home and never moved back. The idea that I would stop by unannounced and demand lunch from my mom or dad? That's something I can't comprehend.

Wow. Red flags all over the place with you. She's well rid of you and I hope she realizes it.

At first I laughed at your whole manly man speech but it's actually very hostile. The level of anger and insults you are throwing out over this is not normal. You are a hot head and every woman would do well to stay away from you. You aren't very smart in that you are trying to convince us that being a "MAN!!!" means you never drop in on your parents or that you can never live with them again. You are weirdly authoritarian and rigid.

I love that you feel the need to vilify the son and her parenting. Did he demand lunch from his mom or did she want to spend time with him? Being a "MAN" has nothing to do with stopping by to see your folks at home and have lunch with them. You are jealous of her son and that is whacko.

She inconvenienced you and was, perhaps, inconsiderate and you are ready to burn her and her non manly kid at the stake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. Tit-for-tat is the dominant strategy when dealing with women.

2. I had someone cancel a lunch date at the last minute because her son returned unexpectedly from college and she wanted to make lunch for him. I told her I'm never seeing her again (I had taken off work to go meet her for lunch, using valuable leave time).

If that’s your dominant strategy then she picked up on that - your hatred for women.

If my kid came home unexpectedly from college, I'm visiting with him. If you don't understand that, you aren't worth the time.

I also don't understand why you had to take leave for a lunch. Did she know that? What kind of job do you have?

Yes, she knew my situation.

The longer story: the woman I had just begun seeing was a rural doctor in a small town in Delaware. None of the local men were "at her level" (her words) so she would try to date men in DC and Philly. Our lunch date was going to involve me driving for an hour or more from the Maryland suburbs to the Eastern Shore. She would be driving about 45 minutes. I had made a lunch reservation at a nice Eastern Shore restaurant. This was pre-pandemic so telework was uncommon but I arranged to telework in the morning, planning to leave home at 11am to meet her. I was taking the rest of the day off, because I wouldn't get back from the Eastern Shore until 3-4PM. Just as I was about to leave she texts that her son came home a day early from college and she was going to make him lunch instead of meeting me.

I had planned to never message her again but a day or two later she called me to ask when we were going to meet again, and I told her I was never meeting her again. She was so surprised by my answer. She almost couldn't comprehend it, and I didn't explain further.

But I will explain it to you: early in a relationship you have to be on your best behavior. If you can't keep your word early on you never will later. She knew that I was taking off work to meet her. She wasn't missing work--her clinic was closed that day. I also didn't approve of her parenting. When I turned 18, I was a man and I moved out of my parents home and never moved back. The idea that I would stop by unannounced and demand lunch from my mom or dad? That's something I can't comprehend.

Wow. Red flags all over the place with you. She's well rid of you and I hope she realizes it.

At first I laughed at your whole manly man speech but it's actually very hostile. The level of anger and insults you are throwing out over this is not normal. You are a hot head and every woman would do well to stay away from you. You aren't very smart in that you are trying to convince us that being a "MAN!!!" means you never drop in on your parents or that you can never live with them again. You are weirdly authoritarian and rigid.

I love that you feel the need to vilify the son and her parenting. Did he demand lunch from his mom or did she want to spend time with him? Being a "MAN" has nothing to do with stopping by to see your folks at home and have lunch with them. You are jealous of her son and that is whacko.

She inconvenienced you and was, perhaps, inconsiderate and you are ready to burn her and her non manly kid at the stake.

I would not message her again either because of the first part. Not because of the reason. That part doesn’t really matter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been seeing a guy for about 2 months now. I’m in healthcare and work extra hours often to help pay down student loans. A co-worker went into early labor and I covered 2 extra shifts. I’ve had to cancel on him twice - once on the second date, on last night. Today he asks if I’m actually interested in him, or if I’m using work as an excuse to not see him. I explained the issue and my current lifestyle, and he said he responded happy and ready for a date, but he texted me at 6 to cancel our date for tomorrow night with no explanation. What is going on here?

I think he couldn’t get over the fact that you twice prioritized work over your relationship. He’s going to find someone who is less of a flake.

Women should prioritize work over a date. Men do it all the time and the world has no problem with it.

Hell yes. Women should prioritize whatever the heck they want over a date. Kids! Work! Hobbies! Pets! A sale on ice cream! I don't care but if it is a priority, it is a priority.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. Tit-for-tat is the dominant strategy when dealing with women.

2. I had someone cancel a lunch date at the last minute because her son returned unexpectedly from college and she wanted to make lunch for him. I told her I'm never seeing her again (I had taken off work to go meet her for lunch, using valuable leave time).

She dodged a bullet.

+1

She’ll have another date by Thursday, he’ll be angry posting on DCUM

[Anonymous]

He wants someone with the more stable schedule because obviously quality time means something to him. You’re not able to give that to him at this time. Move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. Tit-for-tat is the dominant strategy when dealing with women.

2. I had someone cancel a lunch date at the last minute because her son returned unexpectedly from college and she wanted to make lunch for him. I told her I'm never seeing her again (I had taken off work to go meet her for lunch, using valuable leave time).

If that’s your dominant strategy then she picked up on that - your hatred for women.

If my kid came home unexpectedly from college, I'm visiting with him. If you don't understand that, you aren't worth the time.

I also don't understand why you had to take leave for a lunch. Did she know that? What kind of job do you have?

Yes, she knew my situation.

The longer story: the woman I had just begun seeing was a rural doctor in a small town in Delaware. None of the local men were "at her level" (her words) so she would try to date men in DC and Philly. Our lunch date was going to involve me driving for an hour or more from the Maryland suburbs to the Eastern Shore. She would be driving about 45 minutes. I had made a lunch reservation at a nice Eastern Shore restaurant. This was pre-pandemic so telework was uncommon but I arranged to telework in the morning, planning to leave home at 11am to meet her. I was taking the rest of the day off, because I wouldn't get back from the Eastern Shore until 3-4PM. Just as I was about to leave she texts that her son came home a day early from college and she was going to make him lunch instead of meeting me.

I had planned to never message her again but a day or two later she called me to ask when we were going to meet again, and I told her I was never meeting her again. She was so surprised by my answer. She almost couldn't comprehend it, and I didn't explain further.

But I will explain it to you: early in a relationship you have to be on your best behavior. If you can't keep your word early on you never will later. She knew that I was taking off work to meet her. She wasn't missing work--her clinic was closed that day. I also didn't approve of her parenting. When I turned 18, I was a man and I moved out of my parents home and never moved back. The idea that I would stop by unannounced and demand lunch from my mom or dad? That's something I can't comprehend.

Pre-pandemic.

You’re saying a woman cancelled lunch on you 5+ years ago, and you’re writing paragraphs about it on the internet to this very day?

You need therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been seeing a guy for about 2 months now. I’m in healthcare and work extra hours often to help pay down student loans. A co-worker went into early labor and I covered 2 extra shifts. I’ve had to cancel on him twice - once on the second date, on last night. Today he asks if I’m actually interested in him, or if I’m using work as an excuse to not see him. I explained the issue and my current lifestyle, and he said he responded happy and ready for a date, but he texted me at 6 to cancel our date for tomorrow night with no explanation. What is going on here?

You suck. Don't be dating if you're too busy with work to actually go on dates.

[Anonymous]

The biggest factor I consider early on in a relationship is whether the other person prioritizes our relationship. I've met many women who were online dating but not willing to make the time to prioritize dating. Lots were single moms or women pursuing advanced degrees that wanted to date but I felt didn't have the time.

That didn't make them a bad person (quite the opposite) just a bad fit for me at the time. It is weird how so many seem to judge people in these stories as good or bad people when they just have differing priorities.