He canceled our date

[Anonymous]

I’ve been seeing a guy for about 2 months now. I’m in healthcare and work extra hours often to help pay down student loans. A co-worker went into early labor and I covered 2 extra shifts. I’ve had to cancel on him twice - once on the second date, on last night. Today he asks if I’m actually interested in him, or if I’m using work as an excuse to not see him. I explained the issue and my current lifestyle, and he said he responded happy and ready for a date, but he texted me at 6 to cancel our date for tomorrow night with no explanation. What is going on here?

[Anonymous]

You cancel whenever it’s convenient for you but expect him to jump when you say let’s go. Let him go find someone interested.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You cancel whenever it’s convenient for you but expect him to jump when you say let’s go. Let him go find someone interested.

OP here. I canceled twice because of work commitments.

[Anonymous]

He's petty and playing games. Dump him.

[Anonymous]

He’s not the right guy for you. Petty and immature. Move on.

[Anonymous]

Strong tit for tat vibes, but since he gave you an opportunity to explain why you canceled you should at least do the same. If there was no real reason, jump ship. Two months is not enough of an investment to have to work through BS already.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been seeing a guy for about 2 months now. I’m in healthcare and work extra hours often to help pay down student loans. A co-worker went into early labor and I covered 2 extra shifts. I’ve had to cancel on him twice - once on the second date, on last night. Today he asks if I’m actually interested in him, or if I’m using work as an excuse to not see him. I explained the issue and my current lifestyle, and he said he responded happy and ready for a date, but he texted me at 6 to cancel our date for tomorrow night with no explanation. What is going on here?

I think he couldn’t get over the fact that you twice prioritized work over your relationship. He’s going to find someone who is less of a flake.

[Anonymous]

You should not make plans if you think you'll cancel. You can try to schedule something with him again. If you cancel, it's over. If you don't, you need to not cancel moving forward. You should know your schedule ahead of time even if you're working a lot and don't take a shift over spending time with him. As a woman, I would never ever put up with that. Don't expect him to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He’s not the right guy for you. Petty and immature. Move on.

Definitely. As someone said. He's tit for tat and wanted to "punish OP" That's not a good sign.

It's also problematic that he accused O of not liking him after two separate cancellations. I get emotionally manipulative if not emotionally abusive.

SO I would probably let him go.


But, OP I would be very clear when you start dating someone that you do pick up shifts at the last minute which might mean canceling dates at the last minute. I would also consider setting aside a day that you do not pick up a shift. I work in health care and my schedule is set up so that I have a couple of set days every week/month that are mine and I use that to do the things I want to do spend time with friends/family go on dates etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been seeing a guy for about 2 months now. I’m in healthcare and work extra hours often to help pay down student loans. A co-worker went into early labor and I covered 2 extra shifts. I’ve had to cancel on him twice - once on the second date, on last night. Today he asks if I’m actually interested in him, or if I’m using work as an excuse to not see him. I explained the issue and my current lifestyle, and he said he responded happy and ready for a date, but he texted me at 6 to cancel our date for tomorrow night with no explanation. What is going on here?

I think he couldn’t get over the fact that you twice prioritized work over your relationship. He’s going to find someone who is less of a flake.

Prioritizing work doesn’t make her a flake. Sounds like she just has different priorities than he does.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like he’s tired of your games and dumped you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He’s not the right guy for you. Petty and immature. Move on.

Everyone I know is petty at times … and show me someone who is not immature here and there esp. in matters of romance

I love the severe advice. It’s not practical.

You don’t have to slam every door shut

[Anonymous]

Good bye FOREVER!

Your are metaphorically dear to me.

I’m done!

You guys stink at dating. Most guys circle back and get more normal over time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been seeing a guy for about 2 months now. I’m in healthcare and work extra hours often to help pay down student loans. A co-worker went into early labor and I covered 2 extra shifts. I’ve had to cancel on him twice - once on the second date, on last night. Today he asks if I’m actually interested in him, or if I’m using work as an excuse to not see him. I explained the issue and my current lifestyle, and he said he responded happy and ready for a date, but he texted me at 6 to cancel our date for tomorrow night with no explanation. What is going on here?

Maybe ask him?

[Anonymous]

1. Tit-for-tat is the dominant strategy when dealing with women.

2. I had someone cancel a lunch date at the last minute because her son returned unexpectedly from college and she wanted to make lunch for him. I told her I'm never seeing her again (I had taken off work to go meet her for lunch, using valuable leave time).