My SO is upset with me over the silliest/dumbest thing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Update….she called me and we chatted for about 5 minutes and then she asked me again why I didn’t ask text to ask her why I didn’t check in or ask about her day again.

I told her I didn’t know her schedule and that she could’ve texted me too. She said that I could’ve texted her just to wish her to have a good day even if I didn’t know her schedule. I told her she was being ridiculous and told her that she could have a good night instead and then hung up on her. She’s being incredibly ridiculous right now.

You’re a major a$$hole

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Update….she called me and we chatted for about 5 minutes and then she asked me again why I didn’t ask text to ask her why I didn’t check in or ask about her day again.

I told her I didn’t know her schedule and that she could’ve texted me too. She said that I could’ve texted her just to wish her to have a good day even if I didn’t know her schedule. I told her she was being ridiculous and told her that she could have a good night instead and then hung up on her. She’s being incredibly ridiculous right now.

You’re a major a$$hole

+1

[Anonymous]

You didn't even text/call to see if she got home safely? And then you didn't text her all day to see how it went? You should have checked in at some point in the day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are missing the chance to offer a repair. When there's a fracture even a small little fair one like this, if the relationship is valuable to you, offer up the repair!

This. It’s that simple. Rather than defending yourself, say something along the lines of, oh, I’ve been thinking about you all day and didn’t want to bother you so was waiting for you to call, how did it go? It’s nit rocket science.

+1 And take note, in the future, she won't mind being "interrupted". In fact, she wants you to check in.

[Anonymous]

So she looked annoyed and disappointed. Why are you so stressed about that? While you're saying that maybe she overreacted, she may be taking note of what she will be expecting from you in the future. It goes both ways. For all you know, she's taking note and decided yes I can accept this and in the future I won't be disappointed if he doesn't comment on my first day of work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Update….she called me and we chatted for about 5 minutes and then she asked me again why I didn’t ask text to ask her why I didn’t check in or ask about her day again.

I told her I didn’t know her schedule and that she could’ve texted me too. She said that I could’ve texted her just to wish her to have a good day even if I didn’t know her schedule. I told her she was being ridiculous and told her that she could have a good night instead and then hung up on her. She’s being incredibly ridiculous right now.

You’re a major a$$hole

Disagree. He told her to have a good first day and she is acting extra needy.

And he is right not to contact her on her first day at work. It would be incredibly unprofessional to be scrolling through your text responding to messages. How is he supposed to know when her lunch period was or when she had a free moment?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Update….she called me and we chatted for about 5 minutes and then she asked me again why I didn’t ask text to ask her why I didn’t check in or ask about her day again.

I told her I didn’t know her schedule and that she could’ve texted me too. She said that I could’ve texted her just to wish her to have a good day even if I didn’t know her schedule. I told her she was being ridiculous and told her that she could have a good night instead and then hung up on her. She’s being incredibly ridiculous right now.

She is right. All you had to do was say I'm sorry, I didn't realize but next time I'll remember this for next time. It sounds like you don't really care about her at all. This is such an easy thing to fix but instead you turned it into an argument.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not the silliest thing to her. If you want to stay in this relationship, just know next time she has a big first day of school kind of thing that she wants you to check in.

It's really not that hard.

My husband had to learn this, too. I was giving a presentation at a big conference a couple of years ago and he didn't text me that morning to say good luck - or check in later to see how it went. He told me he had no idea I'd want that. Now he knows and when I'm presenting at a conference he just texts me to say good luck.

People have to learn what matters to each other. That's being in a relationship.

All these little expressed needs sound like tests to me. They aren't really needs if when they do not happen, you are one, still functioning, and are in a mental and physical state of mind to he able to give a long speech of why you need the need.

You could look at them as tests. Or just know, this is what your partner likes - makes them feel connected and cared for. They aren't hiding it from you and getting angry you don't read their mind. They are telling you what helps them feel good. It's your choice what you do with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not the silliest thing to her. If you want to stay in this relationship, just know next time she has a big first day of school kind of thing that she wants you to check in.

It's really not that hard.

My husband had to learn this, too. I was giving a presentation at a big conference a couple of years ago and he didn't text me that morning to say good luck - or check in later to see how it went. He told me he had no idea I'd want that. Now he knows and when I'm presenting at a conference he just texts me to say good luck.

People have to learn what matters to each other. That's being in a relationship.

Oooh.. This gets at the issue nicely that I and many men have with women. Why do you need to be texted and told good luck by your husband? I do.many conferences and all kinds of high viz high pressure work and my wife is SAH. I have no expectations for her to text me or wish me luck or ask how it goes. If she does great, nice. If she doesnt then fine too. I dont impose some expectatons of her having to do something every time I've got something going on. I dont call her out over it and expect stuff like this from.her. Over the years Ive ended up with mental lists of all the things my wife expects me to do around her daily journey... or else I fail and then she is put out or we argue that I'm uncaring, yet that never happens in the reverse. Why is his "good luck" and "how did it go" a need to have instead of "nice to have"? How many other nice to have things are on your husband's need to have list or else you are put out and he has failed. My list from my wife has dozens of things. Her list from me has none. We have a great relationship and 25 year marriage but this underlying unspoken book.of control rules has led to.many arguments all on the side due to her expecations on me. And i so often find that dang... i tripped a trip wire. she is giving me the stare and disappointed look and silent treatment tonight because i didnt think to do #22 on the list. (#22 violation is i bought her birthday card at the last minuteon my way home from work an just signed it before i gave it to her which indicates that her birthday isnt really important to me because if it was i would have gotten and written the card days in advance like she does for mine). So my hidden control is be sure to buy cards in advance or at least try to hide the purchase time sufficiently so the card actully shows that I care.

Because I don't give presentations all the time - and it was my first time back at a big conference since before the pandemic. He saw how hard I'd worked to get ready, and an acknolwdgement that this was important to ME would have been appropriate.

I publish articles all the time so I don't need him to be like "great job baby" every time something comes out with my name on it. But before I published articles all the time - yes, something to say "this is special to you so it's special to me!" is good!

A first day of a new job is special! At least it was to OP's partner. Why is it such a chore to make them feel special about it?

Know your spouse, is all! If you don't care that's fine. If someone else does care then try to support that! It's not exactly asking the world to do these little things. And I would bet you have no idea what your wife wants in terms of these things. She's probably so used to you not paying any attention that she's just stopped even thinking of it as possible. Or maybe not! You know your spouse. OP's partner is saying, explicitly, here's what means something to me - do it or don't, then!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not the silliest thing to her. If you want to stay in this relationship, just know next time she has a big first day of school kind of thing that she wants you to check in.

It's really not that hard.

My husband had to learn this, too. I was giving a presentation at a big conference a couple of years ago and he didn't text me that morning to say good luck - or check in later to see how it went. He told me he had no idea I'd want that. Now he knows and when I'm presenting at a conference he just texts me to say good luck.

People have to learn what matters to each other. That's being in a relationship.

Oooh.. This gets at the issue nicely that I and many men have with women. Why do you need to be texted and told good luck by your husband? I do.many conferences and all kinds of high viz high pressure work and my wife is SAH. I have no expectations for her to text me or wish me luck or ask how it goes. If she does great, nice. If she doesnt then fine too. I dont impose some expectatons of her having to do something every time I've got something going on. I dont call her out over it and expect stuff like this from.her. Over the years Ive ended up with mental lists of all the things my wife expects me to do around her daily journey... or else I fail and then she is put out or we argue that I'm uncaring, yet that never happens in the reverse. Why is his "good luck" and "how did it go" a need to have instead of "nice to have"? How many other nice to have things are on your husband's need to have list or else you are put out and he has failed. My list from my wife has dozens of things. Her list from me has none. We have a great relationship and 25 year marriage but this underlying unspoken book.of control rules has led to.many arguments all on the side due to her expecations on me. And i so often find that dang... i tripped a trip wire. she is giving me the stare and disappointed look and silent treatment tonight because i didnt think to do #22 on the list. (#22 violation is i bought her birthday card at the last minuteon my way home from work an just signed it before i gave it to her which indicates that her birthday isnt really important to me because if it was i would have gotten and written the card days in advance like she does for mine). So my hidden control is be sure to buy cards in advance or at least try to hide the purchase time sufficiently so the card actully shows that I care.

Also - and sorry this is a whole other post; your big block of text was hard to parse - but if your wife tells you she wants you to prepare ahead for her birthday card, just freaking do it. What's the big deal?

By contrast, my husband and I don't even give each other gifts for birthdays and anniversaries. But neither of us resents it. If either of us did, we'd change our behavior. That's really the crux. You don't need to know what "women" want - you need to know what your partner wants. Why make them unhappy when you can make them happy with such small things?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Update….she called me and we chatted for about 5 minutes and then she asked me again why I didn’t ask text to ask her why I didn’t check in or ask about her day again.

I told her I didn’t know her schedule and that she could’ve texted me too. She said that I could’ve texted her just to wish her to have a good day even if I didn’t know her schedule. I told her she was being ridiculous and told her that she could have a good night instead and then hung up on her. She’s being incredibly ridiculous right now.

You’re a major a$$hole

Disagree. He told her to have a good first day and she is acting extra needy.

And he is right not to contact her on her first day at work. It would be incredibly unprofessional to be scrolling through your text responding to messages. How is he supposed to know when her lunch period was or when she had a free moment?

Hanging up on your partner for expressing your feelings will always be a major a-hole move.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Update….she called me and we chatted for about 5 minutes and then she asked me again why I didn’t ask text to ask her why I didn’t check in or ask about her day again.

I told her I didn’t know her schedule and that she could’ve texted me too. She said that I could’ve texted her just to wish her to have a good day even if I didn’t know her schedule. I told her she was being ridiculous and told her that she could have a good night instead and then hung up on her. She’s being incredibly ridiculous right now.

You’re a major a$$hole

Disagree. He told her to have a good first day and she is acting extra needy.

And he is right not to contact her on her first day at work. It would be incredibly unprofessional to be scrolling through your text responding to messages. How is he supposed to know when her lunch period was or when she had a free moment?

Hanging up on your partner for expressing your feelings will always be a major a-hole move.

* Hanging up on your partner because they expressed their feelings will always be a major a-hole move.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Update….she called me and we chatted for about 5 minutes and then she asked me again why I didn’t ask text to ask her why I didn’t check in or ask about her day again.

I told her I didn’t know her schedule and that she could’ve texted me too. She said that I could’ve texted her just to wish her to have a good day even if I didn’t know her schedule. I told her she was being ridiculous and told her that she could have a good night instead and then hung up on her. She’s being incredibly ridiculous right now.

Now I know you are a troll. LOL. Nobody is that thick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Update….she called me and we chatted for about 5 minutes and then she asked me again why I didn’t ask text to ask her why I didn’t check in or ask about her day again.

I told her I didn’t know her schedule and that she could’ve texted me too. She said that I could’ve texted her just to wish her to have a good day even if I didn’t know her schedule. I told her she was being ridiculous and told her that she could have a good night instead and then hung up on her. She’s being incredibly ridiculous right now.

Now I know you are a troll. LOL. Nobody is that thick.

Op isn’t thick. He knows exactly what he’s doing. He’s just a jerk.

[Anonymous]

I hope she dumps you