My SO is upset with me over the silliest/dumbest thing

[Anonymous]

How long have you been dating OP? Either you’re still getting to know/learn each other or something is off?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would’ve been nice of you to check in. My friend’s boyfriend sent her flowers the first day of her new job. She was so touched and the thoughtful and unexpected gesture.

We do things for people we care about. If you don’t get it, I feel bad for you.

My ex did this. He was also very insecure and wanted to make it known I was taken. Aside from that, it felt extremely unprofessional and not the first impression I wanted to make.

could have been a private gesture by delivering at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How long have you been dating OP? Either you’re still getting to know/learn each other or something is off?

4 years

[Anonymous]

Did you call or text to wish her a great day or ask her how her second day went?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did you call or text to wish her a great day or ask her how her second day went?

No.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would’ve been nice of you to check in. My friend’s boyfriend sent her flowers the first day of her new job. She was so touched and the thoughtful and unexpected gesture.

We do things for people we care about. If you don’t get it, I feel bad for you.

Where I work new employees are in training for their first two days and aren’t taken to their desk until the very end of the second day. It’s back to back trainings and being taken out to lunch each day. No time for texting and a new employee wouldn’t see flowers being delivered the first day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would’ve been nice of you to check in. My friend’s boyfriend sent her flowers the first day of her new job. She was so touched and the thoughtful and unexpected gesture.

We do things for people we care about. If you don’t get it, I feel bad for you.

Where I work new employees are in training for their first two days and aren’t taken to their desk until the very end of the second day. It’s back to back trainings and being taken out to lunch each day. No time for texting and a new employee wouldn’t see flowers being delivered the first day.

Sending a text just to wish her a great day or check on her is the easiest and simplest thing to do. She doesn’t have to respond. Op could even send her the text before she goes to work but he most certainly can ask how her day was in the evening time but he he chooses not to. He just said he didn’t follow up again today.

He’s the problem.

[Anonymous]

Update….she called me and we chatted for about 5 minutes and then she asked me again why I didn’t ask text to ask her why I didn’t check in or ask about her day again.

I told her I didn’t know her schedule and that she could’ve texted me too. She said that I could’ve texted her just to wish her to have a good day even if I didn’t know her schedule. I told her she was being ridiculous and told her that she could have a good night instead and then hung up on her. She’s being incredibly ridiculous right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Update….she called me and we chatted for about 5 minutes and then she asked me again why I didn’t ask text to ask her why I didn’t check in or ask about her day again.

I told her I didn’t know her schedule and that she could’ve texted me too. She said that I could’ve texted her just to wish her to have a good day even if I didn’t know her schedule. I told her she was being ridiculous and told her that she could have a good night instead and then hung up on her. She’s being incredibly ridiculous right now.

You have got to be a troll.

[Anonymous]

In the event you aren't a troll, she is telling you she needs a small gesture to feel cared about. Instead of being grateful she's telling you what she needs vs making you guess, you're telling her she shouldn't need it.

When my DH and I had been together a few years we'd talk about his day almost every night over dinner. I had to tell him he needed to care about my day too, if he wanted to care about me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In the event you aren't a troll, she is telling you she needs a small gesture to feel cared about. Instead of being grateful she's telling you what she needs vs making you guess, you're telling her she shouldn't need it.

When my DH and I had been together a few years we'd talk about his day almost every night over dinner. I had to tell him he needed to care about my day too, if he wanted to care about me.

A lot of women on here love to talk about much "care" they need as if they are giving instructions to a babysitter for themselves. I need my bottle of milk of love at this time please, and oh, I know when I want it, but I can't tell you because I am a baby, you need to figure it out! I am a women and I don't do this. Am I strange?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not the silliest thing to her. If you want to stay in this relationship, just know next time she has a big first day of school kind of thing that she wants you to check in.

It's really not that hard.

My husband had to learn this, too. I was giving a presentation at a big conference a couple of years ago and he didn't text me that morning to say good luck - or check in later to see how it went. He told me he had no idea I'd want that. Now he knows and when I'm presenting at a conference he just texts me to say good luck.

People have to learn what matters to each other. That's being in a relationship.

All these little expressed needs sound like tests to me. They aren't really needs if when they do not happen, you are one, still functioning, and are in a mental and physical state of mind to he able to give a long speech of why you need the need.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Update….she called me and we chatted for about 5 minutes and then she asked me again why I didn’t ask text to ask her why I didn’t check in or ask about her day again.

I told her I didn’t know her schedule and that she could’ve texted me too. She said that I could’ve texted her just to wish her to have a good day even if I didn’t know her schedule. I told her she was being ridiculous and told her that she could have a good night instead and then hung up on her. She’s being incredibly ridiculous right now.

Wtf…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not the silliest thing to her. If you want to stay in this relationship, just know next time she has a big first day of school kind of thing that she wants you to check in.

It's really not that hard.

My husband had to learn this, too. I was giving a presentation at a big conference a couple of years ago and he didn't text me that morning to say good luck - or check in later to see how it went. He told me he had no idea I'd want that. Now he knows and when I'm presenting at a conference he just texts me to say good luck.

People have to learn what matters to each other. That's being in a relationship.

Oooh.. This gets at the issue nicely that I and many men have with women. Why do you need to be texted and told good luck by your husband? I do.many conferences and all kinds of high viz high pressure work and my wife is SAH. I have no expectations for her to text me or wish me luck or ask how it goes. If she does great, nice. If she doesnt then fine too. I dont impose some expectatons of her having to do something every time I've got something going on. I dont call her out over it and expect stuff like this from.her. Over the years Ive ended up with mental lists of all the things my wife expects me to do around her daily journey... or else I fail and then she is put out or we argue that I'm uncaring, yet that never happens in the reverse. Why is his "good luck" and "how did it go" a need to have instead of "nice to have"? How many other nice to have things are on your husband's need to have list or else you are put out and he has failed. My list from my wife has dozens of things. Her list from me has none. We have a great relationship and 25 year marriage but this underlying unspoken book.of control rules has led to.many arguments all on the side due to her expecations on me. And i so often find that dang... i tripped a trip wire. she is giving me the stare and disappointed look and silent treatment tonight because i didnt think to do #22 on the list. (#22 violation is i bought her birthday card at the last minuteon my way home from work an just signed it before i gave it to her which indicates that her birthday isnt really important to me because if it was i would have gotten and written the card days in advance like she does for mine). So my hidden control is be sure to buy cards in advance or at least try to hide the purchase time sufficiently so the card actully shows that I care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not the silliest thing to her. If you want to stay in this relationship, just know next time she has a big first day of school kind of thing that she wants you to check in.

It's really not that hard.

My husband had to learn this, too. I was giving a presentation at a big conference a couple of years ago and he didn't text me that morning to say good luck - or check in later to see how it went. He told me he had no idea I'd want that. Now he knows and when I'm presenting at a conference he just texts me to say good luck.

People have to learn what matters to each other. That's being in a relationship.

Oooh.. This gets at the issue nicely that I and many men have with women. Why do you need to be texted and told good luck by your husband? I do.many conferences and all kinds of high viz high pressure work and my wife is SAH. I have no expectations for her to text me or wish me luck or ask how it goes. If she does great, nice. If she doesnt then fine too. I dont impose some expectatons of her having to do something every time I've got something going on. I dont call her out over it and expect stuff like this from.her. Over the years Ive ended up with mental lists of all the things my wife expects me to do around her daily journey... or else I fail and then she is put out or we argue that I'm uncaring, yet that never happens in the reverse. Why is his "good luck" and "how did it go" a need to have instead of "nice to have"? How many other nice to have things are on your husband's need to have list or else you are put out and he has failed. My list from my wife has dozens of things. Her list from me has none. We have a great relationship and 25 year marriage but this underlying unspoken book.of control rules has led to.many arguments all on the side due to her expecations on me. And i so often find that dang... i tripped a trip wire. she is giving me the stare and disappointed look and silent treatment tonight because i didnt think to do #22 on the list. (#22 violation is i bought her birthday card at the last minuteon my way home from work an just signed it before i gave it to her which indicates that her birthday isnt really important to me because if it was i would have gotten and written the card days in advance like she does for mine). So my hidden control is be sure to buy cards in advance or at least try to hide the purchase time sufficiently so the card actully shows that I care.

Op got angry and hung up on her because she simply said it would have been nice. This tells you how he treats her and why she’s probably trying to find scraps of affection from him.