Why does my brother and sister in law not talk to my parents or me anymore

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Your brother is being unnecessarily CRUEL.

There could be plenty of legitimate reasons why they'd wish to cut off the family, but it's very cruel to not explain their decision to someone who sincerely doesn't know what went wrong. It's not something a rational, decent, humane person would do.

I hope you can heal and live a happy life without them, OP. I'm sorry.

People like this always say they aren't told the reason. But really, they don't think any reason they are told can justify what's happening.

https://www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/missing-missing-reasons.html

+10000 The people being cut off have spent years not listening, pushing past boundaries, being manipulative and being told no yet pretend they have no idea why the family member cut them off. Their lack of understanding is that they don’t think the other person’s reasons are valid and they feel entitled to behave as they wish.

+2 It's this, along with OP's refusal to use paragraphs. Seriously OP, you gave enough details for us to figure it out. There's much more that you and your parents are aware of despite you pretending that you don't know.

[Anonymous]

A is terrible. It means your mom doesn’t trust your SIL. Of course she’s offended. Also BCDE. Believe your brother. Maybe you can mend your relationship with him by acknowledging that your parents have been jerks.

[Anonymous]

Your parents reneged on the house deal and your mother provided an explanation that was insulting to your SIL. Your brother's statement implies that your mother insulted your SIL before.

When your brother and SIL wrote the check to your parents, they may not have expected your parents to actually cash it. If so, they shouldn't have written the check in the first place.

I think your brother is right and wrong. It's understandable that he's upset about the house and treatment of his wife. I can understand him limiting contact, setting boundaries, and of course never having any future financial entanglements.

What I cannot understand is going permanent no contact with your parents and you, particularly when it comes to his child. I don't know why he doesn't permit an occasional FaceTime with the kid, Christmas cards, whatever. Life is short. So his approach is extreme and one that he might regret when your parents pass. But obviously we don't know his side.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like your parents are drama llamas and your brother and SIL are just tired of it. It's really, really annoying to enter into a million-dollar transaction and then have people just change their mind a few months later.

It sounds like there's way too much money and "gifts" and "loans" and things sloshing around in your family, and that the terms of these transactions are constantly and arbitrarily changeable. Everything has strings attached. And if your brother has a decent income of his own, it may not be worth it to him to put up with the constant drama. And if he suspects your father will want significant financial support in the future and that he will be constantly asked for money and guilt-tripped and reminded of prior "gifts" that really weren't gifts at all, then it makes sense he and his wife just wouldn't want to deal with the stress.

Yes.

My guess is brother and SIL gave back the $67k because father was hassling them for it. If not, then brother and SIL wanted to pay back the money and be done with the drama.

[Anonymous]

USE PARAGRAPH BREAKS