Why does my brother and sister in law not talk to my parents or me anymore

[Anonymous]

I don’t understand what you mean when you say your parents gave them a house. Is there a second house in your story? They gave them a house AND there’s the house with the reverse mortgage?

[Anonymous]

OP, you have some really good answers already that I think apply.

But also, I would guess you play into it all too, perhaps simply by always taking your parents' sides, if they are cutting you out as well.

[Anonymous]

My guess is your parents have done/said things over the years that have insulted your SIL and changing their minds over the mortgage along with the Aunt story insinuation was the final straw. I agree with PP that your parents are likely controlling in some way or don’t have good boundaries.

My MIL loaned us a small sum of money when we bought our home and I was LIVID at my husband for asking for the money and accepting it. I knew MIL would use the loan as a tool for her personality disorder and she did. Your parents may be similar and/or your DIL has never felt comfortable with your brother’s financial enmeshment with your parents.

[Anonymous]

Your brother is being unnecessarily CRUEL.

There could be plenty of legitimate reasons why they'd wish to cut off the family, but it's very cruel to not explain their decision to someone who sincerely doesn't know what went wrong. It's not something a rational, decent, humane person would do.

I hope you can heal and live a happy life without them, OP. I'm sorry.

[Anonymous]

Are your parents immigrants? I come from an immigrant family and this dynamic is so similar to in-laws and their American daughters in law.

[Anonymous]

Doesn’t matter. None of it has anything to do with you but you caught a stray. Happens. But anyway you know why, literally all the reasons you just told us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Your brother is being unnecessarily CRUEL.

There could be plenty of legitimate reasons why they'd wish to cut off the family, but it's very cruel to not explain their decision to someone who sincerely doesn't know what went wrong. It's not something a rational, decent, humane person would do.

I hope you can heal and live a happy life without them, OP. I'm sorry.

People like this always say they aren't told the reason. But really, they don't think any reason they are told can justify what's happening.

https://www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/missing-missing-reasons.html

[Anonymous]

Your parents entered into a very big, very serious, financial arrangement with them and then randomly broke it. Your brother took the high road and left all the money as it was but wants nothing to do with people who he dang trust.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your parents entered into a very big, very serious, financial arrangement with them and then randomly broke it. Your brother took the high road and left all the money as it was but wants nothing to do with people who he dang trust.

This. That is what they did, and they know it. Did the brother move into the house and have to move out again? Because that would be insane.

[Anonymous]

Your brother helped them out, put a major financial contract in place, then on a whim AND the MIL telling the DIL that she didn't want to end up in a situation like with the Aunt who screwed everyone (i.e. We don't want you to screw us) Mom says we want out.

I am guessing this isn't the first time something like this has happened.

The only hope that any of this can be resolved is for parents to apologize.

[Anonymous]

You live in a narcissistic family, and they had enough of it.

[Anonymous]

Even in the way you frame the story, you are not supportive of your brother. And you can’t see it. That’s probably why he cut off contact with you alongside your parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Your brother is being unnecessarily CRUEL.

There could be plenty of legitimate reasons why they'd wish to cut off the family, but it's very cruel to not explain their decision to someone who sincerely doesn't know what went wrong. It's not something a rational, decent, humane person would do.

I hope you can heal and live a happy life without them, OP. I'm sorry.

People like this always say they aren't told the reason. But really, they don't think any reason they are told can justify what's happening.

https://www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/missing-missing-reasons.html

+10000 The people being cut off have spent years not listening, pushing past boundaries, being manipulative and being told no yet pretend they have no idea why the family member cut them off. Their lack of understanding is that they don’t think the other person’s reasons are valid and they feel entitled to behave as they wish.

[Anonymous]

Remember that one op whose brother and sil are in Italy? Maybe this is them except they don’t do refinance in Italy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Even in the way you frame the story, you are not supportive of your brother. And you can’t see it. That’s probably why he cut off contact with you alongside your parents.

+1000