Mom friendships as teens graduate HS

[Anonymous]

I wonder about this now that DS is a senior. We have a big group of neighborhood mom friends that I have known for 10y - our kids are all still friends and we spend a lot of time together during the summer at the pool (swim team) plus text daily. Once DS goes to college/no longer swims, I wonder how things will shift.

[Anonymous]

I am now friends with different Moms. Our kids weren't friends in HS even though they were in the same class, or didn't know each other. It's a refreshing change actually.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am now friends with different Moms. Our kids weren't friends in HS even though they were in the same class, or didn't know each other. It's a refreshing change actually.

Same. I found that my friendship with several other moms deepened once our kids no longer spent time together. Any hint of competition was gone as our kids were no longer classmates or teammates. It was refreshing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know what the point of this post is, but I am sure we will see folks claiming it is weird and pathetic to bond over the shared experience of motherhood and you're a loser if you have mom friends.

If the point of your post is to bring negativity, mission accomplished.

OP, I wish I had closer mom friends. As PP states motherhood is a shared marathon with many phases, something to bond over. Yet, I've failed to find a crew. I have friends, but I don't feel close or bonded with them. I imagine the friendships will fade with time. I feel like many people are superficial and I'm the deep one who doesn't do social media or care about being showy. I don't do botox, which is very common in my circle. It feel like one of the things that's not like the other ones.

[Anonymous]

I have no mom friends now that my kids are 25 and 22.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have no mom friendships. It’s such a red flag to be friends with your kids friends

I disagree. If your child is spending a significant amount of time with another family I would hope you are friendly with their parent.

Being friendly is different than being friends based on your kids. That’s pathetic.

DP

Maybe you're right. But I'd rather be pathetic than mean, like you.

[Anonymous]

Sharing life ~ it's a thing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our friend group started off centered around the kids and then as they developed their own friends, interests, we have mostly managed to keep the friendships. I will admit that certain times get awkward, and I could imagine that 12th grade is one of those. There was a sports team that a few tried out for and only a couple made it. Similarly, next year they will finish college. A couple will likely go to “top tier” schools and others will go to local or community college. At least one may not go to college at all. Which is totally fine, of course. But I would understand if the mom
Wants to take a break from all the college talk then. I think we would connect back but I understand when people have stressors that impact their friendships.

I made a lot of friends when my kids were younger. We were new to dc and made many family friends. We are a very academically focused family. DH and I are ivy educated and have high standards for our children. Our friends vary in their views, kids’ abilities, etc. I try not to talk about my kids too much because it may sound like bragging.

Agree with PP. You sound insufferable.

I'd definitely distance myself from you. I don't need you to constantly compare and measure your kids' worth next to mine, or your parenting or ivy degrees next to me. I went to University of Nebraska (or equivalent) and live next to you (or your type). I'm just as rich as you and my kids have strengths and stretches, just like yours do. They attend the same Big 3 (or so) as your kids, maybe even do the same extracurriculars. Yet, you want to compete, so you can feel better than us - wierd.

[Anonymous]

I'm not close friends with any of my son's parents. We get along fine when we are in contact situationally, and they are perfectly nice, but I just have more in common with friends I have made through my own work and hobbies. So this will likely not change 2 years from now when my son graduates.

[Anonymous]

I’m not friends with any of my kids’ friends parents anymore. I really tried. The early playgroup friends were amazing but by K everyone stopped getting together. The elementary school parents seemed like they’d last but those friendships died with COVID. I was more cautious than others pre-vaccine and they just seemed to move on without me. I tried to reconnect but after a few outings it just felt one sided. My kids are now in HS and college and it makes me sad to have lost those friendships, not really being in a stage of life where I meet new people. It’s really pretty lonely. Thank goodness for my grad school friends even though they live far away.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s important to keep these relationships in perspective. Personally, most of the relationships with my dd’s friends’ moms have been acquaintances bc I prefer it that way. It can get awkward at the hs level if you’re not already familiar. Most people are working and are busy and aren’t necessarily looking for friendship at this point. I see my role more as a support person for the various activities my kid is involved in. Pretty much keep to myself otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Ran into another mom I hadn't spoken to in a few years. She said she needs to start reconnecting with people as they approach an empty nest. It sounds good but it really is so different by HS. Social ties of elementary school usually fall off completely and parents are busy working.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I happen to be friends with parents of my kids friends, but none of it is based around the kids friendships at this point. That just happens to be how we met. So imagine those friendships will stay the same ?

They won’t

I refuse to believe that. My core group of friends we met through our kids when they were babies. The kids all go to different schools now and I see the other moms a million times more then the kids see each other. Heck the kids only hang out when the adults want to gtg and we drag our families along.

I talk to them every single day. We vacation together, we have been through the loss of parents and spouses. We have supported each other through illness and layoffs. That doesn't just disappear because our kids got old.

We have been friends for 13 years and I can't think of a day where we haven't talked!

Sure some friends are based only on the kids but not all.

The "it won't" people are the ones who are content to sit around and not reach out to make plans. If you want to keep in touch, stay friends, vacation, etc. etc. then you will have to take steps to make it happen. You're not going to see them at the football games anymore or via proximity. It's hard and lots of people get complacent and don't do it.

My DC is graduating this year and I'm trying to get those wheels in motion to take stock of who is staying local, who is not, and setting up times for coffee, drinks, etc. with the people I want to keep in touch with. So that come next year, it hasn't been months and months since I last reached out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ran into another mom I hadn't spoken to in a few years. She said she needs to start reconnecting with people as they approach an empty nest. It sounds good but it really is so different by HS. Social ties of elementary school usually fall off completely and parents are busy working.

It is only this way if you allow it to be. I hear a lot of the lack of community as people age. But to have the community you have to cultivate it and not just work and sit at home.

[Anonymous]

I have not had mom friends since the elementary school days.