Mom friendships as teens graduate HS
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Anonymous
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My oldest is graduating high school this year. Just curious about people’s experiences and observations about how the “mom” friendships weather (or don’t) this transition and how they end up.
Like a like of people, I made many friends through my oldest child. I have a few friends who are newly empty nesters and they fortunately seem more eager for friendship than ever. My fellow current 12th grade mom friends seem really stressed right now. Which I understand. And I dare say a bit cranky as people make prom and graduation plans (a little passive aggressive with comments about over AND under involved parents). But I realize some may prove to be situational friends. I know the close friendships will carry on but I’m not sure about the more marginal ones. Not really sure what I’m asking - just curious about people’s experiences and how those friendships morphed. And any tips about carrying on friendships. |
Anonymous
| My last mom friendships were when my kids were in middle school. When the kids became more independent it all faded. I have no friends, but I can't say I miss those types of friendships at all. |
Anonymous
| I have no mom friendships. It’s such a red flag to be friends with your kids friends |
Anonymous
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As your children grow up and grow closer or farther apart I am sure that will reflect in your friendships- which can be sad but is natural.
I have a GC with the moms of the kids in my DDs friend group. We texted in it for things like move in, sorority rush, little updates of things our girls are all experiencing. Occasionally there will be a check in text or a holiday text. I have maintained friendships with moms I was closer to! We call occasionally and will make lunch plans. I don’t think anything changed a ton. This might just be a stressful season of life with a lot of emotions for a lot of parents! |
Anonymous
I disagree. If your child is spending a significant amount of time with another family I would hope you are friendly with their parent. 
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Anonymous
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I had a major falling out with a mom “friend” when our DCs were in elementary. Then Covid happened and then they went to HS and made new friends whose parents I haven’t met.
So no I don’t have mom friends either. Most of my close friends are from college and work. |
Anonymous
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OP again - I will say that when my mother was dying, her “mom friends” of 40 years were the ones still with her. I think most friendships arise situationally - school or college friends, work friends, neighbor friends, mom friends. Some carry on past the situation and others don’t. I’m not sure if you can know in advance which endure. And I’m not even sure if it’s always significant which ones do. Life happens.
We’re all flawed, too. And see each other’s flaws and annoying traits. I don’t feel like we have perfect friends. I think of that quote from the movie - Stand By Me: "I never had any friends later on like the ones I had when I was twelve. Jesus, does anyone?" I feel like high school graduation is also a big change for parents in many ways with a lot of uncertainties and this is one of them. |
Anonymous
| Maybe a corollary question is: how do you know when a mom friend doesn’t really want to be friends anymore? Not a falling out; just not that interested. If you’re not interested in a friendship, how do you signal that? |
Anonymous
I stop reaching out and if they try to make plans, I am not free. |
Anonymous
| I don't really have mom friends. I was friends with one of my son's mothers, but when the kids got to be 14, she really started pulling back and was never available. The kids are still friendly (still hang out as 16 year olds, but not as frequently as middle school), so I don't think it was due to a problem between the kids. I guess she wasn't that into me. |
Anonymous
Friendly is not friends. NP. |
Anonymous
It's interesting that you mentioned your mom's mom friends, because it made me smile about my mom. She had a tight group of mom friends (from my brother's friends, women she knew from when he was in Kindergarten) that endured until she died as well. One of those mom friends went with her to doctors' appointments when she was diagnosed with cancer, drove her to and from treatments, kept a binder with medical notes for her. The others brought her meals and sat with her, laughing as well as listening during a difficult and scary time. It was truly special. I have a couple of mom friends from my DS, we got close when our boys were in 10th grade, and we've stayed somewhat in touch as our sons are now rising college seniors. We'll get together for dinner once a year, we text birthday greetings, but it's definitely nothing like what my mom experienced. |
Anonymous
| I don't know what the point of this post is, but I am sure we will see folks claiming it is weird and pathetic to bond over the shared experience of motherhood and you're a loser if you have mom friends. |
Anonymous
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My oldest is now in high school. During the preschool years, we made a lot of family friends and still friends with many of them despite our kids not being friends, attending different schools and having different interests. Those preschool friends are now just my adult friends.
I have met a few women recently from the high school but our kids are not friends. |
Anonymous
| My best friends were made in high school and college. We all live quite far but keep in touch via txt, calls, visits when in area etc. Mom friends—always very loose friendships. Like them all but time will tell on the depth of friendships. I wish them well and happy lives. |