Ideal time to start a family?

[Anonymous]

I had my girls at 37 and 40. I wish I had more time with them, and I worry about being active and helpful when they have their own kids. But mostly I am thankful to have had them at all, as they are little slices of heaven. If I had them earlier, they would be different kids/with a different husband. And that just feels inconceivable.

[Anonymous]

You just never know what you’re in for. I got married at 29, pregnant 2 yrs later but had a stillbirth. Infant had microcephaly & a stroke in utero. Then had a child at 32 with no issues. few years later got pregnant again. This time multiples. I feel like I had more energy for babies then and am glad I didn’t wait til my 40s, but everyone’s different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You just never know what you’re in for. I got married at 29, pregnant 2 yrs later but had a stillbirth. Infant had microcephaly & a stroke in utero. Then had a child at 32 with no issues. few years later got pregnant again. This time multiples. I feel like I had more energy for babies then and am glad I didn’t wait til my 40s, but everyone’s different.

OP here. I’m so very sorry to hear this. I’m glad you had subsequent healthy pregnancies!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You just never know what you’re in for. I got married at 29, pregnant 2 yrs later but had a stillbirth. Infant had microcephaly & a stroke in utero. Then had a child at 32 with no issues. few years later got pregnant again. This time multiples. I feel like I had more energy for babies then and am glad I didn’t wait til my 40s, but everyone’s different.

I’m 45, two kids 9 and 5 and have a lot of energy thanks to them!

There is no perfect solution.

[Anonymous]

Given your age, time together, and interest I’d go for it. I don’t think there’s a perfect time. My SIL had an unplanned pregnancy at 22 with someone she’d dated three months. She married him then they wanted their kids to be close together so had her second 24. Seventeen years later they’re one of the happiest couples I know and are awesome parents of teens.

By extreme contrast, my DH and I met as teens, married in our late 20s (I was 29 and he was 27) and then originally were waiting until he finished his PhD to have kids. Eventually that was taking long enough that we had our first. I was just a few weeks shy of turning 34. We lived in a 500 sq ft apartment in DC but we made it work! We wanted our kids about two years apart but that timing was right as we moved for his first non post-doc job and so we waited a little and then it took over a year for me to conceive. I had my second at 38. The timing is fine, but I do think in many ways I’ve probably been a better parent for my first child.

[Anonymous]

I had my first at 30, and my second at 32 — it was ideal. I will be only 50 when they’re in college.

But, you can’t control these things. Do the best you can with the timing you have.

[Anonymous]

Married at 28, kids at 31 and 33. It felt right to us.

[Anonymous]

Op I would start now. I got married at 22 so I had the luxury of waiting until 29 to have my first. At 32 we started trying for my second and I had a chemical pregnancy then a miscarriage then a stressful pregnancy and had her a year later than anticipated. You never know your fertility - you may end up child free for 2 years anyway. Wait 6 months to enjoy each other then get to work!

[Anonymous]

Women should have baby not later than 33 to avoid complications and being old

[Anonymous]

I had my kids at 31 and 33 which was a little later than I’d have liked but it took a while to get the financials sorted out. The hard part is that you can’t plan for sure. You could start trying and have a baby in 9 months or 9 years. So don’t start if you’re not ready to have a baby this year, but also don’t plan on it working immediately.

[Anonymous]

I married young (24), started trying at 30 and it took 6 years (and four pregnancies) to deliver a healthy, living, full term baby. I say at least go see your GYN, and have that convo. It may go smoothly or it might take a while, you never know.

[Anonymous]

Sooner rather than later. I envy the women who had children in their 20s, but to be honest, the happy ones I know had husbands with stable and well-paying jobs. I did not.

[Anonymous]

Married at 26, started trying right away, and had my first right before I turned 30. We had infertility in our 20s due to male factor, requiring surgery for him and IVF for me. No way we could have known.

We had planned on 4 kids, revised our plan to 3, and now going to be sticking with 2 since I’m now 39 and it just feels too late considering the ages of my other kids. Miscarriages and continued infertility have made it all an ongoing saga.

I would start now OP. Most people don’t experience what I did but time goes by faster than you think.

[Anonymous]

Adopted my daughter at 41. Put in the paperwork at 40. Placed in my arms SMC. It has been perfect for us. Financial secure and my parents are grateful and loving for their grandchild.

[Anonymous]

^^placed in my arms at 41 as an SMC.