Ideal time to start a family?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Sorry I got distracted with work.

My husband and I got married last September after being together for 2 years.

- We got married at 31 and 34. I turn 32 next month and he just turned 35 in January.

- We bought a home earlier this year and both have jobs and are financially doing well.

I’m not sure when to start trying for a baby. We are ready but we have been given the advice to be married for 2-3 years before kids because we should take advantage of that time. That would put me at about 34/35 starting to try. We definitely want at least 2 kids and we are both ready but could wait if we should.

OP here. We are now coming up on 3 years together. We got engaged after a little over 1 year, married a year later, and married for 7 months. Is that too little time together before kids?

I got married at 26 and we had our DC at 40.


This was perfect for me. Look, life gets a lot less fun once you have kids. The reason people say to wait is because you want a really strong foundation before you layer on that incredible stress and financial responsibility

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Sorry I got distracted with work.

My husband and I got married last September after being together for 2 years.

- We got married at 31 and 34. I turn 32 next month and he just turned 35 in January.

- We bought a home earlier this year and both have jobs and are financially doing well.

I’m not sure when to start trying for a baby. We are ready but we have been given the advice to be married for 2-3 years before kids because we should take advantage of that time. That would put me at about 34/35 starting to try. We definitely want at least 2 kids and we are both ready but could wait if we should.

OP here. We are now coming up on 3 years together. We got engaged after a little over 1 year, married a year later, and married for 7 months. Is that too little time together before kids?

At 32 and wanting more than one kid, I’d go ahead and start trying if I were you. It’s lot like you just got married and you don’t know how long it will take to get pregnant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Assuming you’re married, mature and gainfully employed, the ideal time is in your late twenties. I had my kids at 29 and 32, and am now pregnant with my third at 35. I really wouldn’t suggest older than that. It took me a year to get pregnant with my first and ideally I would have been done before 35. The ideal window for me is 27-34.

This board is full of people who will tell you they didn’t start having kids before 35 and never would have been ready. Maybe that’s true, and the best parent is a committed parent, but I think people mess around for too long. In my personal experience, everyone I know started around 30, had two kids, and then in their mid to late thirties when they felt wanted to have a third, felt it was too late. I live in NY and I’m liberal. I’m not in a flyover state or Christian. Just telling you like it is. Once you have children, you will want as many years with them as possible and I wouldn’t have wanted to trade a few more years of sleeping until 10am on weekends or a few more child free vacations in Italy to have kids. Get that done in your mid twenties.

it's odd to recommend against something you've never done or experienced.

Not PP but disagree. I was pregnant in my twenties and then in my thirties and the difference in how I felt was remarkable. I feel comfortable recommending not going later into your thirties if you can because to me the physicality of pregnancy at a later age was significant for me, and more so if you are aging and wanting multiple kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Assuming you’re married, mature and gainfully employed, the ideal time is in your late twenties. I had my kids at 29 and 32, and am now pregnant with my third at 35. I really wouldn’t suggest older than that. It took me a year to get pregnant with my first and ideally I would have been done before 35. The ideal window for me is 27-34.

This board is full of people who will tell you they didn’t start having kids before 35 and never would have been ready. Maybe that’s true, and the best parent is a committed parent, but I think people mess around for too long. In my personal experience, everyone I know started around 30, had two kids, and then in their mid to late thirties when they felt wanted to have a third, felt it was too late. I live in NY and I’m liberal. I’m not in a flyover state or Christian. Just telling you like it is. Once you have children, you will want as many years with them as possible and I wouldn’t have wanted to trade a few more years of sleeping until 10am on weekends or a few more child free vacations in Italy to have kids. Get that done in your mid twenties.

it's odd to recommend against something you've never done or experienced.

Is it? My point is that i feel myself aging and wouldn’t want to have kids later, and that I want to have as many years with my kids as possible. So I wouldn’t put off having kids if the infrastructure is in place.

[Anonymous]

When you and your partner are emotionally and financially ready.

[Anonymous]

Got married at 29 (me, female) and 35 and started trying right away. Had first kid at 31/37 and second at 32/39. We were financially stable so no reason to wait.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes it is not a choice. I got pregnant from one time sex in a horrible marriage at 33 and 36. No sex in between. I was initiating divorce before the first. Had been married a year. It was never good. It was one time sex in both instances. I was off the pill due to illness for 2 days with the first…he would not stop badgering me.

The best is when you are solid in the marriage and both want kids. This could be age 30-40 in my opinion.

OP here. Sorry to hear this. We are very happy and in a great marriage. We are intimate daily or every other day. Sometimes more on the weekends.

I go to get my IUD out next month. I’ve been looking up prenatal vitamins and will be taking those next month. Then actively starting around 1 year anniversary.

Sounds like perfect timing for you!

[Anonymous]

DH and I were married respectively at 34 and 32. I had DC1 when I was 35 (no fertility issues) and DC2 at 39 and DC3 at 41. I had fertility treatments for last two due to advanced maternal age.

We enjoyed our first few years of marriage traveling and building up our careers. My older two kids are now in college and the youngest graduates this year. I would recommend you keep to your schedule and not wait too long. It’s much harder in many respects after 36 or so-fertility issues, raising teenagers and helping with older parents. Issues I didn’t consider in my 30s. We are well off, but it still can be a challenge.

[Anonymous]

ASAP!

[Anonymous]

^This. Don't fight biology. 20 is ideal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I know plans don’t always go as planned but my hope would be to be pregnant within 6 months, have baby next year, wait 1-1.5 years and get pregnant with second. Maybe a third 1-1 years later if we are not done with 2.

First have one, give them full attention and then decide when and if you want more.

[Anonymous]

As soon as possible. You'll be lucky to have a second kid if you want one past 35.

[Anonymous]

Married at 35. Experienced infertility but ended up with three kids. Life is full of surprises. My friend and I both had bad breakups early thirties and thought we were single for life/were ok with that. Now we are both married with kids.

[Anonymous]

My husband and I started dating at 27, married at 28, and had our four kids at 30, 33, 36, and 38. I am so grateful that we were able to have 3ish year age gaps between the first three kids without feeling time pressure due to advanced maternal age. My husband and I knew each other just over three years before our oldest was born and it felt like plenty of time to "build a foundation."

IMHO, you should go for it ASAP to hopefully have two kids in early to mid 30s and then have the possibility for another in your late 30s if you want.

[Anonymous]

Met at 32, married at 35, had kids ar 36 and 40. We got lucky conceiving within 1 and 6 months.