Ideal time to start a family?

[Anonymous]

How soon after you got married did you start a family? How old were you?

[Anonymous]

I got married ten years before my best friend, and seven years AFTER my other best friend. This is not a one-size-fits-all. Do whatever works for the parties involved.

[Anonymous]

Assuming you’re married, mature and gainfully employed, the ideal time is in your late twenties. I had my kids at 29 and 32, and am now pregnant with my third at 35. I really wouldn’t suggest older than that. It took me a year to get pregnant with my first and ideally I would have been done before 35. The ideal window for me is 27-34.

This board is full of people who will tell you they didn’t start having kids before 35 and never would have been ready. Maybe that’s true, and the best parent is a committed parent, but I think people mess around for too long. In my personal experience, everyone I know started around 30, had two kids, and then in their mid to late thirties when they felt wanted to have a third, felt it was too late. I live in NY and I’m liberal. I’m not in a flyover state or Christian. Just telling you like it is. Once you have children, you will want as many years with them as possible and I wouldn’t have wanted to trade a few more years of sleeping until 10am on weekends or a few more child free vacations in Italy to have kids. Get that done in your mid twenties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How soon after you got married did you start a family? How old were you?

For an average adult 25+ couple with no major struggles, first year should be for fun but after that if you feel ready then you can start trying as it may take longer than you expect.

[Anonymous]

I was married at 25, got pregnant at 30, had my DC at 31, then was never able to have a second. So I'd say as early as you feel ready, assuming you've had time alone with your spouse and are finally stable.

[Anonymous]

Imho 26-34 is the ideal time to have kids.

[Anonymous]

I was 29 and 31 when I had my kids (I live in DC). We had been married about 4 years and had bought a house. The timing was perfect for us. I still had lots of energy when my kids were young and I became an empty nester at 50. I agree with the PP about waiting and fertility being an issue. It has happened to lots of my friends. But, you can't always control life and I think finances should be a major consideration . You need to have enough money that you aren't stressed all the time about while you're raising kids. Daycare etc. is expensive when they're little and in my experience things don't get less expensive as time goes on if you're paying for camps and saving for college. Notice I'm not saying you need a big house or fancy things. But, you do need enough not to be stressed. Kids pick up on that big time.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Sorry I got distracted with work.

My husband and I got married last September after being together for 2 years.

- We got married at 31 and 34. I turn 32 next month and he just turned 35 in January.

- We bought a home earlier this year and both have jobs and are financially doing well.

I’m not sure when to start trying for a baby. We are ready but we have been given the advice to be married for 2-3 years before kids because we should take advantage of that time. That would put me at about 34/35 starting to try. We definitely want at least 2 kids and we are both ready but could wait if we should.

[Anonymous]

Several of my friends had kids during grad/medical school and residency/early career as they didn't want to risk infertility but they had family support and were debt free.

[Anonymous]

Married at 28. First kid at 31 with second on the way at 34 (both took kind of a long time to conceive). I'm very content with having babies at this age and doubt we will have a third.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Sorry I got distracted with work.

My husband and I got married last September after being together for 2 years.

- We got married at 31 and 34. I turn 32 next month and he just turned 35 in January.

- We bought a home earlier this year and both have jobs and are financially doing well.

I’m not sure when to start trying for a baby. We are ready but we have been given the advice to be married for 2-3 years before kids because we should take advantage of that time. That would put me at about 34/35 starting to try. We definitely want at least 2 kids and we are both ready but could wait if we should.

OP here. We are now coming up on 3 years together. We got engaged after a little over 1 year, married a year later, and married for 7 months. Is that too little time together before kids?

[Anonymous]

Started dating at 25, married at 28 and then kids at 31, 32 and 36. Perfect ages for us. I sort of wish we had had kids in our 20s then I would have had one more. But I am glad we didn’t wait to have kids because it took a year and 3 miscarriages to have baby 3 at 36 years old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Sorry I got distracted with work.

My husband and I got married last September after being together for 2 years.

- We got married at 31 and 34. I turn 32 next month and he just turned 35 in January.

- We bought a home earlier this year and both have jobs and are financially doing well.

I’m not sure when to start trying for a baby. We are ready but we have been given the advice to be married for 2-3 years before kids because we should take advantage of that time. That would put me at about 34/35 starting to try. We definitely want at least 2 kids and we are both ready but could wait if we should.

You were together for 2 years and taking one year after marriage and logistics are in place, if you feel he is the right person, start trying NOW and avoid stress of infertility on your marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Sorry I got distracted with work.

My husband and I got married last September after being together for 2 years.

- We got married at 31 and 34. I turn 32 next month and he just turned 35 in January.

- We bought a home earlier this year and both have jobs and are financially doing well.

I’m not sure when to start trying for a baby. We are ready but we have been given the advice to be married for 2-3 years before kids because we should take advantage of that time. That would put me at about 34/35 starting to try. We definitely want at least 2 kids and we are both ready but could wait if we should.

OP here. We are now coming up on 3 years together. We got engaged after a little over 1 year, married a year later, and married for 7 months. Is that too little time together before kids?

IMO you've had plenty of time to get to know each other and if you're financially stable and know you want kids, I don't see a reason to wait.

[Anonymous]

I got married at 26 and had my first baby at 31 and two more by 35. We started a year later than I would have liked. We had five years to build our careers, save money and enjoy being a married couple so it was really ideal.