Husband frequently annoyed by me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All the comments OP made are obvious. So, it's annoying. Similar to when wives say "look there's a parking spot" as if the husband wouldn't have seen it without her. Or, "watch out for that car" as if he wouldn't have seen it if he was driving alone.

Stop making obvious comments. It's annoying to anyone.

I imagine your baseline is “easily annoyed” and a bit misanthropic, no?

[Anonymous]

This sounds just like my husband. Looking back, I think it started after we had children. They are grown and out of the house now and it’s still going on. I’ve started talking less, not refusing to talk just not initiating as many conversations as a way to protect myself. It helps some, but it makes me sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This sounds just like my husband. Looking back, I think it started after we had children. They are grown and out of the house now and it’s still going on. I’ve started talking less, not refusing to talk just not initiating as many conversations as a way to protect myself. It helps some, but it makes me sad.

Do you think the nature of the conversations changed once you had kids? When I read OP's post initially I didn't see any issues with the comments. But the comments stating that this is how one speaks to small kids made me reconsider. It is. One should not snap and be a jerk, but over time having someone talk to you like you are mothering them could get irritating over time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Those are comments a parent would make to a child, so I can see why he might be annoyed, but it also seems like you both are talking past each other’s needs. So he feels nagged and you feel neglected. Maybe talk more about yourself in concrete terms (eg, what are *you* having from the menu?) and less about what you think he should be excited about or doing. Let him work to connect with you—you’re doing (saying) too much to try to fill in the blanks. Go easier and see if that’s not more fun for you both?

Thanks for these comments. Not OP, but I had not picked on how these are comments one would make to a young child. I can see that now. That said, I bet OP sees them as caring and looking out for husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This sounds just like my husband. Looking back, I think it started after we had children. They are grown and out of the house now and it’s still going on. I’ve started talking less, not refusing to talk just not initiating as many conversations as a way to protect myself. It helps some, but it makes me sad.

There probably something to this. We jump into mom-mode and it dominates 99% of domestic conversations so we do it without thinking, even when it’s not necessary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think this is one of the reasons I never married. I just couldn’t bear the cutting remarks and sniping between spouses I see so often.

+1

And it’s most marriages in one form or another - I think people who otherwise describe their marriages as good have grown to tolerate a level of disrespect and inconsideration that many people looking from outside in just find very unappealing.

[Anonymous]

Agree with this. I have a couple of divorced friends who have asked me how I’ve stayed married so long. I just say that I put up with a lot!

[Anonymous]

I find the comments in the op really irritating as well. I would try and compromise a bit. Be more mindful of making comments and come up with a reasonable way for him to communicate that he’s getting frustrated.

[Anonymous]

The greatest problem: too much togetherness. Too much chatter.
Take a big step back Op. He needs a lot less of you. And that's ok.

[Anonymous]

Do you give him plenty of sex? Most men in sexless marriages act like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you give him plenty of sex? Most men in sexless marriages act like this.

This is true- s solves all problems for men.

[Anonymous]

When i see these threads it makes perfect sense why lesbian marriages have the highest divorce rate and gay men have the lowest

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you give him plenty of sex? Most men in sexless marriages act like this.

Or maybe he needs to be a bit nicer to OP for her to respond to him sexually.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most husband cannot stand when their wives say really obvious things. Stop stating the obvious as if he does't know. Then, you'll see a difference in attitude. Because it is annoying!

Men do it all the time when the mansplain everything but, heaven forbid a woman is making conversation!

💯 I bet this do*chebag mansplains to his wife all day long and then shows contempt when it’s her turn to speak.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find the comments in the op really irritating as well. I would try and compromise a bit. Be more mindful of making comments and come up with a reasonable way for him to communicate that he’s getting frustrated.

Agree. He shouldn't yell at you, but I'd wager he's pointed this out to you before and asked you to stop..

The examples you provided op are annoying.

He is not a child. These are not things he needs you to point out for him.

I also suspect that you are a bit of an an anxious extrovert and that manifests as constant talking. Silence is a good thing sometimes.


When you do talk try to have it meaningful think back to when you were dating him. I bet you never told him what to eat and how to pack