Husband frequently annoyed by me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're married to a jerk. That's all this is.

+1

The problem is he is expressing his annoyance about *you* and then acting like you’re being overly sensitive for feeling insulted by that. It sounds like you walk on eggshells around him and that he’s bound to find something to complain about no matter what you do. I’m sorry OP, it sounds like a stressful way to live.

[Anonymous]

I'm a man and I've been in your husbands shoes snapping at my wife that way. I did not see it at the time, I legitimately thought I found her to be annoying. I rationalized it the way one of the above posters did - she was pointing out the obvious. Over time she shut down and stopped talking to me. The truth is I was very unhappy. Wasn't taking care of myself. Wasn't exercising or living the way I should, overworking, taking on striver activities at work to 'get ahead' despite not really having the personality for it. Made me a highly irritable person.

On the off chance that he deep down does not hate you, and as repulsive as the idea might be, see if you can get him to open up about how he's doing or watching for signs that something in his life is out of whack. Or I guess you could pull reverse games on him and watch your marriage go down the toilet.

[Anonymous]

Most husband cannot stand when their wives say really obvious things. Stop stating the obvious as if he does't know. Then, you'll see a difference in attitude. Because it is annoying!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're married to a jerk. That's all this is.

+1

Definitely.

Your husband sounds like a rude + inconsiderate jerk.

From the two examples given, you are just making normal conversation…..nothing annoying at all.
His responses are all so critical & crass.

OK, but if this was a woman talking about how annoying her husband was, she’d be getting so much support. There was just a thread last week about how even her husband’s breathing annoys her. And how many +ones were there?

This board is a dumping ground for people in unhappy marriages. I can’t believe how many people seem to dislike or even resent their spouses.

[Anonymous]

are you a stay at home mom? It sounds like you talk for the sake of talking, but lack substance in what you say.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:are you a stay at home mom? It sounds like you talk for the sake of talking, but lack substance in what you say.

I only mention the SAHM thing because you are reminding me of my mom, who was. She had no engagement all day and when we came home from school/work she'd comment the most asinine things that were unnecessary and annoying.

[Anonymous]

OP this sounds like my ex. One time we were cycling together and he wanted to take a shortcut the wrong way down a one-way road. We had no helmets at the time because we were in another country and couldn’t get them. I told him I didn’t want to do that because I didn’t feel safe without helmets. He was clearly annoyed, rolled his eyes, etc. It was pattern behavior for him, and I finally had enough. When the ride was over, I asked if he was annoyed with me, and he told me that I was being “a pain in the ass”. I said to be clear, I’m a pain in the ass because I’m saying no to something I don’t feel safe doing? Is that right? he said yes. I told him that was contempt. And I wouldn’t be in a relationship where I was treated with contempt. Our relationship ended shortly after that. Life is too short to constantly disrespected.

[Anonymous]

I think this is one of the reasons I never married. I just couldn’t bear the cutting remarks and sniping between spouses I see so often.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:are you a stay at home mom? It sounds like you talk for the sake of talking, but lack substance in what you say.

OP, it sounds like your DH is behaving like a jerk. Please don’t be swayed by ridiculous responses (see above) that seem to blame you under the guise of offering advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All the comments OP made are obvious. So, it's annoying. Similar to when wives say "look there's a parking spot" as if the husband wouldn't have seen it without her. Or, "watch out for that car" as if he wouldn't have seen it if he was driving alone.

Stop making obvious comments. It's annoying to anyone.

No it’s not, it’s normal stuff. If that annoys you, YOU have the issue. You sound insecure, reactionary and unhappy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a man and I've been in your husbands shoes snapping at my wife that way. I did not see it at the time, I legitimately thought I found her to be annoying. I rationalized it the way one of the above posters did - she was pointing out the obvious. Over time she shut down and stopped talking to me. The truth is I was very unhappy. Wasn't taking care of myself. Wasn't exercising or living the way I should, overworking, taking on striver activities at work to 'get ahead' despite not really having the personality for it. Made me a highly irritable person.

On the off chance that he deep down does not hate you, and as repulsive as the idea might be, see if you can get him to open up about how he's doing or watching for signs that something in his life is out of whack. Or I guess you could pull reverse games on him and watch your marriage go down the toilet.

NP. Good insights.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most husband cannot stand when their wives say really obvious things. Stop stating the obvious as if he does't know. Then, you'll see a difference in attitude. Because it is annoying!

This. Men talk to communicate necessary information, not to think out loud or fill the silence. Respect that he’s different from you and go think out loud with your girlfriends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's a jerk and he sounds like he resents you or just plain hates you.

You teach people how to treat you. It's never too late to put up boundaries and let him no that you respect yourself and this behavior from him will no longer be accepted by you. Call him out each and ever time he talks to you like this OP. EVERY TIME.

+1, draw some boundaries about how you will be spoken to so he stops doing it and so he respects you. "Don't talk to me that way" is a start.

[Anonymous]

This is called contempt. It's one of the 4 horsemen that break up marriages (per Gottman)
Get to marriage counseling soon, before it becomes irreparable.

[Anonymous]

I agree he is expressing contempt . You don’t deserve to be belittled because you’ve found his favorite item on a menu . Consider is he having an affair ? Over stressed at work ?