Husband frequently annoyed by me

[Anonymous]

My husband gets annoyed at me for tons of little things, whereas I let things go more frequently. I don’t disagree that maybe sometimes I’m annoying, but his frequent expressions of annoyance make me really unhappy. Here are some examples:

Me: “look, they have your favorite dish in the menu!”
Him: “I can read! Why do you think you need to read the menu for me?!”

Or, another time:
Me: you should see if you still have your snorkel equipment in the basement for our trip.
Him: I’ll check.
Me, thinking out loud: even if we find the equipment, maybe we should get new stuff; I bet the old rubber parts are wearing out.
Him: I JUST SAID I WOULD CHECK 10 SECONDS AGO.

I am really not a nag. I’m super careful to avoid asking for anything to prevent him from getting annoyed with me.

To him, this is no big deal. He says “I’m allowed to express annoyance. I’m not yelling or criticizing. I’m just having a normal reaction.”

Despite this, I feel very criticized. It’s worse when this happens during a moment that’s important to me. It’s like, no matter the circumstances, he wants to be able to be free to express annoyance.

[Anonymous]

You're married to a jerk. That's all this is.

[Anonymous]

this is not healthy. My DH can express annoyance (generally when he is stressed about something completely unrelated) and I always just say you're raising your voice at me.

Granted, one thing you did say that felt a little red-flag-ish to me was you're "thinking out loud". Do you do this a lot?

I have done this sort of thing to my DH, and he will responds: Let's get the facts. He takes my thinking out loud as criticism, and deep down it actually is. I want immediate answers, and he can't do it right that second, sort of thing.

So we each in our own way can irritate each other. BUT we are committed and have gotten really good at communicating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're married to a jerk. That's all this is.

+1

Definitely.

Your husband sounds like a rude + inconsiderate jerk.

From the two examples given, you are just making normal conversation…..nothing annoying at all.
His responses are all so critical & crass.

[Anonymous]

There's something else going on with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's something else going on with him.

This

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're married to a jerk. That's all this is.

+1

Definitely.

Your husband sounds like a rude + inconsiderate jerk.

From the two examples given, you are just making normal conversation…..nothing annoying at all.
His responses are all so critical & crass.

OK, but if this was a woman talking about how annoying her husband was, she’d be getting so much support. There was just a thread last week about how even her husband’s breathing annoys her. And how many +ones were there?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're married to a jerk. That's all this is.

+1

Definitely.

Your husband sounds like a rude + inconsiderate jerk.

From the two examples given, you are just making normal conversation…..nothing annoying at all.
His responses are all so critical & crass.

OK, but if this was a woman talking about how annoying her husband was, she’d be getting so much support. There was just a thread last week about how even her husband’s breathing annoys her. And how many +ones were there?

It's not a competition. And frankly, I'm sick of the "poor men have it so bad on here" comments, which is totally BS. Read the threads of all the requirements women have to have to date, be a good parent, look good while aging, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're married to a jerk. That's all this is.

+1. That’s not annoyance, its contempt.

[Anonymous]

Don’t speak with him. When he finally asks why not say because everything I say seems to annoy you and I’m tired out it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're married to a jerk. That's all this is.

+1. That’s not annoyance, its contempt.

Yes, that’s contempt and it’s a red flag for the longevity of your marriage. I’m not sure what to do (and I’m pretty sure this is a bad idea) but I’d be tempted to try reacting similarly to him a couple of times and see if he continues to maintain it’s nbd.

[Anonymous]

All the comments OP made are obvious. So, it's annoying. Similar to when wives say "look there's a parking spot" as if the husband wouldn't have seen it without her. Or, "watch out for that car" as if he wouldn't have seen it if he was driving alone.

Stop making obvious comments. It's annoying to anyone.

[Anonymous]

He's a jerk and he sounds like he resents you or just plain hates you.

You teach people how to treat you. It's never too late to put up boundaries and let him no that you respect yourself and this behavior from him will no longer be accepted by you. Call him out each and ever time he talks to you like this OP. EVERY TIME.

[Anonymous]

That's contempt. It's a marriage killer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t speak with him. When he finally asks why not say because everything I say seems to annoy you and I’m tired out it.

I despise passive aggressiveness like this. Just deal with the issue straight-on. But inventing some script in your mind is just stupid. For one thing, he may be overjoyed if she stops speaking to him. Then what? But creating this game in your head where you're going to take some action to provoke some reaction so that you can say something snarky is just puerile and stupid.