Are you ok w your son having a GF?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[twitter]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not be crazy about this scenario. My kid really only has 1 night per week to see friends so if he is hanging out with a gf from another school, he is not seeing his friends from HS which would make me nervous about him socially isolating at school and becoming dependent on her.

My son does have a gf at his school. I have only met her once but she seemed great! And they each seem to maintain their own lives.

If your teen only has one night a week to see friends and de-stress that is your fault as a parent. Chiming in about relationships, also your fault

Really? How many nights a week does your teen hang out with friends? Mine has homework plus soccer practice twice a week and games plus scouts camping once a month. Al stuff he picked - I don’t pick his activities for him. “Long distance” relationships are tough for a lot of reasons and have a lot of challenges — I wouldn’t ban it but I would not be crazy about it. My son’s fist Gf was at a different school in a different town—I didn’t say anything but I was glad when they broke up because he was spending a lot of time just on phone with her. This current relationship is so much healthier — they go out for snacks after school, can take the bus to meet up, can study for an exam together, etc.
it’s okay as a parent to be less than enthusiastic about a teen’s relationship if it’s preventing them from doing other things that are healthy.

Nah you are controlling.

Saying you don’t like your son spending too much time on the phone so you are glad they broke up? Yikes. It’s called socialization.

And why do you care since the poor kid only has one free night a week

Some of you parents only have eyes for college resumes and forget that these teens need social skills, autonomy, street smarts and how to navigate a world, post schooling and college resume activities.

This is funny because you don’t know me but I am pretty much the opposite of controlling. As his grades would attest. My kid is the one that’s been randomly wandering the neighborhood since he was 8. He pretty does what he wants when he wants and I occasionally weigh in with my opinion on the matter. Whether my hands off approach is a good idea or not — I don’t know. But I don’t have it in me to try to control another person’s choices.

But I also think it’s fine for a parent to have feelings about what their kid does, including the feeling that maybe it’s not great for a HS student to spent a significant amount of their free time with someone that detracts from them building relationships and a social life at the school . OP, I am validating your feelings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think an important point is: are they saying this to your DD's face? No. I'm guessing not. If she's getting this impression/info via her boyfriend, this is a good lesson: she should not take another's interpretation as fact.

And even if they were to think what she thinks they think -- they are entitled to think whatever they want. Whatever their preference/opinon, it's not strong enough that it's been spoken directly to her.

Sure, he like everyone, talk about their parents, speculate on motives. And judge.

This is a good point and leads me to an alternate take: he wants to cool it with her, maybe even break it off, and he's using his parents as an excuse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think an important point is: are they saying this to your DD's face? No. I'm guessing not. If she's getting this impression/info via her boyfriend, this is a good lesson: she should not take another's interpretation as fact.

And even if they were to think what she thinks they think -- they are entitled to think whatever they want. Whatever their preference/opinon, it's not strong enough that it's been spoken directly to her.

Sure, he like everyone, talk about their parents, speculate on motives. And judge.

This is a good point and leads me to an alternate take: he wants to cool it with her, maybe even break it off, and he's using his parents as an excuse.

That’s not how teen boys work

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think an important point is: are they saying this to your DD's face? No. I'm guessing not. If she's getting this impression/info via her boyfriend, this is a good lesson: she should not take another's interpretation as fact.

And even if they were to think what she thinks they think -- they are entitled to think whatever they want. Whatever their preference/opinon, it's not strong enough that it's been spoken directly to her.

Sure, he like everyone, talk about their parents, speculate on motives. And judge.

This is a good point and leads me to an alternate take: he wants to cool it with her, maybe even break it off, and he's using his parents as an excuse.

Speculations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Many moms just aren't ready to get go of their kids and subconsciously actively trying to sabotage young relationships.

It’s so embarrassing

[Anonymous]

I have told both of my girls that if you get into a relationship and it’s serious enough that you meet his family. If the boy’s mother is not welcoming of you, condescending, or telling her son to leave you, makes excuses etc… that you need to run far away and never look back. It’s the biggest red flag.

Boy moms are notorious for babying their sons and being jealous of girlfriends and wives. And these sons were raised to be coddled, have no clue how to cook/clean, treat someone right, and will always victimize themselves.

After hearing the “Am I the A-hole” post this week, I sent it to both of them.

OP, if the boy’s parents aren’t on board anymore, it’s time for her to move on. If he likes her enough it will work out later on, if he chooses not to be controlled by mommy anymore

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DD has had a BF for over a year. He is a good kid. At first his parents seemed elated by my DD. Now over a year later DD is getting feeling they don’t like her and the relationship. They don’t go to the same school or live in the same town. They see each other at most once a week but more often every other week or more. They are both great students w serious outside sports commitments. They do things separately with friends. DD thinks BFs parents thought it was cute at first but didn’t expect them to stay together so long - and now think that he shouldn’t be involved in a long term relationship. Dad wants him to be a guys guy and the mom wants him focused only on studies. They are a bit helicopter parents. We on the other hand are totally fine w them being together. It’s not all the time and her academics are good.

Does your DS have a GF and, assuming it’s not an unhealthy situation, are you ok with it? I’m not going to get involved but just curious about what boy parents’ views are. I shouldn’t care but I think my DD is great and can’t understand it for her.

The Dad wants him to be a guys guy? You mean a player who sleeps around. That’s a big ick.

[Anonymous]

Teens need to study for college. Dating is waste of time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think an important point is: are they saying this to your DD's face? No. I'm guessing not. If she's getting this impression/info via her boyfriend, this is a good lesson: she should not take another's interpretation as fact.

And even if they were to think what she thinks they think -- they are entitled to think whatever they want. Whatever their preference/opinon, it's not strong enough that it's been spoken directly to her.

Sure, he like everyone, talk about their parents, speculate on motives. And judge.

This is a good point and leads me to an alternate take: he wants to cool it with her, maybe even break it off, and he's using his parents as an excuse.

That’s not how teen boys work

Enlighten us and reveal how teen boys work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have told both of my girls that if you get into a relationship and it’s serious enough that you meet his family. If the boy’s mother is not welcoming of you, condescending, or telling her son to leave you, makes excuses etc… that you need to run far away and never look back. It’s the biggest red flag.

Boy moms are notorious for babying their sons and being jealous of girlfriends and wives. And these sons were raised to be coddled, have no clue how to cook/clean, treat someone right, and will always victimize themselves.

After hearing the “Am I the A-hole” post this week, I sent it to both of them.

OP, if the boy’s parents aren’t on board anymore, it’s time for her to move on. If he likes her enough it will work out later on, if he chooses not to be controlled by mommy anymore

Now do girl moms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son is 17 and has ADHD. It makes him more immature than his peers. He is dating a girl who is one year younger. I think she is fabulous and I spend more time making sure he is treating her well. Accepting boundaries, being considerate, driving safely, respecting her (and her parents' wishes). I also talk to him about making sure his girlfriend treats him well, too. Honest, managing any arguments in a healthy way, not being overly clingy (they signed up for Life 360 to track each other and I nixed that fast).

If things were ideal, I wish he would just play sports and focus on school. I do worry that if this relationship ends, he will be crushed and it will impact his studies. But so far he seems to be managing things fairly well. Grades have slipped a bit but not horribly. He needs to learn (and I think he is) how to manage different aspects of his life and find an appropriate balance.

I can't imagine disliking a girlfriend unless she is mean and manipulative. I've told my son from a young age, find a partner who is kind, and you are kind to them -- all the other stuff like attraction, values, goals, sense of humor, etc. will work itself out. I don't care if she wants to be a hair stylist or a bioengineer or a stay at home partner. That's all for my son to figure out. But kindness? That's the nonnegotiable piece. On both sides. [/quote

Wow times have changed! Good thing they had you to convince them this was a lot for a high school relationship!

[Anonymous]

Too often Mothers of boys think a GF is too distracting. Thinks his grades will suffer. What I see from my small sample is GFs who are much better students, happy to do homework/tutor at the kitchen table in the family home with the Mother there, and want the boy to do well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have told both of my girls that if you get into a relationship and it’s serious enough that you meet his family. If the boy’s mother is not welcoming of you, condescending, or telling her son to leave you, makes excuses etc… that you need to run far away and never look back. It’s the biggest red flag.

Boy moms are notorious for babying their sons and being jealous of girlfriends and wives. And these sons were raised to be coddled, have no clue how to cook/clean, treat someone right, and will always victimize themselves.

After hearing the “Am I the A-hole” post this week, I sent it to both of them.

OP, if the boy’s parents aren’t on board anymore, it’s time for her to move on. If he likes her enough it will work out later on, if he chooses not to be controlled by mommy anymore

Now do girl moms.

Girl moms tend to think their daughter can do better and they are lowering their standards for attention.

Girl moms also think the break-ups or any fights are almost always the boy’s fault without even getting the full story.

How’s that? I am a girl mom by the way lol

[Anonymous]

Of course my teens can date. Are there parents that forbid it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Of course my teens can date. Are there parents that forbid it?

Yes many think it’s a distraction from school work. Because many parents forget they were teens once and want their own kids to be scholar robots with only eyes on college.