Are you ok w your son having a GF?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At this point you better hope that they get in a relationship young, because the dating scene in general is such a mess.

This is so accurate and it’s scary and I think it has a lot to do with parents preventing their teens from dating. Then they have no innocent love and firsts while they are still in the house and you can help them out. And the they go from none of that to college drunk hook ups and then to lonely working adults on dating profiles.

Romance and socialization and companionship is dying and I truly believe helicopter parents and the stress and control they put on their kids ruin their teen years. And so if they can’t date, socialize and learn how dating and like/love and boundaries work in person, they sit home like “good kids” and look at porn and sit on social media to learn. It’s not healthy.

I am totally fine with my teens dating

+1,000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At this point you better hope that they get in a relationship young, because the dating scene in general is such a mess.

What do you mean? “Mess” how exactly ?

[Anonymous]

I think anyone against teen dating it really weird, but there are plenty of helicopter parents of this generation.

I would still make sure all is well on their parents end. Maybe something happened that is making them second guess the relationship and she isn't telling you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think anyone against teen dating it really weird, but there are plenty of helicopter parents of this generation.

I would still make sure all is well on their parents end. Maybe something happened that is making them second guess the relationship and she isn't telling you

+1000. I had lunch with a mom last week who shared that she doesn’t let her 14 year old son date and seemed bothered he’s dating someone. She said they tell people they are dating but she doesn’t allow him to see her outside of school. The mom also read his text messages with the GF. Apparently the son told the mom “don’t worry mom you’ll always be my first love.”

The entire time I was thinking - GET A LIFE.
It comes across as almost stalking the child and monopolizing their time.

Also it makes dating a bigger deal than it is. Getting to know the opposite sex and having romantic interests is a normal part of life and growing up. Acting like it’s some extreme event isn’t doing your kids any favors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At this point you better hope that they get in a relationship young, because the dating scene in general is such a mess.

This is so accurate and it’s scary and I think it has a lot to do with parents preventing their teens from dating. Then they have no innocent love and firsts while they are still in the house and you can help them out. And the they go from none of that to college drunk hook ups and then to lonely working adults on dating profiles.

Romance and socialization and companionship is dying and I truly believe helicopter parents and the stress and control they put on their kids ruin their teen years. And so if they can’t date, socialize and learn how dating and like/love and boundaries work in person, they sit home like “good kids” and look at porn and sit on social media to learn. It’s not healthy.

I am totally fine with my teens dating

This was me. I went from barely being allowed to leave the house and my mom listening on any calls with boys..to drunk hookups in college. Then I was 25 and my mom seemed annoyed I wasn’t dating anyone.

[Anonymous]

Yes. DS (18) has had a GF for 2y. Yes, we are fine with it. She is a nice kid, good grades, hard worker, polite and respectful, and thoughtful towards DS (and us.) They say they are going to stay together post graduation - we are going to let them figure it out. They are both going to school close to home but she is going into the Army Reserves to help pay for college. We have encouraged DS to think about what he wants his college days to look like...but he will need to figure that out for himself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old? There's a big difference between 13 and 17.

I was ok with my 15yo son having a gf, as long as it didn't start interfering with his other friendships or his future plans. I think dating as a teen is normal and healthy. Revolving your entire life around one other person is not.

+1.

How old? If it's 13, then no it's too young to get too involved, 17 is a different story, but also has its own concerns (e.g., choosing college based on the other person).

OP mentioned they only see each other once a week and busy with sports, but are they Facetiming or Snapping all night long? Does one get upset if they aren't replied to instantly, or not available to talk?

[Anonymous]

If you want to know, invite then to dinner and ask then how they feel about it. If it's serious, I'd do this. I also do it for my kids' best friends. I want to know who they are hanging out with. Plus, it usually leads to a friendship for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old? There's a big difference between 13 and 17.

I was ok with my 15yo son having a gf, as long as it didn't start interfering with his other friendships or his future plans. I think dating as a teen is normal and healthy. Revolving your entire life around one other person is not.

+1 DS had a gf at 16 and another at 17. All 3 were in a magnet program; all 3 got 4.0 unwgpa and high SATs; all 3 at great univ. He's still with his gf from senior year. They see each other 1x or 2x per month (they are a couple of hours from each other).

I have a HS DD, too. She's gone out with a boy a few times. Nothing serious.

I've told them that it was fine as long as their studies always remained #1, and that the person was also serious about their studies. Too easy for them to be led astray by gf/bf drama.

When DS broke up with his first gf, he was sooo sad. It was heartbreaking to watch. I wish I could put a bubble around my kids, but that's not realistic, and unfortunately, you have to let them go through those heartbreaks. I'm just glad it didn't affect his grades.

Now, if I had a kid who wasn't serious about their academics, and got into a relationship, and life revolved around that, I'd be seriously worried. I have seen too many kids when I was in HS go down that path.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At this point you better hope that they get in a relationship young, because the dating scene in general is such a mess.

This is so accurate and it’s scary and I think it has a lot to do with parents preventing their teens from dating. Then they have no innocent love and firsts while they are still in the house and you can help them out. And the they go from none of that to college drunk hook ups and then to lonely working adults on dating profiles.

Romance and socialization and companionship is dying and I truly believe helicopter parents and the stress and control they put on their kids ruin their teen years. And so if they can’t date, socialize and learn how dating and like/love and boundaries work in person, they sit home like “good kids” and look at porn and sit on social media to learn. It’s not healthy.

I am totally fine with my teens dating

This was me. I went from barely being allowed to leave the house and my mom listening on any calls with boys..to drunk hookups in college. Then I was 25 and my mom seemed annoyed I wasn’t dating anyone.

haha.. my mom didn't want me to move out on my own when I was 23, but I did anyways. When she called me one time I had a guy friend over and we were watching a movie. She was upset that I had a man over my place. Then at 25 she despaired that I was yet to be married. Umm.. how am I supposed to get married if I'm not allowed to be alone with a man in my own place?

I will admit that I am more concerned about dating for my DD than my DS. I think girls tend to become more consumed with relationships than boys at this age, probably in general.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think an important point is: are they saying this to your DD's face? No. I'm guessing not. If she's getting this impression/info via her boyfriend, this is a good lesson: she should not take another's interpretation as fact.

And even if they were to think what she thinks they think -- they are entitled to think whatever they want. Whatever their preference/opinon, it's not strong enough that it's been spoken directly to her.

Sure, he like everyone, talk about their parents, speculate on motives. And judge.

[Anonymous]

My 17 yo ds has a gf. She’s lovely but honestly, they’re in high school and I’m not getting invested in them being together forever. As long as he is happy and there doesn’t seemed to be any issues, I don’t care who he dates.

[Anonymous]

If they break up in last year of school, that would be more drama and stress than them keep dating until they move away for colleges.

Even if they attend same college, odds of them breaking up are high, higher if long distance so anyone trying purposely break them up now is just creating drama for no reason.

You should stay out of it and tell her to not pay any attention to their opinions and just remain polite. Once she and BF move away for college, they'll grow independent and decide their future according to their own preferences, not staying together or breaking up for others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 17 yo ds has a gf. She’s lovely but honestly, they’re in high school and I’m not getting invested in them being together forever. As long as he is happy and there doesn’t seemed to be any issues, I don’t care who he dates.

Thing is that you may seem nonchalant to yourself but you are telling them that they are too young, doomed to break up and you don't care about what they have together. You are practically hoping for them to break up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At this point you better hope that they get in a relationship young, because the dating scene in general is such a mess.

That^ and teens with no romantic relationships, feel rejected and deprived, which affects their self esteem and emotional wellbeing and they can't fully focus on studies and sports.