my husband said something yesterday that broke my heart

[Anonymous]

It's good he's in therapy and he should discuss these feelings with his therapist.

You can acknowledge that is what he feels,but note that has not been your observed reality when out with him.

He's likely at a point in therapy that has gotten really difficult and painful and he doesn't want to go through that.

So he's looking for you to validate what he's saying as real so he can focus on other people and them needing to change instead of focusing on himself.

[Anonymous]

Agree w others who say that maybe it’s the gross, stained t-shirts that are inviting the second looks.

Personally I think a confident Big Guy is really attractive! I’m sorry OP and totally understand how it would be heartbreaking to hear, and something you wouldn’t want to share with your peers. Hope you can help glow him up and get him to see what you see!

[Anonymous]

Ozempic works wonders. Get him on it and you’ll never regret the decision. Dude will shed fifty pounds in a few months easy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He said he thinks that people are laughing at him when they see him out and about.

He's a really big guy who has struggled with his weight forever. I think he thinks that's why people are noticing and laughing. I've never seen anyone laugh at him - we've been together for 17 years.

Sometimes he dresses badly - stained shirts that don't really fit; I wish he wouldn't, but I can only fight so much. I do think people notice when he's wearing clothes that don't fit.

But generally he does make some effort to look nice. And he does look nice. I think he looks really nice.

I just didn't know he feels this way. He said it in a way like he just takes it as a given that he is an object of derision. It's really shaken me that he feels this way - and feels it so deeply. I know that his shame over his body is at least part of what's causing us physical problems. It's been rough - but thankfully he's started therapy. I don't expect miracles but I do think it's positive that he finally feels ready, or at least willing, to talk to someone. I didn't know that he also extends this to basically the whole world.

I love this man. Everyone has issues and frustrations, and we're no exception, but I love him. I want him to feel good about himself. He's tried to lose weight, tried to exercise more - he could do a whole lot more than he's done but here we are now, and I don't want him to feel such self-loathing regardless of what his body looks and feels like.

I don't really have a question. But this is so personal it's not something I feel comfortable talking about with anyone I know in real life. Thanks for. listening.

Rampant troll posts these days

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ https://healthnews.com/news/ozempic-may-help-with-addiction/

DH may benefit from having the ozempic dose increased. Not sure why surgery is not covered if he is not only obese but diabetic? Perhaps appeal? Or try to change plans during open enrollment?

Or switch to Mournjaro.

But that only fixes his outward appearance and health. Being overweight is not only damaging to the physical but even more to the mental. I lost over 150lbs on Ozempic and Mounjaro, but in my brain I still think AND feel that I'm 300lbs.
I dress really well and buy expensive clothes but all of that doesn't make up for the shame I feel. My DH is extremely handsome and I was always thinking that folks were staring at me and wondering why would a guy like that want to be with me? I've had plastic surgery to address the extra skin and still I feel like people are still seeing a 300lb person. I am still depressed and sorrowful just like I was at 300lbs. It just doesn't let up.

So, I give my sad story to say it's more that just weight. If your DH I'd willing, maybe talk to him about therapy.


But I will also add Mournjaro really works and if he's on Ozempic, he definitely needs to talk to his Dr to evaluate uping the dose.

.

I have had great success with Mounjaro as well. One can also get a compound less expensive version called trizepatide. I had to pay out of pocket for Mounjaro b/c it was only covered for type two diabetes or pre diabetic people. I was morbidly obese but not pre diabetic so my insurance did not cover it. It is still going through FDA approval for weigh loss. I will say the medicine helped me with the 'food noise' and cravings. For me, losing the weight has helped with my confidence. I can now go exercise classes without feeling like the biggest women in the room. I do think there are mental factors at play as well they may not be immediately fixed. I still like to have a little weight on me b/c I don't want too much attention from men and I was never sexually abused.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ https://healthnews.com/news/ozempic-may-help-with-addiction/

DH may benefit from having the ozempic dose increased. Not sure why surgery is not covered if he is not only obese but diabetic? Perhaps appeal? Or try to change plans during open enrollment?

Or switch to Mournjaro.

But that only fixes his outward appearance and health. Being overweight is not only damaging to the physical but even more to the mental. I lost over 150lbs on Ozempic and Mounjaro, but in my brain I still think AND feel that I'm 300lbs.
I dress really well and buy expensive clothes but all of that doesn't make up for the shame I feel. My DH is extremely handsome and I was always thinking that folks were staring at me and wondering why would a guy like that want to be with me? I've had plastic surgery to address the extra skin and still I feel like people are still seeing a 300lb person. I am still depressed and sorrowful just like I was at 300lbs. It just doesn't let up.

So, I give my sad story to say it's more that just weight. If your DH I'd willing, maybe talk to him about therapy.


But I will also add Mournjaro really works and if he's on Ozempic, he definitely needs to talk to his Dr to evaluate uping the dose.

.

I have had great success with Mounjaro as well. One can also get a compound less expensive version called trizepatide. I had to pay out of pocket for Mounjaro b/c it was only covered for type two diabetes or pre diabetic people. I was morbidly obese but not pre diabetic so my insurance did not cover it. It is still going through FDA approval for weigh loss. I will say the medicine helped me with the 'food noise' and cravings. For me, losing the weight has helped with my confidence. I can now go exercise classes without feeling like the biggest women in the room. I do think there are mental factors at play as well they may not be immediately fixed. I still like to have a little weight on me b/c I don't want too much attention from men and I was never sexually abused.

It has been approved for weight loss under the name Zepbound. Same strengths as Mournjaro.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ https://healthnews.com/news/ozempic-may-help-with-addiction/

DH may benefit from having the ozempic dose increased. Not sure why surgery is not covered if he is not only obese but diabetic? Perhaps appeal? Or try to change plans during open enrollment?

Or switch to Mournjaro.

But that only fixes his outward appearance and health. Being overweight is not only damaging to the physical but even more to the mental. I lost over 150lbs on Ozempic and Mounjaro, but in my brain I still think AND feel that I'm 300lbs.
I dress really well and buy expensive clothes but all of that doesn't make up for the shame I feel. My DH is extremely handsome and I was always thinking that folks were staring at me and wondering why would a guy like that want to be with me? I've had plastic surgery to address the extra skin and still I feel like people are still seeing a 300lb person. I am still depressed and sorrowful just like I was at 300lbs. It just doesn't let up.

So, I give my sad story to say it's more that just weight. If your DH I'd willing, maybe talk to him about therapy.


But I will also add Mournjaro really works and if he's on Ozempic, he definitely needs to talk to his Dr to evaluate uping the dose.

.

I have had great success with Mounjaro as well. One can also get a compound less expensive version called trizepatide. I had to pay out of pocket for Mounjaro b/c it was only covered for type two diabetes or pre diabetic people. I was morbidly obese but not pre diabetic so my insurance did not cover it. It is still going through FDA approval for weigh loss. I will say the medicine helped me with the 'food noise' and cravings. For me, losing the weight has helped with my confidence. I can now go exercise classes without feeling like the biggest women in the room. I do think there are mental factors at play as well they may not be immediately fixed. I still like to have a little weight on me b/c I don't want too much attention from men and I was never sexually abused.

It has been approved for weight loss under the name Zepbound. Same strengths as Mournjaro.

Thanks, I will check it out! Someone was mentioning Zepbound to me, but I did not know much about it.

[Anonymous]

OP - One will assume you do the food shopping, so start to shift DH and the family away from the unhealthy snacks and drinks, but in a way that can be tolerated. Buy smaller size sodas and look for Zero calorie or low calorie sport and other drinks. Start putting out water as the beverage for some meals. Also, do what you can to encourage reasonable size portions.

[Anonymous]

ugh why is he going out in public like this in the first place? I'd have to say he is correct.

[Anonymous]

He needs to stop playing victim and make major life changes.

Word of warning: If he thinks he’s good enough to be with you as he is (and clearly, he does because his concern is others, not getting in shape for you), then he will think he’s too good for you when he gets back in shape and dresses better.

Get ready for him to become a nightmare to deal with and want to trade “up.” Men don’t do gratitude, so your fidelity during his ugly years will mean less than his perception of increased options.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - One will assume you do the food shopping, so start to shift DH and the family away from the unhealthy snacks and drinks, but in a way that can be tolerated. Buy smaller size sodas and look for Zero calorie or low calorie sport and other drinks. Start putting out water as the beverage for some meals. Also, do what you can to encourage reasonable size portions.

^^Complete nonsense. This is a BS take.

OP, you’re not this man’s mom. Don’t let him or anyone else put responsibility on you for his choices. No one would expect a man to micromanage his wife’s diet and weight loss. GTFOH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ https://healthnews.com/news/ozempic-may-help-with-addiction/

DH may benefit from having the ozempic dose increased. Not sure why surgery is not covered if he is not only obese but diabetic? Perhaps appeal? Or try to change plans during open enrollment?

Or switch to Mournjaro.

But that only fixes his outward appearance and health. Being overweight is not only damaging to the physical but even more to the mental. I lost over 150lbs on Ozempic and Mounjaro, but in my brain I still think AND feel that I'm 300lbs.
I dress really well and buy expensive clothes but all of that doesn't make up for the shame I feel. My DH is extremely handsome and I was always thinking that folks were staring at me and wondering why would a guy like that want to be with me? I've had plastic surgery to address the extra skin and still I feel like people are still seeing a 300lb person. I am still depressed and sorrowful just like I was at 300lbs. It just doesn't let up.

So, I give my sad story to say it's more that just weight. If your DH I'd willing, maybe talk to him about therapy.


But I will also add Mournjaro really works and if he's on Ozempic, he definitely needs to talk to his Dr to evaluate uping the dose.

.

I have had great success with Mounjaro as well. One can also get a compound less expensive version called trizepatide. I had to pay out of pocket for Mounjaro b/c it was only covered for type two diabetes or pre diabetic people. I was morbidly obese but not pre diabetic so my insurance did not cover it. It is still going through FDA approval for weigh loss. I will say the medicine helped me with the 'food noise' and cravings. For me, losing the weight has helped with my confidence. I can now go exercise classes without feeling like the biggest women in the room. I do think there are mental factors at play as well they may not be immediately fixed. I still like to have a little weight on me b/c I don't want too much attention from men and I was never sexually abused.

Aren’t you worried about what happens if you go off the drug?

[Anonymous]

I work with a guy that is very very large, but he’s also tremendously successful and in a position of power in our field. He dresses beautifully. Custom suits, beautiful ties, well-fitted shirts. I notice his size, but more I notice what he does with it. He also looks impeccable.

Your husband needs to ditch the clothes that don’t fit/are stained. Pronto.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“ Sometimes he dresses badly - stained shirts that don't really fit; I wish he wouldn't, but I can only fight so much. I do think people notice when he's wearing clothes that don't fit”

I think you should clearly tell him this part. That you think his weight is part of it and the other part is the way he dresses. One of those things is a lot easier to address than the other.

This is OP - and I truly appreciate the empathetic responses so far.

I do encourage him to change his shirt. Sometimes he just doesn't want to. What can I do? I didn't know he felt this way until yesterday - but now that I do know, I don't want to throw his insecurities in his face, even if his choices are sometimes making them come true. He's a grown man.

Throw out the stained or torn clothes and buy him nice replacements.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd get rid of the dirty clothes and replace with new ones. Can you go for walks together? Can you help enforce the healthy eating? Maybe private trainer if hes self conscious about going to the gym?

I truly don't mean to keep offering reasons why this or that won't work, because these are all good suggestions. We do go for some walks together but then his knees hurt and he has to stop. He did PT for a while which was helping with the pain, but then he stopped. I really can't make him do more than he does.

We eat healthy meals together, then he eats a crazy amount in snacks. You're going to lose your mind when I tell you he smokes, too ( not in the house). It's all bad, and I mean it when I say I can only fight so much. He KNOWS what he should do, and he doesn't need me telling me what he already knows. He has to decide that he wants to change these habits.

He doesn't want to work with a personal trainer. Maybe I should just make the appointment with one and see where it goes. I am trying to be encouraging and hands off about the therapy, and see if working with this person can help him get to the place where he's ready to make changes with these other things.

But I also think all this is aside from him feeling like people are laughing at him. These are all things that would work if he wanted to put effort into losing weight. Even if he doesn't, I really don't see people laughing at him! I think I would notice. I think I would notice? I am usually fairly socially aware.

I want him to feel good just as he is, even if nothing changes.

He has a whole closet of nice clothes. He replenishes his stuff fairly often. But sometimes he wants to wear a terrible old t-shirt, and that's his choice, too.

OP, has he tried Wellbutrin? I’m on it as an antidepressant, but it has done wonders for my mood with the added benefit of making me snack a lot less (a lot of people report losing weight on it). It helps with addictions so is also used to help quit smoking and as a side benefit helps with mindless eating.

Also just wanted to say he is lucky to have you!