Cling on female best friend

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound really insecure OP.

The dinner thing is weird, why do you feel the need to chaperone?

It’s not about chaperoning it’s that another woman is inviting my husband out and telling him not to bring his wife which is suspect.

I know it’s not a popular opinion to have but there is a difference in boundaries between a straight guy having a female friend and the nature of friendship between 2 guys friends.

I usually think after marriage and you start forming your own family those opposite sex friendships usually dwindle down.

You sound old fashioned and insecure. He can have whatever flavor friends he wants. Just because she has the same parts as you does not mean that he wants to use hers instead of yours!

I had a male friend who I had rejected romantically long ago. We remained friends. It was hilarious to me that his GF was so jealous, because she was settling for someone I had NO interest in.

OP-if they did not get together when they were both single, why would they now that he is married?

Calm down, and establish your own relationships beyond your husband. It is healthy.

This sounds like a pick me cool girl.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My best friends are 3 guys. We have been friends for over 20 years. I would have had a very big problem if my DH told me I had to “dwindle down” these relationships.

I’m not telling him not to be friends with her. Maybe I wasn’t clear on that part. Just not act like a pseudo bf and be her emotional support every time something bad happens to her.

He is a married man I’m just not sure why she is leaning on a married man instead of one of her girlfriends or family members.

His own sister doesn’t even act like this towards him but if she did it would make total sense after all it would be his own sister!

If she’s leaning on him it’s because your husband is letting her. Your beef is with your husband, not her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a spin off of the Dear MIL thread but it’s aimed towards the dreadful female bestie that thinks your husband is her pseudo boyfriend.

Dear Female Bestie:

I understand you have been friends with my husband since before I knew him but he is a married man and therefore I’m sorry but your friendship with him is going to always come secondary to our marriage as we made vows to each other so please stop pouting to him how he is changed now that he is a married man as if you didn’t expect him to put his wife before you. After all he made vows to me not to you. And you are a friend at the end of the day I’m his wife.

My husband is not your personal therapy to call up and vent to whenever you go through your probably 12th million break up and he isn’t your fill in pseudo boyfriend when you are single. That’s what your other girlfriends are for and your family members.

You ask him to meet you for dinner then when he naturally shows up with me his wife you act rude and don’t even so much as glance in my direction and you wonder why I’m not keen on you.

Please stop asking a married man to hangout with you alone it’s weird. You aren’t his sister, his mother, or any other female relative of his why do you expect to get exclusive access to another woman’s husband.

Wow. You are beyond insecure. It’s creepy and your rant sounds desperate. I’m married and don’t mind at all when my DH meets a female friend for dinner (actually, now that I think about it, he met one for lunch on Friday). I certainly wouldn’t go. And several years ago I met a male friend for dinner because I was traveling, and in his town, and he showed up with his wife unexpectedly—and he apologized for it later, and we actually laughed about her acting jealous and insecure.

That's inappropriate

No it wasn't. His wife was being ridiculous insisting on accompanying him to our dinner. It was stupid jealousy nonsense. We hadn't seen each other in person in almost 10 years and had a lot to catch up on. Instead of being able to catch up, there was basically two hours of small talk and the wife trying to get to know me (lots of questions about my life -- not intrusive, just the kind of stuff you talk about when you don't know someone). I wanted to hear all about his daughter, whom I had known well and cared about a lot, and he had to steer the conversation away from that because apparently the wife was jealous that I'd been close to the daughter. Her insisting on attending the dinner was ridiculous, and her getting in the way of he and I catching up was beyond annoying. So yeah, we laughed at it. Given the circumstances, I think it was totally appropriate. If we weren't laughing at her, we would have been tearing her down -- which would you prefer? It's not like we weren't going to talk about her crashing our dinner and getting in the way of us being able to catch up when we hadn't seen each other in person for years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a spin off of the Dear MIL thread but it’s aimed towards the dreadful female bestie that thinks your husband is her pseudo boyfriend.

Dear Female Bestie:

I understand you have been friends with my husband since before I knew him but he is a married man and therefore I’m sorry but your friendship with him is going to always come secondary to our marriage as we made vows to each other so please stop pouting to him how he is changed now that he is a married man as if you didn’t expect him to put his wife before you. After all he made vows to me not to you. And you are a friend at the end of the day I’m his wife.

My husband is not your personal therapy to call up and vent to whenever you go through your probably 12th million break up and he isn’t your fill in pseudo boyfriend when you are single. That’s what your other girlfriends are for and your family members.

You ask him to meet you for dinner then when he naturally shows up with me his wife you act rude and don’t even so much as glance in my direction and you wonder why I’m not keen on you.

Please stop asking a married man to hangout with you alone it’s weird. You aren’t his sister, his mother, or any other female relative of his why do you expect to get exclusive access to another woman’s husband.

Wow. You are beyond insecure. It’s creepy and your rant sounds desperate. I’m married and don’t mind at all when my DH meets a female friend for dinner (actually, now that I think about it, he met one for lunch on Friday). I certainly wouldn’t go. And several years ago I met a male friend for dinner because I was traveling, and in his town, and he showed up with his wife unexpectedly—and he apologized for it later, and we actually laughed about her acting jealous and insecure.

I don’t think this is giving what you think it’s giving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would care if my husband started suddenly going out with a new female friend. Even if it wasn't physical, I would call that an emotional affair.

What is your DH really getting out of this relationship? My DH's friends became my friends and vice versa. They wouldn't care if we both showed up for dinner. We're all coupled though.

Yeah that’s what gets me is his friend makes no effort with me as his wife. And then acts annoyed when I do make an effort and go to dinner with them and then she acts all annoyed and bothered by it.

If she didn’t care it wouldn’t piss me off near as much but the fact she finds it weird that his own wife comes to eat dinner with him is what is odd to me.

I think it’s odd she is shutting me out and keeping DH exclusively all to herself showing no interest in getting to know me or include me as the most important woman in DH’s life.

[Anonymous]

OP here FYI I would drop a guy “friend” that laughed about his wife behind her back because that shows horrible character on his part and I’m not interested in being friends with someone who has horrible character.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a spin off of the Dear MIL thread but it’s aimed towards the dreadful female bestie that thinks your husband is her pseudo boyfriend.

Dear Female Bestie:

I understand you have been friends with my husband since before I knew him but he is a married man and therefore I’m sorry but your friendship with him is going to always come secondary to our marriage as we made vows to each other so please stop pouting to him how he is changed now that he is a married man as if you didn’t expect him to put his wife before you. After all he made vows to me not to you. And you are a friend at the end of the day I’m his wife.

My husband is not your personal therapy to call up and vent to whenever you go through your probably 12th million break up and he isn’t your fill in pseudo boyfriend when you are single. That’s what your other girlfriends are for and your family members.

You ask him to meet you for dinner then when he naturally shows up with me his wife you act rude and don’t even so much as glance in my direction and you wonder why I’m not keen on you.

Please stop asking a married man to hangout with you alone it’s weird. You aren’t his sister, his mother, or any other female relative of his why do you expect to get exclusive access to another woman’s husband.

Wow. You are beyond insecure. It’s creepy and your rant sounds desperate. I’m married and don’t mind at all when my DH meets a female friend for dinner (actually, now that I think about it, he met one for lunch on Friday). I certainly wouldn’t go. And several years ago I met a male friend for dinner because I was traveling, and in his town, and he showed up with his wife unexpectedly—and he apologized for it later, and we actually laughed about her acting jealous and insecure.

That's inappropriate

No it wasn't. His wife was being ridiculous insisting on accompanying him to our dinner. It was stupid jealousy nonsense. We hadn't seen each other in person in almost 10 years and had a lot to catch up on. Instead of being able to catch up, there was basically two hours of small talk and the wife trying to get to know me (lots of questions about my life -- not intrusive, just the kind of stuff you talk about when you don't know someone). I wanted to hear all about his daughter, whom I had known well and cared about a lot, and he had to steer the conversation away from that because apparently the wife was jealous that I'd been close to the daughter. Her insisting on attending the dinner was ridiculous, and her getting in the way of he and I catching up was beyond annoying. So yeah, we laughed at it. Given the circumstances, I think it was totally appropriate. If we weren't laughing at her, we would have been tearing her down -- which would you prefer? It's not like we weren't going to talk about her crashing our dinner and getting in the way of us being able to catch up when we hadn't seen each other in person for years.

You sound like a pick me.

OP, I’m sure your dh’s friend is nothing like this poster. But even if she is, and you find out your dh is talking shit behind your back, your beef is still with him and not the pick me friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here FYI I would drop a guy “friend” that laughed about his wife behind her back because that shows horrible character on his part and I’m not interested in being friends with someone who has horrible character.

So isn't it a little concerning that your husband is friends with someone who has horrible character?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here FYI I would drop a guy “friend” that laughed about his wife behind her back because that shows horrible character on his part and I’m not interested in being friends with someone who has horrible character.

So isn't it a little concerning that your husband is friends with someone who has horrible character?

Not OP, but people are blind to character faults. Especially old friends. Quirks or bad character are often swept under the rug because of the history and longevity of the friendship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound really insecure OP.

The dinner thing is weird, why do you feel the need to chaperone?

It’s not about chaperoning it’s that another woman is inviting my husband out and telling him not to bring his wife which is suspect.

I know it’s not a popular opinion to have but there is a difference in boundaries between a straight guy having a female friend and the nature of friendship between 2 guys friends.

I usually think after marriage and you start forming your own family those opposite sex friendships usually dwindle down.

Why do you have to be there? Why don't you trust them? You DH should TELL HER that you are coming. It's rude not to.

But, honestly, you come off as petty and controlling. And a little jealous. There is zero reason they cannot be friends, even very good friends. The problem seems to be you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a spin off of the Dear MIL thread but it’s aimed towards the dreadful female bestie that thinks your husband is her pseudo boyfriend.

Dear Female Bestie:

I understand you have been friends with my husband since before I knew him but he is a married man and therefore I’m sorry but your friendship with him is going to always come secondary to our marriage as we made vows to each other so please stop pouting to him how he is changed now that he is a married man as if you didn’t expect him to put his wife before you. After all he made vows to me not to you. And you are a friend at the end of the day I’m his wife.

My husband is not your personal therapy to call up and vent to whenever you go through your probably 12th million break up and he isn’t your fill in pseudo boyfriend when you are single. That’s what your other girlfriends are for and your family members.

You ask him to meet you for dinner then when he naturally shows up with me his wife you act rude and don’t even so much as glance in my direction and you wonder why I’m not keen on you.

Please stop asking a married man to hangout with you alone it’s weird. You aren’t his sister, his mother, or any other female relative of his why do you expect to get exclusive access to another woman’s husband.

Wow. You are beyond insecure. It’s creepy and your rant sounds desperate. I’m married and don’t mind at all when my DH meets a female friend for dinner (actually, now that I think about it, he met one for lunch on Friday). I certainly wouldn’t go. And several years ago I met a male friend for dinner because I was traveling, and in his town, and he showed up with his wife unexpectedly—and he apologized for it later, and we actually laughed about her acting jealous and insecure.

That's inappropriate

No it wasn't. His wife was being ridiculous insisting on accompanying him to our dinner. It was stupid jealousy nonsense. We hadn't seen each other in person in almost 10 years and had a lot to catch up on. Instead of being able to catch up, there was basically two hours of small talk and the wife trying to get to know me (lots of questions about my life -- not intrusive, just the kind of stuff you talk about when you don't know someone). I wanted to hear all about his daughter, whom I had known well and cared about a lot, and he had to steer the conversation away from that because apparently the wife was jealous that I'd been close to the daughter. Her insisting on attending the dinner was ridiculous, and her getting in the way of he and I catching up was beyond annoying. So yeah, we laughed at it. Given the circumstances, I think it was totally appropriate. If we weren't laughing at her, we would have been tearing her down -- which would you prefer? It's not like we weren't going to talk about her crashing our dinner and getting in the way of us being able to catch up when we hadn't seen each other in person for years.

I don’t know what’s scarier that you are discussing their daughter and so involved with their daughter’s life yet don’t show the same interest or energy into getting to know your friend’s wife as you are his daughter

Or that you think it’s inevitable that her own husband is going to see his own wife as “crashing” your dinner and “getting in the way”

The fact that you just assume that he is gonna be comfortable doing this about his own wife shows that maybe there is more than meets the eye here about the friendship?

Like are you guys chatting it up and yucking it up all the time and never including his wife in the conversations?

Again why do you care so deeply for their daughter but make no effort with the mother of said daughter and wife of said friend??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would care if my husband started suddenly going out with a new female friend. Even if it wasn't physical, I would call that an emotional affair.

What is your DH really getting out of this relationship? My DH's friends became my friends and vice versa. They wouldn't care if we both showed up for dinner. We're all coupled though.

Yeah that’s what gets me is his friend makes no effort with me as his wife. And then acts annoyed when I do make an effort and go to dinner with them and then she acts all annoyed and bothered by it.

If she didn’t care it wouldn’t piss me off near as much but the fact she finds it weird that his own wife comes to eat dinner with him is what is odd to me.

I think it’s odd she is shutting me out and keeping DH exclusively all to herself showing no interest in getting to know me or include me as the most important woman in DH’s life.

Or maybe she feels you're being jealous and controlling, and trying to end her long term friendship? Maybe air the grievance with her directly and try to find a path forward where you can all be friends. But you don't sound like YOU are acknowledging your role in this. Your posts drip with jealousy, controlling, and contempt for her. You think she doesn't pick up on that too?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All fine except the last paragraph which is way over the line.

How is the last paragraph over the line?

Point blank once a man (again referring to in a heterosexual relationship) is married another woman that’s not his relative (mother,sister, grandma etc) shouldn’t be asking him to not bring his wife because if it’s on the up and up why can’t she come?

Because he is still an individual. That she knows and cares about. They have things to discuss that you have no knowledge of. They do not want to spend the whole evening bringing you up to spend on every single thing they have shared over years.

I think your main problem is that you now think you are a part of him. That is so unhealthy. You two are partners, not ONE.

[Anonymous]

This is a well known troll on this site. Last time Jeff called her out she had 3 threads on the go - one as a fiancée, one as a divorcee and one as a married spouse.

Always the same story, insecure with her husband talking to women who aren’t his mother or sister (and sometimes not even allowed to talk to them!)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound really insecure OP.

The dinner thing is weird, why do you feel the need to chaperone?

It’s not about chaperoning it’s that another woman is inviting my husband out and telling him not to bring his wife which is suspect.

I know it’s not a popular opinion to have but there is a difference in boundaries between a straight guy having a female friend and the nature of friendship between 2 guys friends.

I usually think after marriage and you start forming your own family those opposite sex friendships usually dwindle down.

It's your DH's responsibility to set boundaries that support HIS marriage. You may have a legitimate issue with HIS relationship with his female friend but it is your DH that owes you something. Why aren't you holding him accountable for HIS behavior instead of a woman who owes you nothing?

You have a DH problem.

+1

+1

When my best guy friend got married, he got into the habit of calling me a few times to ask me about things she did and if I did them too.

I told him to stop playing the comparison game and love her and ask her these questions, not me, if he wants to stay married.

He hasn’t called or texted me about her since and has only contacted me a few times about unrelated things after that.

I sent him a happy birthday text and he didn’t text back.

That’s how grown ups navigate this stuff. I miss his friendship but I didn’t want to be a sexual relationship with him, so I don’t get that, either. It’s ok. I never want his wife to feel threatened by our friendship.