Cling on female best friend

[Anonymous]

You are right Op, he married you.
He didn’t marry her.

He knew her before you and didn’t marry her.

He chose you.

Let your DH create the new boundary with her (you said she was “pouting” about this, so clearly he has set a new boundary)

I hope you won’t be this jealous when you have kids and they choose your husband over you as they inevitably will sometimes.

[Anonymous]

I have a number of married male friends. I've known them for between 15 and 30 years. I spend plenty of time alone with them - dinners, lunches, coffees, occasional drinks - all platonic and all but one of their wives knows and doesn't care.

Now, I suspect one of the wives doesn't know. Her husband isn't sleeping with me but she has plenty of reason not to trust him. OP, if your husband is open about the time he spends with his friend, that's a good sign it's noting to worry about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are right Op, he married you.
He didn’t marry her.

He knew her before you and didn’t marry her.

He chose you.

Let your DH create the new boundary with her (you said she was “pouting” about this, so clearly he has set a new boundary)

I hope you won’t be this jealous when you have kids and they choose your husband over you as they inevitably will sometimes.

That’s completely apples and oranges and you know it. Our kids are our kids and I have an unconditional love towards them this female friend I have no loyalty to. Plus my husband and I are both their parents so equal levels of importance. This girl is just a friend and pouts because my husband dares prioritizes his own wife over her.

And I will encourage my kids to spend time with each of us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a number of married male friends. I've known them for between 15 and 30 years. I spend plenty of time alone with them - dinners, lunches, coffees, occasional drinks - all platonic and all but one of their wives knows and doesn't care.

Now, I suspect one of the wives doesn't know. Her husband isn't sleeping with me but she has plenty of reason not to trust him. OP, if your husband is open about the time he spends with his friend, that's a good sign it's noting to worry about.

Umm why are you hanging out with this dude if he is keeping this a secret from his wife? I don’t care if you don’t know her it’s still a shitty thing to do to another woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My best friends are 3 guys. We have been friends for over 20 years. I would have had a very big problem if my DH told me I had to “dwindle down” these relationships.

I’m not telling him not to be friends with her. Maybe I wasn’t clear on that part. Just not act like a pseudo bf and be her emotional support every time something bad happens to her.

He is a married man I’m just not sure why she is leaning on a married man instead of one of her girlfriends or family members.

His own sister doesn’t even act like this towards him but if she did it would make total sense after all it would be his own sister!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My best friends are 3 guys. We have been friends for over 20 years. I would have had a very big problem if my DH told me I had to “dwindle down” these relationships.

I bet these guys don’t request you meet them for dinner and tell you your DH isn’t welcome.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have a DH problem, not a 'his best friend' problem.

This. I’ve dated a couple guys who had this dynamic with a female friend. I broke up with them, not married them

[Anonymous]

This sounds like it was written by a 13-year-old.

[Anonymous]

It’s weird that you showed up to their dinner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound really insecure OP.

The dinner thing is weird, why do you feel the need to chaperone?

It’s not about chaperoning it’s that another woman is inviting my husband out and telling him not to bring his wife which is suspect.

I know it’s not a popular opinion to have but there is a difference in boundaries between a straight guy having a female friend and the nature of friendship between 2 guys friends.

I usually think after marriage and you start forming your own family those opposite sex friendships usually dwindle down.

Who’s forcing your husband to go?

[Anonymous]

OP, let's say all your feelings and anger toward her are completely valid. How do you feel toward your husband? What is the letter you'd write to him?

[Anonymous]

All fine except the last paragraph which is way over the line.

[Anonymous]

...My husband is not your personal therapy to call up and vent to whenever you go through your probably 12th million break up and he isn’t your fill in pseudo boyfriend when you are single. That’s what your other girlfriends are for and your family members.....

Wow. You do you know why this woman behaves the way she does? YOUR DH ALLOWS IT.

Your DH could put an end to this today. He chooses not to yet you are blaming this other woman. Ask yourself why your DH continues to support her knowing how you feel. We all know why he does this but you'd rather blame her than recognized your feelings just aren't that important to him.

Reading your posts, I couldn't help but think of Loretta Lynn's You Ain't Woman Enough to Take My Man
https://youtu.be/wJJrUqBfH6A?feature=shared

[Anonymous]

Funny how OP hasn’t responded to the vast majority of posts saying this is a DH problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a spin off of the Dear MIL thread but it’s aimed towards the dreadful female bestie that thinks your husband is her pseudo boyfriend.

Dear Female Bestie:

I understand you have been friends with my husband since before I knew him but he is a married man and therefore I’m sorry but your friendship with him is going to always come secondary to our marriage as we made vows to each other so please stop pouting to him how he is changed now that he is a married man as if you didn’t expect him to put his wife before you. After all he made vows to me not to you. And you are a friend at the end of the day I’m his wife.

My husband is not your personal therapy to call up and vent to whenever you go through your probably 12th million break up and he isn’t your fill in pseudo boyfriend when you are single. That’s what your other girlfriends are for and your family members.

You ask him to meet you for dinner then when he naturally shows up with me his wife you act rude and don’t even so much as glance in my direction and you wonder why I’m not keen on you.

Please stop asking a married man to hangout with you alone it’s weird. You aren’t his sister, his mother, or any other female relative of his why do you expect to get exclusive access to another woman’s husband.

Wow. You are beyond insecure. It’s creepy and your rant sounds desperate. I’m married and don’t mind at all when my DH meets a female friend for dinner (actually, now that I think about it, he met one for lunch on Friday). I certainly wouldn’t go. And several years ago I met a male friend for dinner because I was traveling, and in his town, and he showed up with his wife unexpectedly—and he apologized for it later, and we actually laughed about her acting jealous and insecure.