DD is unhappy at her private and wants to do virtual school for two months before switching schools

[Anonymous]

Get her out of private school.
This is on you.

You failed. Move her now to public.

And stay there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I would let her. I was bullied and it was hell on earth. I would not let my child stay someplace where she was that miserable. Mental health matters. Years from now she won’t remember the bit of the curriculum she missed, but she will remember that her happiness was important to you.

This. And ignore all the blame the victim responses on here. As someone who was bullied two months is a long time. Find out what you can about virtual school and pull her out now.

[Anonymous]

Op, what virtual are you thinking about? Mcps for example has waitlists and it’s not something you can just enroll in. Very few of the private virtual have live teaching. Most are self paced with videos which is not very good. Stanford has an expensive top rated program but very hard to get into.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She needs to stick out the next couple months.

You need to go up the chain and enlist the administration now. You can email head of upper school with counselor CC'd. There could be someone else to set her up with. Your DD may need to realize the choice is to sit alone, sit with this not great group, or make friends with someone she otherwise would not gravitate towards who perhaps is more on the outs also.

Maybe every couple weeks take her out at lunchtime for an "appointment" if you are able, or on a less important/academic day let her have a day off/mental health day.

See if there is an activity she can get involved with at school this spring that gives her some purpose or connection at the school.

*Again- you need to call and speak with the head of upper school. You are at a private school, not public- they should be working with you more on this to make sure your child isn't miserable.

OP here. I have talked to the administration and asked if there was a safe place for her to eat lunch. The principal said there were no such place and had an attitude of "if you don't like it, leave," which is exactly what we're doing. My daughter was called into the office to talk about the situation and the principal thought she "might be part of the problem" and that if she tried harder to get along with them, maybe they wouldn't be gossiping about her. I was appalled.

This is no good, OP. With this attitude from administration, I'd say your kid is not safe at this school. It's one thing if kids are excluding her. It's quite another thing if the administration has a negative bias against your kid. If anything should escalate, your kid will be defenseless. I would do virtual or brave the public for 2 months. I wouldn't leave my child in this situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get her out of private school.
This is on you.

You failed. Move her now to public.

And stay there.

You think public would be better?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get her out of private school.
This is on you.

You failed. Move her now to public.

And stay there.

You think public would be better?

Not a tiny class at least.
Easier to find someone to hang out with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:one of the reasons for private is that there are greater resources for addressing this.

I wish this were always true but privates can spin things to their liking and are often carved out of state bullying requirements unless the target is a protected class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I dont think she needs to” stick it out”. Imagine if we had no say in where we worked, who we hung out with and the environment we were in everyday. She's still a child and telling you that she needs help. To me, mental health above any academics. I would absolutely support her even if it if meant online school. Two months when you are 13 will not dictate her entire life, even academically. That being said, try to help her find a place and purpose, meaning an activity/ volunteer/ something. I think the lesson is, it's brave to realize something isn't working and that we can make changes when things are bad.

This

[Anonymous]

The local public school can't be worse than where your DD currently is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I would let her. I was bullied and it was hell on earth. I would not let my child stay someplace where she was that miserable. Mental health matters. Years from now she won’t remember the bit of the curriculum she missed, but she will remember that her happiness was important to you.

This. And ignore all the blame the victim responses on here. As someone who was bullied two months is a long time. Find out what you can about virtual school and pull her out now.

The bullying was last year in 8th, and yet they decided to stay on, and OP is only coming to ask for opinions in March of 9th grade. So, pardon me, but I have a different read on this. We are not victim-blaming. We're saying: her daughter is capable of sticking it out, and switching now to virtual for 2 months would perhaps have a deleterious effect on college admissions. Does she want to give those gossip girls that much power over her future?

So. Let's not dramatize here. I'll note in passing that OP never came back and explained the details of the bullying. I understand she might not want to identify her family, but usually when it's egregious, you can tell immediately. Again, not victim-blaming, but let's just say I find enough vagueness in the thread to not immediately jump to the Do Virtual Now Option. I agree with all the posters who explained that girl groups are fluid in adolescence and plenty of girls find themselves excluded for a while, only to form new friendships. Kids can be casually disrespectful towards one another, and enough kids gossip and spread rumors that it's unavoidable in a school setting.

My daughter is in a "good, safe" public school in Bethesda, and has found exactly one friend. The two of them avoid the girls who throw themselves at boys, they avoid the worst of the gossip, and they have zingers at the ready if someone tries to target them. They give a wide berth to the few physical students who shove other kids into lockers. My son at the same age did the same thing.

[Anonymous]

OP's daughter needs help developing tools to deal with this situation. I think it's wrong how she's being treated and how the admin has failed to respond, but she's also choosing to sit with these friends who actively ignore her everyday at lunch. So something else is going on where she's refusing to remove herself from these toxic friendship and she'd rather leave the school altogether. Given this, I don't think a local public is an option since clearly this teen has such an extreme aversion to eating alone that she's eating with people who don't like her.

[Anonymous]

OP here. DD has nine more weeks of school and I think she can stick it out for that period of time. Neither going to virtual school nor switching to public school for only two months is a good idea.

[Anonymous]

It is two months and then she will never have to step foot into this school ever again. She is not in a life threatening situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She needs to stick out the next couple months.

You need to go up the chain and enlist the administration now. You can email head of upper school with counselor CC'd. There could be someone else to set her up with. Your DD may need to realize the choice is to sit alone, sit with this not great group, or make friends with someone she otherwise would not gravitate towards who perhaps is more on the outs also.

Maybe every couple weeks take her out at lunchtime for an "appointment" if you are able, or on a less important/academic day let her have a day off/mental health day.

See if there is an activity she can get involved with at school this spring that gives her some purpose or connection at the school.

*Again- you need to call and speak with the head of upper school. You are at a private school, not public- they should be working with you more on this to make sure your child isn't miserable.

OP here. I have talked to the administration and asked if there was a safe place for her to eat lunch. The principal said there were no such place and had an attitude of "if you don't like it, leave," which is exactly what we're doing. My daughter was called into the office to talk about the situation and the principal thought she "might be part of the problem" and that if she tried harder to get along with them, maybe they wouldn't be gossiping about her. I was appalled.

This is awful. Have heard this scenario before. I would not be surprised if they said “context matters” or said the targets reaction to bullying makes it their fault.

Privates don’t “have to” address bullying under many state laws like publics do and can bend things so they fit their preferred narrative.

The principal(s) may not be qualified to address bullying. They went through training (education) and developed professionally at a time when bullying was not well understood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I would let her. I was bullied and it was hell on earth. I would not let my child stay someplace where she was that miserable. Mental health matters. Years from now she won’t remember the bit of the curriculum she missed, but she will remember that her happiness was important to you.

This. And ignore all the blame the victim responses on here. As someone who was bullied two months is a long time. Find out what you can about virtual school and pull her out now.

The bullying was last year in 8th, and yet they decided to stay on, and OP is only coming to ask for opinions in March of 9th grade. So, pardon me, but I have a different read on this. We are not victim-blaming. We're saying: her daughter is capable of sticking it out, and switching now to virtual for 2 months would perhaps have a deleterious effect on college admissions. Does she want to give those gossip girls that much power over her future?

So. Let's not dramatize here. I'll note in passing that OP never came back and explained the details of the bullying. I understand she might not want to identify her family, but usually when it's egregious, you can tell immediately. Again, not victim-blaming, but let's just say I find enough vagueness in the thread to not immediately jump to the Do Virtual Now Option. I agree with all the posters who explained that girl groups are fluid in adolescence and plenty of girls find themselves excluded for a while, only to form new friendships. Kids can be casually disrespectful towards one another, and enough kids gossip and spread rumors that it's unavoidable in a school setting.

My daughter is in a "good, safe" public school in Bethesda, and has found exactly one friend. The two of them avoid the girls who throw themselves at boys, they avoid the worst of the gossip, and they have zingers at the ready if someone tries to target them. They give a wide berth to the few physical students who shove other kids into lockers. My son at the same age did the same thing.

Except a private pay virtual, it may not be an option.