DD is unhappy at her private and wants to do virtual school for two months before switching schools
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Anonymous
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DD is a freshman at a small K-12 private school. She started at this school in seventh grade. I should start by saying that prior to her starting at this school and being bullied, she went to a public from K-6 and never had difficulty making friends.
She was bullied in eighth grade and due to the bullying, it has been hard for her to find a group of good, non-toxic friends. She wanted to switch schools last year but was not accepted at the private schools she applied to. Our local public has a reputation for being a bad school according to all the families we have spoken to. We thought this year would be different for her and luckily, her first semester of high school was a mostly positive experience. She found what she thought were two good groups of friends, but the two groups merged, and they all went to winter formal as a group without telling her. Now, that group talks about her behind her back. She is very lonely. Lunch is very stressful for her. She will sit down with her fake friends who will not include her in their conversations. It is very obvious they do not want to sit with her, but she literally has no other options. She got accepted into a private school this year and will be attending in the fall. I think she will have a positive experience as it is a much larger school and many kids that she already knows from our neighborhood attend this school. What she is worried about is how she is going to survive the next two months at her insular private. It is March and most of the other kids have already formed their friend groups. She does not want to sit by herself at lunch. We reached out to the counselor last year when she was being bullied but the counselor was very ineffective, and my DD does not want to talk to her again. According to other parents we have spoken to, she is not a good counselor. DD wants to try virtual school, but she only has two more months. I don't think it is a very good plan, but I am worried it is her only option. She is very unhappy. What do you all think about virtual school? |
Anonymous
| Tell your daughter to suck it up. According to others, the public school isn’t good. According to others, the counselor isn’t good. Maybe, just maybe it is your daughter? Not saying she deserves to be bullied, no one does but let’s focus on education instead of friendships. She can not run every time she does not have a friend. |
Anonymous
| Which virtual school are you walking about? Most probably will not let her join at this stage but it's spam dependent. Maybe transfer her to public? |
Anonymous
She hasn't had a positive experience at this school for the past two years... switching schools due to bullying is not "running away." |
Anonymous
| She needs to stick out and focus on keeping her grades high and just grind through. It’s only 2 months. |
Anonymous
| Honestly, I would let her. I was bullied and it was hell on earth. I would not let my child stay someplace where she was that miserable. Mental health matters. Years from now she won’t remember the bit of the curriculum she missed, but she will remember that her happiness was important to you. |
Anonymous
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I think since she is in high school and colleges will see these grades, she should stick it out.
Is there no one else she can sit with at lunch? Can she eat in a teacher classroom or something instead? |
Anonymous
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No, she needs to stick it out. Maybe this seems unfathomable to you and her, but I and plenty of others have sat by themselves at various grade levels. I vividly remember sitting BY MYSELF WITH A BOOK on certain days. Yes, there are literally other options for your kid - she doesn't need to sit with people she doesn't have a good rapport with. She can reach out to others. She just isn't used to being the odd one out.
Wake up, OP and kid. This is very minor, in the grand scheme of things. Better to live through this in high school and build social resilience rather than later. |
Anonymous
| Mental health is the most important factor. If a college views this freshman gap of 2 months they will still see growth in the following years. Kids do this for many reasons. |
Anonymous
It's one thing to be left out and another to be the target of malicious gossip |
Anonymous
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This is a hard decision. We have been in your position for other reasons and looked into this for medical and mental health reasons. Here’s what I found - there are a lot of accredited online virtual schools out there. Some have live classes, other do not and are completely work at your own pace. Almost all require enrolling for half of the semester, so she would need to repeat Q3. Elective credits might not transfer if they don’t have an equivalent so you could lose half the year upon transferring to your next private.
We asked our kid if he could stick it out for Q4 or if it was so bad he wanted to repeat half a year and work through the summer. He choose to repeat and work through the summer and we supported him. There is no right answer here. In hindsight, we made the right choice but he was in a mental health crisis. |
Anonymous
| Maybe let her finish the year at public school? Public schools provide so many more options for kids to find friends due to their sheer size. Your public school might not be the ‘best’ school on paper, it could be the better school for umpires child and provide a fresh start. |
Anonymous
Not being rude but why did you reenroll her this year if it was so bad last year? I'd have her finish out the school year and see if any privates have space or public. Public has to be better than what she is going through. If she were in public and the public ran the virtual (and there was space) she could probably make a smooth transition but the classes may be very different and it may be hard to switch for a few months. We remained in virtual up till this year and it was a good experience but it really depends on the school. |
Anonymous
+1mm i wasn't bullied, but the thought of my precious ones being bullied makes me sick. Ignore the toxic responses here, ignore the "just deal" responses. How many adults can just deal with this amount of criticism? My God, could the former President of the United States of America "just deal" with the criticism? But people expect a not fully formed 13 year old to "just deal"? OP - your task is to keep your child safe, physically and emotionally. Costs, inconvenience, and toxic fools on this board are secondary. |
Anonymous
| I’m so sorry, OP. That sounds really hard. There’s no other single kid or couple of kids she can try to befriend who aren’t in that large group? |