DD is unhappy at her private and wants to do virtual school for two months before switching schools

[Anonymous]

I know two kids who did exactly that and it was life changing (maybe life saving). Do not underestimate how damaging other kids like that can be to you child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I would let her. I was bullied and it was hell on earth. I would not let my child stay someplace where she was that miserable. Mental health matters. Years from now she won’t remember the bit of the curriculum she missed, but she will remember that her happiness was important to you.

I wouldn’t let the bullies rob her once again be creating a big red flag on her college apps by failing to complete her freshman year. It’s unclear what OP even means about “transferring her to virtual.”

Do not inject speculative paranoia about college into this serious situation OP's kid is facing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She needs to stick out the next couple months.

You need to go up the chain and enlist the administration now. You can email head of upper school with counselor CC'd. There could be someone else to set her up with. Your DD may need to realize the choice is to sit alone, sit with this not great group, or make friends with someone she otherwise would not gravitate towards who perhaps is more on the outs also.

Maybe every couple weeks take her out at lunchtime for an "appointment" if you are able, or on a less important/academic day let her have a day off/mental health day.

See if there is an activity she can get involved with at school this spring that gives her some purpose or connection at the school.

*Again- you need to call and speak with the head of upper school. You are at a private school, not public- they should be working with you more on this to make sure your child isn't miserable.

OP here. I have talked to the administration and asked if there was a safe place for her to eat lunch. The principal said there were no such place and had an attitude of "if you don't like it, leave," which is exactly what we're doing. My daughter was called into the office to talk about the situation and the principal thought she "might be part of the problem" and that if she tried harder to get along with them, maybe they wouldn't be gossiping about her. I was appalled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ask about alternate places to eat lunch. If that doesn’t work, finish the year at public (maybe she will make some friends too).

This. She's being bullied. See if the school will let her eat lunch in a classroom or volunteer in the library.

It would be great academically for her to finish her classes rather than switching to virtual. If lunch is the main issue, that seems like there could be solves. But I'd also work on finding her other social outlets so she can make friends outside of school. She'll feel better about school if she has other friends to see on nights and weekends. Those girls will be less likely to get under her skin.

OP here, she does have some friends from an extracurricular.

[Anonymous]

I think it would be better to have her transfer to public for the last two months, but I’d let her leave either way.

Virtual school I think requires some structure and getting used to how it works, and I think that would be too hard to do with no notice and for such a short time. And the classes may not transfer in the same way ?

Small schools and especially privates can have these kinds of environments. Don’t let people tell you your daughter is the problem if she never had issues better this.

[Anonymous]

Before not better

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell your daughter to suck it up. According to others, the public school isn’t good. According to others, the counselor isn’t good. Maybe, just maybe it is your daughter? Not saying she deserves to be bullied, no one does but let’s focus on education instead of friendships. She can not run every time she does not have a friend.

Wow. I"ve read a lot of dick comments on here but this is one of the Big Dick Comments of all time. And that's saying something,

[Anonymous]

Why don't parents of girls teach their daughters to not be such a$$holes? Damn. This has been the case since I was in HS and nothing has changed.

It's such a shame you all cannot teach your girls to be kind and inclusive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She needs to stick out the next couple months.

You need to go up the chain and enlist the administration now. You can email head of upper school with counselor CC'd. There could be someone else to set her up with. Your DD may need to realize the choice is to sit alone, sit with this not great group, or make friends with someone she otherwise would not gravitate towards who perhaps is more on the outs also.

Maybe every couple weeks take her out at lunchtime for an "appointment" if you are able, or on a less important/academic day let her have a day off/mental health day.

See if there is an activity she can get involved with at school this spring that gives her some purpose or connection at the school.

*Again- you need to call and speak with the head of upper school. You are at a private school, not public- they should be working with you more on this to make sure your child isn't miserable.

OP here. I have talked to the administration and asked if there was a safe place for her to eat lunch. The principal said there were no such place and had an attitude of "if you don't like it, leave," which is exactly what we're doing. My daughter was called into the office to talk about the situation and the principal thought she "might be part of the problem" and that if she tried harder to get along with them, maybe they wouldn't be gossiping about her. I was appalled.

With this information I would agree to virtual if the rest of the family could make it work. If you're worried about colleges, this could be a great turn-around admissions essay if things work out.

[Anonymous]

Just wanted to send OP and her family encouragement and support.

That last bit from the administration is a deal breaker.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just wanted to send OP and her family encouragement and support.

That last bit from the administration is a deal breaker.

+1 what an insane response from the HOS. What a quack.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell your daughter to suck it up. According to others, the public school isn’t good. According to others, the counselor isn’t good. Maybe, just maybe it is your daughter? Not saying she deserves to be bullied, no one does but let’s focus on education instead of friendships. She can not run every time she does not have a friend.

She hasn't had a positive experience at this school for the past two years... switching schools due to bullying is not "running away."

Would you tell someone being assaulted to suck it up and stay in the situation? The target should not be forced to stay under the same roof.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, she needs to stick it out. Maybe this seems unfathomable to you and her, but I and plenty of others have sat by themselves at various grade levels. I vividly remember sitting BY MYSELF WITH A BOOK on certain days. Yes, there are literally other options for your kid - she doesn't need to sit with people she doesn't have a good rapport with. She can reach out to others. She just isn't used to being the odd one out.

Wake up, OP and kid. This is very minor, in the grand scheme of things. Better to live through this in high school and build social resilience rather than later.

This is bullying. Would you say someone being assaulted should stick it out. In no other part of society do we make the target face the person assaulting them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I would let her. I was bullied and it was hell on earth. I would not let my child stay someplace where she was that miserable. Mental health matters. Years from now she won’t remember the bit of the curriculum she missed, but she will remember that her happiness was important to you.

+1mm
i wasn't bullied, but the thought of my precious ones being bullied makes me sick. Ignore the toxic responses here, ignore the "just deal" responses. How many adults can just deal with this amount of criticism? My God, could the former President of the United States of America "just deal" with the criticism? But people expect a not fully formed 13 year old to "just deal"?
OP - your task is to keep your child safe, physically and emotionally. Costs, inconvenience, and toxic fools on this board are secondary.

+2. Do we make any other stage of life stay in toxic relationships?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, she needs to stick it out. Maybe this seems unfathomable to you and her, but I and plenty of others have sat by themselves at various grade levels. I vividly remember sitting BY MYSELF WITH A BOOK on certain days. Yes, there are literally other options for your kid - she doesn't need to sit with people she doesn't have a good rapport with. She can reach out to others. She just isn't used to being the odd one out.

Wake up, OP and kid. This is very minor, in the grand scheme of things. Better to live through this in high school and build social resilience rather than later.

This is bullying. Would you say someone being assaulted should stick it out. In no other part of society do we make the target face the person assaulting them.

.

We do, in the workplace. People do their best to find a new job before they leave the old one. And we do, before divorce: we need to get our affairs in order, think about the kids, etc.

The question is: is it that bad here to warrant doing virtual right now?

We cannot answer this, OP. Only you and your kid can decide. From where I’m sitting, since there have been no explanations of the malicious gossip and the bullying was last year… I’d keep her there, and tell her to eat by herself with a book, like I had to do. I’ll be dammed if my kid has a blip on her record just because of a few mean girls! But I’m not in your or her shoes.