How to help son with gf problems

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your role is to listen to him, empathize, but not fix the relationship. This is how he learns what type of gf he wants, what kind of boyfriend he wants to be, etc.

Is it normal for him to be so depressed about this? He has refused to go to practice ever since this started, about a week ago. He is barely studying. He seems like a different person, very sad. I don't understand why he is so intense and extreme about her. They've only known each other a few months, since January.

This is exactly why we don’t encourage dating in high school.

So you want them to experience this for the first time when they're away from you in an unfamiliar and unmonitored environment?

They aren't sending their kids away, see.
Or they have the Life360 mommy tether on them

what does life 360 have to do with first relationships

[Anonymous]

Any update OP?

[Anonymous]

OP here.

So they talked and the “break” is over. Idk the exact details but they’re back on again. Sigh.

When I picked him up from school, he wanted me to take him to the store so he could buy her flowers. He knows that tulips are her favorite so he got those and left them at her front door with a little note as a surprise.

Idk what to think. It’s a nice gesture but I wonder if he’s being too much of a “sure thing” again for her liking. Part of me thinks he is setting himself up to get hurt again and part of me thinks this is the way some people have to learn things?

Part of me also remembers being that age and wishing for a devoted boyfriend who would bring me flowers and call when he said he would and not cheat, etc.

Idk where he picks up his ideas from bc my understanding from media is that boys his age are usually commitphobes. And here he is trying to lock her down.

[Anonymous]

That sounds sweet but I would remind him to just match her energy and decide what he wants if she continues to push away. A lot of times teens play this back and forth game and it can get toxic.

But he will definitely find someone else that will appreciate him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your role is to listen to him, empathize, but not fix the relationship. This is how he learns what type of gf he wants, what kind of boyfriend he wants to be, etc.

Is it normal for him to be so depressed about this? He has refused to go to practice ever since this started, about a week ago. He is barely studying. He seems like a different person, very sad. I don't understand why he is so intense and extreme about her. They've only known each other a few months, since January.

This is exactly why we don’t encourage dating in high school.

No one asked you for your opinion and no help. Go away troll

NP but this is not what a “troll” is.
This is just someone who is offering an opinion you don’t like.

And even though you or OP may not find it helpful, it may be a helpful post for other parents reading this and considering that there are alternatives to helping your kid navigate circumstances in which they dont find themselves developmentally ready.
Like delaying the whole dating process ti begin with.
15 is awfully young for this sort of attachment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

So they talked and the “break” is over. Idk the exact details but they’re back on again. Sigh.

When I picked him up from school, he wanted me to take him to the store so he could buy her flowers. He knows that tulips are her favorite so he got those and left them at her front door with a little note as a surprise.

Idk what to think. It’s a nice gesture but I wonder if he’s being too much of a “sure thing” again for her liking. Part of me thinks he is setting himself up to get hurt again and part of me thinks this is the way some people have to learn things?

Part of me also remembers being that age and wishing for a devoted boyfriend who would bring me flowers and call when he said he would and not cheat, etc.

Idk where he picks up his ideas from bc my understanding from media is that boys his age are usually commitphobes. And here he is trying to lock her down.

Sorry Op but I strongly disagree with the advice to butt out, you need to reverse genders and ask yourself what would you’d say if your daughter was being treated this way by her boyfriend. Blowing off plans to go hang with friends is a jerk behavior. Media may be telling you that this generation are commitment phobex but social media is telling girls that they should be showered with expensive dates, gifts and flowers and their dates are expected to do it EVERY time. You need to play a proactive role in deprogramming this toxic messaging. Healthy relationships don’t require one person to be treated like a doormat. If you son wants a certain type of relationship and he shouldn’t lower his standards or beg for her scraps of time. Having a nice guy pining for you is today’s equivalent of “notch in the belt”. Watch a few TikTok’s on this subject OP, eye opening stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your role is to listen to him, empathize, but not fix the relationship. This is how he learns what type of gf he wants, what kind of boyfriend he wants to be, etc.

Is it normal for him to be so depressed about this? He has refused to go to practice ever since this started, about a week ago. He is barely studying. He seems like a different person, very sad. I don't understand why he is so intense and extreme about her. They've only known each other a few months, since January.

This is exactly why we don’t encourage dating in high school.

No one asked you for your opinion and no help. Go away troll

NP but this is not what a “troll” is.
This is just someone who is offering an opinion you don’t like.

And even though you or OP may not find it helpful, it may be a helpful post for other parents reading this and considering that there are alternatives to helping your kid navigate circumstances in which they dont find themselves developmentally ready.
Like delaying the whole dating process ti begin with.
15 is awfully young for this sort of attachment.

I wonder how you all got so old and strange. A sophomore in high school may even be late for a first love/crush. I think it's just the uptight college bound snowplow helicopter mommies that think 20 is the perfect age for a first kiss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

So they talked and the “break” is over. Idk the exact details but they’re back on again. Sigh.

When I picked him up from school, he wanted me to take him to the store so he could buy her flowers. He knows that tulips are her favorite so he got those and left them at her front door with a little note as a surprise.

Idk what to think. It’s a nice gesture but I wonder if he’s being too much of a “sure thing” again for her liking. Part of me thinks he is setting himself up to get hurt again and part of me thinks this is the way some people have to learn things?

Part of me also remembers being that age and wishing for a devoted boyfriend who would bring me flowers and call when he said he would and not cheat, etc.

Idk where he picks up his ideas from bc my understanding from media is that boys his age are usually commitphobes. And here he is trying to lock her down.

Sorry Op but I strongly disagree with the advice to butt out, you need to reverse genders and ask yourself what would you’d say if your daughter was being treated this way by her boyfriend. Blowing off plans to go hang with friends is a jerk behavior. Media may be telling you that this generation are commitment phobex but social media is telling girls that they should be showered with expensive dates, gifts and flowers and their dates are expected to do it EVERY time. You need to play a proactive role in deprogramming this toxic messaging. Healthy relationships don’t require one person to be treated like a doormat. If you son wants a certain type of relationship and he shouldn’t lower his standards or beg for her scraps of time. Having a nice guy pining for you is today’s equivalent of “notch in the belt”. Watch a few TikTok’s on this subject OP, eye opening stuff.

#boymom
#girlshaming

[Anonymous]

Tell him there is always the one who loves and one who accepts love. It’s up to him who he wants to be.

[Anonymous]

What is your relationship like with your spouse?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell him there is always the one who loves and one who accepts love. It’s up to him who he wants to be.

That is so unhealthy to even say to a teen. WTH

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell him there is always the one who loves and one who accepts love. It’s up to him who he wants to be.

That is so unhealthy to even say to a teen. WTH

+1 wth

Teen relationships and even marriages go back and forth with who likes who more at certain times. It’s whether you want to work on it or not.

Yes, some are lopsided and you gotta learn to level it out or move on.