How to help son with gf problems

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your role is to listen to him, empathize, but not fix the relationship. This is how he learns what type of gf he wants, what kind of boyfriend he wants to be, etc.

Is it normal for him to be so depressed about this? He has refused to go to practice ever since this started, about a week ago. He is barely studying. He seems like a different person, very sad. I don't understand why he is so intense and extreme about her. They've only known each other a few months, since January.

No OP get him help
This is not normal for a 15 year old.
He is too attached to her not good!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop talking to him about the relationship except to listen empathetically as much as you can stand to. No advice or perspective.

Focus on enforcing boundaries about everything else (skipping practice would have serious consequences in our house) and building him up about the other parts of his life.

How so? I don't want to punish him for having feelings, even big ones. When this first started, I was sitting with him trying to convince him to go and he was literally crying into his pasta. What was I supposed to do? Then yesterday he was lying on his bed refusing to move. He's literally taller and heavier than me now. I can't just pick him up and push him out the door anymore.

As far as listening goes. I tell him "I know this is hard, I've been there. Everyone goes through this. I know you feel disappointed. But it's going to be ok. This too will pass." Is there anything else I should be saying? I think he only tells me the actual details though to get advice on what he should do.

There’s no punishment for feelings. There ARE consequences for shirking on your commitments, like sports practice. Probably starting with just annoying extra “assistance” getting to practice and then stopping other things he likes until practice is back on track. Imo quitting the team is better than skipping practice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your role is to listen to him, empathize, but not fix the relationship. This is how he learns what type of gf he wants, what kind of boyfriend he wants to be, etc.

Is it normal for him to be so depressed about this? He has refused to go to practice ever since this started, about a week ago. He is barely studying. He seems like a different person, very sad. I don't understand why he is so intense and extreme about her. They've only known each other a few months, since January.

This is exactly why we don’t encourage dating in high school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your role is to listen to him, empathize, but not fix the relationship. This is how he learns what type of gf he wants, what kind of boyfriend he wants to be, etc.

Is it normal for him to be so depressed about this? He has refused to go to practice ever since this started, about a week ago. He is barely studying. He seems like a different person, very sad. I don't understand why he is so intense and extreme about her. They've only known each other a few months, since January.

This is exactly why we don’t encourage dating in high school.

No one asked you for your opinion and no help. Go away troll

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your role is to listen to him, empathize, but not fix the relationship. This is how he learns what type of gf he wants, what kind of boyfriend he wants to be, etc.

Is it normal for him to be so depressed about this? He has refused to go to practice ever since this started, about a week ago. He is barely studying. He seems like a different person, very sad. I don't understand why he is so intense and extreme about her. They've only known each other a few months, since January.

This is exactly why we don’t encourage dating in high school.

Noted

[Anonymous]

Op, I just wanted to commiserate. My 14 yo boy recently broke up with his 15 yo gf after about 6 months together, and I totally saw it coming. He was all in and she was going along because it was something to do, but I couldn’t tell him this. It hurt so much to see him so devastated, but such is life, and first loves….

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would give him this piece of advice. If he can step back a little, it will give her room to step forward. It can be hard to reciprocate in a relationship where one partner is doing everything; there’s no room for her to do her part.

THIS!

Tell him his neediness right now is pushing her away. That’s why she called when he was away.

If he gives her space she will either come back or move on. But forcing this and being this overly involved and sad will only push her away.

Now he may not at first. He’s gotta learn on his own because sometimes the only voice of reason is his own mind. He should also look up anxious attachment so he learns from this relationship and doesn’t repeat it.

Self respect > feelings

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your role is to listen to him, empathize, but not fix the relationship. This is how he learns what type of gf he wants, what kind of boyfriend he wants to be, etc.

Is it normal for him to be so depressed about this? He has refused to go to practice ever since this started, about a week ago. He is barely studying. He seems like a different person, very sad. I don't understand why he is so intense and extreme about her. They've only known each other a few months, since January.

No OP get him help
This is not normal for a 15 year old.
He is too attached to her not good!

It’s been a week. Calm down

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your role is to listen to him, empathize, but not fix the relationship. This is how he learns what type of gf he wants, what kind of boyfriend he wants to be, etc.

Is it normal for him to be so depressed about this? He has refused to go to practice ever since this started, about a week ago. He is barely studying. He seems like a different person, very sad. I don't understand why he is so intense and extreme about her. They've only known each other a few months, since January.

This is exactly why we don’t encourage dating in high school.

This is precisely what I was going to say after reading this story. Most 14-17 year olds are not mentally or emotionally equipped to handle what comes with an exclusive, romantic relationship.

They can’t moderate nor maintain a realistic perspective and often throw waste their potential away by being “depressed” over a relationship that was never worth being depressed over to begin with, as OP’s son is doing.

OP, I know you said he doesn’t open up to DH, but I agree with the other poster who said he might have been so intense because he lacks emotional intimacy in general.

I would encourage him to open up to his father and make friends about this. The fact that he only feels comfortable opening up about his feelings to you and his gf means he needs to work on building emotionally secure relationships with men. Maybe then he won’t be so clingy and fatalistic over this one girl.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your role is to listen to him, empathize, but not fix the relationship. This is how he learns what type of gf he wants, what kind of boyfriend he wants to be, etc.

Is it normal for him to be so depressed about this? He has refused to go to practice ever since this started, about a week ago. He is barely studying. He seems like a different person, very sad. I don't understand why he is so intense and extreme about her. They've only known each other a few months, since January.

This is exactly why we don’t encourage dating in high school.

This is precisely what I was going to say after reading this story. Most 14-17 year olds are not mentally or emotionally equipped to handle what comes with an exclusive, romantic relationship.

They can’t moderate nor maintain a realistic perspective and often throw waste their potential away by being “depressed” over a relationship that was never worth being depressed over to begin with, as OP’s son is doing.

OP, I know you said he doesn’t open up to DH, but I agree with the other poster who said he might have been so intense because he lacks emotional intimacy in general.

I would encourage him to open up to his father and make friends about this. The fact that he only feels comfortable opening up about his feelings to you and his gf means he needs to work on building emotionally secure relationships with men. Maybe then he won’t be so clingy and fatalistic over this one girl.

Next

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your role is to listen to him, empathize, but not fix the relationship. This is how he learns what type of gf he wants, what kind of boyfriend he wants to be, etc.

Is it normal for him to be so depressed about this? He has refused to go to practice ever since this started, about a week ago. He is barely studying. He seems like a different person, very sad. I don't understand why he is so intense and extreme about her. They've only known each other a few months, since January.

This is exactly why we don’t encourage dating in high school.

This is precisely what I was going to say after reading this story. Most 14-17 year olds are not mentally or emotionally equipped to handle what comes with an exclusive, romantic relationship.

They can’t moderate nor maintain a realistic perspective and often throw waste their potential away by being “depressed” over a relationship that was never worth being depressed over to begin with, as OP’s son is doing.

OP, I know you said he doesn’t open up to DH, but I agree with the other poster who said he might have been so intense because he lacks emotional intimacy in general.

I would encourage him to open up to his father and make friends about this. The fact that he only feels comfortable opening up about his feelings to you and his gf means he needs to work on building emotionally secure relationships with men. Maybe then he won’t be so clingy and fatalistic over this one girl.

Next

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your role is to listen to him, empathize, but not fix the relationship. This is how he learns what type of gf he wants, what kind of boyfriend he wants to be, etc.

Is it normal for him to be so depressed about this? He has refused to go to practice ever since this started, about a week ago. He is barely studying. He seems like a different person, very sad. I don't understand why he is so intense and extreme about her. They've only known each other a few months, since January.

This is exactly why we don’t encourage dating in high school.

This is precisely what I was going to say after reading this story. Most 14-17 year olds are not mentally or emotionally equipped to handle what comes with an exclusive, romantic relationship.

They can’t moderate nor maintain a realistic perspective and often throw waste their potential away by being “depressed” over a relationship that was never worth being depressed over to begin with, as OP’s son is doing.

OP, I know you said he doesn’t open up to DH, but I agree with the other poster who said he might have been so intense because he lacks emotional intimacy in general.

I would encourage him to open up to his father and make friends about this. The fact that he only feels comfortable opening up about his feelings to you and his gf means he needs to work on building emotionally secure relationships with men. Maybe then he won’t be so clingy and fatalistic over this one girl.

Next

https://media1.tenor.com/m/QIIa7xXRFcUAAAAC/mad.gif" border="0" class="embeddedImage" />

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your role is to listen to him, empathize, but not fix the relationship. This is how he learns what type of gf he wants, what kind of boyfriend he wants to be, etc.

Is it normal for him to be so depressed about this? He has refused to go to practice ever since this started, about a week ago. He is barely studying. He seems like a different person, very sad. I don't understand why he is so intense and extreme about her. They've only known each other a few months, since January.

This is exactly why we don’t encourage dating in high school.

This is precisely what I was going to say after reading this story. Most 14-17 year olds are not mentally or emotionally equipped to handle what comes with an exclusive, romantic relationship.

They can’t moderate nor maintain a realistic perspective and often throw waste their potential away by being “depressed” over a relationship that was never worth being depressed over to begin with, as OP’s son is doing.

OP, I know you said he doesn’t open up to DH, but I agree with the other poster who said he might have been so intense because he lacks emotional intimacy in general.

I would encourage him to open up to his father and make friends about this. The fact that he only feels comfortable opening up about his feelings to you and his gf means he needs to work on building emotionally secure relationships with men. Maybe then he won’t be so clingy and fatalistic over this one girl.

Next

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your role is to listen to him, empathize, but not fix the relationship. This is how he learns what type of gf he wants, what kind of boyfriend he wants to be, etc.

Is it normal for him to be so depressed about this? He has refused to go to practice ever since this started, about a week ago. He is barely studying. He seems like a different person, very sad. I don't understand why he is so intense and extreme about her. They've only known each other a few months, since January.

This is exactly why we don’t encourage dating in high school.

This is precisely what I was going to say after reading this story. Most 14-17 year olds are not mentally or emotionally equipped to handle what comes with an exclusive, romantic relationship.

They can’t moderate nor maintain a realistic perspective and often throw waste their potential away by being “depressed” over a relationship that was never worth being depressed over to begin with, as OP’s son is doing.

OP, I know you said he doesn’t open up to DH, but I agree with the other poster who said he might have been so intense because he lacks emotional intimacy in general.

I would encourage him to open up to his father and make friends about this. The fact that he only feels comfortable opening up about his feelings to you and his gf means he needs to work on building emotionally secure relationships with men. Maybe then he won’t be so clingy and fatalistic over this one girl.

Excellent points. Get your DH involved OP. There are some things for teen boys that are better heard from dad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your role is to listen to him, empathize, but not fix the relationship. This is how he learns what type of gf he wants, what kind of boyfriend he wants to be, etc.

Is it normal for him to be so depressed about this? He has refused to go to practice ever since this started, about a week ago. He is barely studying. He seems like a different person, very sad. I don't understand why he is so intense and extreme about her. They've only known each other a few months, since January.

This is exactly why we don’t encourage dating in high school.

This is precisely what I was going to say after reading this story. Most 14-17 year olds are not mentally or emotionally equipped to handle what comes with an exclusive, romantic relationship.

They can’t moderate nor maintain a realistic perspective and often throw waste their potential away by being “depressed” over a relationship that was never worth being depressed over to begin with, as OP’s son is doing.

OP, I know you said he doesn’t open up to DH, but I agree with the other poster who said he might have been so intense because he lacks emotional intimacy in general.

I would encourage him to open up to his father and make friends about this. The fact that he only feels comfortable opening up about his feelings to you and his gf means he needs to work on building emotionally secure relationships with men. Maybe then he won’t be so clingy and fatalistic over this one girl.

+1 this is one of the best responses by far I have seen. I hope posters will listen but we know they won’t.