Am I overreacting?

[Anonymous]

PSA: my 12 year old is still gettting tucked in and we will do it as long as he asks. It's one more chance to say I love you and get a hug and kiss in. He is taller than me but I don't care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound like an obnoxious attorney. Lighten up.

Hahahahaha. Young attorneys are not great mates. Maybe the older timers were because they adjusted better at home.

[Anonymous]

*old timers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DW and I agree kids bedtime is 830. DW likes to decompress by scrolling instagram when we are in bed getting ready to go to sleep. Last night she had the kids in our bed scrolling IG, playing random Spotify songs, and generally being noisy past 9pm. I got into bed with a book and was trying to read but the commotion was highly distracting. I looked over as she was scrolling Spotify playing songs and she realized it was late and loud so said “kids, dad doesn’t want you in the room time to go to bed”

This is at least the 5th time this has happened in the last year or so. I have requested a boundary that our bedroom is not family entertainment space, especially after 830, as we have a 4 level townhouse with many other spaces for that.

I was most annoyed that she framed it to the kids as me not wanting them there, rather than she taking responsibility for her ignoring what I think is a very reasonable request. And I was upset that there was no acknowledgment or apology last night or this morning when I brought it up, asking how do we keep this boundary that we agreed to previously. The apology came 10 mins into an argument, which I felt I “wrung” out of her. I just think it’s so inconsiderate to do something like that, multiple times, and I wonder how someone can treat their spouse that way. “Forgetting what time it is” seems to me another way of saying “I don’t really care about what is importing to you” but am I being too sensitive or overreacting?

I hate these types of mothers. They want to be cool and act as if their friends with their kids instead of a parent. No, a parent should not be in bed showing kids social media (which is horrible for them) at bedtime. Showing them screen time at bedtime is also bad.

All you horrible parents who don't get it, you never will until your kids grow up and act out. Children thrive best with structure and routine. End of story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm confused why you don't take control of the situation at 830 or when you hopped into bed at 9. "Time to head to your room guys. Love you."

The boundary is reasonable enough. I would suggest you lighten up slightly and allow for some joy and spontaneity in your parenting style and I say that as a person who has systems and schedules too.

But what is the explanation as to why you can't speak up? Why do you look over and say nothing and let your wife say something?

Because if the father speaks up it becomes an argument with the mother. She knows this. It's a trap. A wife with passive aggressive behavior. It's a lose/lose for the father who just wants the best for his kids. She wants to play and be friends with the kids instead of raising them.

[Anonymous]

You all live in a Townhouse?

[Anonymous]

8:30 is way too early even with early school start. What are you doing in bed at 9 pm?
She said what she said on purpose and she has had it with your whiny/uptight self.
I cannot believe you made her apologize when she didn't want to and shouldn't have had to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DW and I agree kids bedtime is 830. DW likes to decompress by scrolling instagram when we are in bed getting ready to go to sleep. Last night she had the kids in our bed scrolling IG, playing random Spotify songs, and generally being noisy past 9pm. I got into bed with a book and was trying to read but the commotion was highly distracting. I looked over as she was scrolling Spotify playing songs and she realized it was late and loud so said “kids, dad doesn’t want you in the room time to go to bed”

This is at least the 5th time this has happened in the last year or so. I have requested a boundary that our bedroom is not family entertainment space, especially after 830, as we have a 4 level townhouse with many other spaces for that.

I was most annoyed that she framed it to the kids as me not wanting them there, rather than she taking responsibility for her ignoring what I think is a very reasonable request. And I was upset that there was no acknowledgment or apology last night or this morning when I brought it up, asking how do we keep this boundary that we agreed to previously. The apology came 10 mins into an argument, which I felt I “wrung” out of her. I just think it’s so inconsiderate to do something like that, multiple times, and I wonder how someone can treat their spouse that way. “Forgetting what time it is” seems to me another way of saying “I don’t really care about what is importing to you” but am I being too sensitive or overreacting?

If this is happening too frequently- screen addict parent checking out and. It enforcing basic house rules- go get some fine tuning done in joint therapy.

My spouse is from a family that never talked about anything; everything was swept under the rug, large and small. Of course that made things worse. But larger than that they are all still very passive and quiet and lie about conflict. So I just go straight to the same counselor to hash out one conflict at a time. We do have many communication tips but only I am doing them and spouse is not. I am quite disappointed and worried the children will carry on this bad habit but am trying to demonstrate good comms for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DW and I agree kids bedtime is 830. DW likes to decompress by scrolling instagram when we are in bed getting ready to go to sleep. Last night she had the kids in our bed scrolling IG, playing random Spotify songs, and generally being noisy past 9pm. I got into bed with a book and was trying to read but the commotion was highly distracting. I looked over as she was scrolling Spotify playing songs and she realized it was late and loud so said “kids, dad doesn’t want you in the room time to go to bed”

This is at least the 5th time this has happened in the last year or so. I have requested a boundary that our bedroom is not family entertainment space, especially after 830, as we have a 4 level townhouse with many other spaces for that.

I was most annoyed that she framed it to the kids as me not wanting them there, rather than she taking responsibility for her ignoring what I think is a very reasonable request. And I was upset that there was no acknowledgment or apology last night or this morning when I brought it up, asking how do we keep this boundary that we agreed to previously. The apology came 10 mins into an argument, which I felt I “wrung” out of her. I just think it’s so inconsiderate to do something like that, multiple times, and I wonder how someone can treat their spouse that way. “Forgetting what time it is” seems to me another way of saying “I don’t really care about what is importing to you” but am I being too sensitive or overreacting?

I hate these types of mothers. They want to be cool and act as if their friends with their kids instead of a parent. No, a parent should not be in bed showing kids social media (which is horrible for them) at bedtime. Showing them screen time at bedtime is also bad.

All you horrible parents who don't get it, you never will until your kids grow up and act out. Children thrive best with structure and routine. End of story.

+1. OP’s wife sounds like a vapid dud. I am a mom and to me, “fun with mom before bed”= chatting, reading together or to each other, telling stories or jokes, tickle fight, listening to music. Not scrolling on the phone. How pathetic.

And no, 8:30am is not too early for bedtime.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound like an obnoxious attorney. Lighten up.

They both sound annoying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:8:30 is way too early even with early school start. What are you doing in bed at 9 pm?
She said what she said on purpose and she has had it with your whiny/uptight self.
I cannot believe you made her apologize when she didn't want to and shouldn't have had to.

Oh really? Where did you get your medical degree and where do you practice sleep medicine? Oh you don’t? Then please tell us how you know better than the American academy of sleep medicine and the CDC, which recommends 10-12 hours of sleep every 24 hours for children the age of OP’s children, and which have studied and reported on the chronic levels of sleep deprivation among children which is linked to poor performance in school as well as mental health disorders?

9pm to 6am is 9 hours of sleep, assuming the kids are asleep by 9pm - that’s not even meeting the basic requirements recommended by sleep physicians.

When your kids are struggling with mental illness in middle and high school, you might want to look at how late you are letting them stay up with their digital devices under the covers.