Am I overreacting?

[Anonymous]

DW and I agree kids bedtime is 830. DW likes to decompress by scrolling instagram when we are in bed getting ready to go to sleep. Last night she had the kids in our bed scrolling IG, playing random Spotify songs, and generally being noisy past 9pm. I got into bed with a book and was trying to read but the commotion was highly distracting. I looked over as she was scrolling Spotify playing songs and she realized it was late and loud so said “kids, dad doesn’t want you in the room time to go to bed”

This is at least the 5th time this has happened in the last year or so. I have requested a boundary that our bedroom is not family entertainment space, especially after 830, as we have a 4 level townhouse with many other spaces for that.

I was most annoyed that she framed it to the kids as me not wanting them there, rather than she taking responsibility for her ignoring what I think is a very reasonable request. And I was upset that there was no acknowledgment or apology last night or this morning when I brought it up, asking how do we keep this boundary that we agreed to previously. The apology came 10 mins into an argument, which I felt I “wrung” out of her. I just think it’s so inconsiderate to do something like that, multiple times, and I wonder how someone can treat their spouse that way. “Forgetting what time it is” seems to me another way of saying “I don’t really care about what is importing to you” but am I being too sensitive or overreacting?

[Anonymous]

You sound like an obnoxious attorney. Lighten up.

[Anonymous]

Agree you could lighten up and try to join your family in the fun. 5 times in a year can be forgiven. But yeah, she should have phrased it differently.

[Anonymous]

How come you didn't offer to put the kids to bed?

[Anonymous]

Were you waiting for her to put them to bed?

[Anonymous]

How much I think you are overreacting friend on your kids' ages. Middle schoolers? Lighten up. Take all those cuddles while you can get them!

Much younger? Yeah, the kids need to sleep.

If it were weekly, I'd be more sympathetic, but give times a year sounds okay, like a special treat. If it is a special treat, much better for you two to agree on a number of spontaneous cuddle nights you can tolerate, and set some parameters, e.g. only if no one has a big work/school/sports thing the next day.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Kids are 12. Nobody needs to put them to bed. I did fill up the humidifier in their room and check for brushed teeth, if that’s the question

[Anonymous]

830 is pretty early for 12 yo.

[Anonymous]

8:30 is early for 12-year-olds.

[Anonymous]

You’ll have to step up and be the parent. It’s not about your book or your need to decompress. It’s that your children need to decompress and then get to sleep.

[Anonymous]

They have to wake up at 6 to get to school on time. It’s just the cadence of things around here. Push it all back an hour, the point is the same

[Anonymous]

Are you asking if you overreacted about her phrasing of the comment to kids or about letting the kids stay up?

Letting kids stay up - yes, overreacting
Comment to kids - not overreacting, you both agreed to the rules.

Maybe it's time to reevaluate bedtime. That's too early for 12 yo

[Anonymous]

Why can’t you say, “ok everyone, time for bed!” & get it moving? Your wife needs to do this every single night?

Do the parenting. Don’t read your book & wish that your wife will do the parenting. That’s why she is phrasing it that way - because you want them to go to bed, but won’t actually verbalize that. You just get your book, sigh, pout, etc.

[Anonymous]

It was definitely wrong of her to say "dad doesn't want you in the room." The rest is eh. 8:30 is early and she could have legit lost track of time. It also feels like you wanted them in bed because you wanted to relax and not because that's a healthy bedtime for them.

[Anonymous]

Use.your.words. Why can’t you say “kids, time for bed?” So sick of guys like this. I have one at home. Why does the woman always have to take the lead? Why do you have to do passive aggressive sighing instead of being a big boy who uses his words.