Hugs?

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I found an old thread to ask a question that I don’t want to attract much attention to. If there is a man who says that he only feels that he and you (woman) are friends and then gives you a really tight and long (at least 30 seconds) hug, what does that mean? Does he truly feel like a friend or is there something more going on? The woman is married, the man is single. [/quote]

If he's gay, this is comforting. If he's het, this is super weird, unless they're childhood friends or otherwise especially close.

30 seconds of physical contact is pretty intimate.[/quote]
Definitely not gay. Yes, so weird, has never happened to me before, therefore am trying to figure out what he meant by this hug. [/quote]

Are one of you going on a long trip? Recent loss or heavy news (e.g. cancer diagnosis)? Had you been venting about how shite life is right now, or some other situation that might make him feel compelled to offer comfort? Were there traveling hands or was it just a static, tight hug?

I mean, I don't want to jump to "eww, creepy" but... without some sort of reason or explanation, that is entirely too long a hug from someone who is simply hugging you.[/quote]
We'd worked together for a few months and had a couple of deep conversations. I'm fully remote, the company is on the West coast, where he lives. I recently went there for a business meeting and met him in person for the first time, outside of work. He gave me a tight hug when we met, then we went for a walk and he briefly hugged me a couple of times as we walked and then when it was time to say goodbye, he held me really tight and for a long time and didn't say anything, no traveling hands. I didn't complain to him about anything, and it's likely not going to be soon when we meet in person again but it certainly might happen in the future. [/quote]

You two are having an emotional affair. (If you are both single, having an "affair" isn't bad.)

If that's not your intention, you should tell him. [/quote]
Well, I genuinely have no idea as to what is going on between us. I’m married, and he is a lot younger and single (I’m in my 40s, he is 30s). He told me he feels we are friends. And I don’t know if/when we’ll even meet in person again. [b]We no longer work together and exchange text messages a couple of times a week. [/b][/quote]

You are comfortable texting in front of your husband and sharing some of the info he mentions, right?
Occasionally sending a group text to both of them, right?
And comfortable talking about your husband in a positive light, right?

Or no?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I found an old thread to ask a question that I don’t want to attract much attention to. If there is a man who says that he only feels that he and you (woman) are friends and then gives you a really tight and long (at least 30 seconds) hug, what does that mean? Does he truly feel like a friend or is there something more going on? The woman is married, the man is single.

If he's gay, this is comforting. If he's het, this is super weird, unless they're childhood friends or otherwise especially close.

30 seconds of physical contact is pretty intimate.

Definitely not gay. Yes, so weird, has never happened to me before, therefore am trying to figure out what he meant by this hug.

Are one of you going on a long trip? Recent loss or heavy news (e.g. cancer diagnosis)? Had you been venting about how shite life is right now, or some other situation that might make him feel compelled to offer comfort? Were there traveling hands or was it just a static, tight hug?

I mean, I don't want to jump to "eww, creepy" but... without some sort of reason or explanation, that is entirely too long a hug from someone who is simply hugging you.

We'd worked together for a few months and had a couple of deep conversations. I'm fully remote, the company is on the West coast, where he lives. I recently went there for a business meeting and met him in person for the first time, outside of work. He gave me a tight hug when we met, then we went for a walk and he briefly hugged me a couple of times as we walked and then when it was time to say goodbye, he held me really tight and for a long time and didn't say anything, no traveling hands. I didn't complain to him about anything, and it's likely not going to be soon when we meet in person again but it certainly might happen in the future.

You two are having an emotional affair. (If you are both single, having an "affair" isn't bad.)

If that's not your intention, you should tell him.

Well, I genuinely have no idea as to what is going on between us. I’m married, and he is a lot younger and single (I’m in my 40s, he is 30s). He told me he feels we are friends. And I don’t know if/when we’ll even meet in person again. We no longer work together and exchange text messages a couple of times a week.

You are comfortable texting in front of your husband and sharing some of the info he mentions, right?
Occasionally sending a group text to both of them, right?
And comfortable talking about your husband in a positive light, right?

Or no?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I found an old thread to ask a question that I don’t want to attract much attention to. If there is a man who says that he only feels that he and you (woman) are friends and then gives you a really tight and long (at least 30 seconds) hug, what does that mean? Does he truly feel like a friend or is there something more going on? The woman is married, the man is single.

If he's gay, this is comforting. If he's het, this is super weird, unless they're childhood friends or otherwise especially close.

30 seconds of physical contact is pretty intimate.

Definitely not gay. Yes, so weird, has never happened to me before, therefore am trying to figure out what he meant by this hug.

Are one of you going on a long trip? Recent loss or heavy news (e.g. cancer diagnosis)? Had you been venting about how shite life is right now, or some other situation that might make him feel compelled to offer comfort? Were there traveling hands or was it just a static, tight hug?

I mean, I don't want to jump to "eww, creepy" but... without some sort of reason or explanation, that is entirely too long a hug from someone who is simply hugging you.

We'd worked together for a few months and had a couple of deep conversations. I'm fully remote, the company is on the West coast, where he lives. I recently went there for a business meeting and met him in person for the first time, outside of work. He gave me a tight hug when we met, then we went for a walk and he briefly hugged me a couple of times as we walked and then when it was time to say goodbye, he held me really tight and for a long time and didn't say anything, no traveling hands. I didn't complain to him about anything, and it's likely not going to be soon when we meet in person again but it certainly might happen in the future.

You two are having an emotional affair. (If you are both single, having an "affair" isn't bad.)

If that's not your intention, you should tell him.

Well, I genuinely have no idea as to what is going on between us. I’m married, and he is a lot younger and single (I’m in my 40s, he is 30s). He told me he feels we are friends. And I don’t know if/when we’ll even meet in person again. We no longer work together and exchange text messages a couple of times a week.

You are comfortable texting in front of your husband and sharing some of the info he mentions, right?
Occasionally sending a group text to both of them, right?
And comfortable talking about your husband in a positive light, right?

Or no?

Yes to your questions 1 and 3. He texted to tell me that he has only felt that we are friends, so our conversations are very innocent. I wouldn’t send them a group text because they haven’t met and because our conversations and common interests are different. With that guy we talk about work and general life updates: e.g., someone in the extended family got sick or engaged.

[Anonymous]

It’s ok to be attracted to a co worker and ok to hug them, albeit less common post #metoo. To do so for 30 seconds plus continue to text him after you are no longer working together raises major red flags. Can count on one hand the number of ex co-workers I still text after they leave, if we didn’t know each other socially before working together.

Feels a bit like you are trickle truthing hoping for someone here to defend or justify your behavior and/or your male friend is telling you he wants to be friends , hoping you’ll open the door for more since you’re the married one. Either you should be honest to DH about the true nature of this friendship or you should cut off before it causes major issues …

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s ok to be attracted to a co worker and ok to hug them, albeit less common post #metoo. To do so for 30 seconds plus continue to text him after you are no longer working together raises major red flags. Can count on one hand the number of ex co-workers I still text after they leave, if we didn’t know each other socially before working together.

Feels a bit like you are trickle truthing hoping for someone here to defend or justify your behavior and/or your male friend is telling you he wants to be friends , hoping you’ll open the door for more since you’re the married one. Either you should be honest to DH about the true nature of this friendship or you should cut off before it causes major issues …

I'm not looking for anybody's approval, just tried to understand what he meant to say with his hug. I have 2 adult children, and both of them independently of each other told me that they will support my decision to leave their father if I choose to do so because life is short and they know that I'm unhappy with him. I wish I had mutual feelings with a man closer in age to me and at the same stage of life. Don't know why I met this young guy who lives so far away, and now both of us have to suppress our feelings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I found an old thread to ask a question that I don’t want to attract much attention to. If there is a man who says that he only feels that he and you (woman) are friends and then gives you a really tight and long (at least 30 seconds) hug, what does that mean? Does he truly feel like a friend or is there something more going on? The woman is married, the man is single.

If he's gay, this is comforting. If he's het, this is super weird, unless they're childhood friends or otherwise especially close.

30 seconds of physical contact is pretty intimate.

Definitely not gay. Yes, so weird, has never happened to me before, therefore am trying to figure out what he meant by this hug.

Are one of you going on a long trip? Recent loss or heavy news (e.g. cancer diagnosis)? Had you been venting about how shite life is right now, or some other situation that might make him feel compelled to offer comfort? Were there traveling hands or was it just a static, tight hug?

I mean, I don't want to jump to "eww, creepy" but... without some sort of reason or explanation, that is entirely too long a hug from someone who is simply hugging you.

We'd worked together for a few months and had a couple of deep conversations. I'm fully remote, the company is on the West coast, where he lives. I recently went there for a business meeting and met him in person for the first time, outside of work. He gave me a tight hug when we met, then we went for a walk and he briefly hugged me a couple of times as we walked and then when it was time to say goodbye, he held me really tight and for a long time and didn't say anything, no traveling hands. I didn't complain to him about anything, and it's likely not going to be soon when we meet in person again but it certainly might happen in the future.

Is he from another culture? The way you're describing it doesn't sound particularly creepy (which doesn't mean it didn't make you uncomfortable).

It's non-standard for USians with the parameters you described, but... maybe just odd?

Isn’t creepy/not creepy totally subjective? It sounds like PP liked it, so not creepy. But objectively, seems creepy to me, that’s a lot of hugging for a first meet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s ok to be attracted to a co worker and ok to hug them, albeit less common post #metoo. To do so for 30 seconds plus continue to text him after you are no longer working together raises major red flags. Can count on one hand the number of ex co-workers I still text after they leave, if we didn’t know each other socially before working together.

Feels a bit like you are trickle truthing hoping for someone here to defend or justify your behavior and/or your male friend is telling you he wants to be friends , hoping you’ll open the door for more since you’re the married one. Either you should be honest to DH about the true nature of this friendship or you should cut off before it causes major issues …

I'm not looking for anybody's approval, just tried to understand what he meant to say with his hug. I have 2 adult children, and both of them independently of each other told me that they will support my decision to leave their father if I choose to do so because life is short and they know that I'm unhappy with him. I wish I had mutual feelings with a man closer in age to me and at the same stage of life. Don't know why I met this young guy who lives so far away, and now both of us have to suppress our feelings.

The more comes out, the more it seems you probably said or did something to lead him in the direction of romantic interest. Hard to imagine given your unhappiness with your marriage that none of this info came out while you were together.

To me it feels like he was engaging in the long hug hoping you’d do something more aggressive in return.

If you really have feelings don’t let age or distance be an obstacle but either way, come clean with your DH that things are likely ending so he can start to think about the future too.

Anyways back to the original topic , 30 second hug seems totally abnormal and off even for a significant other or spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s ok to be attracted to a co worker and ok to hug them, albeit less common post #metoo. To do so for 30 seconds plus continue to text him after you are no longer working together raises major red flags. Can count on one hand the number of ex co-workers I still text after they leave, if we didn’t know each other socially before working together.

Feels a bit like you are trickle truthing hoping for someone here to defend or justify your behavior and/or your male friend is telling you he wants to be friends , hoping you’ll open the door for more since you’re the married one. Either you should be honest to DH about the true nature of this friendship or you should cut off before it causes major issues …

I'm not looking for anybody's approval, just tried to understand what he meant to say with his hug. I have 2 adult children, and both of them independently of each other told me that they will support my decision to leave their father if I choose to do so because life is short and they know that I'm unhappy with him. I wish I had mutual feelings with a man closer in age to me and at the same stage of life. Don't know why I met this young guy who lives so far away, and now both of us have to suppress our feelings.

The more comes out, the more it seems you probably said or did something to lead him in the direction of romantic interest. Hard to imagine given your unhappiness with your marriage that none of this info came out while you were together.

To me it feels like he was engaging in the long hug hoping you’d do something more aggressive in return.

If you really have feelings don’t let age or distance be an obstacle but either way, come clean with your DH that things are likely ending so he can start to think about the future too.

Anyways back to the original topic , 30 second hug seems totally abnormal and off even for a significant other or spouse.

Oh no, I feel that if I tried to kiss him or something, he could have pushed me away. It was clear that we were saying goodbye at that moment, and he respects the boundaries of my marriage. I didn’t mention anything regarding my unhappiness to him as it’s nobody’s business. There is no point to mention this to DH because neither of us plan to act on our feelings.

[Anonymous]

Squeeze around mid back and then double handed squeeze of the @ss

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Squeeze around mid back and then double handed squeeze of the @ss

+1
Ideal hug.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Prefer to not be hugged; just handed $5,000

You can grope my a** for $5,000.

I'll grope your a** and take $5,000