Lack of Romamce Among Gen Z teens

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with you OP. It's...interesting and I wonder how they will turn out.
My 17.5 year old daughter has never had a boyfriend or kissed anyone (I believe this when she tells me). She's pretty, outgoing, friendly, stylish, etc and interested in boys. It's just never happened for her. She attends an all-girls school but when I talk to moms who went there 30 years ago they had plenty of exposure to boys. Now many of the girls live like nuns: they study 3 hours a day, do extracurriculars, sports and go through high school never having more than a few words with a guys.

This is all markedly different from my own high school life. I didn't have sex until college but from age 14 on I was kissing boys, making out (just shy of sex), dating. My life revolved around boys and I was a great student. But somehow I had hours and hours to think about them and my kid just slogs away at academics and all the rest of the crap that high schoolers today fill their time with.

My senior at an all boys high school is similar.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a 21 yo and a 23 yo. Neither had any high school boyfriends or girlfriends but both have/had healthy long-term relationships in college. Their friends also followed a similar pattern. I think that dating just starts at a later age than it did in the past.

Not a bad thing IMO.

Kids aren’t emotionally ready for sex in HS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:my 15 year daughter can't stand the guys at her school they are very immature and dumb .

They will be worse at college away from mom and dad. Just bring real. Boys with boys tend to become less mature and more hurtful.

Women like this.^ that’s why.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I tend to think a fair amount of it is:

(a) Busy schedules. My teens are/were much busier than my friends and I were in the 80s. We didn't have travel sports, we weren't taking 5 APs our senior year, very few of us were doing SAT prep, we weren't leading clubs in high school, etc.

(b) Parental involvement. I was a teen in the 80s and our parents didn't know where we were much of the time. Now parents have their kids on Life 360 and to be blunt, they're up their kid's a**. I see it in my own house -- when I was my DD's age (16), my weekend curfew was midnight. I would be fine with that for her, but I had to struggle to get DH to accept just 10pm. And he wants to know where she is, "have we heard from her? Where are they now? What time will they be home?" She has commented to me that if often feels as if it's not even worth bothering to go out.

I think that parental involvement, safetyism, and making so many of our kids' decisions for them leads to them just not putting themselves out there. Not taking risks, not being bold.

Wtf?! I graduated from a Fairfax county HS and played travel soccer from 1980-1988 and traveled everywhere—-Canada, up ad down eastern seaboard. I was a class officer and involved in clubs, had many paid jobs, etc.

Travel soccer was a thing (even for girls)—-it was just very competitive to make the team as there were at most an A and B team so all the other kids did rec

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, sperm counts and testosterone levels have been steadily declining over the past 50 years. I can't remember what the studies have shown -- maybe about 1 to 2% per year? And I think the rate of decline is even accelerating these days. So...

Yes. We are trying to eliminate the male gender. Slowly chipping away and phasing out the “he/him” pronouns.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a 21 yo and a 23 yo. Neither had any high school boyfriends or girlfriends but both have/had healthy long-term relationships in college. Their friends also followed a similar pattern. I think that dating just starts at a later age than it did in the past.

Not a bad thing IMO.

Kids aren’t emotionally ready for sex in HS.

I agree. If this is in fact the trend, then I think it’s definitely for the best.

[Anonymous]

My kid is in their first year of hs but he talks about people dating, even though he has not yet. I know there are parties and he is going to consider going to one in a few weeks. He is at a new school and adjusting. Honestly it doesn't seem that different to me.

[Anonymous]

I have a teen boy and he isn’t interested in girls yet. He’s only 14 and just doesn’t care. He’s a late bloomer so maybe when he’s 16. Who knows. Right now, he’s busy with school, sports, friends, his dog and of course video games.

My neighbor has a same age girl and she’s had a number of same age boyfriends. There are definitely boys out there looking for relationships. She seems to have very normal “dating” experiences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To the boy moms worried about how scared their kid is of being accused of sexual assault…good! They should all (whatever the relationship) understand consent and that anything other than a clear yes is a no, and everyone should know and be responsible for giving clear yes.

This isn’t something to be afraid of or make excuses to hold back happening.

In the board room, exam room, classroom…society should learn how to give and receive consent. Period.

Whoa there, slow down. DS is respectful of his female peers. It's not good for anyone to be scared of intimacy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, sperm counts and testosterone levels have been steadily declining over the past 50 years. I can't remember what the studies have shown -- maybe about 1 to 2% per year? And I think the rate of decline is even accelerating these days. So...

Yes. We are trying to eliminate the male gender. Slowly chipping away and phasing out the “he/him” pronouns.

and then surprised when it seems to be working. lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 15yr old DD has had two boyfriends. One kinda innocent for 3 months only seeing each other once a week and a lot of Group FaceTime with friends, fortnight, snap etc… They broke up and are now good friends.

She was single most of the summer and was with friends. Tons of flirting and fun. Nothing serious. Now she is with someone that was first friends, then slow/casual but it’s been about 6 months and I would say it’s both their first loves and it’s really sweet to watch. He takes her out for food, movies, they went laser tagging with friends. They go to each others sports games, workout in the gym, hang at each others houses (with parents) and study together sometimes. They baked cookies at Christmas, carved pumpkins at Halloween, and he’s surprises her with little gifts like candy, stuffed animal and once he picked her flowers. They both still see their friends equally and they just compliment each other. Of course as a mom I know the heart break will eventually happen. But I think teen relationships and friendships are really important. As long as grades stay up, they don’t see each other too much and it seems healthy, I am fine with it.

This sounds like such a sweet teen romance.

This thread is so interesting! It's exactly what I've seen with my kids. My DD who is a senior has never had a boyfriend, but she always has a date for a dance if she needs one. She says she would like a boyfriend, but I agree with a lot of the things that have been said -- they're all busy, the boys seem a little scared, and their social skills suck, whether it's because of the pandemic, their phones, or both.

[Anonymous]

I think dating in high school is a generally bad idea. It is a throw back from an era when people married before they were even 20. These days, it is not uncommon for college educated people to wait until 30. There is really nothing wrong with waiting until college to start romance. Emotionally and physically safer choice. Among my teen's friends, the only one dating in high school is super religious, whose life goal is to become a parent as soon as possible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, sperm counts and testosterone levels have been steadily declining over the past 50 years. I can't remember what the studies have shown -- maybe about 1 to 2% per year? And I think the rate of decline is even accelerating these days. So...

+1

I wonder if there has also been a similar alteration in girls' hormones.

This is bad news and I'm surprised that more people are not sounding the alarm about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think dating in high school is a generally bad idea. It is a throw back from an era when people married before they were even 20. These days, it is not uncommon for college educated people to wait until 30. There is really nothing wrong with waiting until college to start romance. Emotionally and physically safer choice. Among my teen's friends, the only one dating in high school is super religious, whose life goal is to become a parent as soon as possible.

I so agree. I also find it kind of creepy---the parents fixated on their HS kids' BFs and GFs---taking them on family trips and meeting the kids' parents. It's really gross.

My parents never would have had my BF come on a family vacation (if I had a BF in HS...lol).

Kids having sex in HS are not ready for the emotional fallout from those choices.

Then--it's a fact that the earlier kids start having sex--the more promiscuous they become and the likelihood of cheating down the road are also higher. Studies actually done on this.

Most kids have sex really young have emotional dysfunction in their home lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, sperm counts and testosterone levels have been steadily declining over the past 50 years. I can't remember what the studies have shown -- maybe about 1 to 2% per year? And I think the rate of decline is even accelerating these days. So...

+1

I wonder if there has also been a similar alteration in girls' hormones.

This is bad news and I'm surprised that more people are not sounding the alarm about it.

It’s a good thing. People will have less kids.