When to meet his kids

[Anonymous]

Your comfort level matters too. 3 parties need to agree it's time for you to meet- YOU, your partner, and the teenage kids (notice BM doesn't factor in here, because she doesn't). If you're not comfortable yet, that's ok and you should tell him you're not ready to meet them yet. End of story. "Too soon" doesn't matter. If he's not willing to respect that boundary, he's not the person for you. Boundaries are VERY important going into step parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your comfort level matters too. 3 parties need to agree it's time for you to meet- YOU, your partner, and the teenage kids (notice BM doesn't factor in here, because she doesn't). If you're not comfortable yet, that's ok and you should tell him you're not ready to meet them yet. End of story. "Too soon" doesn't matter. If he's not willing to respect that boundary, he's not the person for you. Boundaries are VERY important going into step parenting.

I agree w all of the above except the idea that BM doesn’t matter. She has a right to an opinion here. If we are looking at a long term picture of step parenting children, discounting her isn’t smart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your comfort level matters too. 3 parties need to agree it's time for you to meet- YOU, your partner, and the teenage kids (notice BM doesn't factor in here, because she doesn't). If you're not comfortable yet, that's ok and you should tell him you're not ready to meet them yet. End of story. "Too soon" doesn't matter. If he's not willing to respect that boundary, he's not the person for you. Boundaries are VERY important going into step parenting.

I agree w all of the above except the idea that BM doesn’t matter. She has a right to an opinion here. If we are looking at a long term picture of step parenting children, discounting her isn’t smart.

No she doesn’t have an opinion unless something was written into the agreement.

That being said it’s better to tell her than hear it from the kids.

[Anonymous]

Dinner okay maybe.

Sleep overs, no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your comfort level matters too. 3 parties need to agree it's time for you to meet- YOU, your partner, and the teenage kids (notice BM doesn't factor in here, because she doesn't). If you're not comfortable yet, that's ok and you should tell him you're not ready to meet them yet. End of story. "Too soon" doesn't matter. If he's not willing to respect that boundary, he's not the person for you. Boundaries are VERY important going into step parenting.

I agree w all of the above except the idea that BM doesn’t matter. She has a right to an opinion here. If we are looking at a long term picture of step parenting children, discounting her isn’t smart.

BM absolutely does not have a right to an opinion here. Even if something was written into the agreement about "introducing new partners" BM's opinion on whether or not you meet the kids now is irrelevant. If it's required for dad to tell her after a certain period of time that's one thing, but he is in no way required to listen to or factor in her opinion on the matter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your comfort level matters too. 3 parties need to agree it's time for you to meet- YOU, your partner, and the teenage kids (notice BM doesn't factor in here, because she doesn't). If you're not comfortable yet, that's ok and you should tell him you're not ready to meet them yet. End of story. "Too soon" doesn't matter. If he's not willing to respect that boundary, he's not the person for you. Boundaries are VERY important going into step parenting.

I agree w all of the above except the idea that BM doesn’t matter. She has a right to an opinion here. If we are looking at a long term picture of step parenting children, discounting her isn’t smart.

BM absolutely does not have a right to an opinion here. Even if something was written into the agreement about "introducing new partners" BM's opinion on whether or not you meet the kids now is irrelevant. If it's required for dad to tell her after a certain period of time that's one thing, but he is in no way required to listen to or factor in her opinion on the matter.

If he’s breaking an agreement she has the right to know,

[Anonymous]

Hopefully his ex is not like my ex. My ex flat out not only refused to have me introduce my kids to my gf 2 years after divorce. The crazy woman wasted money trying to get a judge to stop it, by making very colorful lies about me. And she was the one who actually ended the marriage because after she cheated. My only guess what that perhaps her love life didn't turn out the way she hoped and was using our kids as a "tool".

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your comfort level matters too. 3 parties need to agree it's time for you to meet- YOU, your partner, and the teenage kids (notice BM doesn't factor in here, because she doesn't). If you're not comfortable yet, that's ok and you should tell him you're not ready to meet them yet. End of story. "Too soon" doesn't matter. If he's not willing to respect that boundary, he's not the person for you. Boundaries are VERY important going into step parenting.

I agree w all of the above except the idea that BM doesn’t matter. She has a right to an opinion here. If we are looking at a long term picture of step parenting children, discounting her isn’t smart.

BM absolutely does not have a right to an opinion here. Even if something was written into the agreement about "introducing new partners" BM's opinion on whether or not you meet the kids now is irrelevant. If it's required for dad to tell her after a certain period of time that's one thing, but he is in no way required to listen to or factor in her opinion on the matter.

OP. Maybe not a legal right but it’s her kids. I am sympathetic to hearing her take on this.

[Anonymous]

He could mention you but I don’t think there is a need to have some formal meeting unless they want to meet you.

Dh’s parents got divorced 20 years ago. MIL has a boyfriend. They have been together for a year. DH met the guy twice, once at his mom’s birthday.

I don’t know who the MIL has dated over the past two decades but I think it would have been unnecessary stress on kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If they are not divorced it’s an affair.

Read. They are divorced and were before OP was involved.

[Anonymous]

You aren't sure it's right so don't do it yet. Meet if and when the kids are interested. If the kids are ambivalent or flat out against it then "long term" shouldn't happen. It will be a nightmare.

[Anonymous]

Go ahead and meet them. I actually don't think it's a big deal if you don't sleep over. (Yes, I am a divorced mom) but do NOT expect those kids to like you. Teenagers are the most territorial over their divorced parents. At best, theyll be indifferent but in my experience, being in their house turns teen into hostile monsters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Go ahead and meet them. I actually don't think it's a big deal if you don't sleep over. (Yes, I am a divorced mom) but do NOT expect those kids to like you. Teenagers are the most territorial over their divorced parents. At best, theyll be indifferent but in my experience, being in their house turns teen into hostile monsters.

I can attest that to the hostile monsters part.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Go ahead and meet them. I actually don't think it's a big deal if you don't sleep over. (Yes, I am a divorced mom) but do NOT expect those kids to like you. Teenagers are the most territorial over their divorced parents. At best, theyll be indifferent but in my experience, being in their house turns teen into hostile monsters.

I can attest that to the hostile monsters part.

^I can attest to the hostile monsters part

[Anonymous]

I have a friend who ended up marrying a man with 3 teenage boys (they are now all older, this was a decade ago). They have embraced her as a stepmom and since she didn't have other kids, she embraced her role. She is no drama and their real mom is a lot of drama and they appreciate her a lot. She is a wonderful person and I'm happy she found a good husband and has a family since she always wanted kids.

I don't understand the posters who completely compartmentalize who they date. Yea you don't need to play family again but it's weird to me to keep it entirely separate - my kids and I talk about their lives outside of our time together, they are curious about my friends. I am divorced and dating and have young kids.