When to meet his kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I actually had the experience of meeting my now husbands children a bunch of times before I met him. It’s a long story so I will skip it but when I met their Dad the children were so at ease with me that when we started dating the kids were not phased by it. They liked me and the fact that their dad liked me was fine. If they were teen agers it might have been different.

*fazed

[Anonymous]

See what they say. If he only sees them 50% or less of the time don’t clog up his time with his kids. What I mean by that is meet them and see them occasionally but you should not be over there or taking time away from their dad if you can easily see the dad when they are at the other parents home.

A close friend was angry that when her dad started dating he would go out with his girlfriends on the weekends she was with him (every other weekend) instead of doing those date nights when the kids were with the mom. Teens will have lots of activities and things to do so you’ll have plenty of time to see their parent but don’t hog their time with their parent.

I was forced to meet my moms boyfriend (dad died many years prior) before I was ready. I was early teen and my sibling basically ran downstairs and refused to finish the meal. In our defense we were basically told either that day or the night before we were meeting her boyfriend and had no idea she was dating. K would have rather been told she was dating someone then maybe a while later ask if we wanted to meet him for breakfast or get an ice cream, ask if he could come watch a game, etc. The actual first meeting was a dinner in my childhood home, my safe space and it just didn’t feel right at the time.

Go slow. They broke up so it didn’t matter in my case. I was happy she was seeing someone I was just indifferent and upset she thought it was ok to not only spring it on us but soon after have him to our home. I’m sure he had been there when we were out, but still. He also seemed kind of like a loser if I’m honest and wanting her money…

[Anonymous]

What do you want OP? It's only been 6 months ... are you wanting to play house? Play at stepmom from the safe distance of girlfriend for a bit? Why the implied drama with him "telling ex and them" about you? Why does he need to have you "around"? Why can't he focus on his kids when he has his kids? Why do you need to be there?

I'm not a big fan of blending in any way when it isn't necessary. Good so rarely comes of it.

[Anonymous]

I think the minimum is 6 mons. Take it from there. Keep it casual and short for your first meetings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I actually had the experience of meeting my now husbands children a bunch of times before I met him. It’s a long story so I will skip it but when I met their Dad the children were so at ease with me that when we started dating the kids were not phased by it. They liked me and the fact that their dad liked me was fine. If they were teen agers it might have been different.

Relevance?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What do you want OP? It's only been 6 months ... are you wanting to play house? Play at stepmom from the safe distance of girlfriend for a bit? Why the implied drama with him "telling ex and them" about you? Why does he need to have you "around"? Why can't he focus on his kids when he has his kids? Why do you need to be there?

I'm not a big fan of blending in any way when it isn't necessary. Good so rarely comes of it.

Can you read? It's the BF who is pushing them meeting; OP thinks it might be too soon.

[Anonymous]

If they are not divorced it’s an affair.

[Anonymous]

After you've been dating a year, and only if you're working up to engagement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If they are not divorced it’s an affair.

Don’t be pedantic. No one considers it an affair when they filed over a year prior and aren’t considering reconciliation.

[Anonymous]

If they aren’t divorced yet I’d wait, no matter how long you’ve been together.

I met my now-husbands kids the first few times in neutral territory. I ran into them at a restaurant and stayed and chatted for a few minutes, then built it up from there. I was just dad’s friend for awhile. Eased into the transition. But he had the kids full time, his XW abandoned them all. So there wasn’t a choice to just keep the meetings to off times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s been almost 6 months. He is telling ex and them about me tonight and wants to be able to have me around.

IMO making our lives easier is not the priority here, kids should get a voice in timing and extent of exposure to dad’s girlfriend. Plus it seems early to me. Kids are teens. I’d be the first gf they’ve met.

Who’s right?

On one hand it’s not healthy for teens to think they can dictate their parents’ lives. On the other hand I’m sensitive to what they might feel.

Not my kids, not my choices. But, what does DCUM think?

They are not your kids but you do have choices. Sounds like you think it’s too early so it’s too early.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If they aren’t divorced yet I’d wait, no matter how long you’ve been together.

I met my now-husbands kids the first few times in neutral territory. I ran into them at a restaurant and stayed and chatted for a few minutes, then built it up from there. I was just dad’s friend for awhile. Eased into the transition. But he had the kids full time, his XW abandoned them all. So there wasn’t a choice to just keep the meetings to off times.

My GF has her kids full time too so she pushed pretty early for me to meet them. She has teenage daughters. I feel like I’m entering the lions den every time I go over there. I thought it was way too early to meet them but basically deferred to her since they were her kids. I figured she’d know best. Turns out she didn’t. They are luke warm to me at best. Once I started to get that vibe from them, I discussed with her and told her I wanted to give them their space. I still occasionally go over there but verdicts out as to whether they’ll eventually warm up to me.

My kids are older and welcomed my GF with open arms.

Timing is tricky OP, but I think after 6 months it’d be ok to be introduced to them but I’d still not make it a regular thing.

[Anonymous]

You bf sound like a moron and a bad father. Move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I actually had the experience of meeting my now husbands children a bunch of times before I met him. It’s a long story so I will skip it but when I met their Dad the children were so at ease with me that when we started dating the kids were not phased by it. They liked me and the fact that their dad liked me was fine. If they were teen agers it might have been different.

Of course it would have been different had they been teenagers. Duh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You bf sound like a moron and a bad father. Move on.

He’s not. He’s smart and a really good father.