When to meet his kids

[Anonymous]

It’s been almost 6 months. He is telling ex and them about me tonight and wants to be able to have me around.

IMO making our lives easier is not the priority here, kids should get a voice in timing and extent of exposure to dad’s girlfriend. Plus it seems early to me. Kids are teens. I’d be the first gf they’ve met.

Who’s right?

On one hand it’s not healthy for teens to think they can dictate their parents’ lives. On the other hand I’m sensitive to what they might feel.

Not my kids, not my choices. But, what does DCUM think?

[Anonymous]

How long have the parents been divorced?

[Anonymous]

As long as you weren't an affair partner, then you're good. It's honestly respectful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As long as you weren't an affair partner, then you're good. It's honestly respectful.

I wasn’t an AP. They separated and filed over a year before I met him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As long as you weren't an affair partner, then you're good. It's honestly respectful.

I wasn’t an AP. They separated and filed over a year before I met him.

It might be awkward but just go with it.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t, but I’m very clear on what I want. I have three teens and see no reason to involve them with my boyfriend/s. Last man I dated for a year and didn’t meet his kids because I didn’t want to. I have no interest in coparenting or cohabitating and we found plenty of time together.

So to me, yep I’d definitely not want to meet them. I don’t want to “hang out” and play family- I like to date as adults- so no need to meet kids really. Again- just me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As long as you weren't an affair partner, then you're good. It's honestly respectful.

I wasn’t an AP. They separated and filed over a year before I met him.

If they only filed 18 mos ago it’s still fresh for the kids. When was the divorce final? What’s his rush he’s a newly divorced man?

[Anonymous]

I think tell them about you but not meet until/unless they want to. You don’t need to be around while he’s parenting.

[Anonymous]

No way is six months enough. If those kids don’t like you you’re screwed. They’ll sabotage you. Wait until your relationship is much more secure.

[Anonymous]

Agree with the previous PP. Most teens barley want to spend time with their own parents let alone a parent’s significant other. Don’t bother. You don’t need to hang with him and his kids.

[Anonymous]

I think meeting them would be okay, because you don’t want it to seem like you don’t want to meet them for more nefarious reasons like you wish they didn’t exist. But hanging out all together would be a no, not at this stage. Especially because in the rare event the kids want to be around their dad, you don’t want to look like somebody coming between them.

[Anonymous]

18:45 here and I want to add that if you think that someday you might become these kids’ stepmom, then you can’t think “not my kids not my business.” You can’t go back and re-do things once you get serious with someone, and I think it’s really important for stepparents to be considerate of the kids’ feelings. Like you are!

[Anonymous]

Six months is fine. Let him drive the decision making on this one.

[Anonymous]

He should tell them about you, but should be respectful of their feelings regarding whether they want to meet you and shouldn’t force the issue if they’re not ready yet. Particularly if you see a future with him and a relationship at some point with his kids, I think you should have a say in when and how you meet them. Forcing them to meet you before they’re ready is not the right way to start your relationship with them.

[Anonymous]

I actually had the experience of meeting my now husbands children a bunch of times before I met him. It’s a long story so I will skip it but when I met their Dad the children were so at ease with me that when we started dating the kids were not phased by it. They liked me and the fact that their dad liked me was fine. If they were teen agers it might have been different.